I gently pulled his face to mine. I almost felt dizzy from the way my heart was beating out of control, but I tried to play it off. “Sorry I smell like food,” I whispered.
His dimple deepened and his lips grazed mine, making a sharp sting of excitement zip through me.
“It’s okay,” he whispered back. “I like food.”
I was so worked up, there was no suppressing the giggle that came out of me. “I like food, too.”
My response made Grant’s face lighten with happiness and he rested his forehead on mine. “You’re perfect.”
I think he’d meant them to be light, but the way he said those words made something squeeze so tight in my chest that I was speechless. It didn’t matter anyway, because then he kissed me. That feeling of everything drowning out to him happened again. All I was aware of was his mouth, his lips, my heart thudding away, and the growing need to breathe faster. He pulled away before I was ready to, but I forced myself to ease back when he did. I kept my eyes shut, not wanting to let the world back in, mentally trying to keep the sensations of him on my skin. I felt his hand tuck under my ear, his fingers going up under my hair along my scalp, sending shivers down my neck. He rested his forehead on mine.
We stayed like that for a little while before he broke the silence. “What do you think about… a picnic?”
I pulled away so I could look at him. “Now?”
His eyes were glowing. “Yeah. If we can find a grocery store open.”
“There’s one somewhere over here that’s open all night.”
“That’ll work.”
Our eyes met, holding each other’s gaze before he leaned in for another kiss. This time, I got a little greedy and I held his face to mine with both hands. By the time he finally intervened, we were both breathless.
We sat there for a second, my hands on his face, his on mine, waiting for our bodies to cool down.
“We could just stay here,” I suggested.
He gave a slight nod in the direction of the pancake place. “I think they might call the cops.”
I laughed at that one.
It was the middle of the night. The sky was clear and the stars were out, twinkling like bright jewels through the nothing that bound them. We were sitting in the bed of the truck, leaned up against the cab, the remnants of our picnic strewn about us. Grant had left the truck on so we had the cab light to see by. I started picking things up, consolidating containers. Grant did the same. Pretty soon, we had the place cleared.
I looked up, taking in how many stars dotted the enormous sky. I could feel Grant’s eyes on me, and it made me go shy. I wasn’t used to the feeling, and I wished it would stop. “We should do some proper stargazing,” I said.
“Proper stargazing?”
I scooched forward, then secured my skirt before I lay back against the metal. I patted the space next to me before folding my arms under my head.
Grant leaned down and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. “Hang on a second.” He stood up and hopped down from the bed of the truck before smoothly opening the passenger door. He disappeared from view and then the gentle rumblings of the engine cut off.
When he shut the door, the cab light went off and I was enveloped in blackness.
“Is this too dark?”
The bed of the truck was cool underneath me. “No. Unless you can’t find your way back.”
“Marco.”
I laughed out a ‘Polo.’ The tailgate creaked down and then Grant eased into the space next to me, giving me room, but getting close enough to rest his arm against mine. It would have gotten a rise out of me anyway, but with the dark, it made my heart pick up and my whole face flush. Thankfully, Grant couldn’t see me.
The engine ticked beneath the hood of the truck as I looked back up into the sky, marveling at how bright the stars were. You could see so many of them. It was different from New York, where the lights of the city drowned out most of the stars. We could have been anywhere in that moment, anywhere in the world that was wrapped up in a big, vast blanket of glittering lights. Rayburne and all of its problems were gone.
“That is one thing I like about being out here,” I said into the night air that felt infinite. It felt like time was stopped just for us. “The stars being so bright.”
Grant shifted slightly. “You probably didn’t get this in the city.”
For an instant, I could almost hear the busy streets. “Nope.” I reminded myself that we were thinking of two different cities. The way we were right then, sitting so close with nothing between us made me want to tell him. I’m from New York. Those three words. That’s all I had to say and the rest would follow.
I chickened out. “You probably have the chance to do this at your dad’s.”
“Yeah,” he said, his tone light to imply that it wasn’t to this caliber. “My dad lives pretty close to the highway, so we still get a decent amount of light. But I did spend more than enough nights hanging out on top of the hay in the barn.”
That brought a delighted smile to my face. “On top of the hay?”
He heard my enthusiasm. His voice was softer, more intimate, when he continued, “Yeah. It can get stacked up pretty high, and it’s fun to climb up it.”
“Do you still do it?”
Though I couldn’t be sure, I felt him looking at me. “Sometimes.”
That answer suited me and I looked back up at the stars. “Is it your thinking place?”
His voice was warm. “I guess you could call it that.” He waited a beat. “Do you have a thinking place?”
I eased in a little closer to him. “I go for walks sometimes.” I rubbed at my eyes and yawned, feeling contentedly tired. “I go to escape at the library, so maybe that counts too.” I was close enough that I could easily throw my arm over him and cuddle right against him, like I had with Sam every night. Except doing that to Grant would be entirely different. Before I could get myself all nervous and shy, I snuggled up to him, resting my cheek against his side.
