Something rammed into my back, and I stepped forward to keep myself from falling over.
“I’m so sorry,” came a male voice, the laughter in his tone unmistakable. He wasn’t being a jerk, he was embarrassed, but there was residual cheer in his voice from having a good time.
I almost looked over at him out of habit, wanting to make sure he understood I knew he didn’t mean it. Instead I kept my eyes on the table in front of me. “It’s fine,” I answered quickly.
The guy stepped into my field of vision then, his eyes apologetic around the laughter that still danced in them. To my horror, I realized he was young, probably still a teenager. I hadn’t been able to tell because I’d been so focused on trying not to look at him. Fear gripped my chest as I saw Roy’s eyes widen behind the guy’s head.
“Really, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there,” he said to me. The guy’s eyes took in the rest of me as his smile grew. Roy didn’t see it, but I was sure he felt it.
I went into full panic mode, wanting to run for the exit. If I left, they’d be toast. If I stayed, maybe I could talk Roy down. I leaned like I was going to step away. “No worries.” Sweat pricked at my brow.
“C’mon, man, take a break,” one of his friends said to him with a big grin on his face.
“You’ll go blind,” another joked.
The guy grinned as he looked back to his friends. “Cock blocks.”
They laughed at him. But all I could see was Roy. I watched in horror as he slowly set down his cue stick. I let mine fall to the ground as I pushed the guy away from me.
“What the hell?” he said as he stuck out his hands to catch himself on the table.
I positioned myself between Roy and the boys. I stood right in Roy’s way, staring at him. “Roy.”
His eyes were dead, and he shifted his weight to go around me.
I sidestepped in front of him, aware that the table behind me had gone quiet. “Roy, stop.” I could hear the pleading in my voice.
“Move.” His voice was like ice. Rather than calming me down that he was addressing me, it made everything in my head speed up so fast that I could barely hold onto a thought.
The whole pool hall seemed to go silent, as if everyone had heard his voice and realized what was happening.
I grabbed hold of his face and made him look at me. “They’re just kids, Roy. Please.”
He shoved me so hard I fell backward. I collided with the floor, but looked up as quickly as I could, my only thought the picture of that kid’s face. Roy was rushing past me and in an instant, I saw my chance. I stuck out my leg and his foot caught as he tripped. I jumped up and launched myself at Roy. He was in full fight mode, trying to get up as I tackled him. Roy turned so violently, I flew to the side. I expected to hit the pool table, but someone grabbed me from behind and pulled me up. I found myself flying backward, my vision obscured with a sheet of black curls. There was a lot of yelling, and I was getting jerked around so much it was hard for me to tell what was going on. When I finally found my feet, someone was still holding onto me, holding me back. I pulled my arms free of the hands that held me and tried to get my hair out of my face.
That’s when I heard the sickening thud of fist to flesh. Roy was standing over one of the boys. The one who’d accidentally bumped into me.
“Roy!” I screamed. Hands tried to grab hold of me again, but I gave them the slip as I jumped forward.
Two of the kids’ friends went after Roy then. I leapt right between them, holding my hands out. The kids stopped out of surprise and not wanting to run me over, but Roy tried to get around me. I grabbed his shirt and jerked him to me as hard as I could.
To my surprise, his eyes snapped to mine. For a split second, we just stared at each other, breathing hard.
“You fucking stop it, Roy Harper. Fucking stop, right now.” I didn’t even recognize my voice. It dripped with venom.
The kids repositioned behind me, like they were thinking of making a go at it. Roy’s eyes went back to them.
“Stop it!” I shut my eyes and screamed as hard as I could.
The entire pool hall was dead silent.
I opened my eyes and looked at Roy. He was still looking at the kids, but I could feel the tightness in his chest give.
“Get the fuck out of here,” I said to the boys behind me as I kept my eyes on Roy.
No one moved.
I turned around. Hatred burned in their young faces. The one kid was holding his hand to his nose, blood running down to his chin. It made my knees go weak, and I had to look down. I clung tighter to Roy. “I said, go!”
