by Alicia Rae
I cried until I could not physically cry anymore.
It felt like an eternity had passed by the time my body started to settle. One last sob rocketed through me as my chest trembled.
“Please stop crying, Lily,” Kyle pleaded affectionately as he caressed my cheek with the backs of his fingers, trying to soothe me. “You are breaking my heart.” His voice was filled with anguish. He sighed. “Not being able to help you or take away your pain is the single worst part.” He lowered his head as he winced.
His tender words, repeating over and over in my mind, had stirred a deep yearning inside my chest. My stomach fluttered with that familiar butterfly sensation.
“Kyle, you do help me. I would still be sitting in my cottage, being a hermit, if it weren’t for you. You have given me hope that I can live a full life again someday.” My voice was hoarse and dry from crying, but I didn’t care.
Not needing any more of his gentle words, I kissed him passionately. Kyle and I could communicate so much emotion, feelings, and intensity with our bodies. Instantly, I wanted the diversion. I wanted to forget, forget the deep pain and emptiness that consumed me. His kiss was calming and gentle as if he were trying to mend my broken heart. My kisses were taking and demanding—needing everything he was giving, wanting to forget the heartache that was yet to come. His touch seemed to fill my soul, filling and healing it, with such loving compassion. I cradled his jaw and brought his body closer against mine. I was so grateful to have met someone so genuine, thoughtful, and loving.
His erection stirred as he pulled back. “Not here, Lily. You’re upset. Let’s get you home.” His breathing was uneven as he looked into my eyes. His control was balancing on a thin wire.
I closed my eyes while shaking my head, and then I rocked my hips against him. “I need you…now.” My voice cracked with vulnerability. “Make me forget.” Not waiting for his answer, I kissed him again, so he couldn’t deny me.
Surrendering, he groaned into my mouth. “I can’t ever seem to say no to you.”
Kyle grabbed my hips, and he moved aside my panties. I was thanking my girlie side for wearing a skirt today to visit my family. He lifted me, and my hands worked quickly to free his erection from his pants. My insides were already writhing with need. Our risky atmosphere made it that much more exciting.
Kyle impaled me in one hard, deep stroke. I cried out.
Oh god! Yes! This is what I needed.
Together, we moaned in unison. Kyle gritted his teeth, and his chest heaved up and down. I could hear his heavy breathing. It turned me on even more to watch him feel what I was feeling.
My breathing turned erratic as he lifted me and tightened his fingers around my waist before pulling me down again, filling me and stretching me back up. My body surrendered to his, and I dropped my forehead until we were touching skin on skin as an intense shudder worked its way up my spine. His slow, delicious strokes had my skin burning and my body craving release.
Kyle tilted his head back and looked into eyes with such intensity and affection…along with what looked to be more unspoken words. He was holding something back for some reason, and I wasn’t sure if that was for his benefit or mine.
I dug my hands into his arms and snuggled into the curve of his neck.
He murmured sweet words into my ear, “I’m never letting you go, Lily. You are mine.”
With that, we both let go.
As we held each other in my aunt’s purple-wallpapered bedroom that night, I thought about how some people might not like to feel claimed by a man who had a possessive nature. For me though, after losing everyone that I had loved, it felt really good to be claimed.
It meant I wasn’t alone anymore.
I woke up, disoriented, in bed. After blinking a few times, my eyes focused on that funky purple wallpaper again, and I instantly remembered where I was. I sighed.
Kyle was awake next to me, typing away on his laptop. “Good morning, beautiful.” He leaned over and kissed me.
“Morning,” I grunted sleepily. “What time is it?”
“Almost noon.”
“Noon!” I said, completely mortified.
Kyle laughed. “Afraid so. You are the definition of Sleeping Beauty,” he teased playfully before he kissed my ruffled bedhead.
“I’m surprised I could even sleep with you pounding away on your laptop.”
“You didn’t even move.” His eyebrows rose in wonder. “You sleep like the dead.”
