Bella

by D. J. Barrett

  I realised that this Christmas wouldn’t be the same without Robert and Claudio, but I knew I had to try and pull myself together, put on a happy face and think about the future I have with my family.

  As Lizzie’s car pulled up in the driveway, I ran outside as fast as I could and greeted them.

  “Violet! I’m so sorry! I love you so much.” I cried hugging her tightly.

  “Bella! Bella! You can let her go now. I’m surprised the poor girl can breathe. We are staying over Christmas, so you’ll have pleny of time with her.” She laughed.

  I can’t even begin to explain how happy I felt at that moment.

  The day before Christmas Eve I was very busy doing the last bits of shopping. The weather was freezing and the forecast said we would have snow for Christmas. Once we had finished, we went home and I made us all a mug of hot chocolate with cinnamon sprinklings. The phone rang and I thought it might be Roy. He told me he would be arriving later today. It made me feel at ease that most of the family were making an effort to come and see me and help celebrate Christmas like we’d always done. Shortly after Roy had called the phone rang again and I was shocked to hear Simon on the other end.

  “I’m coming up to see you Bella. We need to talk.”

  That was all he said. He must be coming with Roy. I thought.

  I put my thoughts about Simon aside and decided to take Violet out. She deserved a bit of my personal attention for once. Lizzie offered to babysit the other two.

  We went to the cinema and then on to eat pizza. Now is the time to talk to her. Maybe we can salvage our relationship. I hoped.

  We were having a lot of fun and luckily when I started to explain certain things she listened.

  “Why have you been so secretive mum? I would really appreciate it if you told me everything from top to bottom without keeping anything from me.”

  “Sweetheart. Are you sure you are ready for this? I just don’t know if you’re old enough to understand everything.”

  “I’m not a child anymore! I’m eighteen next year.”

  “Ok. But first eat up and then we’ll go for a walk and I’ll explain everything if you really want to hear. I just need to ask you one thing of you, please try and think about the situation like a grown up before you judge anyone.”

  After we’d finished our pizza we headed outside. The sky was full of snow and the first few snowflakes of the year arrived. I started from the beginning and explained everything. Violet is now aware that Roy’s her Grandfather and Simon and Lizzie are not her real Auntie and Uncle. The positive thing is that she doesn’t seem to be bothered about it. She told me she loves everyone just the same and nothing has changed.

  However, for her own good I missed out everything about Simon; I am not sure she would understand that situation.I just hope that I can get away with it and that she doesn’t sense that I’ve missed something out.

  Fortunately I got away with it and she accepted what I told her, as being everything. I now feel as if we can start afresh and hope that the close relationship we once shared will now return.

  The next morning Simon and Roy arrived. It was mine and Bella’s birthday. We weren’t feeling in the best of moods because we knew that Christmas Day was only a day away and that meant Robert’s birthday and the anniversary of his death.

  How are you supposed to celebrate knowing that the son you loved so much will never be here again to enjoy this day. His day?

  Simon and I decided that it wasn’t the best time to talk and left it for a later date. I didn’t feel much like cooking, so Roy took us all out for a lovely meal.

  “I don’t know how I will get through the next few days. Christmas will never feel the same again!” I said full of despair. I felt like my heart was going to break.

  “Bella! Things like this take time. Eventually over the years the pain will ease.” Roy said trying to reassure me as we headed to the restaurant.

  Christmas Day arrived, however none of us felt much like celebrating. We decided to go to church and give our prayers to Robert. After the service and prayers, Roy told me it was time to scatter Robert’s ashes. It was something I didn’t really want to do, but I thought it would be my special gift to him on his birthday, to set him free. I remember the last time we visited this place when he was alive and he’d loved the seaside.

  “Mummy, when I grow up, I want to live here.” He had said to me. His whispers and laughter followed me everywhere that day. We walked along the cliff top and when I found a nice spot, I released his ashes into the air and they were gently carried away by the sea breeze. My baby had finally been set free and would hopefully be at peace.

  We held hands and said a prayer.

  “You’re a grown up now my love. Now go and live your life on the other-side, and your dream will have come true.

  Rest in Peace my sweet angel. I’ll never forget you!

  I whispered. I hoped there was such a thing as heaven and Robert would be watching over us all.

  Now Christmas is over and I know it’s time to go back home. I’ve had enough time for myself and I’ve learned to be stronger and how to deal with things better.

  Simon and I still haven’t spoken about the past and why he has been so distant. The time wasn’t right, maybe it never will.

  Three years have passed since Robert’s death. Violet is twenty and has become a beautiful young woman.

  She has gone to stay with some friends she made in New York. We often talk on the phone and I have promised to go and visit her soon.

  Simon has asked me to meet him tomorrow and we both know now is the time to talk.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  They always say every cloud has a silver lining and I have had my fair share of tragedy; but most of it I’ve brought on myself.

  Violet is still in New York and has met someone. She said it’s early days yet so it is nothing too serious.

