“I’m sorry I made you worry, Mom. I wouldn’t go anywhere on the internet I shouldn’t. And I just wanted you to be happy.” Ava looked at her hands and drew in a shuddering breath. “This is all my fault. If I hadn’t gone to Make Me a Match, this never would have happened to you. I promise I’ll never bug you to date anyone ever again. It’s just you and me. Please don’t cry.”
With an effort, Courtney pulled herself together and brushed the tears from her cheeks. “And that is what ugly crying looks like.”
“Are you okay now?” Ava looked concerned.
“I will be.” She tried to smile. “On the up side, I have your solemn promise to never again meddle in my personal life. So the fake-dating scheme actually worked. Except the part where no one was supposed to get hurt—”
Now Ava started crying. “I’m so sorry, Mommy—”
She pulled the girl close and held her tight, trying to hug away the hurt she’d done. It was a disaster. Gabe couldn’t love her, and this child that she’d bent over backwards to protect was hurting a lot. Now Courtney’s heart was broken in two places.
Chapter Fourteen
Gabe had a bad feeling that he’d made a big mistake with Courtney the night before. And not just because he was on the way to his mom’s house for Sunday dinner without her and Ava. Everyone was going to ask about them, and he’d have to talk about the breakup. This was supposed to be his glory moment, the peak of his plan, the triumph of it coming together. Why the hell didn’t he feel victorious? Or at least a little better than pond scum?
He hadn’t slept much last night, mostly because he couldn’t get Courtney’s face out of his mind. He kept seeing the shock and hurt in her expressive eyes when he said no to pursuing a real relationship. One of the things he liked best about her was that he always knew what she was feeling. And he hated himself because he was responsible for that crushed expression on her face.
But what bothered him most was the prospect of a future without Courtney in it. His life looked bleak, miserable and lonely.
All too soon he pulled the two-seater Benz to a stop in front of the house and let it idle. If there was no Courtney and Ava in his life, he wouldn’t need to borrow a bigger car, or buy one. That had crossed his mind more than once. A quick vehicle count told him he was the last to arrive. Even Aunt Lil had made it. Her sensible SUV in bright red was easy to spot. The thought of leaving without going inside crossed his mind. He could make excuses later, use the breakup and not wanting to talk about it to get sympathy, which had always been the plan. After all, the more hurt they thought he was, the longer they’d give him before trying to put him back in the saddle. Just looking at all these cars made him see how many times he’d have to explain, and he realized there would be less discomfort if he took a sharp stick in the eye.
“Nope. Get it over with. One and done,” he said to himself.
He shut off the car, then exited and walked up to the front door and let himself in. “Hello.”
He heard his mother say, “In the family room,” as if it was impossible for him to determine where the crowd noise was coming from. The entryway ended at the kitchen–family room combination, and everyone was there. Mason and Annie’s twins were on the floor playing with toys while their pregnant, about-to-pop mom supervised from her position on the couch. Rumor had it she was overdue and the new baby could arrive any minute. The men, including Dominic, Mason and their dad, were holding beers and talking. They straddled both rooms.
His sister, mom and aunt Lil were in the kitchen handling food prep. When Gabe walked into view, all of them stared at him. And he could almost see their gazes look past him expectantly, as if there should be someone else.
He was going to ignore that and brazen it out, hope for the best. “Hi, all.”
With dish towel in hand, his mom moved close and reached her arms up to hug him. “Hi. Where’s Courtney? Did she have to work?”
“No.”
“Did she have other plans?” Aunt Lil also gave him a hug.
“No.”
There was something in his aunt’s expression, a slice of steel and suspicion that indicated she was pretty sure he was holding something back. “So, you didn’t invite her?”
“I did.” Having someone know you as well as his aunt did was both a blessing and a curse. As much as he hoped the family might let this slide, deep down he’d known they wouldn’t. After all, his mother was the one who’d invited Ember to dinner. Time to rip off the Band-Aid, then move on. “Courtney broke up with me.”
“Why?” His sister, Kelsey, called out from the kitchen, dashing any hope that someone, anyone, might be too busy to listen.
“It just wasn’t working out.” He’d rehearsed what to say, tried out different ways to phrase it so the magnitude of her being out of his life wouldn’t hit him with the same crippling force. Those words were the best he could do and didn’t work as intended.
“What does that mean?” His mother was frowning.
It meant she wanted more than he could give. And that he was protecting her from himself. But her words vibrated through him. You’re afraid of being hurt. None of that would come out of his mouth in front of the three women who were staring at him now. “What does it matter? It’s over.”
“But she’s awesome, Gabe.” Dom, his bachelor brother, called out from the male group, who were obviously listening.
“It’s just one of those things. I could use a beer,” he said.
Aunt Lil took a step to the side and blocked his path to the refrigerator. “I can see by the look on your face there’s more to this. I’d like to know what really happened between you and Courtney.”
“I told you.” All his life this woman had looked at him with love and patient indulgence. She’d never glared as if he was frightening children or deliberately crushing flowers under his heel. But she was now. Disappointing her put him on defense, big-time. “She’s terrific, but I’m not good enough for her.”
