The Phobia of Renegade X

by Chelsea M. Campbell

  I clutch the fear ray, holding it close. “You’re not taking anything. Just give me the antidote, and—”

  She reaches for one of her holsters and pulls out another remote, like the one she had at the nightclub. The one that she had the fear ray hooked up to.

  “Guys!” I shout. “Now!” It’s not the most subtle signal—Sarah wanted me to make the sound of an owl hooting, but we all agreed that would still be super obvious—but at least there’s no way to misinterpret it.

  I expect Sarah and Tristan to come rushing out of the bushes, as planned. But instead, nothing happens.

  “Oh, are you calling for backup to deal with me?” Frank says. “How cute. But I already took them out. Did you really think I showed up late?”

  My whole body goes tense and my blood suddenly runs cold. I glance over to the left, where Sarah and Tristan should be. Frank took them out, and whatever that means—that they’re hurt, or something much worse—it’s clear they’re not coming.

  My stomach twists. My friends got hurt again, because of me.

  But she couldn’t have gotten to Riley, because I would have seen. At least, I think I would. If he was standing where he was supposed to. If it wasn’t too dark over there, so that Frank could have done something from the shadows.

  All those thoughts race through my head as Frank holds up the remote. She pushes the button. There’s a blast of purple light. Right as someone invisible tackles her, knocking her to the ground, the remote skidding out of her hand.

  But it’s too late.

  The light flashes and the fear hits me in a heavy, dizzying wave. In an instant, the world is closing in on me, suffocating me, until I can hardly breathe. The ground feels unstable, and I’m going to fall—I know I’m going to fall. It’s that feeling of standing on the edge of a cliff with no railing, of being thrown off a building, of the ground lurching out from under me.

  I’m on my hands and knees, the fear ray pinned between me and the ground. I try to stay in one spot, so I won’t fall. And even though I can see that the ground is still there, that there’s nowhere to fall from, I can’t make myself believe it. Because seeing the truth doesn’t outweigh the feeling that something terrible is going to happen.

  It already did happen. Frank took out my friends, and I can want that to mean they’re just hurt, that they’ll be okay somehow, but I know that it must have been something worse. Something they won’t recover from.

  And Kat. How did I ever think there would be time for this? How did I think I could save her? I’m the reason she got hurt—and now it must be too late. She might be dead. Sarah and Tristan might be dead.

  All because they tried to help me.

  Riley cries out, and I look up to see him turn visible as Frank pulls him up by his injured shoulder and presses her raygun to his temple.

  He holds his head up, wincing from the pain, and I think the fear ray must not have gotten him. Maybe the light didn’t affect him while he was invisible. But it doesn’t matter, because either way he’s her hostage.

  “Perkins!” I reach a hand toward him, but other than that I don’t move. I can’t. I’m shaking all over. The ground is two seconds away from falling out from under me, and if I move, I’ll die.

  There’s still some part of me, in the back of my mind, telling me that that’s not true. That the ground is solid, that I can move. But I can’t bring myself to believe it.

  I’m going to fall. Even though I can fly, it’s not going to matter, and I’m going to fall, and it’s not going to be okay. And Kat’s not going to make it, and Frank’s already done something terrible to Sarah and Tristan, and now she has Riley, too, and I can guess how that’s going to end. Someone’s pointing a raygun at my best friend again—my best friend who already got shot once tonight—and she’s going to kill him.

  It’s like the gala all over again, except this time I’m not going to be able to save anybody.

  “Hand over the fear ray,” Frank says, her voice cocky and sure, expecting me to do what she says.

  And I’m terrified of what will happen if I don’t, but I’ve already lost everything else. The fear ray’s the only thing I have left, and despite my terror, I can’t bring myself to give it up.

  Frank scowls. “Do it or I kill him.” She jabs the raygun harder into the side of Riley’s head.

  “X, don’t give it to her!”

  “Shut up!” Frank jams her thumb into the wound on Riley’s shoulder, and he screams.

