by Ariel Ellman
They spent every night together now, whether Ani had Raffi or not, staying at Sebastian’s place on the nights that they were alone, and at Ani’s when Raffi was with them. When they stayed at Sebastian’s apartment, Ani loved to watch him paint. Especially on the Sundays that Raffi was with Jordan. Sebastian always woke with the sunrise, making love to Ani while she was half asleep, so that his kisses on her body felt like a dream, and the warmth of him inside her like a secret. Then as Ani drifted back to sleep, her dreams filled with the teasing memory of Sebastian’s touch. He would quietly slip out of bed and settle in underneath the window with his easel or sketchpad.
Ani would wake hours later to the smell of coffee, and she’d slip out of bed and pad barefoot and naked over to the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee and sneak a pastry out of the bakery box that she’d brought the night before. As she warmed up her muffin or scone, she’d sip her coffee and gaze across the room at Sebastian. These were the moments that Ani loved the most. These were the private moments when Ani felt like she had a window into Sebastian’s soul.
When Sebastian immersed himself in his art, he didn’t seem to even remember that Ani was still there with him. His face was stripped naked of its carefully crafted masks, and the vulnerability that he normally worked so hard to shield from his eyes peeked out. Watching Sebastian paint was like going back in time for Ani. The walls that he’d worked so hard to build around him were gone, and with his guard down he looked seventeen again. There were no secrets between them, no regrets, just the innocence of hope and desire.
He was sketching from old photos of his brother a lot lately, and volunteering in a teens-against-drunk-driving program that their childhood priest, Father O’Brien, had set up in their old neighborhood church. The summer had flown by since they’d returned from Maine, Raffi was back in school, and the nights and early mornings were just starting to hint at the cool days of fall ahead.
“You’re finally Ani Mackenizie again,” Sebastian murmured, kissing Ani awake as she opened her eyes and blinked sleepily at him.
“What?” Ani asked in confusion as she burrowed into Sebastian’s warm chest and pulled the covers up over her shoulders. Fall had almost arrived in Boston and the late September nights were chilly, even though the days were still warm.
“It’s midnight,” Sebastian whispered into Ani’s ear, trailing his lips down her neck. “The 90 days are over since you filed for divorce. It’s official, you are a married woman no longer,” he murmured against Ani’s neck.
“So I’m back to Ani Mackenzie,” Ani replied softly, staring at Sebastian as he raised his eyes to meet hers thoughtfully.
“Were you going to keep Jordan’s name for Raffi’s sake?” Sebastian asked Ani, studying her face with an unreadable expression.
“I was hoping to finally become Ani O’Reilly actually, but I’m beginning to think I’ll go to my grave a Mackenzie,” Ani murmured back in reply.
“Is that so?” Sebastian asked, reaching into his nightstand drawer and pulling out a velvet pouch.
“Aine Ciara Mackenzie, a rún mo chroí,” Sebastian murmured, sliding out of bed and dropping down on his knee. “I know I don’t deserve you, but I’m asking you anyway.” He took Ani’s hand in his own and stared at her with glistening eyes. “Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?” Sebastian asked Ani hoarsely as he slid the most beautiful ring that Ani had ever seen in her life out of the velvet pouch and presented it to her. It was a traditional Irish Claddagh ring with a brilliant heart-shaped sapphire in the center.
“The sapphire is for your eyes,” Sebastian murmured as he slipped the ring on Ani’s finger when she mutely nodded yes, tears streaming out of her eyes.
“It took you long enough, O’Reilly,” Ani choked against Sebastian’s chest when he pulled her into his arms.
“Only thirty-two years,” Sebastian whispered, spreading Ani’s hand open and pressing the scars on their palms together.
“Only thirty-two years,” Ani echoed, staring down at the ring on her finger with tears in her eyes.
“No tears, a chroí,” Sebastian murmured huskily, laying Ani down on his bed underneath him. “I want to make love to my fiancé,” he whispered, trailing kisses across her face.
