Cuts Run Deep

by Garza, Amber

  Tugging on the edge of my pajama top, I leaned against the wall and bit my lip. What were they doing in there? A dozen ideas flew through my mind - using drugs, drinking, watching porn, stalking girls’ Facebook pages. It had to be something like that. Jackson and his friends weren’t into anything sinister.

  Curiosity satisfied, I tip-toed back to my room. Once inside, I got back in bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. A few minutes later I heard Jackson’s door open. Then I heard footsteps passing my room and heading down the stairs. I got out of bed, and raced to my door. Opening it slightly, I peered out. Tyler and Zach were at the bottom of the stairs, but they were visible. In Zach’s hand he held a large plastic bag. Tyler’s body was angled in such a way that I noticed the front of his shirt. I caught the wording displayed across the chest and recognized it as one of Jackson’s. Why was he wearing Jackson’s shirt? I knew girls shared clothes all of the time, but I didn’t think boys did that sort of thing.

  Before I could think on it further, Jackson was standing in front of me. “Court?”

  I let out a tiny squeal, and then composed myself. “Hey.”

  “What are you doing?” His forehead knit together. I heard the front door open and close below us.

  “I heard noise, and it woke me.”

  “Oh.” He smiled. “It was only me.”

  “You just got home?”

  “Yeah.” He nodded. “But it’s late, so I should hit the sack.”

  “Okay. Night.”

  “Good night.” As he turned away from me I went back into my room. Afterward the memories of that night were fuzzy and sleep laden, therefore, I never thought of it again. But if I had, I would have remembered that when Jackson said goodnight he raised his hand, curling his fingers down in a slight wave. And there had been dried blood on his knuckles.

  Jackson

  That was a close call. After Zach and Tyler left, I caught Courtney poking her head out into the hallway. Initially I worried that she saw us when we first arrived, but she had that sleepy look in her eyes and her hair was all over the place. Besides, she didn’t look frightened, just curious.

  If she had seen us in our bloody clothes she would have been scared. I know my sister. The worst thing she’d ever seen was that snake when we were kids. She acts like she’s tough, but she’s a softie. Even those damn TV shows she watches scare the shit out of her.

  I don’t regret what I did. I know I should, but I don’t. It felt good actually. Like Piper finally got the justice she deserved. I almost wish I could tell her, but I know I can’t. She’d kill me. The first time I mentioned wanting to murder that son of a bitch she made me promise not to go after him. But come on. How can she hold me to that kind of promise? The guy raped her. There. I wrote it. He raped the girl I love. The girl that means everything to me. And worse yet, he got away with it. I couldn’t just let that go. He had to pay.

  Piper may never understand, but the guys did. Well, Tyler might not have, but Zach did. Of course Zach had always been the revenge-seeking type. Actually Zach just liked an excuse to get into a fistfight. The guy was always on the verge of popping a fuse. I think it was because his real dad used him as a punching bag when he was younger. He hadn’t seen him in years. His stepdad treated him well, but I don’t think Zach had ever gotten over what his dad did to him.

  Tyler was terrified the whole night, but he’ll get over it. Maybe it’ll toughen him up. It would do him some good. He seriously needs to grow a pair.

  But honestly, I’m grateful to Tyler and Zach for going with me tonight. For the first time in months I have hope that maybe our friendship can survive my relationship with Piper. Neither one of them talked bad about her at all today. And they helped me get revenge…for her. That means something to me. I won’t ever forget it.

  Don’t worry. We didn’t kill the guy, even if I wanted to. I stopped before it got that far. No, we just roughed him up a little. Okay, who am I kidding? We roughed him up a lot. He didn’t put up much of a fight either. I mean, I know it was three against one, but, seriously, the guy was a twerp. I could’ve taken him with one hand behind my back.

  No wonder he has to prey upon helpless women. But it’s all over now. There’s nothing standing between me and Piper any longer. Well, other than Shane. He’s still kind of a thorn in my side. As nice as I am about him, I wish he’d go away and leave Piper alone. But I’ll have to deal with that later. I think I’ve done enough for one night.

