by Alicia Rae
He took the shampoo and lathered some up in his palms. I closed my eyes in pure delight as he massaged my scalp. His hands could be so gentle, firm, or anywhere in between.
I sighed. “I just don’t want you to put things on hold for me. I know your work is important to you.”
His hands stopped and dropped to each side of my face. His looked a bit worried. “I want to be here for you. Is that so wrong of me?” He searched my eyes.
I couldn’t argue for my independence when he was so concerned. “No.” I hesitated. “It feels really nice…and comforting.” I sighed, surrendering to those gorgeous, loving eyes. Those eyes were going to get me into trouble someday.
“Thank you,” he replied softly.
My whole morning of work was a failure. My brain was refusing to function, so I decided to put on some headphones and rock out to Will. I. Am., and Britney Spears’s “Scream and Shout.”
So, here I was, shaking my ass to the beat, in my kitchen. I was scrubbing my cabinets, and I might or might not have emphasized “Britney bitch” when I felt Kyle’s hands wrap around my waist. He pulled me close and tugged the headphones out of my ear. My adrenaline was pumping through my veins. His chest shook with laughter, but I could tell he was trying to play it cool.
“What do you have against a girl named Britney?” Kyle teased.
“Nothing.” I laughed. “I love her music. It’s just a line from the song.”
He chuckled and kissed my hair. “I’ve heard of the song, Lily. I should have stayed on the other side of the kitchen and let you finish dancing to it.”
I turned in his arms, and I realized that he’d brought me lunch.
“Shoulda, coulda, woulda…but didn’t.” I playfully snatched the bags with a smirk. “Thanks. It smells good.”
“Oh, I will, and you know it. You’re welcome.”
He went and grabbed silverware and plates as I opened the bags.
“I figured you’d be hungry. I assume you didn’t get much writing done since you were cleaning like a maniac when I walked in.” He raised his eyebrow in question.
“My head wouldn’t focus much on work.” I sighed. “So, I gave up and decided to check emails, clean the cottage, do laundry…and then clean the cottage again to make sure it’s squeaky clean.” I wondered if I was the only compulsive nut who cleaned when I was nervous, sad, or even mad.
“I see that. Well, it looks great.”
We dug into our lunch, and it was over all too quickly.
My phone beeped with a text from Jeanine.
Ready when you are. ☺
I glanced back up at Kyle, feeling nervous.
“Good luck, Lily. I know you’ll do great. I don’t want to intrude, but I’ll be right here if you need me,” he said soothingly, looking into my eyes.
For the last three years, I’d done everything alone. I did not want to do this alone, and I finally accepted it at face value. It was now or never to ask.
With a deep breath, I put my hands on his chest and tilted my head to meet his gaze. “Can I ask you for a favor?” I shifted apprehensively.
“Anything,” he assured, caressing my cheek. “You know that. What do you need?”
“Will you come with me?” I asked, my voice barely audible.
Kyle’s face flashed with brief surprise before softening. “Of course.” He nodded. “I didn’t think you’d want me there, or I would have come with you last week.”
“Well, with that one, I needed to take the first step on my own to see if I was ready. Now, I don’t want to do this alone. I want you to be with me,” I said the last part softly.
I could feel his heartbeat quicken beneath my palms, almost matching my own.
Kyle gathered me in his arms and hugged me closely. “Thank you. I wanted to be with you, too, but I didn’t want to scare you away. I knew you needed space.”
“Thank you for being so thoughtful of my needs.” I sighed in relief. I was proud of myself for asking him. “Okay, I’m ready to do this now.” I tried to put on the best uplifting smile I could.
I took one final deep breath, feeling more confident. I texted Jeanine quickly.
Yep.
Grabbing Kyle’s hand, I walked him into my bedroom where my laptop was sitting on the bed. After we both got comfy, I signed into Skype and texted Jeanine.
Okay, I’m on.