As they started backing away, I turned back to Roy, still unable to look up. I was fighting that woozy feeling, like I was going to pass out. I took deep breaths, wishing I wasn’t so worthless around blood. When I heard the door open and shut, I let go of Roy and shoved him away from me. I swallowed and looked up at him, seeing the anger in his eyes, the leftover heat that he didn’t get to spend pounding into some innocent kid.
“I’m done with you, Roy.”
Tony, worthless as ever, jogged up behind me.
Roy’s eyebrows rose and though his eyes were still mad, I could tell now that it was slipping. “He was—”
I slapped him right across the face. It made that tight “smack” noise that practically echoed, even though that would’ve been impossible in such a small, crowded space.
Roy’s head snapped back and his eyes found mine, wide with surprise and hurt.
“Now, Rachel…” Tony said weakly.
I spun on Tony and stared at him. “You shut your goddamned mouth, Tony.”
I turned back to Roy and glared at him, shaking with anger. “We aren’t even friends anymore. Do you hear me?”
Completely shocked, Roy didn’t even move or say anything. He just stared at me with wide eyes like he didn’t even know who I was.
“We’re not friends. We’re nothing.”
Defensiveness flickered in his eyes. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
I couldn’t believe he was actually going to try to defend his behavior. I stared him down, wanting to hit him again, but I didn’t.
I kept my voice even and low even though I wanted to scream. “You’re a bad person.”
I pushed the hair back from my face and turned, starting for the door. Tony stepped forward like he was going to say something to me, but I kept my eyes lowered, ashamed of where I was and who I was with.
Chapter 11
I was tired and on edge. I’d run most of the way home last night and then had been too wound up to go to sleep right away. Every time I pictured that kid’s face, my pulse picked up. I couldn’t believe Roy had done that. He’d gone after a kid. And it was my fault. I shouldn’t have gone with him. I knew it. It didn’t matter that I’d pushed Roy harder than ever to change. He wasn’t going to. I didn’t care about preserving a relationship with him. I didn’t want him in my life. But I was anxious about the fall out that would come. It terrified me, because I knew by yanking myself out of his life, he was going to act out in a big way and someone was going to get seriously hurt. For the first time, I felt like there was no way for me to keep Roy under control. It was only a matter of time.
The thoughts in my head stood still when I looked up and saw the silhouette of those shoulders. Grant came in the diner, looking like he’d just woken up from some of the best sleep in his life. Just seeing him caused a rush of relief to go through me. But then fear enveloped me when his eyes caught sight of mine and turned warm and soft with recognition. It made me look away as quickly as I could. I focused on pouring some coffee for someone, giving them a smile I hoped wasn’t too distracted. I felt horrible for hurting him, for so blatantly having to ignore his innocent warmth in public, but I didn’t know what else to do. I was trapped.
I made my way over to Grant’s table, unable to bring myself to look at him. That’ll tip people off, too, Ana. Just act normal. I almost stopped walking. Rachel. Not Ana. Rachel. T
he name blunder made a jittery feeling rise in my chest. Keep it together. Keep it together.
I got over to Grant’s table, my heart pounding against my ribs. I busied myself pouring his coffee so I could give myself an extra second to get my voice to come out right. I had to concentrate to keep my hands from shaking. Finally, I went for it.
“Do you know what you want?” I asked, my voice soft. Too soft. I swallowed and couldn’t look at him. Another mistake.
“I’ll try a waffle,” he said, his voice courteously warm.
The ease in his voice made me look at him, and the kind gray eyes that topped off the polite smile looked to me for the appropriate amount of time before looking back to his coffee.
It was like a huge weight was lifted off my chest, allowing me to breathe. He was going to make this easy on me. He understood I needed him to and instead of fighting me on it, he just went with it. I waited a beat longer, and he felt it, looking up at me. My gaze locked on him for just a moment, a quick recognition of who he was to me and acknowledgement of what he was doing for me.