I smiled and let out a laugh at his ridiculousness. “I think you’ve already mentioned that before.”
“There’s my beautiful girl,” Kyle said in a raw voice as he gently tucked my hair behind my ear, making my insides melt into a heaping puddle as he referred to my smile. “And I only speak the truth.”
He set his laptop on the end table, and then he pounced. He kissed me feverishly, and a husky rumble emanated from his chest, doing a wicked number on my insides.
I pulled away, gasping for air. “We cannot have sex in my aunt’s house!” I hissed on a whisper before laughing. My hand quickly covered my mouth.
“I bet an orgasm would change your mind.” His words hung in the air as he paused before giving me one of his sexy-as-all-get-out grins.
“Oh no.” I shook my head. “You are too loud.”
“Me?” he asked, bewildered. “Yesterday, I believe it was you who screamed out, ‘Oh god!’ and ‘Yes!’ Would you like me to repeat more?” His voice was low and so sexy in that tone.
My mouth gaped open. “I thought I only screamed that in my head,” I said, wishing I had more self-preservation. Those damn sensations always seemed to take over my body without warning.
Kyle tilted his head back, rolling with laughter. “I believe I warned you about how unaware you are of your surroundings and actions when you are otherwise engaged. Of course, I could also remind you of how you look when you have an orgasm, too.”
I gave him a playful swat as I sighed in defeat.
“Come on, let’s go visit your family. I’m sure Blake is waiting for you still.”
I turned to him again. “What do you mean, still?”
“He got here a while ago, and I met him when I went downstairs for some water.”
“Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“You were dead tired and emotionally drained, Lily. You needed the rest.”
Kyle’s brownish-green eyes looked into mine with such concern that I let it go. He was just trying to take care of me.
I kissed him on the lips and smiled. “Thank you. You are so sweet.”
I got up and showered quickly, hoping it would help the bags under my eyes. I was relieved I had made it to my shower before I let my thoughts turn toward what today was.
Three years.
I closed my eyes and let the hot water run down my face as it mixed with my tears.
After the shower, while getting ready, I put extra concealer under my eyes, trying to hide my bags, which were larger now.
Kyle showered after me and walked back into the room, already dressed. A soft chuckle escaped me at the thought of how different we had to be when staying in someone else’s home.
“What’s so funny?” he asked as he put away all his toiletries.
Kyle’s suitcase was so neat and tidy. Everything had a perfect place.
“This.” I gestured around us. “I feel like I’m sneaking a boy into my room. We can’t have sex, can’t shower together, and can’t walk around naked.” I smirked. “We have rules.”
Kyle laughed. “I guess that’s true. Must be why married couples want to stay in hotels.” He grinned.
I tilted my head. “I never looked at it that way before. That’s an interesting thought.” I stopped myself before adding that we would also be staying in hotels in the future.
We walked downstairs, through the living room, and into the kitchen. Aunt Lucie was making grilled cheese on the stove top.
I smiled, thinking about Blake. Grilled cheese had been his fa
vorite when we were growing up.
“Good afternoon, Lily,” Aunt Lucie greeted me while still watching her food.
Kyle laughed under his breath. I was sure it was in reference to the emphasis on afternoon.
“Good afternoon. Can I help with anything?” I looked around, but it seemed like she was on a roll.
“Thank you, dear, but I’m okay. Blake is outside, waiting to see you, so you better run along. He was threatening to come upstairs and flip your mattress over, but luckily, you had gotten into the shower.” Aunt Lucie laughed, clearly amused.
I shook my head. “Of course he would do something like that. I’ll go look for him.”
I grabbed Kyle’s hand and walked out the door.
It was hot today as we strode out onto the deck. I tilted my head up and closed my eyes, letting the sun beat on my face.
“It’s about time you got up, you lazy bum,” Blake said, pulling me out of my thoughts as I turned to the direction of his voice.
