Risking it All

by Tessa Bailey

  Her lips brushed over his, once, twice. She disentangled the hand she’d twined in his hair, letting it coast down his body and linger at his belt buckle. His body felt ready to snap with the tension, the anticipation of something he didn’t have the right to want.

  “I have to go, Sera.”

  Her breath raced past her lips. “Where are you going?”

  “You know where I’m going. Don’t make me say it.” Fuck. Her eyes were wet. It stripped him bare. The emotions he’d been holding at bay came rushing in from all sides and he fell back a step, reaching deep to find his determination and coming up empty. Frustration welled in its place, laced with the helplessness he’d felt earlier. “You have any idea what could have happened to you?” He was shouting but couldn’t find the will to care. “What if I hadn’t gotten to you in time? If I’d been one minute later, Sera. One fucking minute!”

  “I know, I—”

  “You would have been gone. I wouldn’t have known where to look. By the time I found you—” He broke off, not able to put the horrifying images into words. “Goddammit, I’m so mad at you. I’m so mad, but all I can think about is how bad I need to fuck you sideways.”

  Admitting it out loud sent blood rushing to his groin. As if he’d made taking her inevitable just by vocalizing the suppressed need. It shouldn’t happen, couldn’t happen, not when he had this much chaos knocking around inside him looking for a way out. Her glazed-over expression, the parting of those damp, pink lips, did nothing to ease the growing ache, however. Nor did it help matters when she stepped closer, sexual intention plain in her every movement.

  “The first night we met, you said you didn’t fuck around with virgins.”

  He’d never heard her curse before and that tiny corruption shouldn’t have turned him on, but it did. All the resisting he’d done since meeting her had caused a painful buildup of hot, surging desire and hearing the word “fuck” falling from her sexy mouth made him want to do just that. No, you can’t. Don’t do it. “I did say that, baby. And I meant it.”

  When she curled her fingers in the hem of her dress and drew it up over her head, revealing her sweet, supple body covered by two scraps of fabric, every ounce of self-control within him vanished. “Good, Bowen. Then let’s stop fucking around.”

  Sera felt bold.

  Bowen’s gaze raked over her, lingering at the tops of her thighs, the place where they met between her legs. His chest rose and fell with accelerated breaths, hands fisting and releasing at his sides. Color appeared in his cheekbones, making him appear feverish. She almost had him. While this might have started as a desperate attempt to keep him from leaving and doing something he would regret, saving him from himself, it had turned into intense physical need. A need to be joined with him, connected in that final way. To reach where they’d been headed since the beginning.

  Determination humming in her bloodstream, she unhooked her bra and dropped it to the floor. His mouth worked as he devoured the sight of her exposed breasts, teeth sinking into his lower lip with a raspy, masculine moan.

  “Ah, God. You hot fucking girl.” He gripped himself through his jeans. “You like seeing this? You like knowing I’m obsessed with something I can’t have?”

  She went closer, slipping her hands underneath his shirt and running her fingernails up his ridged abdomen. His muscles contracted beneath her fingers, making her feel powerful. This strikingly beautiful man miraculously couldn’t resist her. Oh, Lord, she didn’t want him to. The inevitability of what she was embarking on made every pulse point in her body hammer, concentrated mostly between her legs. “I only like knowing what I do to you because the other half isn’t true.” She lowered her hand to palm and squeeze his straining arousal through his jeans. “You can have me. Now.”

  His hand flew up to cover hers, as if he meant to remove her touch. Instead, he tightened her hold and helped her squeeze, his voice deepening on words that didn’t make sense to anyone but her. “Good, ah, that’s fucking good. Rub it up and down now. Yes. You make it like that, baby. You make it hurt so bad, don’t you? I want to shove it right into your slicked-up pussy, Sera, but I can’t. I can’t.”

  How could he still attempt to stop this when she felt so out of control? Her body trembled with the constant surges of heat stealing her sanity. To try to deny it seemed more criminal than any dark deeds in his past. To hell with the consequences of her actions. For once, she didn’t care. She just needed him. He obviously needed her, too.