  The same way he did at the gala, when his leg was broken. It’s the same scream I haven’t been able to get out of my head the past few months. Everything that happened that night is happening again. All the things I’ve been dreading are happening again, and it’s almost like I knew they would, like this whole time I’ve just been waiting for everything to come crashing down.

  There are tears in my eyes, and my mouth waters like I’m going to throw up, but nothing happens. And everything going wrong tonight—everything I’ve been dreading blowing up all at once—is the worst thing that could have happened. But it also feels kind of freeing, not having to dread it anymore.

  “Give me the fear ray!” Frank shouts. She clenches her teeth and says, “I won’t ask again.”

  Riley winces, either because he expects her to hurt him again or because he expects her to pull the trigger, but she doesn’t.

  A new wave of terror washes over me. Riley can’t die. I can’t let him die. But I can’t give her the fear ray, either, because if I do, I’m pretty sure she’ll kill him anyway. I’m afraid I’ll lose my best friend, and that I won’t get the antidote, if there’s even still a chance of saving Kat. And those fears are worse than the other one, the one telling me to give it to her. Because as long as I have the fear ray and she doesn’t, then I still have something to leverage.

  “Let him go.” My voice shakes, even though I sound like I mean it. “And give me the antidote. You can still help me save Kat.”

  Frank scoffs.

  “And if you don’t, then you’re just as bad as that guy who kidnapped you.”

  Frank’s lip curls at that and her eyes narrow. “You have five seconds before I shoot him.”

  “X,” Riley says, his voice so quiet I’m not sure if he really says it or just mouths it. “Run.”

  But I can’t. Even if I wanted to, I can hardly move. Not that it matters, because either way, I’m not going anywhere. I ignore him, focusing on Frank. “And you have five seconds before I zap this thing.” I hold out the fear ray. I make electricity run along my free hand.

  Frank gasps. She tries to stop herself, but not before it’s too late. “You won’t,” she says. “You’re too afraid of what I’ll do, of what will happen to you and your friend.” She says it like a suggestion, like if she puts the thought in my mind, it’ll take over me.

  And she’s right, I am afraid of what she’ll do. But I’ve been afraid for so long, it hardly has any meaning anymore. And I’m so tired of it. Still, my heart races, and I feel like the world is spinning out of control. Like I’m going to fall. Like everything in my life is going to fall apart. And part of me just wants to curl up in a ball, clutching the ground for dear life, and wait for all of this to be over, no matter what the outcome. But if I do, everything really will fall apart.

  I make myself look at Frank. “You’re using fear on us the same way Bernard used it on you and your dad. And if you kill Riley, or if Kat dies because of you, then you’re the same as him!”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Frank screams. “I’m nothing like him! Nothing!”

  My free hand shakes as more electricity gathers in it, sparking and crackling. I hold it closer to the fear ray, ready to destroy it.

  Frank licks her lips. She’s not shaking, like me, but there’s still a slight tremor in her voice. “You’re not going to do that. We’ll both lose.”

  “Yeah? Try me.” My whole arm glows with electricity, and all the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. “
I’ve been so afraid of everything for months, ever since the gala! I’ve let down everybody I care about! I’ve let down the entire city. And I’ve let down myself. And I’m pretty sure you’re going to kill Riley either way. It’s probably too late for Kat. So don’t tell me what I will or won’t do, because I’ve got nothing left to lose! But you still do. So you either give me the antidote and let Riley go, or I end this now and obliterate this thing.”

  Frank sucks in a breath. “You wouldn’t,” she says, but she’s already easing her grip on Riley, pulling the raygun away from his head.

  Right then Sarah and Tristan come tearing through the bushes, shouting and rushing into the clearing. Tristan’s got flames in his hands, and Sarah’s got her raygun out. She fires it as soon as she sees Frank, hitting her hand and making her drop her weapon.

  “Get away from him!” Sarah shouts, aiming again.

  “The police are on their way!” Tristan says. He doesn’t shoot flames at her, possibly because Riley’s still too close, or possibly because there are a lot of trees and bushes around here and he might accidentally burn down the whole park, but he looks like he would if he had to.