Blake was more of the go-with-the-flow kind of guy until he settled in on something specific. Then, he always became very focused and driven to succeed. He was also one of those people who had filter issues. Whatever was on his mind flowed freely out of his mouth. And Blake’s filter was always off. We all still loved him dearly though.
He had the whole military cut going on with his dark brown hair. It drew more attention to those deep royal blue eyes of his. They were the prettiest shade of blue I had ever seen.
I smiled as he walked up the steps toward me. I wrapped my arms around him, and he swept me up into a hug and spun me around.
“So good to see you, Lil.” He gestured to Kyle. “And I see you finally found yourself a man. Good for you.” Blake winked.
There’s that filter issue shining through. My whole face blushed. I could see Kyle from the corner of my eye as his mouth lifted into a smile.
“Oh, come on, Lil. Don’t be shy.” Blake smirked.
We all walked to the table and sat down.
“So, what’s new with you? Where are you living?” Blake asked.
“I live in Sanibel Island, Florida. I have a small cottage right off the water, and I love it. It’s very peaceful,” I said.
Kyle watched me intently as I explained my new life to Blake.
“I write romance novels for work and still do photography on the side.”
Blake smiled. “You always did have your laptop in hand, typing away…and you loved your camera.”
Damon joined us at the table, listening to our conversation.
“I definitely still love my camera. I mostly do nature photography, but I’m not sure if that will change. So, do you like the military life?”
“I love it. It’s where I belong.”
Blake had a certain confidence in his voice that most people didn’t have. I admired it tremendously.
“How so?” I asked curiously.
Blake shrugged. “I don’t know how to explain it really. I just know that is where I’m supposed to be. Serving my country and protecting our freedom is what I want my job to be. What about you? Where did a writing career come from?”
“Ah…I guess it’s just a part of who I am.”
“How so?” Blake gave a playful smirk, using my own words on me.
“I like that I can lose myself in someone else’s story. I can make the ending the way I want.”
Everyone was now around the table, listening to my responses.
Blake wasted no time in getting down to business. I had feared that he would be the one to call me out on my actions.
“So, is that how you are hiding now? Losing yourself in someone else’s story?” His eyes searched mine intently.
“Um…I’m not sure. No…I guess I like that I can give someone else a happy ending though.”
Blake was unusually quiet for a moment. Uneasiness flowed around the table.
“Why did you run?” Blake asked sternly before pausing and softening his tone. “We were all grieving, too, you know.”
I didn’t want to have this conversation, but I knew it was necessary. Kyle placed his hand on my thigh under the table, giving me a supportive squeeze.
“I know,” I said softly, cursing a tear that was streaming down my cheek. My emotions were on overdrive today, and I dreaded the outcome. “I’m sorry. It’s just something that I had to do. I was drowning…and I needed to save myself.”
“It killed a part of us, too, but we are still here. We didn’t run.”
Kyle glared at Blake. “You made your point,” he hissed, “the first time.”
Blake made eye contact with Kyle, but he did not speak. Tension was coiling, and I wanted to vomit. Under normal circumstances, I probably would not have liked Kyle to butt in on my conversation, but right now, I was relieved. I sent Kyle a silent thank-you vibe for ending that conversation.
Aunt Lucie broke the tautness in the air. “Lily,” she started, her voice soft, “I was hoping we could all head over to the cemetery. I know you haven’t been there, and I was hoping you would go today. We would all be together for it. And when we get back, I would really like to have some time to talk with you.”
Everyone awaited my response.
“Okay…” I took in a deep breath. “I guess it’s time.”
Kyle and I followed behind Aunt Lucie and Uncle Dan. Jason, Blake, and Damon all rode together in a car behind us. The ride to the cemetery was the slowest thirteen minutes of my life. My palms were sweaty from just thinking about seeing my family’s burial. I closed my eyes, praying for strength.
The cemetery was the same as I remembered it. My grandparents had been buried together in the older part of the cemetery when I was a young teenager, so we’d visited a few times a year.