  So, my trusty secret keeper, this is just between you and me. No one will ever find out what I did. Zach and Tyler are disposing of our bloody clothes, and we’ve all promised to never speak of this night again.

  Piper

  “Was there anyone else who would have reason to hurt Jackson?” Mr. Roth asked.

  “His former friends,” Mom blurted out. “They didn’t like Piper. They bullied her and everything. They pretty much cut Jackson off because of it. Why aren’t the police looking at them? I mean, Jackson even fought with one of them. Right, Piper?”

  One night I was upset and I spilled everything to Mom about how the kids at the school were treating me. “Yes, it’s true.” I nodded. “But they had sort of made up recently.”

  The truth was that I wasn’t happy about Jackson making up with Zach and Tyler. It came out of nowhere. One day he hated them, and the next day it was like they’d been friends all along. And that was when things started to fall apart between us. When I looked back at that day I thought of it as the beginning of the end for us.

  It was raining when I pulled into the school parking lot. Before getting out of the car I tugged the hood of my jacket over my hair. Then I strapped on my backpack and hopped out into the rain. Liquid pelted me in the face and dripped down my back as I raced toward the school. When I was safely inside the hallway, I shivered, allowing the warmth to seep into my frigid skin. Yanking off my hood, my red hair spilled out of it, falling over my shoulders. I shook it out and headed toward my locker with my head down.

  Chatting swirled around me. When I heard a familiar voice, my head snapped up. Jackson stood a few feet away in a circle with Tyler, Zach and Tanya. My heart plummeted. It was like I went back in time. As if I’d pushed a rewind button, and it was the beginning of the school year again. For a minute I felt like my whole world was crashing down. He appeared comfortable; in his element. He was laughing and joking like he belonged with them. And maybe he did. Perhaps this was the group he was supposed to be with. As I watched him I wondered if he’d finally realized that he didn’t need me. That I was too damaged, too needy. That he’d be better off without me.

  But then he glanced up, and our eyes met. His smile deepened, his eyes shining. He murmured something to his friends and then stepped toward me. Tanya scowled as he headed in my direction, but I didn’t pay attention to her. My eyes were on Jackson’s. I wanted to know what he was thinking, what he was feeling. I needed to know that we were still connected.

  When he reached me, he swept me into an embrace, his lips brushing over my cheek. “Hey, baby.”

  And just like that I knew he wasn’t done with me. He was my Jackson. Still, I had to know what was going on. “What was that about?” I pointed in the direction of his friends. “Why were you talking to them?”

  “We sort of worked things out.”

  “Oh.”

  “But it doesn’t change anything with us.” He stole another kiss. This one on my lips. “You’re still my number one.”

  “Okay.” I wanted to believe him and let it go, but it wasn’t that simple.

  “Hey.” He touched my face. “What’s wrong?”

  “They hate me, Jackson. How can you be friends with them again?”

  “They don’t hate you,” he said.

  “Yes, they do.” I shifted my gaze. They were watching us.

  “They’re changing. Just give them another chance.” A few students walked past, and a backpack hit me in the arm. I moved out of the way, closer to Jackson. His arms tightened arou
nd me.

  “Really? What brought on this sudden change?” I had the sick feeling this might all be a setup.

  “Piper, just trust me, okay? I would never let anyone hurt you.” Reaching his hand up, he brushed a strand of hair from my face.

  “I know. I just don’t know why you even need them. You have me.” I smiled.

  But Jackson didn’t smile back. Anger flashed in his eyes. “So you can have a friend but I can’t?”

  I reeled back, stunned by his sudden shift in behavior. “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about Shane. You know, the guy you hang out with.” He emphasized the word “guy.”

  “Jackson, you know I’m not interested in Shane. He’s just my friend. Why can’t you trust me?”

  He grinned as if he had me. “Exactly. I could ask you the same thing.”

