Taming the Shrew

by Cari Hislop

  All pleasant thoughts disappeared like frightened rabbits as Hervey fingered the travelling pistol in his coat pocket. He could hear three or more men on horseback surround his carriage. He always travelled with a specific purse for any inconsiderate Highwaymen, but he hadn’t calculated the debilitating terror caused by Juliana’s presence. What if he was unable to defend his beautiful wife from unscrupulous villains? She sat up still clutching his arm and looked around her in disbelief. “Where are we?”

  “Outside London, we’ve been stopped by...” A lantern appeared in the window lighting up a leering face on the other side of the glass. The woman sitting beside him paused as if uncertain and then scrambled onto his knee and wrapped her arms around his neck, nearly choking him.

  Holding her close didn’t ease the fear as the door opened and the man swinging the lantern sneered at someone on horseback, “It’s a Mr and Mrs Red.” His unseen companions all laughed in amusement. Hervey abandoned his hidden pistol to put both arms around Juliana as she lifted her head to glare at the footpad until the man pointed his large pistol in her general direction. Hervey sighed in relief when she returned her frightened tears to shoulder. The last thing he wanted was for her to be shot for upbraiding a heartless footpad. His own terror increased as the Highwayman cocked his trigger before waving his pistol in glee. “I’m going to assume you have some sort of firearm about your person, if only to protect the lovely young lady from scoundrels like me.” His companions laughed adding several rude comments that turned Hervey’s stomach as he flushed with fear. “Hand over a weapon or I’ll shoot you. Blood soaked leather is difficult to clean and this is such a comfortable looking equipage. We wouldn’t want your widow to have to buy a new carriage. I’m not waiting till sunrise; hand me a weapon or I shoot you. I don’t mind either way, but you will.” Cursing under his breath, Hervey reached into his pocket. “Don’t be stupid...you wouldn’t want me to accidentally put a bullet in the pretty lady.” Hervey handed over his travelling pistol, the emptiness of his pocket making him feel naked. The Highwayman put the small pistol in his pocket and rocked the carriage as he climbed inside and sat down with his back to the horses. “I knew the devil liked his comforts, but this is devilish luxurious.” He set the lantern beside him and closed the door and sat back. “She’s a sweet looking armful; I don’t suppose you’d care to share her charms?” The man laughed as the carriage lurched into motion causing Hervey’s heart to compress with terror. Why was the man in the carriage? Why hadn’t he asked for money? Hervey clutched his sobbing wife and tried to soothe his own fear by whispering words of comfort into her ear. Every time he glanced up he found the same leer cast in shadow; the lantern perched on one knee, the pistol resting against the other.

  “Where are you taking us?”

  “To the devil.” The man laughed as if he’d made a witty remark.

  The leer caused Hervey’s imagination to run into the darkness of human depravity. “Do anything to me, but please let my wife go home. I’ll pay you...”

  The leer stretched into a tight smile showing several black gaps. “What would the devil want with you?”

  “Hervey creature...where are they taking us?”

  “I don’t know Sweetheart.” His bit his lower lip to keep it from trembling as London landmarks told him they were heading into an old part of the city. He could hear the ruffian outriders cantering in time with the carriage. The blood gushing through his aching heart ran cold as the odd gas light revealed familiar streets. Only one devil lived down the ancient narrow back street hidden behind newer houses. The carriage lamps cut sordid shapes out of the medieval wooden house that had survived the Great Fire, as if hell’s gate could withstand any earthly fire. Hervey clutched his wife tighter as his mind filled with horror. His sweetheart was going to be ravished and it was his fault for associating with the Duke of Lyndhurst. Hervey knew the man’s reputation as a devil was well deserved, but he’d never conceived the man would sink so low.

  Juliana raised her head and looked around, “Where are we?”

  The leering man smiled again, “Hell. He’s expecting you.”

  “Who’s expecting me?”

  “The Devil...now get out.”

  “Hervey creature...where are we?”

  “The Duke of Lyndhurst’s...”

  “He lives in a hovel? I thought you said he was rich.”

  “The Devil doesn’t like waiting for his pleasures. Get out or I’ll shoot your husband.”

  “Hervey?”