“Okay,” I told him, before heading to the back. The subtle smile he gave me back burned in my mind. In that one moment, I’d connected with him more than I had connected with another human being in the entire five years I’d been in Rayburne.
* * * *
I was rinsing off the dishes and stacking them when the phone rang, making me jump. I paused as I heard it ring again, wondering what I should do. I rubbed my thumb over my fingers, imagining Tony’s voice on the line. Or Katie’s. Or Roy’s. It was unlikely to be Katie because I’d heard that she just got out today, but Roy and I still hadn’t spoken since last night. He’d stayed away all day and I was getting jumpy. On the fourth ring, I decided to answer it.
I put down the plate and shook some of the water from my hands, then crossed the doorway into the front and picked up the phone.
I swallowed, still afraid of who might be calling. “This is Rachel.” I’d long abandoned using the diner’s name. Everyone knew I worked there and if they were calling this late, they were looking for me anyway.
“Hey.”
Every muscle in me relaxed as a smile eased over my face. “Hey, Grant.”
“I know I’m supposed to see you Sunday, but I was wondering if… you’d let me give you a ride home.”
My eyes flitted to the empty parking lot. What if someone drove by while I was getting into Grant’s truck?
“And maybe,” he continued, “grab a bite to eat?”
A pulse of excitement went through me, enough that I knew I’d risk the few seconds it’d take to jump in his truck. We’d have to go out of town again for anything to be open. “Um sure. Let me just finish up, okay?” I didn’t want to leave things half done like I had the first time we’d done this. I didn’t want to come back to the diner once I was out. That’d be one more time that someone could catch me with Grant. I wanted to run back to my apartment and get a shower and change, but I wasn’t about to risk getting caught there either.
“Okay.”
I appraised what needed to be done. “Give me fifteen minutes.” Like anyone would notice if I skipped wiping down the last few chairs. “Ten. Give me ten minutes.”
His voice came back, warmer than ever. “All right. I’ll be over in ten.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Okay.”
Chapter 12
Grant was there to pick me up right on time. I was ready for him, waiting by the front with the lights off and the key in the door to be locked. He drove past me to the side of the building, confusing me at first. Then I saw him hop out where I kept my bike. He remembered everything.
I turned the key to lock the door. My heart picked up when I heard a car drive by. I craned my head to see who it was, watching as the taillights bobbed over the road. I didn’t recognize the car.
“Everything okay?”
I jumped at Grant’s voice, then felt foolish. “Yeah. Let’s go.” I had to keep myself from jogging over to his truck, mindful of the way he watched me for just a beat longer than he needed to.
I climbed into the cab and buckled up, wasting no time. Grant slid in next to me and as he backed up the truck, I realized that was the first time he hadn’t gotten the door for me. I watched him, and noticed at first glance he appeared at ease, but the tightened look in his eyes, and the way his movements wasted no time or energy, told me he’d picked up on my mood. Again, he didn’t question me, didn’t fight what I was doing, he went with me. While it made me warm to him all over again, this time it also caused a string of tension to pull tight in my back. We were alone, and I figured he was bound to ask what was going on. He obviously knew something was up, and I was sure his first guess would be that it had to do with Roy. What would I tell him?
I thought back to when we were eating lunch. “Someone like that isn’t worth a second of your time,” he’d said, like Roy was nothing. I was guessing if I told him the truth about him, Grant wouldn’t take me seriously. He’d underestimate Roy, blow it off. Or maybe he’d confront him, thinking he was going to fix things. I wasn’t sure what he’d do, but I knew whatever it was, he wouldn’t come out of it unscathed.
And it’d be my fault.
The thought of harm coming to him made a throb of pain go through my chest. But there was another option. Maybe I was over analyzing things. Maybe if I told him, he’d just disappear like he had earlier in the week, only this time I’d never hear from him again.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” His low voice broke the silence.