Fresh summer flowers and wreaths were distributed around all the tombstones. I sent a silent kiss as we drove by my grandparents’ site. A tight knot spread across my heart and ended somewhere in my stomach. My pulse hammered uncontrollably until I thought I might faint.
Kyle turned off the car and tossed the keys into the cup holder. He brought my trembling hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss on my knuckles. His hands caressed mine, trying to soothe my fear and give me strength.
Gosh, I need his strength.
“Ready?” His voice was soft and gentle.
I exhaled a shaky breath. “Hope so.”
Kyle stepped out of the car first, and I reached for the keys. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t want to leave the car unlocked, but it didn’t feel right to just let the keys remain in the cup holder. I put them in my pocket and locked the car. Unconsciously, I had more reasons, but I denied them.
Kyle raised his eyebrows at me in question.
“You never know. Someone could steal it.”
Kyle glanced around, gesturing to…no one, and then looked back at me. “Like who? All these people?”
I rolled my eyes. I was glad he was trying to distract me from the moments to come.
Aunt Lucie and Uncle Dan reached us first. Their faces were somber and pale.
Aunt Lucie pulled me into a hug. “I’m so glad you’re here, Lily.”
Jason, Blake, and Damon all started walking up to us with three large bouquets of roses in their hands. My eyes drifted from the purple bouquet to the deep blue and then to the soft pink one. My eyes watered at seeing each of their favorite colors—purple for my mom, blue for my dad, and pink one for Annie. I took a deep breath, in and out, repeating it again to hold off tears. Kyle tucked me closer at his side.
“Okay, let’s go.” Lucie gestured for me to walk in front of them.
Kyle held my hand tight. Each step I took, my pulse increased, my chest felt tighter, and another piece of my heart chipped off. I leaned on Kyle for support, praying he would not let me fall.
As soon as their names on the headstones came into view, I stopped as tears started streaming down my cheeks. A sob escaped my lips as my body started to tremble, emotions seized my heart with every passing second. Kyle
gently squeezed my hand, but I could barely feel it. My whole body hurt.
Pain, grief, regret, loss—it all ran through and overwhelmed my mind and body.
I took a step back, feeling myself wanting to retreat, and bumped into Damon. Damon met my gaze, his eyes filled with sadness, as he moved to my side, opposite of Kyle. He held my hand supportively while we stood motionless, honoring and remembering my family.
I blinked quickly and read their names.
My eyes blinked again, trying to get rid of the tears. Surely, my eyesight was playing unthinkable tricks on me.
& Unborn Child?
I gasped and clung to Kyle’s hand like a lifeline. I slowly turned around to look at the one person who would have the answer to my question. Kyle rotated with me as I refused to let go of his hand. Damon stepped out of the way.
“Annie? Annie w-was…” I couldn’t finish.
It couldn’t be true. I, of all people, would have known. However, Aunt Lucie’s expression told me I was wrong…so, so wrong.
Aunt Lucie’s eyes closed, ashen with pain. Hesitantly, she finally answered with a whisper. “Yes.”
“How? How could she have been pregnant?” I asked, completely bewildered. I glared at Aunt Lucie, feeling a deep sense of betrayal. “And you’ve known this all along and never told me? How could you?” I hissed, my hand tightening in anger.
Kyle didn’t seem to mind me squeezing his fingers.
“Lily…” Tears were streaming down my aunt’s face. “I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you at the hospital, but when you woke up and found out about your family…I just…I couldn’t add to that grief. And every day leading up to the funerals, I tried. I didn’t know how to make the words come out. And then…you were just gone. It didn’t seem right to tell you over the phone.”
I blinked at the words she was saying. I was completely stunned.
“I’m so very sorry, dear. This secret has been eating at me for three years. I just didn’t know how to tell you, and then you left.”
My cousins all tried to step in and talk, but I cut them off, looking intently at Kyle. His body was tensed with anger, but he didn’t seem surprised by this shocking news. His face was sad and sympathetic…but not surprised.