  Frank’s outnumbered, and she’s dropped her raygun. And there are sirens in the distance. She swears under her breath, then takes one last look at me and the fear ray before taking off.

  As soon as Frank’s gone, Sarah lowers her weapon and runs over to hug Riley. “I’m sorry it took us so long—she surprised us and knocked us out before we could warn you guys.”

  “That was a crazy good shot,” Riley says, impressed. “I didn’t know you had that kind of aim.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t either. I was just trying to fire a warning shot, but I guess I got lucky.”

  “You… what? You could have killed me!”

  Sarah says something to that, but I don’t hear. I feel hollow inside, and not just because I’m still under the effects of the fear ray. “She was going to give me the antidote.”

  “It didn’t look like it,” Tristan says. “Sorry,” he adds.

  “She was going to… I got through to her, and she was going to give me the antidote.” My mind races, trying to figure out a way to make it still happen. I could make another video, set up another meeting. But there’s no time, and even if there was, I know deep down it’s over.

  I saved Riley, but I didn’t save Kat. Or maybe Sarah and Tristan saved Riley—maybe I didn’t even do that much. Maybe I was wrong about getting through to Frank, and she was just going to take the fear ray and kill us both anyway. And now the police are almost here, and I’m going to miss my chance to see Kat. If there even still is a chance. But I can’t not show up, I can’t not even try to be there.

  “I have to go.” I scramble to my feet, even though the ground still feels like it’s going to crumble beneath me, like maybe I’m already falling. I shut my eyes, steadying myself.

  “I’ll drive you,” Riley says. He doesn’t have to ask where I need to go.

  “Your shoulder’s still injured,” Sarah says. “I can—”

  Tristan cuts her off. “I’ll do it. You guys wait here for the police.”

  Riley hesitates, but only for a split second, before tossing him his keys.

  “Come on.” Tristan jerks his head toward the road, in the direction of the car.

  I’m so desperate to get out of here, and every second we’re not on our way might mean we’re too late. Or that the police will get here and not let us leave. But I have to do this first.

  I hold the fear ray in both hands and zap the hell out of it, until it’s black and charred. I toss it on the ground.

  “That was like that when we got here,” Sarah says, to no one in particular. “I don’t know what happened.”

  The sirens are getting louder.

  “Let’s go,” Tristan says.

  He takes off for the car, and I take off after him. Every footstep feels unsteady, my stomach lurching with the anticipation of falling. But I keep moving, because I have to, and because I’m too numb to care anymore.

  Kat’s not going to make it. I almost saved her, but I didn’t, and now the rest of my life will be without her.

  “It’s not your fault,” Tristan says when we get to the car. He’s fumbling with the keys, trying to find the one that unlocks the door.

  “I know.” My shoulders start to shake.

  “Hey, um, don’t… You did everything you could. You know that, right?”

  But I’m not crying—or at least I’m not only crying—I’m laughing, too. Because it’s not fair. Because I did do everything I could, and it still didn’t work out. And it really wasn’t my fault. But it wasn’t Tristan and Sarah’s fault, either, because there was no way they could have known Frank was about to cave.

  If she even was. I guess there’s no real way of knowing.

  And I know that by tomorrow, and probably every day after that, I will blame myself for this. Because it’s not as easy as knowing I did everything I could or that it wasn’t technically my fault. But right now, the whole situation seems completely ridiculous. And I wonder why I’ve felt so horrible the past few months, because it suddenly hits me that I didn’t screw up at the gala. I saved everyone that night. Riley got hurt, but me and Amelia got to him in time. And even if he’s messed up—even if we both are—it won’t be forever. Well, maybe not for him. After all this, I’m not sure what will happen to me. And maybe that night didn’t feel like a victory at the time, but it does now. All of a sudden, it does. I didn’t fail. I didn’t let anyone down. It was all just my perception—it was never what really happened.

  Maybe victory is as much of a perception as failure is. Maybe neither one of them is ever real, and it’s all just how we see them.