His arm came down, making my heart thud. In one fluid movement, he cradled my elbow in his hand and tugged me up so that my head was resting in the dip of his shoulder. He left his arm around me and I slid mine over the top of his chest, feeling shy and excited all at the same time. For a moment, we just lay there as we settled into each other. I was so much more aware of the sensation of him against me in the dark.
“What do you think about when you escape?” His voice was low.
“Lately?” I felt my cheeks flush. “You.” I wondered if I’d been too forward.
“Yeah?” The tone of richness told me he was smiling.
“Yeah,” I whispered. I looked over his chest, barely making out the outline of my hand against his shirt.
“I think about you, too.”
That made my cheeks burn even more. Unable to control myself, I asked, “When?”
He let a breath escape from his nose, then he ran a finger down my arm. It gave me goose bumps and made a ticklish feeling ignite in my belly.
“All the time.” His hand found my hair then and he rubbed slow circles into my scalp.
My eyes closed instantly as my muscles relaxed. Until meeting Grant, I didn’t know that it could feel so good to have your head rubbed. I sighed, all of my nerves melted and gone. “That feels amazing,” I murmured against him.
“No one’s ever rubbed your head?”
“No.” Fighting through the dampening fog of calm, I tried to make it sound better. “I mean… my best friend…” I swallowed. “He used to play with my hair when we were kids. But…” I could have easily nodded off. “That was nothing compared to this.”
“Does he live here?” His tone had taken a turn for conversational.
“No. He lives…” I had to stop myself from saying in Brooklyn. It was another close call. “Back home.” I think.
Feeling Grant’s body up against mine, his fingers in my hair, I felt totally safe, like nothing bad could touch me. I hadn’t been this comfortable
snuggling up to a person since I left Sam. With a shock, I realized I hadn’t even worried about the bad feeling. It hadn’t even entered my mind. I should just tell him. Say, ‘My name isn’t Rachel. My name is Ana Marie and I’m from New York.’ Just say it.
“What’s his name?”
The moment slipped from me. “Sam.” Saying Sam’s name out loud did all kinds of things to me. Mostly, it made me miss him with excruciating clarity.
“What’s he like?”
“Well…” My voice was coming out fuzzy, like I could fall asleep at any second. “I haven’t seen him… in years. But…” I yawned and squeezed myself even tighter to Grant. I was so comfortable. I didn’t know how that was possible in the hard, metal bed of a truck, but it was. “He was kind of a jerk, most times.”
Grant gave a surprised chuckle.
I traced a circle with my finger on Grant’s chest. “Not to me though.”
“How was he a jerk?” He sounded amused.
The fabric of Grant’s shirt was soft and warm under my fingertips. “He was real abrupt. Honest. He didn’t really like people in general. He’s the kind of person who has his favorites, you know?”
“Yeah.”
I thought of Sam watching people talk at a party, throwing in his judgment where he saw fit. “He was popular though. People needed him.”
“Was he like… mafia or something?”
I laughed, the question hitting me right, especially coming from Grant. “He was, is, a talented musician. He put things and people together. It came naturally to him, knowing who fit where.” I rested my hand on Grant’s arm, wanting to feel his skin under mine. “He was good at everything, really. Drama, dance. All that. But music was his thing. He could play anything. Guitar, piano, French horn, bass. He’d just…” I took in a deep breath and let it out, remembering how he’d fiddle with new instruments for a while until he was satisfied. “Pick something up and play it.”
“So I take it y’all played together.”
It made me pause. I’d been trying to avoid the subject of me and music, and here I was leading us right to it. But I was all relaxed and very much enjoying hearing y’all come rolling off Grant’s tongue. “We did.” I let my finger trail down Grant’s arm. “What’s your best friend like?”
Grant paused and then went back to rubbing. “He’s… funny.”
“Like weird? Or funny?”
Grant chuckled. “Funny. He jokes around a lot, likes practical jokes.”
I had a feeling I would like him. We had something in common anyway. “What’s his name?”
“Chris.”
“Did you guys grow up together?” Grant’s heart beat against his chest. I could feel it, a strong thudding that made me feel safe.
“Yeah, we knew each other when we were young, but when we started playing football together, that’s when we started hanging out a lot.”
“You played football?” I kept my tone light, but it was something that reminded me of Chad. I hated it, but it did.
Grant brushed some of the hair back away from my face. “Yeah. All through middle school and high school. I got a scholarship to play at a smaller school, but I wanted to go to UT, so, that didn’t happen.”
“Why couldn’t you… play for UT?”
I heard the smile in his voice. “You don’t follow college football, do you?”
Feeling myself go a bit shy, I answered, “Can’t say that I do.”
“UT’s a really big school. We’ve got one of the best football teams in the country.”
“So… why did you want to go to UT?”
He ran his fingers through my hair, tucking some strands behind my ear, then ran his thumb down my jaw, making my insides go warm. “If you’re from Texas…” His cheek found the top of my head as he continued running his thumb across my cheek.
I was having a hard time focusing on what he was saying.
“… chances are you either want to go to A&M or UT. I was on the UT side of things. They have a good engineering program. And if you graduate from high school in the top ten percent of your class, UT will automatically accept you. That’s what I did.”
