by Claire Adams
I nodded and looked around the living room. I could hear Josie jumping around the room that would be hers. With a polite smile, I turned back to Marissa.
“Let’s go,” I said. “I want to see the next place.”
She smiled and hurried off to get Josie. The three of us piled back into the car and followed the real estate agent to the next address.
“Wow,” Josie said when we pulled up out front. “This place is huge.”
She was right. The front of the house looked more like a palace than anything else. The beach was out back, and from the front, you couldn’t see even a hint of water.
“Holy crap,” Marissa said under her breath.
I laughed and led the way through the front door.
“You will see,” the real estate agent said, “this home has all the original fixtures and…”
I half-listened to the rest of her sales pitch while Marissa took Josie exploring. The house was huge and elaborate. I got lost four times before I found my way to the kitchen.
The beach was outside the back windows. I stepped up to the glass and peered outside at the waves as they crashed onto the sand. It was a beautiful sight. I knew I would love waking up to that every morning, but something about this house felt wrong. It was too big for just Josie and me. The two of us would never need so much space.
“What do you think?” Marissa asked, making me jump and spin around.
“You scared the shit out of me,” I said, laughing softly.
“I’m sorry,” she laughed with me. “Josie’s already staking a claim on one of the bedrooms.”
“Of course.” I sighed and looked back outside. “I don’t know…”
“Doesn’t feel like home?” she asked.
“No,” I shook my head. “Not at all.”
“I thought you’d say that,” she said. “You’ll find the right one. You just have to keep looking.”
We went to find Josie, but my mind was a thousand miles away. The idea of moving out to California was great. I wanted nothing more than to give my daughter the life she wanted and needed. Still, I wanted our home to be perfect — a place Josie would always want to come back to.
We looked at three office buildings before heading back to the resort. All three of the buildings were fine. An office didn’t require much more than a good location and four walls. Any of the options would do.
Once we were back at the resort, Josie ran out to play on the beach while Marissa and I sat on the patio to keep a close eye on her.
“What made you decide to move?” Marissa asked after a few minutes of silence.
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I just woke up, and suddenly, New York didn’t feel like home. This did.”
“It was that easy?” she asked. “That quick?”
“Most of my decisions are. When I met Amelia, I knew she was the one. When I decided to start my own business, I moved forward with it that same day. When I know what I want, I take it.”
My eyes met Marissa’s, and we froze. The cool ocean breeze blew across our faces, the sound of the waves echoing in our ears.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Marissa
“Are we going to do more lessons today?” Josie asked after we finished our breakfast.
“No, not today,” I shook my head. “I think maybe we should just have fun.”
Josie’s eyes narrowed in confusion as she said, “But, learning Spanish is fun.”
“I know,” I said, chuckling to myself. “And, we’ll keep learning. I promise. I just thought you might like to spend another day at the spa. What do you think?”
“Is Miss Eloise going to be there?” Josie asked. I could tell she was trying to keep a polite tone, but the look in her eyes told me everything I needed to know.
“Absolutely not,” I said. “Miss Eloise doesn’t even know we’re going.”
“You promise?” Josie asked warily.
“I promise.”
She smiled and jumped out of her chair. She ran to get dressed while I watched her go with a grin on my face. Making her happy had become my favorite pastime.
“The spa?” Dirk asked from behind me.
“Yeah,” I said, spinning around to face him. “I know you have another golf date with Stan today, so I thought I’d distract Josie for a while. Is that okay?”
“Of course,” he said. “That’ll be fun.”
“It will,” I said with a nod.
Dirk’s eyes rested on my face, and I felt my skin heat from the attention. It was getting harder and harder to ignore how I felt about him. Every time we were in the same room, I felt a pull towards him. It was as if my body was trying to force me to act against my will. Only now, I wasn’t sure what my will actually was.
“Well,” he said, “you girls have fun. I should get going.”
“Okay.”
He slipped away to say goodbye to Josie. I leaned back in my chair and took deep, steadying breaths. My head felt fuzzy, and my heart was pounding. Just being in Dirk’s presence was enough to make me come completely undone. I couldn’t keep behaving this way around him, but I didn’t know what else I could do.
As I waited for Josie, my mind wandered back to that kiss. When Dirk took me in his arms by the pool, I felt more out of control than I had in years. His lips on mine were like lethal weapons, designed specifically for my destruction. Yet, I never wanted him to stop kissing me. I could have lived forever inside that single moment.
When he left to meet Stan, I watched him go, letting my eyes linger on his strong back and sculpted butt. It wasn’t often that I allowed myself to just appreciate Dirk’s physique, but when I did, it was enough to send hot waves of desire from my fingertips to my toes.
“I’m ready!” Josie announced, interrupting my thoughts. She pranced over to me with a brush in her hand. “Will you do my hair, please?”
I smiled and took the brush, eager for something to distract me from my confusing emotions.
***
Josie and I spent all morning at the spa. We got our nails redone and sat for a short massage. Josie giggled beside me, twitching whenever the masseur did something that tickled. Her little laugh was enough to make my entire day.