  “Why can’t you?” She went up on her toes and licked into his eager mouth for a kiss, distracting him while she unfastened his belt and unzipped his jeans. “Tell me.”

  Her hand found his erection and grasped it firmly, forcing a hungry growl past his lips. Almost angrily, he clasped her face in his hands, his radiating intensity stealing her breath. “Can’t you see this is the last thing keeping me decent? I don’t have a fucking shred of honor, except for this one thing. Leaving you untouched is all I’ve got left. All I can give you.” He shook her gently. “Do better than me.”

  A sob wrenched free of her throat. Her chest verged on cracking wide open to toss out her sore heart. Part of her wished it would so she wouldn’t feel the sharp, painful damage his words caused. She wouldn’t let him go on feeling as if he were unworthy. This misconception wouldn’t stand. That familiar need to fix roared to the surface, made so much stronger by her feelings for him. Feelings that were flooding her, finding their way to every corner and putting down roots.

  She could feel his desire in her hand, hear it in every shuddering breath. It wouldn’t take much to shake his control. Her hand began stroking him as she pushed up for another searing kiss. This time, though, she didn’t end it. Her tongue wrestled with his, savoring every noise of suffering that came from him. Triumph made her lightheaded when he took charge of the kiss. One hand sank into her hair as his mouth punished hers with rough, wet kisses. He dropped his other hand to her bottom, delving inside the cotton of her underwear to cup and knead. An incessant pulse beat between her thighs, dampness spreading, heating.

  When he pulled away to draw air, she got a split-second glimpse of his frenzied expression before he dived back in, kissing her with enough force to knock her back a step. She kept the momentum going, relieved when he followed her progress toward the bed, never letting up on his assault of her mouth. Using what little functioning brainpower she had left, Sera shoved the jeans down his hips, excitement drumming through her when he stepped out of them.

  She fell back onto the bed in time to watch him strip his shirt over his head. The action left his hair standing on end, creating such a mind-numbingly sexy effect, she had to press her legs together to ease the throb. Such a hefty amount of danger radiated from him, a Hail Mary involuntarily popped into her head before she shoved the prayer aside. No room for that here. Not with this gorgeous man staring down at her as if he were deciding exactly where to start.

  She’d only just reached out for him when he fell on her with a harsh curse, wedging his hips between her thighs and finding her mouth again. “Same as last time, okay?” His Brooklyn accent had grown thicker. “I get to pretend I’m fucking your tight-as-hell pussy and you get to come inside those lily-white panties. Ready for it, baby?”

  “No.” The word burst past her lips. If he started doing this his way, she would get lost. He needed to be inside her. The way she felt about him made anything less feel like a sham. Something unworthy of them. Bowen looked down at her, sweat dotting his forehead, as if he couldn’t believe she’d put the brakes on, but when she reached down and started to peel off her panties, recognition dawned.

  “Ah, please. Come on, sweetheart, don—” A savage shout erupted from his lips when the length of his erection slipped against her naked core. He shifted his hips as if he had no choice, working himself closer. “Jesus. Jesus Christ. You get so wet. All for me. Right, Sera? Say it.”

  “All for you.” Sensing him about to give in, she found his ass with her h
ands and hauled him closer, the friction making them both cry out. “I’m all for you. Have me, Bowen.”

  His strong arms shook on either side of her, perspiration beading on his shoulders. “Please,” he growled through clenched teeth. “I can’t hold out. Need to fuck you so bad. So hard.”

  “Yes.” She wrapped her legs around his waist, using all her strength to bring him close. “I want you to.”

  He pressed their damp foreheads together, warm breath fanning her face. “The idea of hurting you makes me crazy,” he said in a harsh whisper. “I’ve got a little too much crazy in me already tonight. I don’t think I could go easy. I know I can’t.”

  “Bowen.” Her fingers threaded themselves through his hair. “You’re hurting me more by saying no.”

