Looking for Adventure

by Valentina Heart

  I might have disagreed with him, and I could have ignored him completely, but I couldn’t deny the logic of what he’d said. And I certainly couldn’t hold against him something that attracted me to him in the first place.

  “Well, it’s too late now anyway. Are we close to the house? I’m so tired, I can barely stand.” Too late I realized what I’d said, but I still hoped the alcohol would make Nino miss it.

  Almost a month had already passed, and there wasn’t much more time to go for me.

  “God, I’m tired too. I think I would have just sat beside the road somewhere and crashed if it weren’t for you, half carrying me back.” I saw his smile, and somehow that one smile made it all right again.

  “I think I’m just going to fall on my bed and not get up until the morning,” I said, just as I caught myself caressing his shoulder with the tips of my fingers.

  “Right there with you,” he mumbled. The heat emanating from his flesh enveloped my whole yearning body.

  That sentence had at least two other meanings than the one that wouldn’t stop invading my thoughts, but I couldn’t seem to grasp the other two.

  Our surroundings somehow lost their menacing aura, probably due to my alcohol-induced haze, and I wasn’t even paying attention to our direction anymore. It was only when we entered the sleeping settlement again that my good mood became drastically better. Soon we would be home.

  It took us forever to unlock the sturdy door. First I fumbled uselessly with the lock, and then Nino did when he took the keys from me. But it was me who unlocked the door on my second go. By then we were laughing like playful kids, stumbling through the hallway to our bedrooms, our hug never faltering in its strength. Instead of separating at the doors like smart people would have done and heading to our own rooms, I had some kind of drunken notion that I must help Nino get into his bed.

  It wasn’t a bad idea in theory; that is, it wouldn’t have been if I were sober, but being drunk slightly spoiled my plans. I helped him to the bed, or better yet, I stumbled with him to the bed, where I crashed right beside him, just like a practiced drunk would have done.

  I moaned at the bed’s softness and turned onto my hip, just before my eyes closed for the night.

  * * *

  Nino was gently kissing my stretched-out neck, his lips marking a trail from my chin down to my sensitive collarbone. I could smell his hair as it tickled the side of my face, as well as his skin. It carried the fragrance of the soap both of us used, but also something else, that undertone of a male scent that lately spun my head every time I caught a whiff of it.

  His strong fingers held my hip tightly, digging into my skin and holding me in place. It was an incredible feeling, his smaller frame having such control over my body. If not for my deep, desperate breathing, the size of my erection would have been enough of a testament to my arousal.

  I was aware of the fact that I was dreaming. That feeling when you are vaguely conscious of your surroundings, but still very deeply immersed in the imaginary world. The dream was too good to want to wake up, the scent so real around me that I could almost taste it on my tongue.

  The softness on my neck turned into sharp little nips, making my erection twitch happily as it patiently waited for more. I moved my hips forward, expecting the dream Nino to envelop me in his arms, but all I felt was hard flesh pushing back.

  The reality clashed with my imagination, and I reached forward, expecting to touch the empty sheets of my bed, but what I touched instead was a warm and apparently very aroused male body.

  My eyes opened in that instant of shock, and I saw an intent, familiar face staring back at me. As if burned, I took my hand off his body and jumped off the bed, immediately searching for some kind of cover and finding they were all against the farthest wall.

  “I’m s-sorry. I was dre-dreaming…” I stuttered, realizing only when the words left me how true that was and what exactly I’d been dreaming.

  “I mean…a woman, I was dreaming of a woman.” My eyes landed on the floor, both my palms firmly pressed against the wall behind me. I peeked through my lashes, curious of his reaction, but embarrassed enough not to let him see my new blush.

  Nino gave me a smile, half-wicked, half-sad as he turned over, flat on his back.

  “I wasn’t. Dreaming,” he said, still looking at me but at the same time sliding his hand lower on his body. Inch by torturous inch it traveled, until it palmed that straining erection, perfectly outlined in his white pants.

  I cocked my head, not understanding what he was saying to me, but also unable to look away from his hand.

  His deep intake of breath had my eyes snapping back to his face just before he closed his eyes.

  “I’m gay, Jonathan.” The words were soft, resigned. Like he’d fought against the whole world and just lost the battle.

  I understood them, at least my mind did, but the implication of what he’d said just didn’t reach me. Everything was so surreal that I actually shook my head, trying to wake up from my dream.

  If Nino was gay, that meant every look I’d caught and every touch I’d considered accidental were very real and very intentional. He liked me. But why didn’t he say anything? He’d had a lot of opportunities, and it wasn’t like I would have judged him. But of course, he had no way of knowing that. I was still the same stranger who had picked him up off the street and given him a job. We were friends now, but we were still missing that trust between us.

  He’d made his move. Just by saying those words, he’d showed me that I’d reached that level where secrets weren’t necessary anymore, where I could be trusted with his troubles. The only problem in the end was the fact that my secrets were left securely locked up, never to see the light of day until that last breath left me.

