by Ariel Ellman
“It’s the washout kind,” Ani assured Jordan, holding his gaze as he stared at her with grief-stricken eyes.
“Is it okay daddy?” Raffi asked her father anxiously as she noticed the expression on his face. “Sawyer promised to give me purple streaks and mommy said it was okay because it will wash out in a few days.”
“It’s fine baby,” Jordan murmured, pulling Raffi against him and hugging her tightly. “Congratulations,” he whispered to Ani under his breath as he turned and walked out the door.
“Is daddy mad about dying my hair?” Raffi asked her mother as they walked over to the couch.
“No baby, it’s fine,” Ani assured her daughter, pulling the packets of blue, red and yellow Kool Aid out of the CVS bag on the coffee table.
“Wow, look at all this stuff!” Raffi cried gleefully as she pulled the bottles of sparkling nail polish and magazines out of the bag. “Can we do it right now?”
“Absolutely!” Ani replied, grabbing the Kool Aid packets and heading over to the bathroom just as Sawyer walked into the loft with their ice cream.
“We bought out the entire drug store, but we forgot ice cream so your mom made me go back out!” Sawyer called to her niece as she walked into the kitchen to put the ice cream away.
“We’re dying my hair!” Raffi squealed, jumping up and down in excitement as she grabbed her mother’s hand to pull her into the bathroom. “Wow, what a beautiful ring!” Raffi stopped in her tracks as she stared down at the Claddagh ring on her mother’s finger with the sparkling heart-shaped sapphire.
“Thank you,” Ani replied weakly, staring over her daughter’s head at Sawyer for help.
Sawyer shook her head at her sister in exasperation. “So much for easing into it over candy and pedicures,” she muttered.
“Did Bast give it to you?” Raffi asked her mother, still holding her hand as she gazed at the ring. “Is it a real sapphire?”
“Yes and yes,” Ani replied softly, pulling her daughter to her and sinking down onto a kitchen stool.
“It’s a Claddagh ring right? Like the one on Bast’s neck with your name in the heart?” Raffi asked. “You wear it one way for friendship and another for love?”
Ani nodded her head yes, searching for the words to tell her daughter that it was also an engagement ring.
“That was nice of him to give it to you,” Raffi said quietly, running her fingers over the sapphire as it sparkled in the kitchen light. “The sapphire matches your eyes.”
“It’s an engagement ring,” Ani finally blurted out, grasping her daughter’s hands in her own.
“You’re getting married?” Raffi whispered, pulling her hands out of her mother’s and taking a step back.
“Yes,” Ani replied softly, reaching for her daughter and drawing her back into her arms.
“That’s why daddy was upset before he left, not because of the hair dye,” Raffi whispered against her mother’s chest.
“I wanted to tell you first, but your father noticed the ring too and he figured it out,” Ani confessed, squeezing her daughter tightly against her chest.
“He still loves you,” Raffi murmured, lifting wet eyes up to her mother’s face. “He tries to pretend like it’s okay that you’re with Bast now but it’s really not.”
“I’m sorry baby, I never meant to hurt your father,” Ani murmured as she stared back into her daughter’s eyes.
“I can see how much you and Bast love each other,” Raffi admitted, blinking back tears. “I know he makes you happy mommy, but I’m so sad for daddy.”
“Me too,” Ani whispered, pressing her face against her daughter’s.
“You finally get to be a flower girl!” Sawyer declared, walking over to her sister and niece and wrapping her arms around them.
“I don’t want to be a flower girl,” Raffi replied in a muffled whisper against her mother’s chest.
“You don’t have to be,” Ani whispered back.
“You still want purple hair?” Sawyer asked.
“Yes,” Raffi sniffled, lifting her head up from her mother’s chest.
“Let’s go dye your hair!” Sawyer said, pulling Raffi up and making a sympathetic face at Ani over her head.
An hour later, after Sawyer had mixed up the Kool Aid packets with conditioner and vinegar, and covered Raffi’s hair with the homemade dye, Raffi had purple hair! She was giddy with excitement, and she twirled around in front of the mirror squealing over the transformation.