“Sorry,” I said quickly, not sure why I was apologizing. “Yeah, I’m okay.” I flashed him a quick smile, then smoothed out the skirt of my dress to give my hands something to do. I watched as the lights along the street flew by. He was going to ask soon; I could feel it. What would he say if I suggested that we grab my stuff and just go? I used to think nothing of asking someone if I could crash on their couch in New York for a spell. Although Grant’s couch was several states away and a few days ago he’d been a complete stranger. Even now it felt like we knew each other, but, we really didn’t. He didn’t know my real name or who I really was. What would he think about me if he knew I couldn’t read? What would he think if he knew that I’d barely been to school? He probably assumed I’d at least graduated high school.
“Rachel.”
Hearing him say that name, the affection and concern plain in his voice, made me feel guilty for so many reasons.
“What?” I looked at my hands.
“I know something’s wrong. Please tell me.”
His warm voice had me reeling.
“I um…” I tried to figure out what to say. I could feel the tension in Grant building and it made me look at him.
His hands were gripping the steering wheel, reminding me of the day we went trail riding and I’d first saw him nervous. I still found it amusing, seeing a man like him nervous because of me, and it actually made me smile. He caught my expression and relaxed some, then got a pained look in his eye.
“Would you just tell me?”
I had to hold back the giggles, seeing that look in his eyes. “It’s just been a rough week is all.” There was no way I was going to tell him. I rubbed my thumb against the smooth leather of the seat. “Except for the parts with you, of course.”
He looked back to the road as he turned the blinker on, exiting the highway. He wasn’t going to let it go. And sure enough, his next question came up.
“What’s been rough about it?”
Expecting that question, I went back to looking out the window, trying to think of the vaguest terms possible. I could tell he knew I was trying to blow him off and it made me feel bad. “Just small town drama. I try to stay out of it, but…” I let my voice trail off.
“Am I making things worse?” he asked gently.
The directness of his question made me pause. He wasn’t making any of it worse. Because no one knew about him. Not yet. I had to let that thought go by.
/> I felt so guilty that he’d even have to ask that. Did he think I was playing him? I felt awful, didn’t let it show on my face. “No.” I hoped that would be enough to make him drop it.
He wasn’t convinced. Even though he kept his eyes on the road, I could feel the thoughts turning over in his mind.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he finally asked.
His question surprised me. He was curious, but he wasn’t pushing. It kept me from getting anxious, allowing me to think. I realized then that even if there wasn’t the whole aspect of Roy going after Grant, I still wouldn’t want to talk about it. That was the difference between me and a lot of people. I don’t like drama. It doesn’t excite me. It exhausts me. And if I have a problem with someone, I want to fix it or walk away from it. I don’t want to just sit in it, trapped.
I looked back at Grant, dropping my guard as I leaned back against the seat. “To tell you the truth, I just want it to go away. I’m not a fan of drama.”
A twinkle lit in Grant’s eyes at those words and the corner of his mouth turned up.
It eased me even more, seeing him like that, and I wondered what he was thinking.
He pulled the truck into the parking lot of the pancake place we’d eaten at earlier in the week, stopped the truck and then turned to face me. His eyes were soft and kind, looking over my face, making that fluttering feeling go off in my chest.
“I take it talking wouldn’t even help anyway?”
A welcome breath of relief breathed through me. He was letting things go, and I could let myself go then, too. I could escape Rayburne in his presence. Feeling how close he was to me made my heart start to thud heavier against my chest.
“No.” My mind started drifting to other things we could be doing. “I don’t think talking would help.”
I caught the slow smile that spread across his face as his eyes dropped to my mouth. But he didn’t move any closer.
“What would then?”
I looked over his face, wanting to memorize every inch of it in the dim glow of his truck’s dash. He got that look, like he knew what was coming as he watched me. It made me go shy, but I closed the distance between us and hesitated for just a second before I worked up the courage to run my fingers over the stubble on his cheek. He stayed still the whole time, his smile growing by a dimple when my fingers found his skin.
Call Me Ana: A Novel Page 14