A flare of insecurity ran through me. I pushed all thoughts about me aside, concentrating on him. “That’s good… that you got what you wanted. Made it happen.”
“Yeah.” He started rubbing my head again. “Everything worked out anyway.”
I wondered what he meant by that, but that drowsy feeling washed over me stronger than before. “I’ll say,” I agreed, my words running into each other. Grant’s arms wrapped around me, holding me tighter to him. It made me all warm, but then he paused too long and I realized he was thinking about leaving. I was probably acting too tired.
“So…” I said, trying to stall. Grant’s arms relaxed around me as he let out a breath. “Did Chris go to UT too?”
“No. He worked for a while out of high school and then joined the military after his dad died.”
I felt bad for him, remembering my own pain when Grandma Ro passed away. “That’s sad.”
“Yeah. They were close.”
I wondered what Chris looked like. “Is he close with his mom?”
“No.”
I recognized the directness of his answer that meant he wouldn’t be elaborating. “That sucks.”
“Yeah, he had my dad and me though. He was always over at our house.”
That made me smile. “Sometimes you end up finding family instead of being born into one.”
His hand moved from my shoulder to my neck, the sensation of his fingers sliding along my skin sending shivers down me. “Did you… do that?”
He sounded a little unsure, like he didn’t know if he should be asking.
I hesitated for a moment, Roy intruding my thoughts. I pushed him out and thought back to New York. “Yeah. Sam was my family.”
I felt the depth of the tear in my heart from losing Sam. Would I ever see him again? Sometimes it didn’t feel like it. Sometimes it felt like I was going to die one sarcastic remark after another here in Rayburne.
“Why don’t you go back?”
The stars twinkled at me, holding steady like they were waiting for my answer. “I will someday,” I said finally. But when?
Chapter 13
Gravel crunched under the tires as we pulled into the driveway. I lifted my head that was heavy with sleepiness from Grant’s shoulder. I looked up at him, just in time to see him heading my way for a kiss. My hand found his cheek, and I rubbed my thumb along his jaw. I didn’t want him to leave. Not to go back to his hotel room, not to go back home to Texas.
I pulled away to tell him, but then my mind caught up with my body. He had to go. What if Roy came by? I still hadn’t seen him since the night before and I knew there was a good chance he’d come looking for me eventually. The thought sent a ripple of fear down me as I imagined Roy’s car coming down my street.
It dawned on me then. I was being selfish and reckless. Why hadn’t I realized that until now? I mean… really realized it? Because it isn’t convenient. I want to be with Grant. It was either play the odds or not see him, since telling him was out of the question.
Grant watched me, his eyes going from glowing to clouded with concern.
I tried to lighten the mood with practicality. “I should get going.”
Before I could slide away, he reached out and ran a finger down my cheek. “I wish you’d tell me what’s wrong.”
I leaned in and gave him a careful kiss. “I’m just sleepy,” I whispered against his lips. I kissed him a couple more times, hoping he’d buy it, feeling anxious that he was still in my driveway, and wishing I could ask him to come inside with me.
Grant pulled away and looked into my eyes again. A wash of unease went through me at his determined expression. His fingers found my hair and he looked away, watching his own hand as he smoothed the curls away from my face. He let out a breath of air through his nose. “Can I walk you to your door?”
I knew th
at’s not what he wanted to ask me. This time it wasn’t humorous. I felt bad. I pushed the feelings aside, wanting to enjoy this sliver of time I had left with him. “After you kiss me again.”
He obliged, taking his time. He kissed me slowly, like he was savoring me. Though I was still distracted with the uneasy air of the potential for a bad situation, I reveled in the feeling of him. The tension faded from my mind as we kissed. My cheeks were warm, my heart thudding along as it comfortably accepted the excitement that was beginning to feel wonderfully familiar. His fingers went up into my hair. That would have been enough to wake me all up inside, but then he gently tugged at my bottom lip with his teeth. The warmth in my cheeks burned to heat as it shot all down through me, making my breath hitch in my throat. He paused at my reaction.
I let out a shaky breath. “Come up with me,” I heard myself whisper. What the hell are you doing, Ana?
He waited for a beat. Then his lips grazed mine and his breath was warm. “Okay.”
My heart exploded, beating against my ribs. I could hear it in my ears. You shouldn’t do this. I pulled his face into mine and kissed him with all of it, my heart, the heat, the ache inside me. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.
* * * *
I fumbled with my keys, hoping Grant couldn’t tell my hands were shaking as I tried to get the key in the door. It was dark, so there was that. But he was close to me. So close I could feel him even though we weren’t touching each other. I managed to get the key in, my head so high with anxiety that I couldn’t think one coherent thought. The one drive through that momentum of craziness was getting Grant and me inside. That’s all I knew I was supposed to do.
I turned the lock and automatically threw my shoulder into the door. It budged, but didn’t open. I was about to give it another go when Grant’s arm slid around my waist from behind me. It made my knees go weak. He pulled me back against him and for a moment I couldn’t breathe. Then I felt him lean into the door and it popped open with hardly any protest.
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