“Did she say that?” Aunt Lil demanded. “Because I’m a pretty good judge of character, and that doesn’t sound like something Courtney would say.”
“She didn’t exactly say that,” he admitted. Although it was definitely true. He was another jerk who’d let her down, and that thought made him want to put his fist through a wall. And true to form, he was using anger to handle loss.
“You might be able to sell this ridiculous story to someone who doesn’t know you well, but for me it doesn’t pass the smell test. Don’t interrupt me.” Aunt Lil put up a hand to stop him when he opened his mouth to say something. “After Margo died, you were furious and had every right to be. I get it. Anyone who’s lost someone they love understands the rage you feel at the overwhelming grief and loneliness. I felt exactly the same when your uncle Phil died. Anger is one of the stages of grief, and he was the love of my life.”
Gabe wasn’t sure where she was going with this and didn’t really want to know. Wherever it was, he wasn’t going to like it. “And you found a way to channel your feelings, Aunt Lil. You bought Make Me a Match, and bringing people together is healing you—”
“We’re talking about you, Gabriel,” she said sternly. “I understand why a grief-stricken person holds on to their anger. In some twisted way, it keeps that loved one alive, at the same time squeezing out the heartache and pain.”
“Makes sense,” he said. “Thanks for sharing.”
“Not so fast.” She looked pretty fierce now. “You carried that anger for a long time. But after meeting Courtney, it disappeared. I see it again today, and I believe that’s because you really care about her. And you lost her.”
“No, I—”
“Death is permanent,” she continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “But you’re still on this earth, and so is Courtney. Whatever happened, there’s still time for you to fix it.”
He couldn’t deny that she was right
about him being angry, and the more she pushed and backed him into a corner, the hotter he got. This felt like death by a thousand cuts, and he wanted it over. There was only one way to do that.
“Courtney and I were never serious.” As soon as the statement came out of his mouth, he felt the untruth in it. But the red haze of anger didn’t leave room for reasonable thought to shut him up. “We were fake dating.”
“You were what now?” His father looked clueless.
“We were going out so that her daughter and my family—” he pointed to each of them “—that would be all of you, would cease and desist interfering in our lives and pushing us to find someone. Ava came to Make Me a Match, but she could easily have ended up somewhere dangerous for a young girl. Courtney was desperate to find a way to get her to stop.”
“And you?” His mother had let her sister take the lead on this interrogation, but the reprieve was over. And her voice was like ice.
“Every Sunday there was another woman here, an obvious attempt to hook me up. Has anyone ever told you you’re not subtle? And you have to admit that was interfering in my life.”
“Well, excuse us for caring.” His mom looked close to tears.
“Pardon us for hoping you would move on with your life and find happiness.” Aunt Lil’s tone was identical to her sister’s.
“Yeah. We were just trying to help.” Mason had been quiet up until now, but he’d obviously been listening. “You’re on your own now, brother. When you end up a lonely, bitter old man, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.”
“I’m sorry,” Gabe said. “But that last dinner with Ember pushed me over the edge.”
“Understood,” his mother snapped. “That was all on me, and never fear. It won’t happen again.”
God, he hated his mother’s angry, hurt voice. “Look, Mom—”
She brushed a hand over her cheek and turned away, probably to hide the tears in her eyes. “Dinner’s almost ready. You should get that beer.”
“So I’m not in time-out?” He was trying to lighten the moment, but no one cracked a smile. “Okay. I’ll get a beer.”
“Suit yourself.” Aunt Lil followed his mother to the kitchen.
The men went back to talking sports while the women were putting final touches on the food. The truth was out, and the world was still spinning. Gabe should have felt relieved that everything was now out in the open. His family was clearly upset, but he figured they’d get over this breakup with Courtney. But would he?
After snagging a beer from the fridge, he went into the family room, where Charlie and Sarah were busily playing with plastic containers and wooden spoons from their grandmother’s kitchen. Maybe the two toddlers were still speaking to him.
Charlie tottered over like a drunken sailor and handed him a plastic leftover container lid. There was a question in his blue eyes, then he looked around at all the grown-ups present. Apparently he didn’t see the person he had expected to. “Awa?”
Then little Sarah was in front of him asking, “Awa? Hewe?”
He looked at their mother for translation. “What did they just say?”
Annie sighed as she rubbed her big belly. “When they’ve seen you recently, Courtney and Ava were with you. They want to know where Ava is. They really like her.”
“Oh.” In their own way, even these babies were smacking him upside the head. “You can sure tell they’re Blackburnes. As if I haven’t already replaced the lowest life form on the planet, they’re making me feel worse than slime.”
“Fake dating, huh?” Annie shook her head. “That was a pretty radical plan.”
He’d wanted them off his back and now they were, but he hadn’t anticipated this. Because no one was ever supposed to find out about the plot. Still, he would go down defending his actions until hell wouldn’t have it. “Desperate times call for desperate measures. Those people were out of control.”