“I was so mad at you the night of the accident,” Ani confessed, blinking back her tears. “And then the police took you away and I never got to tell you how much I loved you. I was mad that you hadn’t asked me to marry you and then I was mad that you weren’t going away to school. I was so confused about what I wanted from you,” Ani admitted, weeping softly.
“Shhhh,” Sebastian soothed, kissing away the tears as they slid out of Ani’s eyes.
“And I know the accident was my fault,” Ani sobbed. “I was yelling at you about staying home because I felt guilty about wanting you to stay with me. When Tommy said that you were throwing everything away for me, I felt guilty because I had wanted you to,” Ani confessed, staring into Sebastian’s deep green eyes in anguish. “I wanted you to stay home and marry me and be a lobsterman like your father and brother. I didn’t want you to go away to school even though I knew that it was your dream.” Ani closed her eyes in shame.
“Oh baby, a rún mo chroí,” Sebastian murmured, kissing Ani’s eyes as the tears continued to seep out of them. “You were barely sixteen and you were pregnant with our child. Of course you wanted me to marry you, of course you didn’t want me to go away.”
“But I never wanted you to go away Bast,” Ani admitted, opening her eyes and staring back at Sebastian. “Even before I got pregnant. All I ever wanted was to marry you and stay in our neighborhood and have your babies. I knew that we should be using condoms the times that we didn’t but I didn’t care.” Ani stared at Sebastian with haunted eyes. “I didn’t care if I got pregnant because I wanted you so much.”
“And what about me?” Sebastian asked Ani tenderly, trailing his fingers across her salt-stained cheeks. “Do you think I didn’t know what could happen when I didn’t use a condom? Do you really think that I didn’t want to keep you as much as you wanted to keep me?” Sebastian kissed her trembling lips. “We were kids, a ghrá. We did stupid things and we made foolish mistakes, but everything we did, we did out of love.” He trailed kisses down Ani’s neck. “The accident was nobody’s fault baby, it was an accident,” Sebastian whispered, lifting his face up to meet Ani’s gaze. “And I should have asked you to marry me when you told me you were pregnant. Not marrying you when you were sixteen is something that I’ve regretted every day for the last fifteen years.”
“I love you so much and I’m so sorry about everything,” Ani murmured against Sebastian’s lips as he kissed her tenderly.
“No more talking a chroí,” Sebastian whispered, trailing his lips across Ani’s shoulders and easing her legs open underneath him with his knee.
“I love you Sebastian O’Reilly,” Ani whispered again as Sebastian guided himself inside her and thrust into her with a moan.
“A chuid den tsaol,” Sebastian murmured back in Ani’s ear, trailing his lips down her neck.
“A chuid den tsaol, you are my heart and soul, my life,” Ani echoed back with a sigh, closing her eyes and surrendering her body to Sebastian.
Chapter Twenty-Five
When Ani walked into the loft with Sebastian the next day, Siobhan spotted the ring sparkling on Ani’s finger almost instantly, and she let out a squeal of excitement.
“The gobshite finally bleedin’ asked ye’ to marry him!” Siobhan exclaimed.
“He finally bleedin’ did,” Ani replied with a grin, holding out her hand to her sister’s girlfriend to inspect.
“Oh my God, you guys!” Sawyer exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Ani and Sebastian and crushing them against her chest.
“The ring is feckin’ gorgeous,” Siobhan whistled, holding Ani’s hand and admiring the ring while Sawyer squeezed the life out of her.
“Did ye’ have it custom made fer her?” Siobhan asked Sebast
ian when Sawyer finally released them.
“I did,” Sebastian admitted with a pleased grin.
“Jaysus, how’d ye fecking afford the ting?” Siobhan asked with her usual tact. “Did ya’ rob a bank then?”
“Just one or two. You know how it is with us ex-cons, you can never completely rehabilitate us,” Sebastian replied with a laugh.
“That’s not funny!” Ani cried, shoving Sebastian.
“What no ex-con jokes allowed?” he teased, pulling Ani against him and kissing her.
“You know that guy with the skull tattoo Bast hangs out with sometimes has robbed at least a few banks,” Sawyer chimed in with a laugh.
“Hugo?” Sebastian protested with a grin. “He’s a big pussycat.”