It was different to see her on the computer.
“Well, hello, Lily. Kyle, good to see you, too.” Jeanine smiled.
“You, too,” he replied.
She nodded and then looked at me. “So, Lily, how are you today?”
“I’m good.” I quickly glanced at Kyle. “Better now.”
Kyle gave me a shy, adoring smile.
“Glad to hear that. Nervous about today?” she asked.
I sighed. “Yes, I was, and since I know you’re going to ask why, I’ll just tell you,” I said kindly. “I was nervous to do this alone, and I considered asking Kyle to be a part of it, but I wasn’t sure what you were going to ask or how I would feel through it all. I know now that I want him to be here.” I glanced at Kyle again. “I need him here.”
Jeanine nodded, taking in what I had said. “That’s good that you want to share this part of your life with him, Lily. That is a big step for you.”
It was a huge step in fact, but I did want to share myself with him. I knew I was already in deep with him.
“Okay, well, last time, we talked about the accident. So, today, I wanted to talk about the last three years. For the questions that I’ll ask you, I want you to try to answer them the best that you can.” She shifted in her seat. “Let’s begin. In your last session, you said that you needed space and time to heal, right?”
“Yes. It was painful to be around the rest of my family—my Aunt Lucie, Uncle Dan, and my cousins, Jason, Blake, and Damon. I love them all so much, but I was grieving too greatly to let any of them in. I just needed space.”
“So, you left? Can you describe the events of that day?”
I thought back to that day for a moment. “Yes, I left them all,” I said quietly. “Packing was a blur. I left with pretty much only my clothes and a few possessions. I didn’t want to bring anything that reminded me of my family. It would just make me cry more.”
Kyle squeezed my hand.
“Once I was ready to go, I got on the highway. I just kept driving, letting each mile take me farther and farther away.” I looked down at my hands. “But their loving faces crossed through my mind as I prayed for each of them to forgive me.”
Kyle tried to hide the pain in his eyes at hearing more details that I hadn’t wanted to taint him with, but the pain was a part of me. It always would be.
Jeanine’s expression showed understanding. “When was the last time you spoke to any of them?”
Guilt flashed through me. “I spoke with my Aunt Lucie about two weeks ago. She tries to keep in contact with me, hoping that I will come home soon. My uncle and cousins…well, I haven’t spoken to them since my birthday. They are harder to talk to because they don’t buy into my reasons for staying away.”
Jeanine was jotting down notes. “Do you have any family other than your aunt, uncle, and cousins?”
I shook my head. “No, not any that my family has spoken to since I was young. They were all divided—remarried, drifted apart, or passed away. Just my aunt and father were close.”
“When you got to Florida, what was one of the first things you did?”
“I drove around to a few different towns. I walked the beaches, toured the shops, and stayed in the hotels all around the area. Then, I found Sanibel Island, and it immediately drew me in.” I smiled a little, remembering how I’d instantly fallen in love with the town.
“Who was the first person you met there?”
“Luke.” Thinking of my alpha’s tendency to overreact, I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “When I was sitting on the beach on my first day in Sanibel Island, he was the first person to approach me. He said I
looked lost, and he offered to make me anything off the menu from the nearby concessions stand. He knew I was sad, but he never pried into my business. He had a rough childhood, and I could relate to him because we were each working on our issues.”
Jeanine nodded thoughtfully. “What made you stay and not go back home?”
“I had been in Sanibel Island for a few weeks, and considering how much I was wasting on hotels, Luke joked that I should just lease a cottage. Trying not to be irrational with a hasty decision, I took a few more days to think it over. I realized that I’d fallen in love with the scenery, the quietness, and a little cottage right off the water.”
Kyle’s fingers were trailing patterns on my palms, up to my forearm, and then back down again while he listened to me intently.
“Was there ever a time when you considered moving back to Colorado?”