“I love it! I love it!” she exclaimed.
“You guys go eat ice cream while I clean up in here and take a quick shower,” Sawyer said, pushing Ani and Raffi out of the bathroom.
Ani shot her sister a grateful smile, knowing that Sawyer was trying to give Ani a moment alone with Raffi to talk about the engagement.
“I want a Sebastian sundae,” Raffi declared as they walked into the kitchen and she plopped down onto a kitchen stool.
“Hmmm, I might have to call him and find out what he does,” Ani replied, pulling ice cream and toppings out and spreading everything across the counter.
“Will Bast live here with us after you’re married or will you move again?” Raffi asked her mother as Ani scooped out ice cream into an old- fashioned fountain glass.
“We haven’t really talked everything through yet,” Ani admitted. “But I think we’ll all just stay here. There’s plenty of room. How do you feel about it?”
“I like it here; I don’t want to move again,” Raffi replied quietly, watching her mother as she poured caramel sauce over her ice cream.
“Bast puts bananas in it too,” she murmured.
“That’s right!” Ani exclaimed, grabbing a banana out of the fruit bowl on the counter. “And pecans too right?”
“And lots of whipped cream and cherries,” Raffi said with a small smile.
“I’m not going to pretend that nothing will change after I get married Raff,” Ani said quietly as she passed the sundae over to her daughter. “But I promise you that the things that matter will all stay the same. You will always be the most important person in the world to me and you will always come first.”
“What if you have another child?” Raffi asked seriously as she dug her spoon into her sundae.
“If I have a child with Bast, it will be no different than if your dad and I had had another baby,” Ani murmured, reaching out for her daughter’s hand. “If we have a baby, it will be your brother or sister and I will love them equally as I love you.”
“Bast’s sundaes are better,” Raffi whispered as she ate her ice cream and gazed at her mother with serious eyes.
“Well, he can make you one every day after we get married and he moves in,” Ani said with a gentle smile as she ruffled her daughter’s hair.
Sawyer came out of the shower a few minutes later, and the three of them spent the rest of the night painting each other’s nails and watching girl movies while they leafed through fashion magazines.
The next day, Ani closed the bakery a half-hour early and went back to the loft to meet Sawyer. Raffi was staying after school for her violin lesson, and going back to Erin’s for dinner, so the sisters decided it was the perfect time to try on Ani’s wedding dress.
“I can’t believe you’re finally marrying Bast,” Sawyer exclaimed in wonder as she helped her sister unpack their mother’s wedding dress. “It must have cost our grandmother a fortune to send this over from Ireland for mum.”
“Mum said she was so mad at her for getting married in the U.S., she almost didn’t send it,” Ani murmured, fingering the beautiful Irish lace wedding dress that had been in their family for generations.
“I always thought that you didn’t wear mum’s dress when you married Jordan because you were pregnant, but that wasn’t the reason was it?” Sawyer asked her sister softly.
“No,” Ani admitted. “I could never wear this dress for anyone but Bast.”
“Oh A,” Sawyer breathed as she helped her sister slip into their mother’s d
ress. “You look just like mum’s wedding picture.”
Ani stared at herself in her bedroom mirror unable to speak as she took in the sight of herself in her mother’s wedding dress. It was a beautiful, dreamy dress that was actually two pieces. The underskirt was an ivory strapless empire waist satin that hugged Ani’s waist and fell to the floor in a simple a-line. But it was the Irish lace overlay that truly made the dress. The delicate lace took both sisters’ breath away as Sawyer slipped it around Ani’s shoulders and drew it closed around her waist with a beautiful blue satin sash.
“Careful, don’t stab me!” Ani cautioned her sister as Sawyer fastened the sash together with their mother’s antique Celtic knot pin. The pin was a family heirloom, and no one seemed to know exactly where it had originated from, but all of the brides in their mother’s family had used it to fasten the sash that held the Irish lace around their dress.