  Hervey’s heart nearly burst at the fear in her voice. “Sweetheart; His Grace is a dangerous man. Don’t say anything you wouldn’t want someone to say to you. If he tries to touch you tell him I’ll kill him.”

  “Enough chin-wagging. Out!”

  “Why does he want to see me?”

  “I’m not paid to play Twenty-questions lady; I’m just delivering the goods.”

  Hervey’s arms clamped around her middle as she sat up sniffing back her tears. “You’re not going to hurt my Hervey creature are you?”

  “Maybe...maybe not.” The leer stretched once more into an ugly smile.

  “Oh Hervey creature...” Hervey’s heart ached with a strange pleasure as she burst into tears at the thought of his demise. “...I don’t want you to die; I’d have to marry one of your brothers.”

  “That would be illegal...unless you moved to France.” Hervey’s awful thoughts were dispersed as warm hungry lips silenced him with a kiss.

  “Oh Hervey creature...” He accepted another kiss as his heart threatened to burst from his chest.

  “If you’re not knocking on that door in one minute I’ll shoot him.”

  “Don’t hurt my Hervey creature.”

  Hervey was enveloped in numbness as he watched her climb out of the carriage and knock on the door. What if he didn’t have another chance? “Sweetheart!” She looked over her shoulder. “Why do you think I married you?”

  She shook her head, “I don’t know.”

  “Because I love you...”

  She looked stunned. “You love me?”

  The door was opened by a little old man, “If you’ll come this way Mrs de Vere.”

  She looked back towards the carriage. “My husband...”

  “His Grace is waiting.”

  “Curse His Grace! Oh Hervey creature...” Hervey blinked back tears of rage as the door closed with an ominous click as the man sitting opposite guffawed with amusement.

  Chapter 12

  As the door closed behind her, Juliana could only see Hervey’s heartbroken expression. “If you’ll follow me Madam...”

  “What?”

  “If you’ll follow me His Grace is waiting for you.” Juliana felt light headed and disoriented. At last the Hervey creature’s stupid questions finally made sense. He loved her. If his love didn’t mean anything to her, then the revelation would be meaningless. It was so obvious. She stopped following the old servant and took her husband’s gift out of her reticule. She grasped the ivory guards and opened the fan. Cupid, holding a gold arrow, was about to pierce the breast of a red haired Psyche. He’d given it to her after supper and asked her if she understood the meaning. She hadn’t. She’d assumed he’d tried to spell out some hidden message in the flowers in Psyche’s arms. He must think her the dimmest woman ever born. “Madam?” She carefully folded her fan into its box and shoved it into her reticule with a shaking hand as her fury grew.

  “Take me to the Devil.” She breathed in the familiar musty scent as her blood started to simmer.

  “Very good Madam...this way.” The short narrow hall led straight to the room at the back of the house. There were no curtains on the windows. The inky black panes of glass reflected a large ebony desk centrally placed over a pale blue Abusson rug crossed with blood red triangles. The face of the tall thin man sitting behind the desk was hidden by a curtain of long straight black hair that draped the paper he was signing oblivious to her arrival. “Mrs de Vere to see you my Lord.
”

  “I’m not deaf Howard.”

  “No my Lord.”

  “In five minutes pay the ruffians and leave the front door unlocked.”

  “Very good my Lord.” The old man quietly disappeared as the quill pen was thrown aside by a deathly pale hand. The black curtain of hair parted as he lifted his head making her involuntarily shudder in horror. In a gaunt face the colour of sour milk, evil pale blue eyes peered over silver spectacles that enlarged dark purple circles. Blood red lips twitched, but she couldn’t tell if he was amused or irritated by her reaction. Looking her up and down, he sat back in his chair as if he needed to be comfortable before deciding his next heinous sin. The thought of her Hervey at the mercy of the heartless pale blue eyes simmered her blood to a boil.

  “Your house stinks like your carriage.” Her tone was full of disgust.