“No. When I left, I knew that my life was changing paths. As much as it hurt to not see my aunt, uncle, and cousins, I didn’t want to go back.”
“How many times in the past three years have you considered visiting?”
“With serious intentions? None,” I admitted. “During these last three years, I haven’t even been close to being ready to go back. Do I hope to go back? Yes, of course.”
Jeanine smiled at me. “Wow, Lily, you did great. This session went much better than I had expected.” She put her pencil down and looked back up into the camera. “So, at the end of every session, I’m going to give you a homework assignment. Do you have any idea what this one might be based on our conversation?”
I glanced at Kyle quickly and then I turned back to Jeanine. “Um…no.”
“This one is going to seem really hard, but I truly believe that it is necessary. Let me explain why first. Sometimes, when we have a tragic event in our life, we want to run instead of turning to those who love us and who want to nurture us, help us grieve, and move forward. I feel this next step is necessary for you to move forward.”
My body had turned to stone halfway through her speech.
“Can you figure out what your assignment will be?”
“I-I…I think so,” I stuttered.
“Your assignment is to go visit your family in Colorado. It can be for an hour or a week, but you must go there in person before our next session. Do you think you can complete this by next weekend?”
I was speechless. I was pretty sure my computer screen had mutated Jeanine and given her big red horns. She had just asked me to go to Colorado, and she wanted me to go within the next week.
I hadn’t seen my family in the last three years…on purpose. How am I supposed to be ready to see them in days? I was hoping to have the courage to go in the next ten years.
“Uh, Jeanine…I think she needs some time to process that,” Kyle answered for me, looking me over. “And what are the medical signs of shock?” he asked while rubbing my arms.
Jeanine looked back at me. “You can do this, Lily. You’re ready. Take Kyle with you. Go visit even if it’s just a short hello. It will be a tremendous weight off your shoulders.”
I nodded, feeling numb. “I’ll think about it,” I replied slowly. “I’ll be in touch. Thanks, Jeanine.”
“You’re welcome, Lily,” she smiled. “Good luck, and call me if you need anything. Bye.”
Kyle said goodbye to Jeanine and closed my laptop before setting it on my nightstand. He gathered me in his arms and kissed my forehead, giving me silence as we sat on the bed.
Quite some time passed by while we were both lost in our own thoughts.
“Thank you…for being here,” I finally said, my voice soft. I felt emotionally drained.
“You’re welcome.” He kissed me, trying to soothe me. “There is nowhere else I would rather be. How are you doing?”
“Better…I think. Did Jeanine really ask me to go to Colorado and visit my family?” I asked, just making sure I was not going crazy.
“Yes, she did.” He caressed my cheek with his knuckles. “But you know you don’t have to go yet if you don’t want to, right?”
“Yes, I know.”
He looked at me, searching my eyes. “Do you want to go?”
“Yes, eventually. However, it never crossed my mind to go within the next week.” I exhaled deeply. “But Jeanine is the one with the degree, and if she thinks this is the first step, then I guess I can give it a try.” I bit my lip. I couldn’t believe I was seriously contemplating going. “If I go, would you go with me?”
“I told you, Lily…” He lifted my hand and kissed my palm gently. “I will follow you anywhere. I would love to go with you and meet your family.”
“Thank you.” I leaned forward and kissed him. “You are so kind.”
We agreed to stay in and watch a movie. I slipped into my PJs while Kyle changed into comfortable bottoms and a cotton T-shirt. I smiled at the thought that he was keeping a few of his items here.
When we emerged from the bedroom, Kyle went into the kitchen to cook a pizza. I walked over to the movie shelf in the living room and began looking through my very large selection. I was a bit of a movie girl. Romance and comedy were totally my thing.
“So, what movie do you want to watch?” Kyle asked from the kitchen.
I grabbed one and put it into the DVD player. “The Proposal with Sandra Bullock.” She was one of my favorite actresses. She was so pretty, and she always made me laugh.
