by Claire Adams
Now that I’d finally given in, I never wanted it to end. I wanted to lay with him for days and forget the rest of the world.
As the sun began to rise outside, Dirk and I both knew it was time to move. Without a word, he climbed out of bed to get dressed. He slipped back into the living room, so Josie wouldn’t find us together when she woke.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Dirk
Stanley and I made it through the first nine holes without incident. I was barely awake through them, but I kept my game up well enough. Even though Stan was kicking my ass, I didn’t care. My mind was still back in Marissa’s bed.
It killed me to leave her bed that morning. Her perfect body was curled against mine and tearing myself away took more strength than I thought I had. We didn’t talk about last night. I wasn’t sure we ever would. I didn’t know what Marissa was thinking or how she felt, but I knew I would never forget how it felt to be with her.
Marissa was the first woman I’d slept with since my wife died. Amelia had been such a strong presence in my mind that the idea of being with anyone else felt impossible. Then, Marissa appeared in my life, and everything changed. For the first time, I no longer wanted to hold onto Amelia’s memory like a crutch. I wanted to experience life again.
“Dirk,” Stan said. “Where’s your head, man?”
“What?” I blinked. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve been out of it all morning.” He was obviously annoyed.
“Sorry,” I said, though I wasn’t. “I just didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Oh yeah?” He winked slyly, “Marissa keep you up?”
It wasn’t unlike him to ask this kind of question, and yet, it irritated me to hear it. Marissa wasn’t just a conquest. She wasn’t just a girl I hooked up with. To hear Stanley talk about her like she was nothing more than a piece of ass was enough to send me into a blind rage.
“She’s my girlfriend, Stan,” I said. “Don’t be a dick.”
“I’m just messing around,” he said. He held up his hands defensively, “What crawled up your ass?”
“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head. “Let’s just play.”
He shrugged and led the way to the next hole. We made it through three more holes before Stan once again asked me what was wrong.
“Seriously,” he said. “What the hell is wrong with you today?”
“I told you,” I said. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Look,” he said. “If you got into a fight with Marissa, fuck it, okay? Just screw the bitch and move on. No woman is worth getting all tied up over.”
I just stared at him. Stanley had never been polite, but this was taking things too far. Not only was he talking shit about Marissa, but he was being a total dick.
“I don’t know how Eloise stays married to you,” I said.
“She knows there are more important things than love and romance,” Stan said.
“Like what?” I asked. “Money?”
“Don’t judge us,” he said sharply. “You and Amelia lived the exact same way.”
“That’s bullshit.” I snapped. “Amelia and I loved each other. Once upon a time, so did you and Eloise.”
“We still do,” Stan said. “But, I’m not pussy whipped. Apparently, you are.”
“You know what,” I said. “Don’t worry about me anymore. I’ll find my own way back to the city.”
“Are you fucking kidding?” Stan glared at me as I stormed away.
I was still fuming when I reached the bungalow, but seeing Josie and Marissa was enough to calm my nerves.
“Hey!” I said when I stepped through the door. “I was thinking about having dinner with John and Sammy again tonight. Any ideas?”
“There’s a show in town,” Marissa said. “Shawn said it’s kid-friendly. We could all go together.”
“That’s perfect,” I said. “I’ll walk over and invite them.”
She nodded and watched me leave. I could tell she knew something was wrong, but didn’t want to ask about it in front of Josie. I only hoped she didn’t think it was about last night.
After I invited John and Sammy to dinner and the show, I went for a walk on the beach. I wanted to head back and see Josie and Marissa, but my mood was still sour. Stanley had gotten under my skin, and I needed to relax before I could be around my daughter again.
Even after an hour alone, I still didn’t know why Stanley’s comments bothered me so much. He’d been known to say crass things about women for years. He’d never cheated on his wife, so because of that, I had always defended him. What’s a little bit of talk between guys? It doesn’t really hurt anyone, right?
And yet, Stanley’s questions about Marissa made my blood boil. When he called her a bitch, I had to fight the urge to punch him. I’d never felt so angry in my entire life. I knew, after that incident, that my friendship with Stanley was all but over.
Part of me felt sad. He had been there for me when Amelia died. He was at my wedding. He was there the day my daughter was born. Stan had been a part of my life for so long that I couldn’t imagine him not being around.
Still, I knew it was for the best. Our lives were heading down two different paths. I wanted to move my business to California, leave New York and build a new life for myself. That might take some time, years even, but I was determined to do it. Stanley would never understand that. To him, New York was life. He and Eloise would live there until they died.
More than that, I couldn’t imagine myself spending time with Stan anymore. As we got older, he got meaner. He was always angry, and his behavior had become disgusting. I couldn’t bear the thought of him being around Josie as she grew up.
When I made it back to the bungalow, Marissa was helping Josie get ready for dinner. She did her hair in two elegant braids and then ushered Josie outside to play until it was time to leave.
“Hey,” Marissa said once we were alone. “Do you want to tell me what happened today?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed, “I just snapped. Stan and I were golfing. Everything was fine, and then, I just couldn’t do it anymore.”
“Do what?” she asked kindly.