  I groaned. “Fine. I’ll give your friends another chance if you promise to let up on Shane a little bit.”

  “Deal.” I thought he’d be happy that I gave in to him, but he still appeared perturbed.

  The bell pealed and students started whisking by, all flying in different directions. “I have to get to class.”

  “See you soon, baby.” He pressed a kiss to my lips, but it lacked its usual passion. His mouth moved over mine skillfully, but it felt robotic almost. When he released me, I watched him walk away, a sense of foreboding washing over me. Something was wrong.

  Something had changed.

  Jackson

  I guess we hurt Bentley more than we thought. And I know the guy totally deserved it, but I feel a little guilty. I mean, I just wanted to rough him up, to teach him a lesson. I didn’t want to land the dude in the hospital. And the last thing I wanted to do was bring Piper into it.

  She’d been suspicious the last couple of day as it is. We’re so in tune to one another. It’s one of the things I love about our relationship. However, this week it had been tough. The shift in my behavior had alarmed her. No matter how hard I tried to pretend that nothing had happened, that nothing had changed, she sensed that it had. I could see it in her sidelong glances, in her pensive expressions. She even started becoming a little more distant, and that destroyed me.

  But when I showed up at her house this afternoon I knew it was more than mere suspicion. She knew something. I could tell by her demeanor. Usually when she opened the door to me her face lit up, her lips curving into a smile. But not today. Today her eyes darkened, her smile forced. It cut to my heart.

  I asked her what was wrong and she responded with something like, “Why don’t you tell me?” But I didn’t tell her. I played dumb. It wasn’t like I was going to spill what we’d done to Bentley. What if that wasn’t what she knew about? However, now I wish I had come clean. By keeping it a secret I had violated her trust, which I never wanted to do. And I could tell by her reaction that I had done irreparable damage.

  She’d stomped away from me, and I had to chase her. When I grabbed her around the middle she whacked my hands away, telling me not to touch her. It hurt worse than anything she’d ever said or done to me. My touch should comfort her, please her, not harm her or repulse her. Feeling defeated, I asked her what was going on.

  That’s when she finally came clean. She said that her parents received a call from the Cherry Wood Police Department. Bentley was in the hospital, beaten so badly he wasn’t even responding to anyone. But his family suspected that Piper had instigated the attack on him. Obviously she had an alibi for the night he was attacked. She was here with her mom. Still she worried that wouldn’t be enough, and she’d be drawn back into that situation again.

  I felt terrible that she was being dragged into this. It was never my intention. Then again, I hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking through the repercussions of my actions. It was an impulsive decision, made in a moment of anger, fueled by a sick need for revenge. I thought I was helping Piper, but now it seemed I’d hurt her.

  Then she looked me right in the eyes and asked me if I had anything to do with it. I wanted to deny it, to tell her I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. But I knew she’d see right through my lie. I’d already screwed up so much, I couldn’t afford to screw up anymore. Not if I still wanted Piper in my life. And I did. Desperately.

  So I told her the truth – that the guys and I drove to Cherry Wood and attacked Bentley. She was more upset than I’d ever seen her. She screamed at me, she cried, she even swatted at me a few times. But I let her. I didn’t even try to stop her. And I didn’t defend myself. I deserved her wrath. Not only that, but I welcomed it. What I’d done was stupid and reckless, and I’d brought Piper’s past right to her doorstep. A past she’d run away from. A past she’d trusted me with.

  God, I so didn’t deserve her.

  And that’s what I told her when she’d finished. I groveled. I apologized. I told her I loved her. And then I told her I would understand if she never wanted to see me again, that I didn’t deserve her.

  I prayed she wouldn’t agree, but I worried that she would. As I waited for her response, I held my breath. Finally she softened. Her shoulders dropped, her mouth loosened, her eyes crinkled at the corners. The fight withered inside her, and she looked more like her normal self. She walked toward me and reached out one arm. Her fingers touched my face, her fingers trailing over my stubble, her palm curving around my cheek. Then she told me that she understood why I did it.