  The flare in his eyes told her he didn’t like hearing that. Hated it, possibly. A beat passed where she could practically see the wheels spinning in his head. Then he kissed her hard once and reversed their positions. She went from flat on her back to straddling his waist, looking down at the most breathtakingly handsome, insanely complicated man she’d ever met. His cheekbones were high with color, slate-colored eyes blazing with lust.

  “It has to be this way, Sera. Otherwise you’ll end up with your ankles behind my neck, screaming while I pound you.” His teeth sank into his bottom lip. “And that’s just how it’ll start. When I feel myself coming, I’d hold it back. I’d flip you onto your hands and knees and start all over.” He ran his hands up her rib cage to grasp her breasts. “On second thought, maybe you’d like that. Catholic girls spend a lot of time kneeling already, don’t they?”

  Oh, wow. Why wasn’t she taking offense? Why did his taunt only make her infinitely hotter? She planted both hands on his shoulders and slid up his thick erection, then worked her way back down with little writhing motions of her hips. His sharp curses and quick intakes of breath told her he liked it, so she did it again. “I think I like it this way, actually,” she gasped.

  He fisted her hair in his hands, dragged her down to his chest to ravage her mouth. “Tell me again that it hurts when I don’t fuck you. Make it okay for me, Sera.”

  “It hurts.” She rubbed her breasts against his muscular upper body. “It hurts.”

  Bowen inched them up the bed and grabbed hold of the wrought iron headboard with both hands. “I’m going to stay still as long as I can to let you get used to me. But…ah, baby, I’ll be going crazy for you to ride it hard. Try to move as much as you can, okay?” His hands flexed and tightened in a white-knuckle hold. “There’s no going back after this. Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I want this, Bowen. You.”

  His eyes burned. “I can’t go back, either, Sera. Not once I have you.”

  She dragged her fingertips down his naked body. Watching for his reaction, she took his hardness in her hands and guided him between her legs, moaning at the slippery contact.

  “Wait.” Looking as though he were in severe pain, he jerked his chin toward the bedside table. “Condom. In the drawer. God, please hurry.”

  Silently berating herself for not even sparing a thought for protection, she leaned over Bowen and opened the drawer, impatient to get back to touching him. As she drew out a foil packet, his tongue swirled enticingly over her nipple before sucking it hard into his mouth. He drew so deeply on her, she cried out and nearly collapsed. Her hands flew to the headboard for balance, sensation rocketing through her body. Between her thighs, she could feel him pressing at her entrance, thick and huge.

  “Give it.” He snatched the condom out of her hand, ripping it open with his teeth. His gaze burned into hers as he rolled it on in one smooth motion. “Let’s get me inside you before I fucking die. How does that sound?”

  She nodded shakily. “Good.”

  Bowen’s hands went back to their death grip on the headboard and she took him in her hand once more. His jaw went slack as she squeezed him once, twice. “Rub me against your clit, baby. I own that spot, don’t I? Use me to touch it.”

  Her thighs shook as she followed his instructions, shallow breaths echoing in her ears. It only took a matter of seconds for the emptiness to take up residence in her belly. That need to be filled she’d always experienced with him. “I can’t…I want—”

  “I know what you want. Take it.”

  Need him as close as possible. Need all of him. Not giving herself a second longer to psyche herself out, she pushed the head past her entrance and sank down with one hard push. A shockwave of pain reverberated through her, making her cry out.

  “FUCK.” Bowen threw his head back on the pillow, neck and arm muscles straining. He slammed the headboard against the wall with his hands, nostrils flaring as he sucked in several deep breaths. “Christ, Sera,” he grated. “Are you trying to kill me?”

  “Hmm.” She tried to answer his question, but her sole focus was the gradual lessening of pain. The worst was beginning to dull, leaving behind only the pressure of him inside her, the need to test the feeling. Slowly, she circled her hips, gasping when her clitoris grazed the base of his erection. Pleasure sizzled across her nerve endings. “Oh, G-God. I think I can move now.”