“You are a vision Ani,” Sawyer whispered with tears in her eyes as she stared at her sister. “You look like a Celtic princess from an Irish storybook. Sebastian is going to cry, I guarantee it.”
“I wish mum were here to see me,” Ani whispered, blinking back tears.
“She is,” Sawyer whispered back, brushing the tears away from her sister’s eyes.
“So what do you think I should do for shoes, and my hair?” Ani asked her sister, blinking back her tears and shaking her sadness away.
“Well since you’re marrying Bast, something traditional and Celtic definitely,” Sawyer said with a grin.
“How about a crown of wildflowers?” Ani asked dreamily as she continued to stare at herself in the mirror.
“Perfect!” Sawyer agreed. “And blue lace slippers for the shoes.”
“Blue shoes would be perfect,” Ani agreed, chewing on her lip thoughtfully as she pondered where she would be able to find blue lace slippers. Blue was the traditional color of Irish brides, which is why her mother’s dress had a blue sash.
“I bet Maria could make you a pair,” Sawyer suggested.
“Hmmm, she is an amazing seamstress,” Ani agreed thoughtfully. “I don’t know about asking her though; it’s not like we’re really friends. She’s the wife of my fiance’s ex-prison cellmate,” Ani laughed helplessly.
“Ex-prison cellmate?” Sawyer replied, rolling her eyes at her sister. “Give me a break A. Remmi is Bast’s best friend. They’re like brothers, which means Maria is practically your sister-in-law. You should spend more time with her, get to know her a little better,” she chided her sister.
“You’re right,” Ani murmured in agreement, carefully unfastening the pin at her waist and slipping out of her mother’s wedding dress. “I love Remmi, and I really like Maria, but I think I shy away from her sometimes because she reminds me of all the years that I missed with Bast,” Ani confessed as she hung the dress up.
“Both of you need to forget about the years that you missed and focus on the future that you have together,” Sawyer replied softly.
“It kills him that I was with Jordan all those years,” Ani whispered, staring down at the engagement ring on her finger. “It kills him and there’s nothing that I can do about it. There’s no way that I can take those years back and I never would. I have Raffi because of them.”
“Maybe you should talk about the years that you were apart, share your stories and close that distance between you,” Sawyer suggested softly, slipping her arm around her sister’s shoulders.
“He won’t,” Ani replied, staring off into space sadly. “He’ll ask me questions about my life, but he won’t really tell me anything about his time inside. I learn more from Remmi’s stories than Bast’s ever told me.”
“What do you want to know?” Sawyer asked her sister curiously.
“I want to know why he has a scar behind his left ear,” Ani replied quietly. “I want to know why he has to sleep with the window open even when it’s freezing outside. I want to know what he’s thinking about, what he’s remembering when he wakes up with a start and his hands are clenched in preparation for a fight. I want him to trust me enough to share his secrets.”
“I think he trusts you more than he’ll ever trust another soul A,” Sawyer murmured to her sister. “But not all memories are meant to be shared, sometimes our secrets are meant to be kept.”
“I just don’t want him to keep his secrets from me because he’s trying to protect me,” Ani replied softly.
“Protecting you is what he loves more than anything,” Sawyer replied with a gentle smile.
“This from you, who freaks out if anyone does anything for her,” Ani teased her sister.
“I didn’t say I wanted anyone to protect me,” Sawyer retorted. “I’m just saying it’s obvious that Bast is a total caveman when it comes to you.”
“He is,” Ani agreed with a grin, heading for the door to her bedroom. “Let’s go call Maria and see if she’ll make me wedding slippers.”
When Ani called Maria, she was thrilled to help. She said that Bast and Remmi were off celebrating the engagement at Big Hector’s garage, and she invited to sisters to come by that night for dinner to brainstorm.
“You are seriously the best cook in the world,” Sawyer declared to Maria over a mouthful of rice and beans. Maria laughed and waved the compliment away as she pulled up samples of Irish lace on her iPad.
“I can get any of these pieces of lace and sew it over a pair of dark blue velvet slippers,” she suggested shyly.