“Try and cut them some slack.” She tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear. “Everything they did was out of love.”
“Love, huh? Maybe I could do with a little less of it.”
“You don’t mean that, Gabe.” Annie’s expression was sympathetic, but there was an edge in it, too. Reproach. “Take it from me. You can never have too much love.”
“And take it from me, I was up to here with their butting in.”
She shrugged as if to say, “Agree to disagree,” and they sat quietly, watching the kids.
Activity went on around him for the rest of the day. Eventually the family actually spoke to him as if he wasn’t public enemy number one. But his sister-in-law’s words echoed in his head.
They did everything out of love.
Had he done that with Courtney? Believing he would hurt her, had he shut the door on anything more with her? Funny how much bigger his loneliness was after knowing her, being with her. And the way he missed her wasn’t fake. The need to hold her wasn’t a sham. The feelings had been growing, but he told himself they weren’t real. They weren’t love.
He’d been so wrong about that.
* * *
After a moping-over-Gabe day, which was only interrupted by eating ice cream, Courtney had never been so happy to be at work. Productive activity was the best antidote to heartache and took her mind off missing him so deeply. Unfortunately, work didn’t always cooperate with her objectives. Her lady with the broken heart had been discharged with orders to see her primary care physician for ongoing treatment. And, happily, there were only a couple of patients in the unit for observation, none of them terribly sick.
For once she had time to stay current with patient charting and was at the nurses’ station doing just that. But it was taking longer than usual because thoughts of Gabe kept popping into her mind to torture her. The trip to the zoo where he delighted Ava with a stuffed giraffe. He’d been so kind and understanding when her daughter showed up at his office to find her pathetic mother a man. So sweet and supportive when she’d lost such a young patient. If only his kisses hadn’t absolutely melted her into a puddle of liquid lust.
Would this be any easier if he weren’t quite so good-looking? A little less sexy? She thought not, because the things that made him so special were on the inside, his heart and soul. His integrity.
His biggest flaw was one of character, something that made it impossible for her to be mad at him. He couldn’t forgive himself for not fulfilling the wish of the woman he had loved. He wouldn’t let himself see that what had happened was a tragic twist of fate, not a failure on his part. He hadn’t committed a crime. Ironically, he’d just wanted more time to secure their future, and he would have done things differently if he could have seen into the future. He might have had a child now and known the joy of parenting, even if he had to do it alone.
Courtney could see into her future, and it was fairly empty. Ava would be going to college in a few years, leaving her mom behind. It was a lonely prospect, made even lonelier because she’d had a glimpse of how it might look with the right man. And Gabe was the right one for her. She was absolutely convinced of that.
“Are you going to stare into space a little longer or get that charting done?” The voice belonged to Sharon Ridley.
Courtney jumped. She’d been so lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t seen her supervisor walk into the nurses’ station. The woman was fiftyish with dark hair cut pixie short.
“Sorry, Sharon. No excuses. My brain was hijacked by aliens.”
“It happens. Anything you want to talk about?”
“No. Maybe another time. But thanks,” Courtney said.
“On the plus side, you’ve got the time for contemplation since we’re not swamped with patients.” This woman had a great management style and seamlessly navigated the gray area between boss and friend. “That’s fortunate.”
Not really. Courtney would have preferred being too busy to th
ink. “A breather is always good.”
“Why don’t you take your lunch now?” Sharon suggested. “It would actually be on time for a change. That almost never happens.”
“Okay. I’ll just finish up this charting.” She shrugged. “This time I will really do it.”
“I never doubted it. Have a good lunch.”
“Thanks for understanding.” Courtney sincerely meant that.
About fifteen minutes later, she left the nurses’ station and walked down the corridor to the fourth-floor elevators. She managed to get one that was empty and pushed the down button. With a sigh, she leaned against the wall and wondered why she was exhausted when there was less work to do. On the third floor, the doors whispered open to let someone on.
And Florence Blackburne, Gabriel’s mother, was that someone.
They stared at each other for so long the automatic elevator doors started to close. Courtney stuck out her arm to stop them from shutting in the other woman’s face.
“Thanks.” She smiled a little sadly. “Hi, Courtney.”
“Mrs. Blackburne. How are you?” Then she remembered that she worked where sick people go for help. That gave her stomach a lurch. “Is everyone okay?”
“Yes. Why? Oh—this is a hospital.” Flo nodded her understanding. “Annie’s in labor. Finally. She was sure this baby was never going to get here.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“We’re very excited. John and Lillian are here. We’re so happy to have some good news in the family.”
Bull’s-eye, Courtney thought. Of course Gabe would tell his mother they’d “broken up.” Fortunately the elevator doors opened then and she could escape.
She stepped out and looked at the other woman. “I’m on my way to lunch. Give Annie my best. Sorry things with Gabe and I didn’t go well—” Without warning, a lump of emotion caught in her throat, and she stopped. Of all the times to get weepy, in front of Florence Blackburne would not have been her first choice.
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