by Alicia Rae
“Why don’t you look as shocked as I do?” I asked him curiously. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer though.
“I woke up early this morning when I got that water,” Kyle said honestly. His tone was pleading for understanding. “Lucie and Blake warned me that they had to tell you this, so I could be there for you. They asked me to respect their wishes and let Lucie be the one to tell you.”
I felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice on me. I dropped his hand and took a step back from all of them. They all knew.
“You knew about this and did not tell me?” My voice turned hard and defeated at the same time. I felt myself…closing down.
“Just since this morning, Lily. They wanted to be the ones to tell you,” Kyle replied, trying to reason with me.
His eyes were now pleading with me for understanding…but I was too angry. I was angry with all of them for keeping me in the dark. I was angry at the whole damn world and how unfair it was.
Kyle’s arm reached for me, and I took another step back.
“It’s not his fault, dear,” Aunt Lucie said, trying to help. “He was just respecting our wishes. Please don’t be mad at him. He just wanted to make sure you were going to be okay. I was planning on telling you when we got home. That is why I said I wanted to speak with you.” She shook her head. “I never even thought about it being on the headstone. I’m so sorry. I should have remembered.”
“We are all sorry, Lily. We should have remembered, too,” Damon added kindly, wanting to defer the rising storm.
“Lily…” Kyle strained once more as he took a small step in my direction.
“No!” I cried. “Don’t you get it? This is why I don’t want people in my life! This is why I ran. You all…” I gestured to my aunt, uncle, and cousins. “You all have each other. I have no one!”
I turned to face Kyle. “Look at me…I’m a mess! This is why I don’t want to get close to people. I’m not even whole. My heart is broken, and you can’t fix it.” My voice shook with emotions. I felt scared. “I don’t want to care about anyone…then I never have to experience losing someone.”
I turned to walk away from all of them.
“Lily!” Kyle panicked.
I stopped and rotated fractionally. “Just go home, Kyle. Go home to California. It’s easier that way.” I looked into Aunt Lucie’s eyes. “I should have never come here.”
Kyle started to take a stride after me, and I took another cautious step away. Jason and Blake stepped in front of Kyle, intercepting him. I could still see his worried stare as he stood in the middle of my two cousins. For a split second, guilt pounded in my veins, but anger and hurt quickly prevailed. My heart was breaking all over again.
Faintly, I heard Jason try to reason with Kyle. “Give her some time to cool off, man. Talk to her at the house. You can ride back with us,” Jason pleaded.
My backward steps continued as I gripped the keys in my pocket, forcing the unforgiving metal to bite into my skin. I watched Kyle’s fists clenching at his sides. He was ready to move Jason and Blake out of his way, but Aunt Lucie’s hand on his shoulder stopped him.
“Kyle, dear, let her have some time to grieve. Lily is one who needs her space.”
With final determination, I turned and ran as fast as my legs would carry me to the car. I now understood why I could not part with the keys. My subconscious somehow knew I would need them.
Tears poured down my face as I pulled onto the main road. A baby? My sister was pregnant?
It was hard to comprehend, let alone process. I didn’t even know my sister was dating! How could she be pregnant, and I didn’t even know? Annie and I were so close. How could she not tell me?
The thought hurt profoundly.
She must not have wanted anyone to know. I cried, thinking about how she hadn’t trusted me to keep her secret.
I was not ready to go back to my aunt’s house. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to run. Thoughts of my family home flickered in my mind. I missed the smell of my mom’s favorite candles burning in the kitchen and living room. I missed playing in the backyard and sitting on a hammock that I had begged my dad to put up. I would just sit in it and read for hours under the sun.
My breathing hitched as I found myself pulling up into the driveway of my former house. My parents’ house had been paid off, so the money in my trust fund was able to pay the bills to keep the home.
It looked so empty. My cousins had a key, so they must have been maintaining the landscaping as it looked to have been mowed recently. Set on five acres of land, the beautiful country-styled home sat back a ways, so it was off the road. The house was stained to give it that finishing touch. A familiar rocking bench, looking slightly more weathered, was in the same spot on the front patio, surrounded by old, empty flowerpots.
My thoughts had led me home for some unexplainable reason. It was almost as if I felt closer to them, but at the same time, it made the ache inside my chest unbearable. I wasn’t sure if I had the strength to get out of the car. I was so confused and overwhelmed by my raw feelings. As I looked up at my childhood house, sobs racked through my chest. My heart throbbed in my ribs, constricting painfully, as memories and longing for my family overcame me. I sat in the car until my breathing slowed back to normal. I had led myself here, so now, I needed to make myself get out of the car. I knew I was not ready to go inside the house, but maybe walking around it was a good first step.
Taking a deep breath, I unsteadily climbed out of the car and sauntered around the yard. The yard was fairly narrow on the sides of the house as most of the space was in the back. My body stayed on the far side of the lot. I looked at the house as I passed it, but I kept my distance from it as if it would jump out and grab me.