  Despite all the trust between us and all the drunken babbling I’d done last night, there were simply some things I knew I wouldn’t be able to tell him. Maybe he knew that, maybe he understood my moods, all those expressions that hid something as well as those that showed just how much I cared. Maybe my last secret wasn’t so important, especially if I shared the one troubling my mind since that fateful bike trip.

  One shocking thing could be masked with another; it could make all of this so much better, or it could also ruin everything that was now between us. I’d never had a good friend before.

  “Say something!” Nino’s voice startled me, forcing me to look at him again, my heart beating fast in my chest.

  But there were still no words I could say. Nothing was coming to mind. All I saw was Nino, still as gorgeous as he was last night, but now he also had that morning shine, where his hair was beautifully spread over the pillow, his body as amazing as it was last night.

  I wanted him badly but had no idea how to tell him that. How to tell a friend that you’ve fallen in love with him somewhere during your journey, that you’ve imagined him naked more times than you’ve seen him dressed? In the end, I didn’t trust myself to speak, too afraid of the words that might come out.

  “Is it that bad that you can’t even look me in the eyes anymore?” His voice sounded broken, like the walls of the world he’d created were cracking around him and there was nothing he could do about it.

  I looked at him then, really looked at his shining eyes that displayed every emotion, and that called me desperately to him without him saying anything else. I couldn’t be sure if he wanted me near him, if what I saw in his eyes was love for our friendship or love for me, but just knowing him for the short time that I had, I knew exactly what I needed to do.

  I walked slowly toward the bed, my step soundless, my overexcited heart drowning out all other noise. I knelt on the bed, then crawled the rest of the way until my body was aligned with his. I pulled him into my arms, squeezing tightly until his arms sneaked behind my back and he did the same.

  “I don’t mind you being gay,” I whispered softly next to his ear. “I mind all the now opened doors between us. They scare me half to death, and I have no idea wh
at to do.”

  He tried pushing me away, probably to look at my face and read all the things I wasn’t willing to say, but I held him as tightly as before, and soon he surrendered to my embrace.

  “What do you mean by ‘opened doors’? Please explain,” he said seriously, his heart on his sleeve, yet his voice full of caution.

  There was no way I could tell him all that I was feeling in a casual conversation; the words just wouldn’t come. And somehow, it sounded unbelievable even to me. So instead of confessing something like I would in the middle of a court proceeding, I spoke of the things that enchanted me about him in the first place.

  “Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I wonder about is how your smile will look. Will it be wide, like it sometimes is when you are having fun? Will it be casual, like the one you use in just about every situation? Will it be satisfied, like it usually is when you cook and something turns out just right. Or will it be that caring one—my absolute favorite one—the one you give me when I have a headache, and all the affection you have for me is shown in that discreet little smile.” I could sense the confusion in him, in the set of his shoulders as well as in the stiffness of his body as he clung to me, scared of falling into the abyss I’d just opened for the both of us.

  “The second thing I wonder about is what you are wearing. I wonder if I will see you all dressed up in those tight jeans and sinful shirt of yours, or if you will be wearing nothing but the apron and your shorts. Somehow in the time we’ve been together, I’ve started caring about your legs as you bend over in front of the oven and I see those muscular thighs. I’ve never wanted a man in my life. I’ve never once found a man attractive. But you shake all my foundations, from the moment I open my eyes in the morning until the moment I close them at night. I only dream about you, even in those unconscious hours.” There was no alcohol backing up my words, and it wasn’t a speech I’d previously prepared. I didn’t even need bravery to fuel me, only the emotions that had simmered in me for so long. I just told him everything that was hidden in my heart and hoped he would understand.

  Chapter Six

  I gripped his shirt with all my might, waiting for that one moment when my dream would disperse and I would wake up lonely and aching in my empty bed. I waited some more, hearing just his hesitant breathing and his ticking heart, but nothing changed in my new reality. Jonathan was still holding me tightly against his wide chest, his warmth was still surrounding me as if in comfort, and one of my wildest dreams was melding into reality.

  “Are you messing with me?” I asked him quietly, clinging to him as well as hiding my face against his shirt.

  Instead of answering, he laughed loudly, rocking my body together with his. It was enough of a sensation to make me forget I’d even asked him a question.

  “I’m not messing with you. I’m just trying to tell you something without using actual words.” He laughed again, and I could feel him shaking his head on the pillow as if he couldn’t believe it himself.

  “If your words are honest, I would say they are more than right.” My own words were barely audible against his chest, but he still managed to hear them.

  “They are honest, believe me. I have never felt like this, never wanted to feel like this. And now I’m out of my mind and loving every second of it.” I could even hear the smile in his voice, but I lacked the courage to lean back and look into his eyes. It felt like all my illusions would shatter the moment I glimpsed the truth in them, and nothing sounded better in that moment than living in my illusion. Illusions were wonderful, the best thing ever!

  But I have also never been one for beating around the bush. I took that leap and moved away from him, just far enough to see his face and to recognize my own feelings there. It was enough, even more than I needed. I moved like a cobra, not even thinking anymore, just striking forward and latching myself onto his inviting lips.