  It’s four years since my darling son passed away and every day is still a struggle; but as time goes by the pain does get easier and I have learnt to deal with it.

  Finally the day came for Simon and I to talk. I was sitting on our favourite bench when I saw him walking towards me waving, just like he used to. This time it felt different, my heart was pounding. Ever since I read the letter and known that Simon and I aren’t really related and the love we’ve had for each other all these years isn’t forbidden and wrong, I’ve dreamt of being with him, but an obstacle stood on our way.

  Now I’m not married and nothing is standing in the way of us being together, except the part where I have to tell him that he’s the father of my two sons. All these thoughts are going through my mind.

  I felt as nervous as if I was going on a first date. Here he is standing in front of me smiling.

  “Hello Bella.” He said, as he sat down beside me.

  The sun was shining on his beautiful thick auburn hair. He was wearing casual jeans and a tight fitting black shirt. When he smiled at me I was knocked sideways like always. We looked at each other and despite knowing each other all these years; he still managed to make my heart skip a beat.

  He took my hand and stroked my fingers.

  “Bella my love. We have to sort this problem out today, once and for all! You know we belong together and now there isn’t anybody or anything standing in our way.”

  These are the words I’ve been waiting for all these years, but will he feel the same once I tell him the truth? I smiled, wishing I had nothing life changing to tell him.

  We walked together hand in hand along the beach. The sea was as blue as the sky. The birds were singing happily and I was with the man I have loved unconditionally all my life. I didn’t want anything else, I just wanted time to stand still. The only thing I’ve ever really wanted was to be with Simon until the day I die.

  I knew the moment had come to tell him the truth. I turned to face him and looked into his eyes. It was now or never.

  “Simon. I’ve got something really important to tell you and you
must listen very carefully!”

  “You can tell me anything Bella. I will always be here to listen.”

  Ohh God! How can I tell him he’s Robert and Liam’s father?

  Do it Bella, just do it already!

  I told him everything, throwing out every word. I realised there was no turning back now and I could see his face changing with every word. His eyes were glazed and I knew he was hurt and angry. He didn’t say a word. He just walked away leaving me standing there. What else could he do? Tears streamed down my face and I felt sick to the stomach.

  I don’t know how long I stood there just staring out to sea. I finally decided to go home, hoping that he might have calmed down by the time I got there.

  But when I got back to the house, Lizzie was standing at the door with a puzzled look on her face. She looked at me searching for answers.

  “What on earth have you said to Simon?

  “Simply the truth!”

  Weeks have passed since Simon left and he hasn’t returned or been in touch with me. I’ve got a job in a local bar that hasn’t been open very long. I know it’s not much, but I will do anything to keep myself busy enough to keep my mind off things. Liam is in play school and Bella is in primary school.

  Everyday I wait for Simon to call me. I've tried calling him numerous times, but he just hangs up. His mother called me the other day and told me he doesn’t want anything to do with me, however, she did tell me that Simon had traced his father a few days after he’d left me and found out that he has a half brother called Richard. His dad who lives in Cornwall, on the South coast, is remarried and a recovering alcoholic. I asked her if she knew where I could find Simon and luckily she was kind enough to tell me. Lizzie thinks I should go and see him. She even offered to look after the children while I’m gone.I did exactly that and I could never have imagined what life had in store for me.

  There I was in Cornwall standing outside the address I had been given. If Simon is here, what do I say?

  I walked down the long drive way to a beautiful thatched cottage. The lawn was neatly trimmed and hanging baskets were swinging gently by the door. I nervously knocked at the door. I could hear a dog barking and laughter coming from the house. I stood there for ages until the door opened. A man stood there the double of Simon; I knew this had to be his brother Richard.

  “You must be Bella?” He knew who I was, so Simon must have mentioned me. He asked me to come in and to take a seat. The room was small and cosy. The ceiling was very low with beams. It was a typical old cottage with a big open fire. There were two large leather sofas and a small coffee table and a picture hung neatly above the fireplace.

  “You have a lovely cottage Richard,” I said.

  “Have you come here to find Simon?

  “Yes.”

  “Unfortunately I ‘m going to disappoint you. He’s not here, he left yesterday.

  “ Oh, well then I’d better get going. Do you have any idea where I might find him?

  “ Well, if you are staying in a hotel, then come back tomorrow. He should be back then.” He smiled.

  “That wasn’t funny you know. Thanks anyway. I will be back tomorrow then.”

  Richard was still smiling and I couldn’t help but notice how similar he was to Simon. His eyes were identical, his height, figure and he was even as handsome as Simon. I took a piece of paper out of my bag and wrote my number on it.

  “Here’s my number, just incase he decides to turn up before tomorrow.”

  I checked into a hotel and decided to explore the town. There were so many little streets and alleyways with tiny cottages. I found a small restaurant on the seafront, and decided to have something to eat. Then I went back to the hotel. I was feeling very tired and went straight to bed.

  The next morning my phone rang and woke me up. I looked at the clock, 7 o’clock.