Our backyard had beautiful landscaping. A long pathway of stepping-stones led the way to a pond that my dad had made. It had been his way of living close to water. He had kept small fish in it, and in the summer, he would turn on the pump to run the little waterfall in it. My mom had teased him at how long it had taken him to make his pond from start to finish.
My eyes gazed over to the hammock that my dad had put up for me. My mom had badgered my dad, saying he was never able to tell my sister and me no when we pleaded. It had been his kind heart that would get him every time.
The brown hammock was resting in the same tree, just as I remembered. Only now, it was much more weathered. As I sat down in it, I hoped it was still sturdy enough to hold me. I laid my head back and closed my eyes, letting so many memories flood my mind. I turned on my side and placed my hands under my cheek, settling into the feeling of being here. It felt odd yet comforting.
My eyes roamed over the swing set with an attached playhouse. By playhouse, I meant, it was every little girl’s dream playhouse. Originally, it had been a light pink when we were younger, but as we got older, my sister and I had finally agreed on painting it a royal blue. My dad had said the light pink was too much maintenance to keep up, so my sister and I’d fought over what the new color would be. She’d wanted dark pink, and I’d wanted purple. Somehow, we’d agreed on blue. I still wasn’t sure how that happened. My mom and dad had stayed out of it, letting us work it out between the two of us. In my mind, that argument had brought my sister and me closer. It’d taught me that even though we were very different, we could find common ground and both be happy.
My thoughts drifted to my mom and her loving motherly ways. She had always been my inspiration. She’d had a gentle heart, and she’d always wanted the best for everyone. She would go above and beyond to help anyone in need. Whether it was financial or just lending a hand or an ear, my mom had been someone others could count on.
As the sun was starting to set, I wondered what I was going to do. I knew I was still not ready to go back to my aunt’s house, and I was definitely not ready to go inside my family home. I glanced around, and my eye caught on the fire pit. It was one of those portable ones on a little concrete slab. My dad had made it for small get-togeth
ers.
I walked over to the shed, knowing that we had never locked it as kids, so I was hoping that my cousins hadn’t locked it. I tried the door, and after it opened, I walked inside, turning to where my dad had usually kept starter logs and matches. I was surprised to find that everything looked like it was in its original spot. There were even a few bundles of wood, so I shakily gathered the needed supplies and returned to the fire pit. After dropping the supplies near the hammock, I moved the fire pit over, too. I arranged the starter log with a bundle of wood in the center of the fire pit, and then I easily started the fire with the matches I’d found.
I settled back onto my hammock, quite proud of my fire skills, as I decided I would have a mini campout. One night outside wouldn’t kill me, right? If I got scared, I could always go to the car or…my gaze shifting to the house, maybe if I got tired enough, I wouldn’t mind going inside.
I shuddered at the thought.
Tired or not, outside will do just fine.
The sun was almost set just as my eyelids began to feel heavy. I was so tired. It had been such a long day…a long three years. I just needed to figure out what I wanted and what I needed out of life.
A warm hand brushed across my forehead and cheek, followed by a deep sigh of relief. “Lily.”
I opened my eyes to see Kyle’s face. Feeling a bit rejuvenated from a nap, I quickly glanced around. It could not have been too long because the starter log was still burning. Jason was standing on the other side of the fire with his arms crossed on his chest. Damon was next to him, looking like he wasn’t sure what to do.
When I turned back to Kyle, I saw his eyes were heavy with emotion. Just by seeing him, I knew that it was time to have one of those heart-to-heart conversations.
“Lily, do you want us to make him leave?” Jason asked warily.
Damon shook his head in exasperation. “What he means is, do you want us to stay for you?”
I tilted my head up at them. “No, you can go. Thank you though.”
Damon nodded in agreement and then paused. “Are you coming back to the house?”
“I…I don’t know yet.” I could hear the uncertainty in my voice.
Damon looked hurt by my words. I didn’t want to hurt any of them, but I just wasn’t sure yet.
Jason replied first, his features looking much softer now, “Please try. It would devastate us all if you disappeared again.” He shifted nervously to his other foot. “Just please talk to us first.”
“Okay,” I breathed.
Jason nodded. He glanced at the house and back at me. “You can go inside, you know. Everything works. Blake, Damon, and I took turns taking care of it. Sometimes, we stay here.”
“I know, but I don’t think I’m ready for that. I’m okay where I’m at,” I said, looking down at my hands. I glanced up to meet his gaze with a small smile. “We all slept outside plenty when we were kids.”
Damon smiled. “We did. I know you aren’t ready now, Lil, but you’ll get there. We all believe in you,” he said, his voice gentle.
“Thank you.”
Kyle turned to look at Damon and then Jason. “Thanks, guys.”
They both nodded in understanding and walked off.
My pulse quickened as I waited for Kyle to turn back and face me. When he did, he looked at me with such sincerity and hurt in his eyes that it made me want to weep. I felt a sharp pain in my heart at the thought of hurting him.
“How are you?” His voice was soft as the backs of his fingers ran down my cheeks.
“I’m okay,” I whispered.
Kyle frowned. “How are you really doing?”
“Confused…hurt. How did you find me?”