  “Good girl.” A low, primal groan broke from his lips. “Find where it feels good and I’ll find a way to make it better for you. You trust me?”

  “Yes.” When she leaned forward and braced her hands on either side of his head, more of the discomfort fled. Her lips hovered just above Bowen’s as she rocked her hips up and back, grinding down where their bodies joined. In the beginning it felt good…then it started to feel great. The pressure stopped feeling like a hindrance to her movements as she worked her sensitive flesh against his, finding the perfect angle. Beneath her, Bowen watched her under heavy eyelids, his body flexing with the effort to keep his hold on the headboard. He looked ready to shatter and for some inexplicable reason, that turned her on even more. She wanted to shatter him. Wanted them to shatter together. She planted her hands on his chest and increased her pace, bucking her hips one minute and circling slowly the next.

  “Fuck. I have to touch you.” One hand left the headboard to grab hold of her bottom, goading her into moving faster. With the other, he reached between their writhing bodies to stroke her clitoris with his thumb. She cried out as a tightening in her abdomen started, working its way lower, encompassing her thighs and the suddenly needy place between them. “Don’t stop, Sera. Give it up to me. Give it up.”

  Instinct took over, making it her mission to find out where this ache ended. It was unlike anything she’d ever felt, stronger than any pleasure she’d found on her own. She was suspended over the edge of release, but felt suddenly unsure about taking the leap. This would change something inside her. She could feel that with perfect certainty, yet she couldn’t deny it, either. Her confusion escaped in the form of a whimper.

  Bowen jackknifed into a sitting position, as if propelled by her chaotic thoughts. His mouth found hers for a hard kiss, the rough hand on her backside forcing her to slow down. “Hey, you look at me. I don’t know where you went, but get the hell back here. Now. You don’t get to drive me out of my mind, then disappear. I’ll drag you back kicking and screaming.”

  Having his warmth pressed against her, his mouth so close, sent reassurance pouring over her, bringing with it a renewed heat. Even the course, blunt way he spoke to her boosted her confidence and once again, she started to roll her hips, desperate to find the edge again. His answering groan sizzled through her bloodstream.

  “I’m driving you out of your mind?” she whispered.

  “You like hearing that, don’t you?” He bit her bottom lip and tugged. “Does it make you hot to know how fucked up I am over you? Over this pussy?”

  Her hips pumped faster, of their own accord. “Yes.”

  Bowen wrapped her hair in his fist and tugged her close, so he could speak against her ear, hot breath sending a shiver down her neck. “You don’t fuck like no virgin, Sera. You don’t get on your knees like one, either.”
He leaned back slightly, thrusting up into her at a new angle that made her head spin. His expression was pure lust, the filthy kind that she didn’t realize she’d been craving. “If you weren’t choking the hell out of my cock, I wouldn’t believe it. You a natural, baby? A tight little natural?”

  She moaned loudly and let her head fall back. The need for relief came charging back, her mind going blank except for Bowen and the promise that he could provide it. She arched her back and widened her thighs, riding up and down on his slick, rigid length. One calloused hand palmed her breasts, squeezing, before his greedy mouth found her nipples. He growled as he licked and sucked, sending the final dart of pleasure through her she needed to climax. It felt like drowning and being rescued at the same time. Not being able to breathe, but somehow her lungs had never been so full. Bowen’s hands on her backside urged her to ride it out fast and hard, as he drove himself up high and deep with forceful thrusts, making her scream.

  Bowen crushed her to his chest, barking a curse as he came apart beneath her. His teeth raked down her neck, his powerful body shaking in time with hers. “God, Sera…baby, it’s so good. So fucking perfect. Mine now. My girl.”

  She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tight, still attempting to catch her breath. “Yes, your girl.”

  He rocked them for a while, a move she wouldn’t have expected from Bowen, but somehow felt completely necessary. She couldn’t fathom ever leaving that position, his warmth, the smoky masculine scent he carried with him. The reality of their situation tried to intrude, but she pushed it away in favor of savoring the moment, their bodies molded together.