  Anger flickered through pale blue eyes and was gone. “I heard you were a shrew. What is it the ton is calling you this week? Medusa?” His red lips twisted into an ugly leer, “Poor Hervey’s been as hard as stone for three years and in a few months he’ll feel like Prometheus. The boy’s luck has finally run out. I hope Hervey’s picked his liver; doubtless you’ll be eating it.” Julia’s eyes narrowed as she trembled in fury, but her reaction only amused the devil as his eyes travelled over her person. “I dare you to turn me to stone.” Juliana let out a piercing scream before grabbing one of the ruby glass paper weights on the man’s desk and throwing it at his head. A pleasing dull thud gave rise to profane curses as the man’s inkstand followed the same trajectory with satisfying accuracy.

  Hell-fire flashed through pale blue eyes staring through a mask of black ink as he jumped to avoid the next flying object. “You Harpy! I wasn’t going to touch you, but now...” The satanic growl should have brought to mind every evil man can inflict on woman, but Juliana had never studied the art of war. She had no mental process for gauging her opponent’s superior strengths. She knew nothing but fury at the thought of her husband and his magic kisses being murdered on the command of an ugly heartless devil. She grabbed the silver candlestick, upside down with the wick still lit, and charged around the desk like a Goddess of vengeance. She got one good blow to the body, nearly setting herself alight, before he wrenched it from her hands and threw it in the fire. His attempt to save them both from going up in flames won her an opportunity to put her sharp claws to good use as she reached for soft flesh. The man’s neck was bleeding by the time he wrestled control of both her hands.

  “If you hurt my Hervey creature I’ll tear out your black heart and eat it.” A piercing scream of death momentarily shattered the man’s nerves giving her a chance to sink her teeth into one of his arms. “You ugly stinking devil, I hate you!” His roar of pain was ill-harmonised by another ear splitting scream as she stomped on his bare feet.

  Neither heard the front door burst open or running footsteps that slid to a stop in the middle of the study as Hervey, gasping for breath through clenched teeth, slowly cocked the Highwayman’s pistol as he pointed it at the tall man’s head. “Let go of my wife or you’re a dead man.”

  Hearing Hervey’s voice, Juliana thrashed to break the ugly man’s hold and squeaked in shock as she was flung away to the floor. “Hervey creature!” She crawled to her husband’s feet and clawed her way up into his arms where she sobbed in relief that he wasn’t dead.

  The devil sighed in relief and calmly wiped his face on his pale blue dressing gown. “You’ll find the pistol unloaded; I didn’t want them to accidentally kill you.” Hervey scowled at the ancient heavy weapon and threw it aside. All three jumped in horror as a shot exploded cracking the marble fire surround.

  The devil glared at the spent pistol, “Hells teeth! I told the bastards not to use a loaded pistol...”

  Hervey clutched his wife and barked at his host, “All this to ravish my wife? I should tear off your manhood and make you eat it.”

  “Don’t be an ass Hervey; I wasn’t going to touch your hell-cat who I might add, attacked me.”

  Looking up, Juliana stared at Hervey’s face. It seemed inconceivable that anyone could care for her enough to die for her, like the man holding her. She stared at his flushed masculine cheeks, white angry lips and cinnamon-orange hair burning on the top of his head like a flame of glory. How had she ever thought him ugly? He was the most handsome man she’d ever seen and he loved her. Her heart throbbed as a strange new peaceful feeling blossomed in her chest like an exotic hothouse plant. Pressing her cheek against Hervey’s heaving chest she tightened her arms around his hips and sobbed into his shirt front feeling safe as he growled, “You nearly frightened us to death. Why the devil did you bring us here? Have you any idea the hell you’ve put us through?”

  “I wanted to meet your...” The ugly man snarled as he swallowed a long list of unpleasant words. “...wife. Remember, I asked you if I could call on her to pay my respects, but you declined the honour.”

  “Of course I declined the honour. You’d have frightened her.”

  “Frighten that virago? Don’t make me laugh. Look at me; she nearly brained me. I’m going to have a devilish bruise on my head in the morning. The woman’s dangerous as well as stupid. How could any woman think you ugly? I thought if I gave her an opportunity to see a truly ugly man she’d realise how lucky she was to have you. I sincerely regret my actions. For pity’s sake Hervey, if you haven’t bed her, get shod of her before she puts you in an early coffin.”