“Put up with his shit,” I said. “It doesn’t make any sense. He’s always been this way. The things he said aren’t even the worst I’ve heard, but…”
“You hit the wall,” she said.
I nodded. “It was like something just clicked. I couldn’t see myself being friends with him anymore. Everything he did pissed me off, and I had to get away from him.”
“I’m sorry.” I met her eyes, and I knew she meant it.
“I know you hate him,” I laughed.
“That’s not the point,” she said. “You lost a friend today, and I’m sorry for that.”
“It’s for the best,” I said. “Honestly, I’m not sorry. It needed to happen.”
Marissa smiled sadly and kissed my cheek. She lingered against my skin for a second before pulling away. The scent of her perfume lingered, sending me reeling. I remembered the way her entire body had overwhelmed my senses the night before.
Our eyes met. I glanced down at her lips, and I couldn’t help myself. I leaned forward. Our lips were about to touch when Josie came bursting through the door.
“Are we leaving yet?”
***
The five of us went to dinner and then walked over to the show together. Josie held hands with John and Sammy the whole way there. They swung her around, making her giggle. I could tell they missed their son and were glad to have a little one around to play with.
Marissa and I walked behind them. We were quiet for a while, just holding hands and enjoying the night air. So much was still left unsaid between us, but I didn’t know how to bring up the conversation. Should we talk about last night? Was it even worth talking about? What was Marissa thinking? Did it mean to her what it meant to me?
“I should have said this earlier,” she said suddenly. “But, I’m proud of you.”
&nb
sp; “For what?”
“For not putting up with Stan’s crap,” Marissa said. “I don’t know what he said, but if you finally pulled yourself away from him, I know it must have been pretty bad. So, I’m proud of you.”
“Thank you,” I smiled and squeezed her hand.
I was surprised by her compliment, but more pleased than anything. I couldn’t remember the last time someone told me they were proud of me. It warmed my chest and kept a smile on my face throughout the rest of the night.
After the show ended, Josie begged for ice cream. John and Sammy insisted they knew a great place just down the street from the resort. We all ate dessert together, laughing and having a great time.
I hadn’t felt so at peace in years. Being with Marissa and Josie was enough to put me in a great mood, but John and Sammy helped, too. They were great guys and had quickly become amazing friends. If we all ended up moving out to California, I knew they would be in my life for a while.
Things were changing quickly. In just a couple weeks, I’d severed ties with my oldest friend, made plans to leave New York (at least for part of the year), fallen for a beautiful woman, and met new friends. It was crazy how fast it all happened, and yet, I felt like it was all meant to be.
“We have to stay in touch,” I told John and Sammy later that night. “When Marissa, Josie, and I head back to New York, don’t forget about us.”
“Oh, honey,” Sammy said with a smile. “John and I mate for life. Don’t worry; we aren’t going anywhere.”
Marissa and I both laughed as we said our goodbyes. Josie gave the guys each a hug before hurrying into our bungalow. Marissa slipped in next, and I followed close behind.
“Can we watch a movie?” Josie asked.
“Not tonight,” I said. “It’s already really late, honey.”
Josie whined, but went to change for bed. I was exhausted from the day, but when my eyes met Marissa’s, I suddenly felt wide awake.
“Tired?” she asked quietly.
“A little,” I shrugged.
“Liar,” she laughed.
“Well,” I said. “I could sleep, but I could also be talked into something else.”
I grinned at her. She blushed and took a small step toward me. I still didn’t know what last night meant to her, but I knew what it meant to me. Marissa and I were no longer playing pretend. When I told Stanley she was my girlfriend, I meant it. I didn’t yet know if she felt the same way, but her eyes told me she did.
“Can you read me a story?” Josie asked suddenly. She was staring at us from the doorway of her bedroom. Marissa and I were inches away from each other. I jumped slightly and took a step backward. Marissa blushed and looked away.
“Sure,” I said. “I’d love to.”
I hurried toward Josie. Marissa smiled and said goodnight, but didn’t move from her spot in the living room. I hoped she would still be there when I came back.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Marissa
Josie dove into the shallow end without hesitating. Her swim lessons were going so well that she barely needed anyone to watch her. Still, Dirk and I sat on the edge of the pool with our feet dangling in the water. Neither of us was comfortable enough to leave Josie alone without her swim instructor around to watch her. We kicked out in the water and followed Josie’s easy strokes with our eyes, not speaking for what felt like ages.
Dirk and I had fallen into an easy rhythm. After our night together, I knew I wanted more from him. My feelings were too strong to deny. There was nothing I could do or say that would pull my heart away from him. Still, I knew something needed to be done. In just a little while, our time together would end. We would all head home, and just like that, this entire trip would fade away. I wouldn’t have been surprised if Josie forgot about me within the month.
That thought made my stomach burn painfully. I didn’t want Josie to forget me. Ever. I wanted to stay close to her, keep teaching her Spanish, and watch her grow. I longed to see how great of a swimmer she would be by this time next year.
But, I knew that wasn’t likely to happen. Dirk and I still hadn’t discussed our relationship, and the longer we went without a conversation, the more scared I became.