“Whatever you think, I trust your work completely,” Ani replied. “Just tell me what to buy and I’ll get the stuff and give it to you to make them.”
“No, I’ll get what I need,” Maria replied, waving her hands at Ani. “It will be my wedding gift to you.”
“Oh Maria, you don’t have to do that,” Ani protested as Sawyer kicked her under the table.
“I would be honored to make your wedding shoes as a gift,” Maria replied softly.
“Thank you, that is so sweet of you,” Ani replied graciously when Sawyer kicked her a second time.
“It’s hard for you to be around us because we remind you of the years you missed with Sebastian don’t we?” Maria asked Ani gently, gazing at her with understanding eyes. “He doesn’t talk to you about his years inside because he’s filled with guilt for keeping you away and for turning his parole down.”
“Did he tell you that?” Ani gasped.
“He was Remmi’s cellmate for ten years, they talked about you all the time mija,” Maria said gently.
“Really?” Ani whispered, her eyes filling with tears.
“Oh A, you’re the only one who is blind to how much Sebastian worships you,” Sawyer sighed, slipping an arm around her weeping sister.
“He was young and scared and all alone for so long mija,” Maria murmured, reaching out and taking Ani’s hand. “He made mistakes, but he’s here now and he wants to make it up to you.”
“I’m not mad at him, but I can’t erase the years that I spent with Jordan. I can’t pretend that they were bad. I have an amazing daughter because of Jordan, and I want Bast to love her like I do even though she came from Jordan and me,” Ani confessed, swiping at her tears.
“How could he not love Raffi mija? She’s a part of you,” Maria assured Ani softly.
“But she looks so much like Jordan, sometimes I wonder if she’s a constant reminder to Bast,” Ani admitted.
“I think she looks exactly like you,” Sawyer murmured, squeezing her sister’s shoulder. “I think when Bast looks at Raffi, he sees you at nine years old with skinny colt legs and wide blue eyes. He loves her A. He loves her because she’s a piece of you.”
“In time Bast will tell you more about his years away from you mija,” Maria said softly. “But there will always be things that he will never share with you and you have to understand that too. There are many things that happened during Remmi’s years inside that he will never talk to me about.”
“I thought he told you everything,” Ani sniffled. “You seem
so close, I’ve been a little jealous,” she confessed softly.
“Jealous of us?” Maria shook her head at Ani in amazement. “I’ve been jealous of you for years from the stories that Remmi told me about Cookie’s love for you. It was like something out of a storybook, and then I finally met you and you even look like a princess with your long blond hair!” She laughed.
“You two and your dramatic love lives,” Sawyer sighed, rising up and carrying her plate over to the sink. “This is why I always keep it light. Never stay with the same girl for too long.”
“It feels like you’ve been with your little Dublin guttersnipe forever,” Ani complained, sticking her tongue out at her sister as she rose up to join her at the sink. “Isn’t it time for you to move on from her?”
“You wish,” Sawyer retorted, hugging Maria good-bye.
“We have to go pick Raffi up from her friend’s house, but thank you so much for everything,” Ani murmured into Maria’s hair, hugging her tightly.
“You think too much,” Maria whispered back to Ani, hugging her back. “You’re marrying your man, don’t worry about everything else mija.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Did you lock the church door?” Sawyer murmured to Bast’s cousin Sean who was standing by the church door handing out the programs.
“It’s locked tight; he’s not getting out,” Sean called back to Sawyer with a laugh.
“You know it’s not funny to imply that you have to lock the groom in the church to keep him there right?” Ani protested, rolling her eyes at her sister.
“It’s an Irish tradition,” Sawyer replied, turning around and sticking her tongue out at her sister.
“Just go start my procession,” Ani laughed, giving her sister a gentle push as Raffi and her best friend Erin began to play “Be Thou My Vision” on their violins. It was Raffi’s wedding present to her mother, and Ani broke down and cried when Raffi told her that she and Erin had been learning Irish music to play for the wedding.
“Are you nervous a stór?” Sebastian’s father whispered to Ani as he walked her down the church aisle to Sebastian.