Risking it All

by Tessa Bailey

  “What do you want? A dad who takes you to Mets games? Teaches you how to marinate a steak?” He spat on the floor. “I taught you more valuable lessons. How to fight. How to make money. You should be grateful.”

  “Yeah?” Bowen laughed under his breath. “That’s going to be a tough card to find on Father’s Day. Dad, thanks for giving me the ability to put someone in a coma.”

  Lenny stared up at the ceiling, as if imploring it for patience. That made two of them. “Listen to me,” his father enunciated through clenched teeth. “I brought you down here to talk some goddamn sense into you. Whoever this girl is, she damn sure ain’t worth giving up what you help me build. Sometimes one gets under your skin and makes you question yourself. Take it from the man who was fucked over by your whore mother. They’re all the same. So do us all a favor and stop thinking with your dick.”

  Even against his iron will, a niggle of doubt arose at Lenny’s warning. The mention of his mother had done it. The memory of Pamela leaving, tossing him to the wolves, where he’d remained his entire life. He tried to focus on Sera’s image to eradicate the doubt, but he only managed to temporarily subdue it. There were far too many uncertainties between them still, blanks she refused to fill in. His father might be an asshole, a criminal to the bone, but there was truth in his voice. Leftover pain, even, from what Pamela had put him through.

  “I see I finally made an impact.”

  The smugness in Lenny’s tone pulled Bowen from his disturbing thoughts. “Are we done here? I’ve got better things to do.”

  His father gestured toward the door. “Don’t be a stranger.”

  Bowen walked back out of the infirmary through the security check he’d passed through on the way in, raising his arms so they could pat him down again. He wondered fleetingly which one of the employees Lenny had called in the favor on, but his thoughts immediately went back to Sera. What his father had said…he wouldn’t let it apply to Sera and him. The connection between them was real. It made him feel whole. If he could believe her, it made her feel whole, too. Dammit. If he could believe her? No, Lenny wouldn’t have power over his mind like this. He wouldn’t let him. A vision of Sera’s smiling face burrowing into his pillow drifted though his head. Once he saw her, touched her, the doubt would cease to exist. He just had to have faith.

  As he exited the facility, the phone in his pocket vibrated. He continued walking as he drew it out, needing to bring Sera into view where she sat in his car. When he saw her pretty face smiling back at him through the windshield, a sense of calm settled over him. Everything would be all right. She was here with him now and he should be ashamed of himself for questioning her. For letting Lenny get the upper hand.

  He held up his finger to let her know he’d be a minute and answered the phone. “Yeah.”

  “Mr. Driscol.” Newsom. “Is Sera with you?”

  “Yes,” he answered without hesitation. “She’s safe for now. But we need—”

  “I’ll tell you what we need.”

  Summoning patience he didn’t have, Bowen slid a hand through his hair. “You know, I have to be honest, Commissioner. I’ve had about enough of that for one morning.”

  “She wants you arrested, Driscol.”

  Unexpected pain twisted in his chest. Careful to keep his features schooled, Bowen peered through the windshield at Sera. She looked back at him curiously, not an ounce of guile on her face. Could he believe it? He tried to keep the dam from bursting, but it gave way and the doubt rushed in, pulling him under. “Why?”

  “She found out about the shipment you’re waiting on, Hogan’s involvement, all of it. She called me and told me to get your worthless ass off the street.” Some papers shifted in the background. “You know Sera well enough by now to know she wouldn’t leave this unfinished. Why else would my own niece refuse to be picked up last night?”

  Niece. His body went numb, as if his broken heart had sent him into blessed shock. Everything clicked in his head, making perfect sense. This was why she hadn’t confided anything in him. Why she’d come back last night. Not because she wanted to be with him. She’d just been biding her time until they could get him into handcuffs. He made eye contact with her through the glass and felt her suck the last of his soul away. In a way, he felt relieved. No soul, no way to hurt. He couldn’t survive this with any part of himself intact.

  Very quietly, but very potently, the numbness turned ugly. He craved the ugly, wanted it to stomp out all the beauty he’d stupidly allowed himself to believe in.