“Was that fun this time?” I asked as we walked down the hall.
“Yes!” she said. “It tickled, though.”
“I could tell,” I laughed. “You were giggling the whole time.”
“I wasn’t!” She stuck out her bottom lip in a pout, making me laugh even harder.
“Where do you want to go now?” I asked.
“Facials!” she said without hesitation.
I nodded and led the way. When we turned a corner, we came face to face with Shawn. He stumbled slightly when he saw us. When he recovered, he was grinning from ear to ear.
“Well, there are my two favorite guests,” he said, brightly. “Having fun?”
“We are,” I said. Then, lowering my voice, “Thank you for getting us in last minute like this. I know it’s hard without an appointment.”
“For you?” he said. “Anything.”
His words were innocent enough, but the look on his face was anything but. He stared at me closely, completely ignoring Josie’s presence. I cleared my throat and wrapped my arm around the little girl’s shoulders.
“Well,” I said. “We’re heading off to get facials. Have a good day, Shawn.”
“You, too!” The disappointment was evident on his face, but he stepped aside to let us pass.
Josie and I walked slowly down the hallway until we reached the facial room. We stood outside while they finished with another guest. Josie jumped around on one foot, laughing to herself and softly reciting words in Spanish. I watched her closely, but my mind wandered.
I was no longer surprised by Shawn’s attention. Dirk was right. Shawn definitely had a little crush on me. It wasn’t something I spent time thinking about, but each time I saw him, it became more obvious. I wondered if Josie had picked up on it this time.
>
Looking at her, I would never have guessed she noticed anything. She was too busy having fun and being a kid — which was exactly what I wanted for her.
The door to the facial room opened. Josie and I hurried inside and situated ourselves in the overly-large chairs. Josie smiled the whole time, and when we were done, she wrapped her arms around my waist for a tight hug.
“Thank you for today,” she said. “I’ve had so much fun.”
“That’s great, sweetheart,” I said. “I’m so glad.”
“Can we come back again tomorrow?”
“Not tomorrow,” I said, “But definitely before the trip is over.”
Her face fell and a pit formed in my stomach. I never wanted to disappoint her.
“I never want the trip to end,” she said quietly.
“What?” I asked, bending down so we were at the same eye level. “Don’t you miss your room in New York? Your toys?”
“No,” Josie shook her head. “I don’t.”
“Why not?”
“New York is okay, I guess,” she said, with a shrug. “But, it’s more fun here. Plus, you’re here.”
Her words were enough to make my heart ache. I hugged her tightly, not trusting myself to speak. We held onto each other for a few seconds before it was time to leave. I took her by the hand and led her back into the resort lobby.
***
When we made it back to our room, there was a note pinned to the door.
“Who’s it from?” Josie asked, stifling a yawn behind her hand.
I shrugged and took the note down. We hurried inside to sit down at the little kitchen table. I opened the note and smiled.
“Dearest neighbors,” it read. “John and I wanted to invite you to dinner tonight. Interested? Much love, Sammy.”
“It’s from John and Sammy,” I told Josie. “They want to have dinner with us tonight.”
“Oh!” Josie said. “Can we? Please?”
“I don’t see why not.”
I grabbed the phone and quickly called John and Sammy’s room to accept the invitation. By the time I hung up, Josie was barely able to hold her eyes open.
“Hey,” I said. “You want to take a nap before dinner?”
She nodded sleepily. I took her to her bedroom and helped her with her shoes. She was practically asleep the second her head hit the pillow.
“Wait,” she said as I began to tiptoe away. “Will you lay with me? Please?”
“Sure,” I said with a smile.
I slid onto the bed beside her and laid my head down. Josie scooted closer to me, snuggling into my chest and closing her tiny eyes. It took me a minute to adjust to her closeness, but eventually, my own exhaustion overpowered me. My eyes fell closed, and I slipped into a comfortable sleep.
Josie and I were asleep for what felt like hours. When I finally woke up, it was because a heavy hand had fallen on my shoulder. I jumped slightly and whipped around. Dirk was standing beside the bed.
“Shhh,” he said, squeezing my shoulder gently. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you, but I saw Sammy’s note. It’s almost time for dinner.”
I nodded silently. I stretched out my arms and legs, trying to wake myself up. Dirk’s eyes flickered to my legs for a second, then back up my body. That same familiar heat warmed my skin as I slowly pushed myself up.
“I’m sorry I fell asleep,” I said softly. “She wanted me to lay down with her and then-”
“It’s okay,” he smiled. “You must have been tired after today.”
I nodded. “How was golf?”
He sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed.
“That bad?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “It was fine. At least, until I mentioned that I was looking for real estate out here.”
“Uh oh,” I said. “I take it Stan wasn’t happy about that?”
“Not at all.”
I sighed and put my hand on his shoulder. He sunk into my touch. His eyes closed slightly, and his entire body relaxed. I rubbed my hand over his shoulder blades almost unconsciously. When I realized what I was doing, I froze. Dirk’s body tensed again. I felt like a teenager as our eyes met, unable to control my hormones.
“You should wake Josie,” I said, tearing myself away from him. “We should get her ready for dinner.”
Dirk nodded and walked to the other side of the bed. He leaned over to whisper in Josie’s ear and ruffled her hair. She stirred slightly, rolling away from him and reaching out in the opposite direction. Her arms stretched to the place where I’d been laying just moments before.
“Mama,” she mumbled. “Mama.”
My entire body went rigid. I stared down at her, my mouth hanging open. I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard… And yet, I could. Josie and I had become so close over the past few weeks that it wasn’t a surprise to find out she’d grown attached. Still, hearing her say that, and watching her reach out to me in her sleep… It was all more than I could take.
“Josie,” Dirk said, his voice more insistent this time. Her little eyes flickered open slightly. “Come on, sweetheart. It’s time to wake up.”
“Why?” she whined.
“We’re going to have dinner with Mr. John and Sammy,” he reminded her.
She nodded and let Dirk pull her out of bed. I stayed where I was, frozen and unable to move. Josie’s quiet mumbles had succeeded in cementing my feet to the floor.
“I’ll get her ready,” Dirk said. He didn’t meet my eyes.
“Okay,” I said.
He led Josie to the bathroom and still, I didn’t move. I knew things were progressing quickly between Josie and me. Playing house was harder than it looked, and to Josie, we weren’t playing at all. She didn’t understand that I was here because her father was paying me. She didn’t know that when I held her dad’s hand, it was just an act. She didn’t know anything. And now, I knew I never wanted her to.
The idea that Josie would find out the truth was enough to make my heart break where I stood. And yet, I knew I would have to leave her soon.
I’d fallen completely in love with the little girl, and I never wanted to be away from her. I was constantly having lustful daydreams about Dirk and nothing I did could make them go away. This job had suddenly become something so much more than just a job. I had no idea how to deal with it.
Finally, I pushed myself across the room and hurried into my own. I fell back on the bed and breathed slowly, telling myself that everything would be okay.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Dirk
It took all my concentration to get myself and Josie ready for dinner. She was still sleepy from her long day. She stumbled into her dress and could barely hold her toothbrush to her mouth. I tried to laugh at her exhaustion to lighten my mood before it was time to meet John and Sammy, but it was no use. After hearing my little girl whisper “Mama” to Marissa, I was an emotional mess.
“Daddy,” Josie said. “Do I look okay?”
She stuck her arms out to either side and spun in a slow circle. Her pink dress was adorable, and her blonde ringlets made her look like a little princess.
“You’re always beautiful,” I told her with a smile.
“I’m going to ask Marissa to do my hair,” she said.
I nodded and watched as she bounced off into the living room. Once alone, I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and put my head in my hands. Nothing about this situation was easy. I knew that going in. But, I never imagined things would become so complicated so fast.
“Dirk?”
My head popped up at the sound of Marissa’s voice. She was standing in the bathroom doorway, her cheeks flushed pink and a nervous glint in her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she said, quickly. “Um, Sammy just popped his head in to say he would be cooking dinner in their room. They decided not to eat at the restaurant.”
“Sounds great,” I said, forcing a tight smile on my face.
Marissa just nodded and slipped away. Her long dark hai
r fell in loose waves down her back. I longed to reach out to her. I could practically feel my arms sliding around her waist and spinning her around to face me. But, I didn’t. I stayed where I was and watched her disappear.
It was a few minutes before I could bring myself to move. The bathroom was safe and secluded. I could hide from Marissa, Josie, and all the things I didn’t want to face.
Mama, Mama. That’s what Josie had said.
She was barely awake. Her little brain was still far away and dreaming. She had no idea what she was saying, and yet, I felt certain she meant it. If I asked my daughter, I knew she would tell me how much she loved Marissa. The two weren’t just friendly. Their bond had become so much more — and it was entirely my fault.
“Daddy!” Josie called from the living room. “It’s time to go!”
“I’ll be right there!” I called back.
I pushed off the bathtub and stood up straight. Smoothing my shirt down, I took one last look in the mirror. I looked ready for the evening, but my eyes were closed off, and my forehead was creased with lines of worry. I felt like I’d aged ten years in the past hour.
***
“Sammy,” Marissa said. “This is amazing. How on earth did you learn to cook like this?”
“He’s a chef,” John said simply.
“What institute did you attend?” she asked.
“I didn’t,” he shrugged. “I’ve been cooking my whole life. My grandmother was Italian. No one could cook like her. She taught me almost everything she knew.”
“That’s amazing,” Marissa said. “Where do you work?”
“Right now?” he asked. “Nowhere. I was working at a small little bistro in Chicago, but I moved on a few months ago. Noah needed more of my time than I could give him while working.”
“Sammy’s the caretaker,” John said. He reached over to squeeze his husband’s hand. “He’s the best dad I know.”
Marissa smiled at the couple. I tried to follow her lead, but it was no use. My mind was a thousand miles away, and nothing I did could pull it back to the present.