  And then she apologized for being so mad before. She explained that she was just scared, and that she didn’t want to have to face anyone from Cherry Wood again.

  Once more I told her I was sorry. But she silenced my words with her mouth, kissing me firmly. More firmly than she’d ever kissed me before. Her kiss was different today. It was more passionate, more certain. It surprised me.

  When our lips parted she whispered “Thank you” against my mouth. I asked her for what, and she said, for being the first person who’s ever fought for her.

  And I told her that I’d fight for her until my very last breath.

  Piper

  When the detective arrived he introduced himself as Detective Pepper. I wanted to laugh at the name that immediately reminded me of my childhood dog, but nothing about him elicited humor. His expression was hard, his stance all business, his mannerisms unwelcoming.

  If I thought Mr. Roth’s questions were tough, it was only because I hadn’t met Detective Pepper yet. Even when Mr. Roth was being hard on me, I detected a tenderness underneath his words. There was no such tenderness with Detective Pepper. It was clear after the first few questions that he’d already made up his mind about me. I was guilty in his eyes no matter what I said.

  This should have made me feel hopeless, but oddly enough it only made me want to fight harder. I knew I didn’t hurt Jackson, and I’d do everything in my power to prove it. As Detective Pepper interrogated me, Mom and Mr. Roth both sat in the room. I drew strength from their presence. Mom and I had never been particularly close, but I appreciated her quiet support. I was grateful for the way she held her head high as I spoke. She hadn’t wavered yet, and I found myself both surprised and in awe of her determination. I felt bad for always seeing her as weak in the past. Clearly when the moment required it, she was capable of stepping up.

  If only I could say the same for my dad.

  “I understand you and Jackson hadn’t been getting along well in the weeks leading up to his death,” Detective Pepper said.

  My stomach clenched. Who told him that? It was true, but not many people knew about it. However, I imagined that the police had interviewed Jackson’s friends and family. All of them would be more than happy to share about our recent troubles.

  I nodded. There was no sense in denying it. “Things had been a little strained between us.”

  “Why? What happened?” he asked.

  Things were never the same between us after he beat up Bentley. It’s funny because I had never loved him more. Sure, I wasn’t happy about the police in Cherry Wood suspe
cting me of being involved. That part sucked. But the fact that Jackson loved me enough to fight for me meant everything. No one else in my life had been willing to do that for me.

  But Jackson wasn’t the same person anymore. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what had changed. He was still witty and charming. He was still tender and sweet. But there was this sense of shame and self-loathing just beneath the surface. And for some reason he’d become even more possessive and jealous than he’d been before.

  I didn’t quite understand it. I worried sometimes that maybe he regretted what he’d done. Or that he thought I owed him something now.

  So one day as we sat out on the quad during lunch period, I asked him about it. It was a cold day, and it had been raining slightly earlier, o there was a thin layer of rain on the grass. It seeped into my pants, and I shivered.

  “Why don’t we sit inside today?” he asked before taking a sip from his bottled water.

  I knew what he meant by sit inside. He meant sit with his friends. Every once in awhile, if it was raining or too cold to be out here, we would. Jackson would come to life around his friends, but I hated every minute of it. And he could tell. That’s why we rarely ever sat with them. But sometimes I wondered if it bothered him. If he wished we could sit with them every day.

  “No, I’m fine.” Maybe I should have given in, but I wanted Jackson all to myself. I didn’t feel like sharing him with anyone.

  “Okay.” He reached into his brown paper bag and pulled out a sandwich. As he unwrapped it, I saw the look of disdain on his face.

  My stomach knotted, and I wondered if he regretted going out with me. I wondered if he wished he could go back in time and stick to his friends and the life he’d had before. “You can go inside and sit with your friends if you want. You don’t have to stay out here with me if you don’t want to, you know?” The words were difficult to say. I mean, what if he took me up on it? What then?