“He looks like it,” Sawyer retorted sarcastically.
“Now I’m starting to feel a little anxious,” Ani joked, studying the stunning ring on her finger with a concerned expression. “How much do lobstermen make again?” she asked teasingly.
“Relax the cacks baby,” Sebastian replied with a grin, mimicking Siobhan’s favorite expression. “No banks were robbed,” he assured her with a solemn expression. “I sold a painting baby.”
“Another one? Which one?” Ani asked with a mournful expression.
“You’re upset I sold another painting?” Sebastian asked Ani with interest. “I thought you’d be thrilled that I’m doing something with my art,” he teased, referencing an earlier comment that she’d made when he first got out of prison and told her that he was lobstering with his father.
“I love all your paintings and I don’t want to part with any of them,” Ani confessed. “Which one did you sell? Who bought it?”
“I’ll show you,” Sebastian replied mysteriously, taking Ani’s hand and leading her to the door. “We’ll be back in a little while,” he called to Sawyer and Siobhan.
“Where are we going?” Ani prodded, following Sebastian down the steps.
“You’ll see,” he murmured as he led her into the fish market below the loft.
“Oh my God,” Ani breathed, staring at a series of three paintings that hung on the wall of the market behind the fish counter.
“You said one painting,” she whispered, mesmerized by the scene before her. Sebastian had painted three different scenes of his brother Raphael down at the docks. The first one showed Sebastian’s father on the O’Reilly lobster boat with Raffi on his shoulders proudly holding a huge lobster in his tiny hands.
The second painting captured the O’Reilly pulling into the dock at the end of the day with her catch. A young Raphael stood beside his father in oversize orange rubber coveralls, his dark shaggy hair shading his eyes against the setting sun while he gazed out at the dock.
The third painting brought tears to Ani’s eyes, and she squeezed Sebastian’s hand tightly as she gazed at the startling image of seventeen-year-old Raffi, tall and strong with well-muscled arms, carefully handing over a tote of lobsters to a buyer to be weighed.
“They’re amazing,” Ani murmured, unable to tear her eyes away from Raffi’s face. Sebastian had managed to capture the essence of Raffi in the expression on his face. You could feel the satisfaction that he felt from a long day at sea, and almost hear the murmur of his voice as he haggled with the buyer over the price of his catch.
“They’re something else aren’t they?” Bobby asked, coming up behind Ani and Sebastian. “I caught him doing a sketch down at the docks after he and his dad unloaded their catch a few months ago and I commissioned him to paint these for the store.” He gazed at them with satisfaction.
“But why Raffi, I don’t understand, did you know him?” Ani asked Bobby in confusion.
“My family has been buying lobsters from Bast’s family for generations,” Bobby replied quietly. “I used to go down to the docks with my grandfather to buy lobsters for our family restaurant with him. I grew up on the docks with Raffi and Bast. And I asked Bast to do the paintings of Raffi for the market because I wanted to show the heart and soul of the Boston lobsterman to my customers,” Bobby murmured, studying the paintings. “I want them to know there are generations of lobstermen out there on our Boston waters, fathers and sons working tirelessly together to bring them their supper.”
“I see Raffi in Bast whenever he’s out on the boat with his dad now,” Ani murmured to Bobby. “He has the same expression on his face when he unloads his catch at the end of the day.”
“Yes he does,” Bobby replied, slapping Sebastian on the back. “He’s a good man.”
“I know. I’m marrying him,” Ani replied shyly, holding up her hand.
“Congratulations!” Bobby yelled, picking Ani up and twirling her around. “When did you get engaged?”
“Last night,” Ani replied with a laugh.
“This morning,” Sebastian corrected, “Remember, it was after midnight.”
“We got engaged this morning,” Ani agreed softly, squeezing Sebastian’s hand and gazing at him with her heart in her eyes.
“Dinner is on me at Giovanni’s tonight,” Bobby declared, grabbing his phone out of his pocket and calling his family restaurant to let them know he was sending Ani and Sebastian over.
“Thank you,” Sebastian said to Bobby quietly, slapping him on the back in return.
“So sweet of you,” Ani agreed, giving Bobby a hug. “I’m going to look at the paintings a little closer before we go.” She wandered over to the counter to get a better look.
“I remember you two together you know,” Bobby murmured to Sebastian after Ani walked away. “Ani doesn’t remember me because I was just another kid standing with his grandfather buying lobsters off the dock, but I remember her waiting for you on the weekends with a thermos of hot chocolate on chilly days and cold lemonade on the hot ones. I remember the way her whole face would light up when the O’Reilly boat pulled in. I’ve also seen her over the years with Jordan. He’s a good guy and she never seemed unhappy with him, but I also never saw her look at him the way she looks at you, O’Reilly,” Bobby told Sebastian. “This was a long time coming bro.” Bobby motioned to Ani.
“It sure was,” Sebastian murmured in reply. “I lost her for fifteen years man.” He stared across the room at Ani as she stood in front of the fish counter gazing at his paintings. “And I’m holding onto her this time for good.”
“Look at her,” Bobby murmured as Ani turned around and stared back at Sebastian. “Look at the love in those eyes bro. She’s not going anywhere.”
“What are you two talking about?” Ani asked when she walked back over. “You look so serious.” She slipped under Sebastian’s arm.
“I was telling your future husband that you two make a wonderful couple,” Bobby replied sincerely. “Now get out of here and go have dinner.” He chased them out of the market with his hands.
“Stay away from the loft,” Ani warned. “Sawyer and Siobhan are up there and I know you can’t help yourself around those two.”
“Ah, my secret is out!” Bobby replied with a rueful laugh. “Problem is, your sister is the only one I want. And I can’t even get her to go on a date with me, forget about me kiss me without another girl around.”
“She’s a lesbian!” Ani replied with an exasperated laugh. “What is it with you men that you don’t get that?” She shook her head as she followed Sebastian out of the door.
“We have a connection,” Bobby insisted. “I know she loves women, but she also has a thing for me, and I’m going to get her to admit it one of these days.”
“I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you,” Ani replied with a laugh as she and Sebastian walked out the door.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ani wanted to break the news of her impending wedding to Raffi over a girls’ night, so Bast stayed at his place the next night and Ani and Sawyer spent forty-five minutes and over a hundred dollars at CVS, buying nail polish, fashion magazines, hair products, junk food, and anything else that seemed like a good thing to have on hand for a girls’ ni
ght in.
“She’s not going to freak out,” Sawyer assured Ani for the fifth time as they waited for Jordan to drop Raffi off at the loft. Jordan had picked Raffi up from school and taken her out for an early dinner because he was going to be away at a medical conference for the next few days and wouldn’t see her.
When Raffi knocked at the door a little while later and Ani opened it, her daughter ran past her without even a hello.
“Have to pee!” she called out, running into the bathroom and slamming the door.
“Sorry,” Jordan said with a laugh. “I should have asked her if she needed to go before we left the restaurant. She started wriggling around in her seat halfway here.”
“That’s okay,” Ani laughed, standing in the doorframe with her hand against the wall. “Did you have a good dinner?”
“We did,” Jordan replied, his eyes suddenly taking in the ring on Ani’s left hand as it caught the light and sparkled between them. “You’re engaged,” he murmured, staring at the ring on Ani’s finger.
“I am,” Ani admitted softly, lowering her hand from the doorway and tucking it at her side. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about the ring. I haven’t told Raffi yet, so I didn’t say anything to you….” Her voice trailed off awkwardly.
“When did he ask you?” Jordan asked softly.
“Jordan,” Ani replied helplessly.
“When Ani?” Jordan repeated.
“Two days ago.”
“The day our divorce was final,” Jordan replied flatly.
Ani stared back at Jordan sadly, at a loss for words as Raffi ran out of the bathroom and back over to her.
“Did you get Twizzlers and Kool Aid to dye my hair?” she asked her mother excitedly. “We’re having a girls night,” Raffi told her dad with a delighted grin.
“Kool Aid hair dye?” Jordan asked, attempting to muster up a smile for his daughter.