  “Hello Bella I hope I didn’t wake you. I called to tell you

  Simon will be here at 11am; if you like I can come and pick

  you up and we can go and have some breakfast.”

  I quickly got myself showered and dressed. Richard was waiting in the car park. He had a lovely Audi A5 Cabriolet. He took me to a nice little café on a side street near the promenade. I told him everything about Simon and me. He was very nice and understanding and we got on very well. He told me Brian his father, is an alcoholic but that he quit drinking quite a while back.

  “When he married my mother Christine he decided to stop drinking; but he found it very difficult. As soon as my mother was pregnant with me, the struggle stopped and he hasn’t touched a drop since. I know that when he was with Barbara he was a terrible husband and father. He even admits it himself. ”

  After we finished eating, we went to his house. His father was charming and I was happy for Simon that he had found him.

  We sat in the garden and waited for Simon to arrive. He was supposed to arrive at eleven and it was nearly twelve. We started to get worried. By three in the afternoon it was obvious he wasn’t coming.

  I was really disappointed and decided to go back home to Lighthouse Cove. Richard seemed disappointed I wasn’t

  staying longer and asked me to stay one more night.

  “If you stay a bit longer, I’ll take you out this evening. I know a really good restaurant that will knock you off your feet. Everyone has to go there at least once in their life.

  “OK! I’ll stay, but just one more night and I hope the restaurant is really worth it.“

  I decided to stay one more night, hoping that maybe Simon would eventually arrive.” I said jokingly.

  That evening I got myself showered and changed. Richard arrived ten minutes early and we drove out into the country a few miles away from the town. The restaurant was set back in lovely grounds and was in a charming manor. We were shown to our table. It was set with the finest silverware and the best pottery, along with lovely silver candle sticks as a centre piece. Richard was a real gentleman and he even pulled my seat out for me to sit down. He ordered some champagne and we both ordered our food. I asked Richard what he did for a living. He told me he was a property developer. I told him that I once owned a guest house and that I now worked part-time in a bar. We discussed a lot about my life and children. The night flew by so quickly and I was really disappointed because I was actually having a great time.

  Richard drove back to Newquay. We then decided to have a night cap at the hotel. I didn’t want the night to end. Richard was charming just like his brother.

  After Richard left, I went to bed feeling tired and rather tipsy. The next morning Richard called to say he wanted to meet me as soon as he finished work.

  I had to go back to Lighthouse Cove so I left him a message on his voicemail.

  The drive back took ages. I was about thirty minutes away when my mobile rang. It was Richard and he was speaking but I couldn’t understand a word he was saying. I told him to start again and speak more slowly.

  “Simon’s been in an accident and he’s in hospital.”

  I couldn’t actually believe what I was hearing.

  “Where is he?” Richard told me he was in a hospital in Kent. He told me Simon was supposed to go to London and then to Kent before coming back to Cornwall. He had been working all night and he must have been tired and fell asleep at the wheel

  “How bad is he Richard?”

  “You need to come to the hospital as soon as you can.” I drove to the hospital; I don’t know how I got there because I was tired and panicking with worry. When I arrived Richard and Brian were already there. I called Lizzie and she told me to let her know how serious it was and whether she should come along.

  Luckily Simon wasn’t too badly hurt, he only suffered minor concussion, cuts and and bruises but the doctor thought it was better to keep him in overnight for observation. I booked into a hotel for the night.

  The next morning Simon was allowed out but he wouldn‘t even look at me. I realised then there was no point in even trying with him and decid
ed to give up.

  I drove back to Lighthouse Cove and Simon went back with Richard and Brian to stay with in Cornwall because Barbara was staying with some friends in Scotland for a few weeks. Richard called me a few days later to say that Simon was adamant he would never talk to me again.

  Over the next year things didn’t change very much and Simon still kept his distance.

  Violet came home for a short period however, after some deliberation she decided to go and live in New York with her new boyfriend she’d met while on holiday there. I’ve met him and he’s lovely furthermore he makes Violet very happy which is the most important thing. I miss her very much but fortunately we speak daily via Skype. Thank God for such inventions.

  Violet wasn’t the only one that decided to go back to New York. Lizzie informed me that Simon had also returned back there and taken his mother with him.

  Richard called to let me know he would be coming to visit me. When he arrived, I showed him around Lighthouse Cove, then I took him to my favourite restaurant on the seafront. We talked about what we had been doing during the past year. I asked him if he thought Simon would ever forgive me.

  “At the moment, I don’t think so Bella, and if I were you, I would try and move on.”

  I didn’t like what he said and I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks I quickly made my excuses and went to the powder room. I stayed in there for a while and tried to pull myself together.

  After the restaurant we went for a walk along the beach, the night was clear and the stars were out. However, there was a cool breeze which made me shiver. Richard put his coat over my shoulders and we sat on one of the rocks and talked. I realised how much Richard and I had in common. I think I must have had too much to drink because I suddenly had an urge to kiss Richard and obviously the feeling was mutual. His kiss was soft and passionate; he looked into my eyes;