  And maybe someday, probably a long, long time from now, I’ll look back on tonight and see it completely differently. Maybe I’ll even be able to forgive myself.

  “Damn it,” Tristan mutters. He’s still fumbling with the keys, his nerves making his hands too unsteady. They make a jangling noise as he accidentally drops them.

  It’s then that I glance down and notice that my door is unlocked already. Riley must have forgotten to lock it when he got out earlier. Which isn’t like him, but we were all in a pretty big hurry, plus he’d been shot recently, so, like, maybe he wasn’t at his best.

  I open the car door.

  And I realize Riley didn’t forget to lock it.

  Because sitting on the seat is a tiny bottle full of green liquid.

  Chapter 45

  TRISTAN DROPS ME OFF at the entrance to the hospital, because it’s faster than parking first, and I make it all the way to the floor Kat’s on before anybody tries to stop me. Kat’s dad stands there in the hallway, his arms folded across his chest, his eyes red and tired.

  He just says one word to me. “No.”

  So I guess her mom didn’t get through to him. “I have to see her. You have to let me see her!” I have the little bottle of green liquid Frank left for me clutched in my fist, afraid to loosen my grip on it and accidentally let go. “I have the antidote!”

  “I don’t have to let you do anything! You’re the reason she’s in there, and you’re the reason we”—there’s a hitch in his voice as he chokes up—“have to watch our daughter go through that. To see her dying.”

  “You’re not listening!”

  “I don’t care what Mary told you. You’re not getting in there!”

  “But I have the antidote!” I force my fingers to uncurl around the bottle enough to show him.

  He blinks at it. There’s a flicker of hope in his eyes, but then it disappears, and he gives me an exasperated look. “All you do is cause problems for everyone around you. Why should I believe you about anything? I can’t believe I’m standing here, wasting time arguing with you, when Kat could be gone any second.”

  “I would never hurt her.” Not on purpose. “I know things went wrong, and Kat got hurt protecting me, but… but I’d be dead if she hadn’t.”


  He scowls, like that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

  “And I’d do the same for her. I’d take her place if I could, but I can’t, and she’s dying, right now, and this can fix her! And even if you don’t believe me, it’s not like it can make things any worse!”

  He hesitates, like he’s thinking it over. I see the thoughts play out on his face—the hope that I’m right and the fear that I’m wrong.

  Three hospital security guards come running toward us from the elevator. One of them tries to grab my shoulder, but I twist away from him. Electricity runs up my spine, and I have to keep myself from going all electric, so I don’t damage the bottle and lose the antidote.

  As if this decides something for him, Kat’s dad gets this disgusted look on his face and says, “Stay away from our family.” He nods at the guards. “Make sure he—”

  But he doesn’t get to finish that sentence, because I zap him—I actually zap Kat’s dad—and run past him.

  Someone screams—a nurse, or maybe the receptionist—but I don’t turn to look. The guards run after me, shouting for everyone to stay back and muttering things into their walkie-talkies as they chase me down the hall.

  I guess they don’t like that I used lightning in the hospital. Or that I used it on someone, even if I didn’t actually hurt him, and even if he kind of had it coming.

  I race around the corner, toward Kat’s room. The security guards are right behind me. Adrenaline spikes through my veins, along with a surge of electricity. The fear ray hasn’t completely worn off yet, making everything worse, and it’s all I can do to keep my lightning from running across my skin and endangering the antidote.

  Kat’s mom is on her feet, peering into the hall, probably wondering what the hell is going on. She moves out of the way when she sees me come running.

  There are two doctors in the room, looking bewildered. Kat’s lying in the bed, her eyes closed, not moving. Her skin looks wrong—waxy and almost gray.

  “Kat!”

  “She can’t hear you, honey,” her mom says. There are tears in her eyes, and she doesn’t say it’s because Kat’s asleep, but she doesn’t say it’s because it’s too late, either. But the machine hooked up to Kat says she still has a heartbeat, and I know there’s still time.