We sat together on the couch and ate pizza while we watched the movie. After I was finished eating, I snuggled up into Kyle’s warmth, my body fitting into his perfectly. It was scary to think of how he had become such a huge part of my life in such a short amount of time.
Kyle’s phone rang during the middle of our movie.
“I have to take this.” He rose to his feet while I paused the movie. “You can let it play if you want. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s okay. I can wait. I’ll make us some popcorn.” I stood and walked into the kitchen.
I could overhear Kyle speaking softly in the dining room. He mumbled a curse word and asked someone to set up a video conference. He mentioned that he couldn’t leave right now. I had a feeling that this was the meeting he’d rescheduled from this morning, and it sounded important.
I set down the uncooked popcorn bag and walked into the dining room. Kyle looked up at me as I headed toward him. I felt bad for interrupting his phone call, but I wanted him to know that I was okay now, so he could go.
“Hold on a sec,” Kyle said to whoever was on the phone before giving me his attention.
He was always willing to put things on hold for me.
“Kyle, it sounds like this meeting is very important, and you need to be there.” I placed my hand on his thick forearm and gave him a reassuring smile. “Please go. I’m okay now.”
He sighed and shook his head. “Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.” I nodded. A thought popped into my head, making me smile. I nervously bit my lip. “And,” I added shyly, “if you go, I’ll have a present for you on the dresser in the morning.”
His eyebrow rose in question, and then he released that gorgeous grin. “A present? I love presents.”
“I think you’ll really like this one. Do we have a deal?”
His knowing smile made me weak in the knees.
“Oh, yes, we have a deal, Miss Tidsdale.” He kissed me square on the lips. “But only if you let me thank you properly for my present.”
I smiled back, relieved that he wouldn’t be missing out on more work. “I’m looking forward to it.” I winked and walked away, leaving him to finish his conversation.
Back in the kitchen, I grabbed the popcorn bag and threw it into the microwave. The popcorn button on microwaves never seemed to work right. Using the button once was never enough, and twice always burned it. I listened for the kernels to stop popping, and the second they did, I opened the microwave quickly.
Kyle entered just as I was adding extra butter and salt. He laughed as I added more and sho
ok the bag.
“I might have to start running more if you keep feeding me like this,” he said, amused.
“Why do you think I work out?” With the popcorn bowl and napkins in hand, I looked over my shoulder at him. “It’s purely for selfish reasons…so I can indulge.” I gave him a saucy grin and started to walk off toward the living room.
Kyle caught me in his arms before I made it back to the couch.
“Hey!” I yelped as he took the bowl out of my hand and set it on the table. “What do you think you’re doing with my popcorn?”
“I’m going to indulge in you and then popcorn,” he growled, sending shivers down my spine.
My sexy alpha carried me to bed, and then he made sweet love to every inch of my body. Not one inch was left uncovered.
Wednesday started with my usual morning work. Kyle had woken up way too early for my liking, but work was work. I smiled, completely lost in thought, as I reminisced about my gift to Kyle.
In the middle of the night, I placed the gift on my dresser, next to his wallet. My hand hovered over it, wondering if it was the right thing to do. It felt right. I left it on the dresser and walked away before I could change my mind.
My heart was nearly pounding out of my chest as I remembered giving him a key to my place even though he was already coming and going freely. A key. I gave him a key to my place. I took rapid deep breaths, trying to regain control of my body and emotions.
I told myself that it made the most sense. He was not sure what time he would be coming back. If he was going to be back late, I didn’t want to leave the door unlocked while I would be sleeping. No matter when he came back, I still wanted to sleep with his arms wrapped around me, so the only solution was a key.
I smiled as I recalled the expression on his face when he had woken me up. He’d looked like a young boy who was just told he could meet his favorite action hero in person.
“My sweet, beautiful girl.” Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. “A key?” Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
Oh, how I loved his kisses. His smile was breathtaking.