Kyle exhaled. “I was so worried. I knew you wouldn’t go back to your aunt’s house. I could see it in your eyes.” He shook his head. “I just wanted to go to you, wrap you in my arms, and comfort you. It was Damon’s idea that you might be here.”
“Kyle, I just needed to be alone.”
His jaw clenched. “No, you didn’t. You needed to be comforted while you grieved. I wanted to fucking kick your family’s ass for letting you walk away, and worse yet, for stopping me from coming after you. That is not what a family does. When you were younger, did your family let you run away every time you were hurt?”
No. I guess not.
Kyle continued to let his feelings roll. “From what you’ve told me, I doubt that’s the case. When you are hurting, you lean on someone, Lily. Your family, people you love—that is what they are there for.”
He pulled me into his arms. “Look, Lily, I know today was hard. It was awful, and I know you were hurt and overwhelmed. It nearly killed me to watch you in so much pain.” He hesitated for a moment as if he were pushing away those memories. “But that is separate from you and me. I will always be here for you. That will never change.” His eyes were burning into mine, making my chest tighten with love. “Don’t run from me ever again, Lily. That hurt the most, watching you walk away from me.”
My eyes watered at how much he cared. So many feelings were stirring in my chest. I grabbed his face, not wanting to talk anymore, and I kissed him. He kissed me back with passion and such intensity that I thought I might faint. He kissed me like he hadn’t seen me for days or weeks.
I thought of all the ways this man had touched my soul. There were so many reasons why my life would never be the same because of him. He had left a permanent mark on my heart. Part of me never wanted to let him go, but I knew that if I kept him, I could someday lose him.
Kyle pulled back, swallowing hard, while looking nervous.
“What’s wrong, Kyle?” I blinked up at him, feeling confused, wanting to know why he’d pulled away.
Kyle regarded me with such love in his eyes. “I’m in love with you, Lily, and I know you’re in love with me, too. Come to Lake Tahoe with me and give us a chance. I know you have things in your life that you’re working on, and so do I, but we can do them together. I love you, and I want you to be mine. I want to wake up next to you every day, and see your beautiful smile. When I come home from work, I want to see you my house or find you out by the lake watching the water with your laptop nearby...If you don’t like living in Lake Tahoe, then I’ll build you a house on a beach anywhere you want.” He gave me the most breathtaking smile. “Just take a chance with me, my beautiful Lily. I love you.”
Kyle looked deep into my eyes, trying to find his answer. “You have my heart in your hands, Lily. Please don’t break it,” he said, his voice low and vulnerable.
I could feel my pulse accelerate. My heart was pounding rapidly in my chest.
He loves me?
And I love him, too?
Move in with him?
My thoughts were everywhere.
Is it possible to pass out from a panic attack?
My fingers started to tingle just as spots danced before my eyes.
Can I…take a chance?
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for taking the time to read my book. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I loved writing it. I look forward to reading all of your comments and reviews, and I thank you in advance for sharing your feedback with me.
For the most up-to-date information, please follow me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/aliciaraeauthor and Twitter @AliciaRaeAuthor.
I have so many wonderful people to thank. Each person has truly been a blessing along this new chapter in my life.
First and foremost, I cannot express enough thanks to my remarkably talented editor, Jovana Shirley, at Unforeseen Editing. She was the first person I met when I started this journey of writing, and I’m forever grateful for her friendship, advice, and the endless late nights she shared with me while perfecting every single word. She took my original manuscript of Beautiful Chances and made it shine. Thank you for your dedication and hard work!
To my family, who has always supported me with unconditional love, even during the past six months when I practically lived in my writing cave—Th
ank you, and I love you all dearly. *Hugs*
To Colin Wayne, fitness model and athlete; his wife, Megan; and photographer, Golden Czermak, at Furious Fotog—Thank you for working together with me on the cover photo shoot and for creating such amazing photographs. You all did an amazing job!
To Sarah Hansen at Okay Creations—Thank you for taking all the photographs and creating a work of art. I am in awe of your extraordinary talent, and I absolutely love how beautiful the final cover turned out.
To my betas: my dear husband, Travis; Kelsey; Shirley; Linda; Sherri; Elizabeth; Kendall; Kelly; and Alissa—Thank you for your countless hours of reading and for giving me that push I needed with your kind and encouraging words. I love you all!
To the many bloggers who put their heart and time into promoting my book—THANK YOU! I’ve made so many great friends along the way. I’m forever grateful to you all.
To Rosette, Karen, and Michelle, at Literati Author Services—Thank you for your hard work and guidance in what was an unfamiliar territory for me. Without you, I would have never known what steps to take.
To J.B. McGee, author and friend—Thank you for welcoming me into the writing world with open arms. Also, I owe you a great deal of thanks for designing my website.
To all fellow authors—Thank you for writing books where I can lose myself for hours and for inspiring me to write a love story of my own.
And especially to my readers—I can never thank you enough for reading my book. All your support means the world to me.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright © 2013 by Alicia Rae
Dedication
Contents
Preface
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight