Risking it All

by Tessa Bailey

  The back of Bowen’s neck tingled. It didn’t sound right. “I’m just supposed to trust the word of this contact who I didn’t speak to directly?”

  Connor nodded, before pulling a slip of paper from his jacket and sliding it across the bar. “I told Hogan you’d ask, so here’s his phone number. Do whatever you have to do and get back to me by tomorrow afternoon.”

  Bowen shoved the paper into his jeans pocket. Tomorrow. He almost laughed. Tonight was a difficult enough concept to wrap his mind around. Tomorrow sounded like a far-off place when his present had just walked away from him without a backward glance.

  “Driscol,” Connor said, drawing him back before he could be sucked in permanently by the red fog. He jerked his head toward the dining room, where Sera had vanished from five minutes prior. “If you haven’t already, I’d suggest handling this little matter before it’s taken out of your hands.”

  Sera closed the drawer of Hogan’s desk quietly, just in case anyone stood at the top of the staircase. When it jammed, she set down her flashlight on the desk to jiggle it carefully, not wanting to break anything that would be visible the first time Hogan came back. A piece of loose wood at the base of the drawer snagged the skin of her palm and she hissed. With a frown, she grabbed the flashlight and shone it on the source of her injury. The slat had come loose in one corner of the drawer. Something black and hard was visible through the crack.

  She crouched down and gently pried the bottom away, eyebrows shooting up when a slim laptop slid free into her hands. A hidden laptop. Valuable information. There was no more time. Sitting down and searching through the device wasn’t an option. Thinking quickly, she snatched a letter opener off the desk and used it to pry the cover off the underside of the laptop and remove the hard drive. With one more nervous glance at her watch, she shoved it into her back pocket and pulled out her cell phone.

  A terse voice answered midway through the first ring.

  “This is Officer Seraphina Newsom requesting my pickup. I’m—”

  The line went dead before she could relate her exact location.

  Ignoring an odd foreboding in her stomach, Sera made sure nothing appeared out of order on Hogan’s desk. She tucked the ledger book under her arm and turned to leave. Okay. She simply needed to walk up the stairs, through the kitchen and out into the alley. They’d hung up because they already knew where she was. That had to be it. Someone would be there within minutes for her in an unmarked vehicle. An officer who would take her to police headquarters and out of this neighborhood. Forever.

  Her steps faltered when relief didn’t come flooding in as expected. Not an ounce of triumph or pride came with finally having secured Hogan’s list of financial transactions. Names, dates, locations that she’d now seen with her own eyes. It had the potential to crumble not only Hogan’s enterprise from the inside, but other Brooklyn operations as well. Her uncle would finally be proud. The injustice of watching Hogan profit of others’ loss would be over.

  Bowen’s face appeared in her mind, bringing with it stinging pain where the relief should have been. No, that couldn’t be it. She wouldn’t allow him to be the reason this accomplishment felt so hollow. So…nothing. This was her brother’s murderer, and she had the tool with which to bring him down.

  At the base of the stairs, she came to a dead stop. Using the dim bulb above her for light, she flipped open to the page where she’d seen her brother’s name, the notations that indicated he’d been taking payouts. Taking a deep breath, she sat down on the bottom step and stared hard at the numbers, something she hadn’t had the opportunity to do before. Colin had taken three thousand dollars a week for six months. A lot of money to a rookie cop. She could imagine him being tempted, but not actually taking it. But he had, for six whole months. Sera squinted down at the messy handwriting. At six months, the payments had stopped, indicated by a series of zeroes. She checked the dates. He’d stopped taking the payouts two months before he’d been killed.

  Hope fluttered to life in her chest. Had he seen the error of his ways and changed course? It appeared so. Furthermore, it gave Hogan the motive to take out her brother. It wasn’t much, but it gave her a jumping-off point.

  Finally, she felt something akin to victory come to life inside her, but not as strongly as it should have. Bowen sat at the bar, right above her head. Now that the moment had arrived to walk away from him, she had no choice but to admit it felt horribly, painfully wrong. As if she would be leaving a piece of herself behind when she walked into that alley. The same alley where they’d listened to Mrs. Petricelli sing opera that first night. Right before he’d kissed her.

  Digging deep, she found the will to secure the ledger book into the waistband of her skirt, tucking her shirt in over it. As she dragged herself up the stairs, her legs felt like they weighed a thousand pounds. She spotted the car as soon as she walked outside, down at the end of the alley, out of view of the residential buildings. As she made her way over at a quick jog, the tall, familiar figure huddled beside it brought her up short.

  “Uncle?”

  “Sera.” His smile was brisk, but his eyes warmed. “Did you get what you were looking for?”

  She nodded once, still reeling that he was the one to come get her. As a highly recognizable figure, he’d taken a huge, unnecessary risk. Why? A shiver moved up her spine as she continued toward the black sedan. “Yes, I got it.”

  “Good. Let me have it.”

  The ledger disappeared into the inside pocket of his overcoat the second she handed it over. For some odd reason she couldn’t explain, she held on to the hard drive in her back pocket, some inner warning telling her not to give it up just yet.

  He indicated the passenger side door. “Let’s go home.”

  “Home?” Sera shook her head. “Don’t you mean the precinct? It’s protocol to debrief me immediately after—”

  “It can wait until the morning.” He shot a look down the alley. “Sera, it’s very important you don’t mention this book to anyone. Not until I’ve had a chance to look at it.”

  No, this was all wrong. They had to do this by the book or none of the evidence would be admissible in court. Not to mention, his edgy behavior was so unlike him. He shouldn’t have come on his own when his niece had been involved in the investigation. How could he be objective? Nothing about this felt right.

  The answer hit her with the force of a battering ram.

  “You knew.” Her voice rang in her ears. “About Colin. Are you trying to cover it up?” She sucked in a breath. “Is that why you refused to reopen the official investigation? You didn’t want anyone to find out?”

  He started to deny it, but whatever he read on her face prevented him. “We will talk about this later when I get you somewhere safe.”

  “I’ve been safe my whole life,” she shot back. “So he took a few payouts. I didn’t expect it of him, but he stopped. We could have kept it quiet.”

  “No. No, we couldn’t.” He sighed long and loud, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Those payouts trace back to me, Sera. This book…they’re proof Hogan has been holding over my head for years. The information contained in here is the leverage I need to keep him from blackmailing me, again and again.”

  Her mind reeled. “Why take payouts? You don’t need the money. I don’t understand.”

  “Your brother kept the money, but I looked the other way. His partner came to me with a complaint and I swept it under the mat. Even found a way to get your brother’s partner reassigned.” Her uncle’s face looked suddenly ancient, etched with regret. “Everything came to Colin too easy. He didn’t understand the concept of consequences, and it finally caught up with him. I was wrong about which of you two was the cop in the family. I’m sorry, Sera.”

  Sera wanted to dwell on the apology, wanted to bask in her uncle’s rare approval. It had been so damn long in coming, from him, from anyone. But she couldn’t. Her brain had zeroed in on one thing he’d said, and with it the implications made her vi
sion waver. It finally caught up with him. “The trial,” she rasped. “Did you get him off because he had dirt on you? Evidence that you knew about the payouts?”

  His silence was the only answer she needed. Sera staggered back from the car, feeling as if the fabric of her existence had been ripped in half. The standards she’d held herself to her entire life were suddenly meaningless, a crumbled foundation. Her uncle only watched her, hands propped on hips, looking ashamed. She’d never seen that look on her uncle’s face before. It brought another horrible realization to the forefront of her mind.

  “Did you…” she started in a small voice. “Did you know I was going undercover? Did you…let me so I’d do your dirty work for you?”

  Again, he couldn’t look directly at her. Coffin? Meet nail. “Get in the car. We’ll talk about this at home.” He jerked open the driver’s side door. “Tomorrow we’ll debrief you, then take you to a safe house. You’ll stay there until this blows over, then we’ll discuss more options.”

  Her life was once again being planned out for her, by a man she didn’t even know. A man who’d let her brother’s killer go free to save his own job, his own reputation. A man who would reassign an innocent officer to God-knew-where instead of doing the right thing. Worst of all, a man who would use his niece to further his own ends. No, she wasn’t going anywhere with him. And suddenly, there was only one place in the world she wanted to be. At the thought of returning to Bowen, her heart starting beating for what felt like the first time that day. She’d judged him on a scale her uncle had created. A black-and-white scale that allowed for no gray area, but her uncle lived in the gray, just like Bowen. Only, one of them did it by choice, one had never been given a choice. Or a chance.

  “Go without me. I’m not leaving.”

  He snorted. “That’s not funny.”

  “Good. It wasn’t a joke.” She started walking backward toward Rush. “Leave before someone sees you.”

  “I’m not leaving without you. Get in the car.” She kept walking, drawing a vile curse she’d never expected to hear from him. “It’s him, isn’t it? Sera, you can’t be serious. He’s scum.”

  She paused her footsteps. “And yet you sent him in to babysit your niece?” When he had no answer, she laughed without humor. “That scum has taught me more about myself since I met him than you even bothered to do. You never gave me a home. But I think he might have.”

  He started to come after her, but jumped back into the shadows when a light came on in the apartment building, illuminating the alley. No way could the police commissioner be seen here, talking to her. Anyone with a television set would recognize him. With a final disgusted look in her direction, he tugged his jacket collar up around his neck. “This isn’t over, Sera. I won’t let you ruin your life like this. I owe your father better than that.”

  “I owe him better than to turn out a liar.” This was it. No going back. “My badge is at my apartment on my bedside table. You can shove it up your ass.”

  She had the satisfaction of watching his face pale. “You’ll regret this.”

  “I only regret one thing tonight.” Leaving Bowen. “You want my silence, Uncle? Let me go. Let Bowen go.” She was taking a gamble that Bowen would want to disappear with her, but prayed he would. “You won’t hear from us again.”

  He said nothing. Just clenched his jaw and ducked into the car.

  Hidden in the shadows, Sera watched him drive down the alley and turn onto the street, red taillights disappearing around the corner. There should have been more of a sense of apprehension, or loss. She’d just chosen Bowen over family. Over potential safety. She could figure out the rest. They’d do it together.

  I love him. Oh, God, I love him so much.

  When the kitchen door slammed open and Bowen charged out, hands in his hair, looking in every direction with raw agony on his face, she knew she’d made the right call. Her entire being gravitated toward him. Soothe him. Make him better.

  She ran toward him.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  She’s really gone.

  When Connor left the club, he thought he might have had a chance to catch her. What would he have said? Please stay? I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you need? He didn’t know, hadn’t been able to formulate a plan beyond seeing her one more time. But he hadn’t made it. The alley was empty, except for a few stray patches of light. Feeling the world sway beneath his feet, he started to slide down the brick wall, wondering when he’d ever get the strength to stand again once he hit the ground.

  “Bowen.”

  His heart lurched when Sera came into view, white light falling around her beautiful form, making him question if she was real or just a figment of his imagination.

  Is this it? Insanity? If so, I could stay here.

  No, she was running toward him, her mouth moving, saying his name. Standing very slowly in case sudden movements might send her away, he waited for her to get closer before he allowed himself to hope. Then she threw herself against him. His back hit the brick wall in the most welcome assurance of reality he could remember. When her mouth made contact with his, it brought everything into sharp focus. Sera is here, kissing me. Make it last.

  He reversed their positions, trapping her against the wall with his hips, getting as close to her as humanly possible, groaning as her thighs wrapped around his waist where they belonged. “I thought you’d left already,” he whispered at her lips. “I didn’t think you’d let me say good-bye. How long do I have?”

  “They already came to get me.” Those perfect hands of hers slid into his hair. “I couldn’t leave you. I couldn’t go.”

  “What?” He hadn’t heard her correctly. Or maybe he was still sitting on the ground, imagining this entire scene. “What do you mean, you couldn’t leave me?”

  “I’m staying, Bowen.” She licked into his mouth for a dizzying kiss, which he returned like a starving man. “I need you.”

  Disbelief tried to overshadow the joy spiraling through him. How could this be happening? He didn’t want to question it; he wanted to take this twist of fate he didn’t deserve and run with it, but he couldn’t, not completely. She’d given up a chance to be safe. For him. It tempered his happiness with worry. The responsibility to make sure she didn’t regret it. His blood heated with possessiveness, the honor he’d been given to keep her safe. She’d picked him. This amazing girl had chosen him. Until she came to her senses, he would treasure every second.

  She tugged at his hair with her fists. “Let me clarify. I need you now.” Her hips writhed between him and the wall, hardening his cock with a swiftness that had him gasping into her delicious mouth. “Stop thinking, please.”

  “Not here, baby.” He pressed higher between her thighs, negating his plea. The needy whimper that drifted from her lips sent blood rushing to his groin. He’d left himself unfinished this afternoon and the deprivation came back to bite him now. It would take an act of God to tear him away from her at that moment, and he still would still claw his way back for more. “Ah, God, don’t let me fuck you in an alley, Ladybug.”

  “Yes. Here.” She reached down and tugged her own skirt higher on her thighs. Seeing how her desperation matched his own was a powerful realization. This wasn’t just sex for her, either, thank Christ. In his chest, his heart raced out of control. “I can’t wait,” she moaned. “I need you so bad.”

  Her begging had the effect of a drug, whizzing along his nerve endings and making him hungry to get inside her. Protect her, a voice shouted from the back of his racing mind. Keeping her on the wall with his hips, he reached into his back pocket and ripped the single condom from his wallet. Her fingers were already on his belt, yanking leather through loops with shaky hands. It humbled him, her need. He’d never considered himself a lucky man, but right now, with Sera wanting him so bad, he didn’t think anyone luckier had ever existed in this world.

  She slipped her hand into his jeans and squeezed his erection, chasing away the last rational thought in h
is head. Growling into her frantic kiss, he reached between her legs and palmed her pussy. Mine, mine, mine.

  “You still sore from your first time, baby?” He ripped her panties with a twist of his wrist. “That’s not going to stop me from hitting it hard, you understand? I’m too far gone to fuck you easy. I might never be able to again.”

  “I understand,” she breathed. “Just…please.”

  He wedged the packaged condom between her teeth. “Wrap me up, then. Get your man ready to fuck. I want to see it.”

  Challenge in her eyes, she ripped the foil with her teeth and he had to bite his bottom lip to prevent a growl. Jesus, how had he ever lived without this girl? She made him feel so fucking alive, he didn’t know how he withstood it. As she rolled the latex over his cock, he responded to her challenge by slipping his middle finger inside her, pushing it high and deep. It distracted her halfway through her task, her head falling forward into his shoulder with a hoarse cry.

  “Better finish what you started, Sera. Unless this is enough for you.” He withdrew his finger halfway and shoved it back in again and again, gritting his teeth at the feel of her tight, damp heat. Perfect. So goddamn perfect. He nudged her clit with his knuckle and felt her mouth open against his neck, her teeth rake his flesh. “Are my fingers enough for you?”

  “Yes…no. I-I don’t know.” Her hands moved on his aching cock, rolling the condom on fully. It made him even hotter, watching her perform the task. Seeing her erratic movements, her rush to get him prepared to be inside her.

  Bowen gripped her chin in his hand. He wanted her looking at him when he finally sank in. Inevitably, he would lose himself, and he needed her eyes to anchor him. “Tell your man how bad you need him. Tell him to give it to you hard.”