  “Why are you calling to warn me?”

  “I owe you for keeping her safe until we could wrap it up properly.” Newsom paused. “I need you to get her to the precinct immediately. Drop Sera off and go on your way. Even exchange. Her for your freedom.”

  Bowen almost laughed out loud. Freedom. From what? “Then tomorrow you’ll pinch Hogan at the shipment and it’ll all be over, huh? Your niece gets her man and everyone goes home happy?”

  Newsom was quiet a moment. “If you’re thinking about tipping them off, I’d reconsider.”

  “You have my word. No tip-offs.”

  He wouldn’t have to. They’d moved the shipment to tonight.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Something was terribly wrong.

  Bowen hadn’t spoken to her since leaving the infirmary. She’d chalked his silence up to his father’s condition, but instinct told her she was missing something. Whereas Bowen normally radiated energy, always jiggling a leg, tapping a finger, or harassing his hair, now he appeared…vacant. The man who’d jogged back to the car twice to kiss her before entering the infirmary had vanished and been replaced by a shell. For all she knew his father hadn’t made it and he just needed time to process it before talking to her. Having lost her brother and working as an ER nurse, she knew better than most that everyone processed grief differently.

  She took a deep breath and laid her hand on top of his where it rested on his thigh. Cold. Unmoving. He made no move to hold her hand, didn’t even acknowledge her touch. After the night they’d shared, touching each other without cease, his lack of recognition set off alarm bells.

  A glance out the window had her doing a double take. Why were they in Manhattan? Yellow cabs zipped past, bicycle deliverymen weaved through the steady traffic, skyscrapers towered over them on either side of the street. After being in Brooklyn so long, it felt like she’d been transported to a different planet. She’d been so focused on Bowen and his odd behavior that she hadn’t realized they weren’t driving back toward Bensonhurst.

  “Is everything all right?”

  A muscle ticked in his cheek. “Fine. I just thought we’d go for a drive. Get out of Brooklyn for a while.”

  His flat, emotionless voice made her want to tug her hand away, but she kept it there determinedly. “Whatever you need. We can go somewhere and talk—”

  He laughed, but it sounded nothing like his usual amused chuckle. Harsh, sarcastic. “Now she wants to talk. How about we just pull over and fuck, instead, baby? You seem to prefer that to talking.”

  She ripped her hand away and watched his cold hand curl into a fist. “What is wrong with you?” When he said nothing, she pressed. “Did something happen to your father?”

  “Lenny is the picture of health.” He whipped the wheel for a right turn, making the tires squeal. “In fact, I might go see him more often. Can’t put a price tag on fatherly advice. Right, Seraphina?”

  She flinched at the way he said her name, like a curse. Bowen’s detachment was slowly dissipating, being replaced by something darker. His eyes were glassy and unfocused, his voice sounding unnaturally strained. This change in attitude might have something to do with his father, but something else was in play. That phone call. It had to be the phone call he’d taken just before he’d gotten into the car. A pit formed in her stomach.

  “Who were you on the phone with?”

  He ignored her question. “It must have pissed you off. Knowing what I am and wanting
me anyway.” His hands flexed on the steering wheel. “You weren’t faking it in bed, I know that much. You were too wet for it.”

  “Stop it,” she shouted. “Bowen, whatever you’re thinking about me, it’s wrong. You just have to talk to me. We’ll figure this out.”

  “Talk to me, talk to me.” He took another hard corner. “My, how the tables have turned.”

  The resignation in his voice reached across the car to slap her. Before she could recover, he’d thrown the car into park. She only had a moment to register the industrial-type commercial store before he opened the passenger-side door and pulled her out. Taken off guard, she clutched his shoulders for balance, bringing their faces close. His angry countenance slipped for a split second and she glimpsed utter misery behind his gray eyes. It cut through every raging emotion in her chest, made her ache to take away his pain. She reached up to cup his cheek, but he caught her wrist before she could make contact.

  “Don’t.”

  Sera’s knees almost buckled under the weight of that single word. “You’re scaring me,” she whispered. “This isn’t you.”