I was in deep with both Dirk and his daughter. My relationship with Josie was clear and easily defined. We bonded instantly. We became friends and then something more. She was like a daughter to me. I’d never known what that felt like until I met Josie.
Things with Dirk, though, were more unclear. While I knew I wanted him, I didn’t know how he felt about me. Our night together was amazing. Our bodies fit together like puzzle pieces, and I never wanted to tear myself away from him. And yet, he left my room early that morning and disappeared into the living room. We had only shared a kiss on the cheek since.
It didn’t feel right anymore. Sitting on the edge of the pool with Dirk beside me and Josie swimming out in the water felt wrong. I knew I was just the girlfriend for hire. I knew my role would soon end and yet, I kept sitting there. I stayed right beside Dirk and kept a close eye on his little girl. My chest ached.
“Listen,” I finally said. “I think we should talk about our arrangement.”
Dirk looked over at me with surprise in his eyes. He frowned and nodded, gesturing for me to continue.
“Now that you’ve severed ties with Stanley,” I said. “We won’t be spending any more time with him and Eloise, right?”
“Probably not,” he admitted. “Why?”
“Well,” I said slowly. “That’s why I’m here, isn’t it? To keep up appearances in front of Stan and Eloise?”
Dirk paused. He knew I was right. That was my role at the resort. That was the entire reason he’d brought me along.
“I was just thinking,” I said. “That if you don’t need a fake girlfriend anymore, then we should end the contract now.”
Dirk blinked. I could tell he didn’t like the idea, but I didn’t know why. If Stan and Eloise weren’t going to be around, my job was done. Over. Finished. There was no other reason for us to keep up pretenses.
“There’s a cocktail party tonight,” Dirk said suddenly. “Stan and Eloise will both be there. As will John and Sammy. I could really use you there. We won’t have a sitter for Josie, so she’ll need to come, too. Besides, it would look odd if I didn’t bring you.”
“Okay.” I nodded, but the pit stayed in my stomach. This still didn’t feel right. I no longer wanted to be the girl on Dirk’s arm. I no longer wanted to be a girlfriend for hire. My feelings for him were real and undeniable. I needed to get out of this situation before things got any worse.
“Look,” he said. “If you’re uncomfortable because of-”
“No,” I said quickly. “It’s not that. I was just being practical.”
“Okay.” He frowned but didn’t press the issue.
We both turned our attention back to Josie and let silence wash over us. I didn’t know why I wasn’t being honest with Dirk. All I had to do was tell him how I felt. We’d already slept together, that was no secret. For the first time, I had broken my one rule: I had sex with a client. That, more than anything, should have told Dirk exactly how I felt about him.
But, he either didn’t know or didn’t care. He just sat beside me, dangling his feet over the pool’s edge and smiling at his daughter as she cut an easy path through the water. I glanced at him a couple times, wishing he would read my mind and force the issue. He never did. By the time Josie was ready to leave the pool, we hadn’t said another word to each other.
“Let’s get you dry,” Dirk said as Josie ran over to us.
He wrapped her in a towel and rubbed his hands up and down her arms. She was trembling from the cool air, but didn’t seem to mind. Her smile was as vibrant as ever.
“We should get ready for the party,” Dirk said.
I nodded and followed him and Josie back inside. The walk to our bungalow felt long. My head was still spinning. I knew I needed space away from Dirk. If I was going to leave
him and Josie behind when the trip ended, I had to start distancing myself now. Otherwise, I would never be able to pull myself away.
***
The cocktail party was just like any other event. I wore a floor-length gown, and Dirk wore a tailored suit. We dressed Josie in her favorite dress and did her hair back in elegant braids. She would be the only child at the party, but neither Dirk nor I cared. Josie went where we went.
We all walked through the lobby holding hands. Josie was between Dirk and me. It kept us at a good distance and allowed my head to clear. I’d been so confused for so long that I knew any physical contact with Dirk would only serve to make things worse.
“There you are,” Sammy said when we stepped inside the ballroom. “I thought you guys weren’t coming.”
“Of course,” I said brightly. “We wouldn’t miss a ‘rager’ like this.”
Sammy laughed, and Dirk joined him half-heartedly. His eyes were already roaming around the room. I knew he was looking for Stanley or Eloise. He hadn’t seen either of them since the blowup on the golf course.
I wanted to comfort him, but I refused to let myself. It wasn’t my place to hold Dirk’s hand through this. My job was almost over. I had to remember that so I wouldn’t be hurt when the time came for us to say goodbye.
“I’ll be back,” he said. “I see a couple people I should say hi to. Josie, stay with Marissa, okay?”
“Okay.” She nodded and took a small step closer to me. I kept her hand safely wrapped in mine as I led her through the crowded room.
Sammy and John had already saved us a spot at their table. The party didn’t include dinner, but I was glad to have somewhere to sit. Josie climbed into a chair beside me and settled in for the evening. She’d brought a book along so she wouldn’t be bored. I smiled when she cracked it open and disappeared behind it.
“She’s not like any other three-year-old, is she?” Sammy asked with a soft laugh.