  Juliana gasped in horror as her chest throbbed in pain at the thought of Hervey being persuaded to annul the marriage. She looked over her shoulder at the devil with renewed desire for his blood. “The only man I’m going to kill is you if you don’t shut up, you stupid ugly devil.”

  The ugly man snarled at her, “Come near me again Shrew and I’ll take you over my knee and thrash your backside. I’ve known sluts with better manners...”

  “Touch me and I’ll leave my teeth in your leg.”

  Hervey clutched her closer as she returned her face to the safety of his shirt front. “Come near my wife again Lyndhurst and I won’t call you out, I’ll just shoot you. You may keep your future bargains.” The ugly man’s face and shoulders fell as if Hervey’s words had injured him. “Come Sweetheart, we’re leaving this hell-hole...” Juliana willingly allowed herself to be gently led out of the musty house and helped into the devil’s musty old carriage. The ruffians, having been given the rest of their money, had disappeared. Nothing existed, but the feel and smell of her husband’s arms.

  ...

  The devil wiped ink off his face and winced at his body’s symphony of pain, “Howard!”

  “You rang my Lord?”

  “That was a bloody nightmare. The next time I concoct a hair brained scheme to help a thankless sod win the heart of a shrew, I order you to slap me.”

  “As you wish my Lord, but I believe you were successful in persuading Mrs de Vere of her young husband’s merit. She left looking smitten with her hero.”

  “Hurrah for Hervey...” Pale blue eyes filled with despair. “...at least he won’t be sleeping alone tonight.”

  “Shall I procure some feminine company my Lord?”

  “Would you want to wrestle a hungry harlot covered in ink and blood? She’d probably faint in terror, besides it’ll only make me jealous knowing Hervey’s woman enjoys his arms. Blast it, I knew Hervey would be angry, but I didn’t think he’d end our business dealings. I always looked forward to seeing him. Blast him; now I won’t have anyone pleasant to talk to from one week to the next. Howard, why is it every time I try to do something good I regret it?”

  “I wouldn’t say my Lord.”

  “No I don’t suppose you would. Blast love to Kingdom come. Why do men turn into blind fools when afflicted by the sentimental disease?”

  “Perhaps you’ll find the answer when the affliction strikes Your Grace.”

  “I’ll never be that lucky. I wonder what it’s like...to be loved...” The devil stared off
into space as he remembered his one chance meeting with infinite kindness. The loss choked him with angry bile. “To Hell with love, I need a hot bath. Send the boot boy for the doctor and bring me the vinegar for my war wounds, she bit me.”

  “At once my Lord.”

  Chapter 13

  Juliana meekly allowed herself to be carried into her house, fascinated by the play of shadows cast by Hervey’s white cravat against his white shirtfront pinned closed with a single sapphire. As he stopped in the hall and ordered her bed warmed and a pot of hot chocolate, her only awareness was of the pleasant quality of his voice rising and falling. She sighed in contentment until he carried her to her chamber and set her in a chair near the fire. She scowled as he pried his waistcoat from her fingers, but her irritation melted as he took hold of her left hand and lovingly chafed it between his two larger hands. “Sweetheart...I’m worried about you; I think you may be having a turn. You haven’t heard a single word...”

  Her eyes wandering over the pleasant aspect of her husband, momentarily settled on dark brown eyes. “I’m sorry Hervey creature, did you say something?”

  “I said I’m worried; I think you may be having a turn.”

  Her eyes rolled from side to side. “Having a turn? Don’t be daft, I feel wonderful.” She smiled up at him hoping he’d lean over and kiss her.

  “You’ve just had a terrifying ordeal; I’m going to send for the doctor.”

  “I hate the doctor, he’s a stupid man.”

  “Sweetheart, you have a strange look in your eyes. I’m worried. I’ve heard of people walking away from carriage accidents and then dying from no discernable injury. I don’t want to lose you.”

  “I’m perfectly well Hervey creature. I don’t know why you’re fussing, but I like it.” She ignored the maids as they arrived with the bed warmers; the bedding turned back and the mattress methodically ironed. She impulsively reached up and removed his black hat and threw it across the room. “That’s better.” She could now appreciate the full affect of his perfect pale features topped with orange fire. He looked like he’d escaped an Irish fairy mound and was pretending to be human. “How old are you?”