  He was surprised at first, his grip loosening around me, but then my tongue peeked from between my lips and grazed his. He let out a moan, and that grip tightened again, his mouth consuming mine. There was passion somewhere underneath it all, but what he showed me in those first few moments was pure hunger. He pushed his tongue inside me, explored my mouth in that enthusiastic rush, but also gave me a taste that I was so desperately craving.

  It was almost more than I could handle. His hands held me close enough that I could feel the long erection pressing against my thigh. The brute strength with which he took me left me breathless, and in the end, the only thing I could do was whimper.

  Somewhere in between all those sensations, I started moving, rubbing myself against his body, feeling all that flesh so eager for my own. The atmosphere was suddenly electrified; all my nerve endings stood alert. I wanted more, oh God, so much more, but no matter how fast or strong I thrust into that kiss, I couldn’t get more. I couldn’t get enough.

  It was he who broke it in the end, leaning his forehead against mine and closing his eyes. My lips still searched for him blindly, not understanding the sudden disappearance of the warmth or the delicious flavor that so overwhelmed my senses.

  “I never expected a kiss to be this good.” Jonathan spoke against my skin with a half groan.

  “Oh, I can do better; just come back down,” I murmured, desperate for another taste of his sinful lips.

  “You can, can you?” He looked at me with a smile, causing another whimper to escape me.

  I couldn’t utter another coherent word, so I nodded enthusiastically instead.

  “Not that I’m not completely addicted to your lips, now that I’ve gotten a taste, but we should take a shower. We slept in our clothes last night, and only God knows how disastrous I look. Also, I think we should talk first.” Somewhere in the back of my mind, I understood the meaning of his words, but all those thinking screws were too busy thinking about those gentle fingers that moved my hair from the side of my face.

  Only when he pulled away and stood did I unwind and follow. My whole body was stiff, a sensation that made itself known only when my feet touched the floor. My muscles were protesting because of the exertion I’d put them through yesterday, my stomach was queasy due to the booze, and my erection—well, my erection spoke for itself.

  I was halfway to the bathroom when it struck me—he couldn’t possibly mean a shower together, could he? It was an instant pause in which all my aches mysteriously disappeared, leaving only hormones in their wake.

  Suffice it to say I rushed after him, still disbelieving but more than hoping. Just thinking about the opportunity to see him naked made me dizzy from lust. For the first time, he left the bathroom door open and was just entering the shower stall when I tentatively walked in. I got a magnificent view of his ass, and I couldn’t help but groan.

  His gaze snapped in my direction as his hand pressed against the tiles and the tip of his erection pointed away from me. Shyly I willed it to turn my way, but instead Jonathan’s voice forced my gaze up.

  “I hope you don’t mind me going first. I think I need a clear head if we plan on having any kind of a conversation.” He was smiling, but his words were far from the present topic. I figured he was too good a person to comment. It turned out I was wrong.

  The words came my way as he closed the shower stall door so that I couldn’t see his face or his body anymore.

  “By the way, Nino, my ass isn’t on the menu for breakfast.” With that he turned on the shower, disenabling any further conversation.

  I knew he saw me as I ogled his sweet ass, but pointing it out so bluntly still made me blush. Getting undressed wasn’t such an obstacle, despite all my clothes being condom tight. Well, it wasn’t until the moment I went to take off my thong. I wasn’t embarrassed by my body or wearing a thong. It was the only option besides going naked whenever I wore those pants. No, the problem was the ink beneath that thong. I wasn’t ready for him to see it.

  Leaving my family was one of the hardest things I’d ever been forced to do. Despite all the differences
and all the bad blood between us, having a family meant something to every person who has ever had one but lost it. I was no different.

  I pulled the thong away and peeked down at my neatly trimmed pubes and the ink that colored my skin next to them. I still loved the way it looked, and seeing it in those ever-present, difficult moments always made me feel better. It was amazing how two artistic lady beetles could center me, but they could. The yellow halo that hung from one tiny antenna gave me strength, and the other one, the one with the red horns and a tail, always made me smile. They were simply adorable, but also so very gay.

  It wasn’t as bad as before, when Jonathan had no idea about my sexuality, but it was still a very private thing. I didn’t think I could handle him laughing about it.

  Snapping the thong back into place, I put the toilet seat down and planted my ass on it as I crossed my legs and patiently waited for the boss to finish. My head was already full of questions, not to mention insecurities, but I figured it was still too early to properly freak out. In the meantime, I could just enjoy my shower. There was plenty of time to freak out later.

  To my complete disappointment, Jonathan didn’t just walk naked out of the stall. He extended his hand from a crack he made with the shower door and took one of the towels from the towel rack. By the time he stepped out, he had it wrapped around his hips, obstructing an otherwise magnificent view.

  “The shower is all yours. I’ll go get dressed and meet you in the kitchen.” He was still smiling, but it lacked the previous intensity. Maybe he’d changed his mind, or maybe the enthusiasm had passed and there was nothing left but that horrible disinterest.

  It was too scary to even think about, so I jumped into the stall with my thong string disappearing between my cheeks. I rocked my ass as provocatively as possible. There was no reason to make it easier on him, whatever he was planning on doing.