  “Oh, God, please just drop the act.” His head dropped forward, hair obscuring his face. “I can’t take anymore.”

  “W-what act?” Her mind whirled at the implication of that statement. When he wouldn’t answer her, she had no choice but to follow him in a daze as he led her to a metal door, located in an alcove on the side of what looked to be some kind converted factory. Confusion and panic assailed her. This man was unrecognizable to her, and his tight grip on her wrist did nothing to alleviate her worry. He hadn’t told her where they were going. A wild card was in play that he wouldn’t share with her. She couldn’t just walk in there with him. Not with so many unknowns lying between them. Not until he calmed down enough to listen.

  Bowen pounded on the metal door with his fist. Seeing he was momentarily distracted, she tried to wrench her hand free. Midmorning in Manhattan, people were rushing to work around them, ignoring everything but the sidewalk in front of them and their cell phones. Bowen’s eyes shot wide, as if he couldn’t believe she was trying to get away from him, but he didn’t release her wrist. Instead, he yanked her back up against him.

  “Let me go,” she demanded.

  He searched her face. “Why? What are you worried about?”

  When she tried to free herself with a twist of her arm, she watched something inside him break. It made her go completely still, breath trapped in her lungs. An answering rupture in her own body occurred, swift and painful.

  Looking wild, he gripped her shoulders and shook her. “You think I could hurt you?” His voice had risen to a shout, bringing people to a stop on the sidewalk around them. “I fucking love you, Sera. You can do anything to me. Anything. Lie to me, lock me up, treat me like a monster, and I will still fucking love you. And you’re killing me.”

  Her body went limp, his words on repeat in her head. I love you. I love you. It was all she could hear, her heart rejoicing and breaking at the same time. Finding out he loved her shouldn’t feel like a tragedy, but it did. And she still had no idea why, dammit. Oh, God, she loved him back. If she could still feel this overwhelming, consuming pull toward him when he stood in front of her, stripped bare, with all his faults in plain view, these feelings would never, ever go away.

  A throat cleared in the doorway and Sera turned to find a familiar girl standing there. In her muddled state, it took a moment to place her. Ruby. Bowen’s sister looked between them, her expression leaving no room for doubt she’d heard every shouted word. She laid a hand on Bowen’s shoulder and he turned his tortured expression on her, making her visibly flinch.

  “Come on.” Ruby nudged Bowen gently. “Let’s get you off the street.”

  Sera grabbed Bowen’s arm as he turned to follow Ruby inside, but he pulled away. “Come on, Sera.” His outburst seemed to have sucked the remaining life out of him. “Let’s make this quick.”

  She didn’t pause to take in her surroundings as she followed him inside, only registering the smell of wood, sawdust, oil. Her full attention was centered on Bowen’s stiff back. Then he started talking and her world came to a grinding halt.

  “Give me a head start, then call Troy. Tell him Sera is here and to come pick her up. He needs to take her directly to the station. To her uncle, the fucking police commissioner.” He pulled at his hair as he addressed a horrified Ruby. “All right? Can you do that for me?”

  Devastation rolled over Sera in a wave. You can lie to me, lock me up… Lock me up. She thought of her uncle in the alley last night, his parting words of “this isn’t over.” Bowen thought she wanted him locked up and there was only one way he could have come to that conclusion. That had been her uncle on the phone. She’d never been so sure of anything in her life. For the first time, it occurred to her she had reason to be scared of her uncle. He would sabotage her life, the lives of others, to protect his prestigious position.

  And Bowen was sending her right into his hands, where her future would be his to dictate. Where he would find a way to keep her quiet about what she knew.

  No, this couldn’t be happening. She should have told Bowen everything last night. The conversation between him and her uncle had mentally sent him packing, out of her reach. Made him incapable of being reasonable. She could see it in his jerky movements, the thousand-yard stare he kept directing at her. Could she even get through to him at this point? Or had every ounce of trust between them been destroyed?

  “Bowen.” She planted herself in front of him, but he fixated on some spot on the wall behind her. “You don’t know what you’re doing. There so much you don’t know, about my brother—”

  “Did you tell your uncle you wanted me arrested?”

  She swallowed hard. No more lies. “Yes, but obviously not for the reason you think.”

  He’d stopped listening after she confirmed it, his expression slamming shut, jaw hardening. She opened her mouth to keep going, to explain she only wanted him safe from the men who wanted him gone, even though his face told her nothing she said would get through. Before she could speak, he silenced her with his mouth.

  Yes, yes, yes. If he wouldn’t listen to her, this was her only hope. He couldn’t kiss her and not realize how she felt. She went up on her toes, threaded her fingers through his haphazard hair, and put her soul into the kiss. A broken noise in the back of his throat wrenched her heart in two, but she kept kissing his mouth, hoping to get past the wall he’d built. He framed her face with his hands and kissed her back with an aching thoroughness. A different kind of kiss. No less passionate than before, but he wouldn’t give himself over to her completely. With a final blast of dread, she realized it felt like good-bye.

  One hand dropped from her face to take her wrist. Before she could process what he intended to do, her hand had been secured to the wall. She broke away with a gasp, her gaze flying upward to see what he’d done. No. No. He’d attached her to some kind of rack with an industrial-sized zip tie. A rack full of pool sticks. What was this place?

  “Let me go. Please. You don’t know what you’re doing.” She implored him with her eyes. His breathing was labored, eyes more tortured than before. She’d been damned since last night, hadn’t she? Damned by her silence. A sob worked its way free of her throat. “Bowen—”

  He clapped a hand over her mouth. “I don’t blame you, Ladybug. You did the right thing. I’m going to go somewhere I can’t hurt anyone else. Didn’t I tell you I’d always give you what you want?” He tucked a hair behind her ear. “No smoking, okay? Ever. You promised. And stay out of dark alleys from now on. I won’t be there to keep you safe.” His voice shook on the last word. As if he couldn’t help it, he pressed a final kiss to the center of her forehead. “You were the best part of my life, Sera. Even if it wasn’t real.”

  She couldn’t see him through the tears clouding her vision, the denial rising in her throat. Defeat, thick and abhorrent, crashed into her as he turned and walked away.
In a move of desperation, she reached out to grab him, but her imprisoned wrist prevented her and she only caught air. She’d lost. Somehow all the hope and resolve between them last night and this morning had been ripped to shreds. Helplessness shone through it all, the pain of knowing anything she said right now would be construed as a lie.

  “Please don’t go,” she tried to scream, but it came out sounding strangled. “You asked me so many times if I trusted you. I said yes and I meant it. Give me the same trust now.”

  Bowen ignored her once again, pointing a finger at Ruby. “You tell Troy that if anything happens to her, I will burn that precinct to the ground. Tell him.”

  Sera swiped at her eyes, turning her attention to Ruby. Bowen’s sister looked visibly shaken, tears coursing down her own cheeks. “I’ll tell him,” she shouted back, when he refused to budge without an answer. “You’re about to do something stupid, aren’t you? Ask me for help. Just ask and I’ll give it.”

  The door slamming was his only answer. He hadn’t even looked back.

  Sera sank to the ground, dimly registering another woman walking out of the back room. Bowen’s mother. Her face appeared stricken, but Sera couldn’t summon the will to care. So much unbearable pressure existed in her chest, she couldn’t believe it hadn’t cracked wide open yet so her insides could spill out. Any second, though, it would happen. She’d welcome it. Anything, anything, had to be better than this freezing sensation. Loss. She’d lost him. He’d left her in danger. He was in danger. And he had no idea.

  When Ruby reached into her pocket and drew out a cell phone, Sera came out of her stupor with a burst of adrenaline. “No. No, wait. Don’t make the call yet.”

  Ruby spared her a disgusted glance. “I don’t break my word. Not to him.”

  “You make that call, you’ll get him killed.”

  She stopped dialing. “Explain. Quickly. Just because my boyfriend’s a cop doesn’t mean I trust all of you. From what I heard, you set him up.”