The Music of Love

by Sandine Tomas

  “Jules?”

  Zachary looked like he was waiting. A flash of something resembling fear shaded those chameleon eyes. Julian’s brain snapped back, and heart pounding like a freight train in his chest, he pushed all he felt up and out and hoped it reflected in his own eyes like it had in Zachary’s. “I love you too.”

  “I have to ask something of you. Please promise you won’t lie again.”

  Relieved, Julian responded with certainty, “I won’t. I promise. All I want is for us to work.”

  “Oh, no worries, we work,” Zachary assured. “I knew it almost from the start.” He laughed into Julian’s ear. “They all said I was nuts.”

  Julian pulled back to see him again. “Who did?”

  “My friends.”

  “Why did your friends think you were nuts?”

  “For falling so fast. Everyone said it doesn’t happen this quick. But, God, the minute I saw you—and I didn’t even share the half of that.”

  “That first Sunday morning? I was a mess, man. Nobody coulda wanted that,” he answered incredulously.

  Zachary’s smile got star bright. No cloud could block this. “You were a mess. Your hair was sticking up in the most unnatural manner. There was food or puke or something vile hanging off you. I can’t even begin to describe the smell.” Face flushing, Julian remembered the mortification of having a stranger see him looking like he’d recently ascended from a garbage dump.

  Zachary touched the side of Julian’s cheek. “Yeah. It made no sense. Nothing about you ever makes sense.” He laughed sheepishly. “But that day, your eyes were like burning emeralds, and through the crust, I could see these adorable freckles and your lips just begged to be kissed, and you looked at me like I was this fascinating puzzle. Your stare. I just can’t seem to let it go.”

  Julian squeezed Zachary’s hand. “Then don’t.”

  THEY FIRST made love at the conclusion of their second date. Julian would have been more than happy to put out on their first date, but Zachary had tilted his head down shyly after kissing him good night and disappeared into the night with a soft grin. Given that hesitation, Julian had expected to wait longer than it took. But two days later, they’d gone out to dinner and shared a bottle of wine and returned to Julian’s apartment ostensibly for coffee.

  They’d barely closed the door behind them when Zachary was all over him. Not that Julian had complained as Zachary’s lips and hands and tongue fell upon Julian with unrestrained hunger. After a particularly rough bite Zachary had stopped to catch his breath and let out a little laugh.

  “What?” Julian breathed into him.

  “What what?”

  “Why’d you stop?”

  Zachary leaned in to kiss his mouth again softly. “Thought we should take it to the bedroom, maybe?”

  Julian forcibly cleared his gaze with a befuddled gulp before realizing that a question might have been asked. “Oh. Yes. Bedroom. Really. Good idea. Tremendous idea. I knew you were smart.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Georgetown Law.”

  In the bedroom, Julian was surprised by how quickly Zachary undressed. Not that Julian minded. But the shyness just seemed to melt.

  “What?” Zachary asked when he was down to nothing but his boxers. Julian sat on the bed. He’d only gotten as far as removing his shoes and socks.

  Resisting playing their little word game, Julian looked Zachary over head to toe, loving everything he saw. He’d intended to tease, but instead he found himself nearly whispering, “You’re gorgeous.”

  The blush returned.

  Julian stood and shrugged his shirt off. Zachary’s eyes darkened, and he took the spot on the edge of the bed Julian just vacated. Zachary leaned back on his elbows, his pupils blown dark and predatory. Face heating, Julian kept Zachary’s gaze and slowly took his T-shirt off. Zachary inhaled sharply and licked his lips like a lost man in a desert seeing water for the first time. Julian didn’t do this. No matter how horny he got, he’d never really exhibited his body before in such a deliberate manner.

  He ran his fingertips down his chest and slowly worked them down to his stomach, trailing lower until they lingered near the top button of his jeans before working it open slowly.

  Zachary’s jaw vibrated, and he reached down to cup himself. “Fuck yeah,” he drawled, Texan coming out. “Slow.”

  Face flushed and heart hammering, Julian worked each button with fingers that felt too clumsy, but soon the jeans slipped open and he shimmied the denim past his hips, down his thighs until he stepped out of them and gave them a kick to scoot them away. Before his nerves could betray him, he repeated the slow action with his boxers.

  Eyes riveted on Zachary, he fondled his erection in a lazy upstroke and licked lips that suddenly felt as dry as parchment. He took a step closer to the bed. Zachary’s eyes were almost pure black now with naked want. Zachary sat up straighter, staring at Julian’s cock before he licked his own lips. Fuck. That mouth. Julian lost the last distance between them, and then his dick was wrapped in the hottest, wettest, tightest place it had ever known.

  Zachary sucked him in one long swallow, deep-throating him until Julian’s knees buckled. Oh God. He felt the burn down to his toes, which started to curl, and he knew he was letting out sounds that might have been gasps or maybe even shouts because nothing had ever felt this good in his entire life. Julian’s hands fell on Zachary’s shoulders and he held on and let the overpowering sensations flow through him. It wouldn’t last long; he knew that. He was on fire, and it felt so good it bordered on painful. He wanted to warn Zachary, and he got as far as murmuring now or maybe it was just Zach or maybe both, but then the surge of white heat rocketed through his body and nothing existed for those few exquisite moments but the mouth surrounding him and the hands holding him up and his heart beating like a sustained piano pedal.

  Zachary curled up near him, and Julian had absolutely no memory of stretching out. Raising up on one elbow, Zachary murmured, “Hey, you back with me?”

  Julian blinked. “I’ll get back to you on that.”

  Zachary smiled at him, warm and bright, and Julian’s heart started skipping again. He pulled Zachary down for a kiss, their tongues playing softly against each other. Zachary pulled back on a sigh, eyes locking with Julian’s again. They glowed the brightest blue-gold, lit with an inner fire. “I love you.”

  It wasn’t the first time Zachary had told him that. But the absoluteness of Zachary’s stare drove the words straight into Julian’s heart. He held the gaze. Said it silently before answering, “I love you too.”

  Nipping at Zachary’s nose, Julian confessed, “You know, I’ve wanted you to do that since the first time I saw you. Well, or the other way around. But we’ve got time.” He kissed him again.

  “Well that’s a coincidence. I wanted you to do that from the first moment I saw you too.”

  It took a second for Julian to realize what Zachary had said, and then he blushed with embarrassment. Because really? The first time Zachary saw Julian he was more garbage heap than person.

  “And I’ve wanted you to fuck me since I first heard you laugh,” Zachary added.

  “What?”

  “What what?”

  Julian rolled over onto his belly, holding himself up on his elbow as he looked sideways at Zachary, face red and voice cracking like sparkling electricity. “Just that—I mean, I prefer—Zach, in the hotel. Remember when you asked me which bunk I’d take?”

  It took Zachary a moment to remember, but his lips quirked as he echoed his flirt from weeks ago, “Would you take top or bottom?”

  Julian simply stared a few moments before blushing. “Um. Usually bottom.” His voice lilted, giving his answer a questioning tone, but Zachary understood.

  “Oh.”

  “I mean I have topped. Can top. I mean—”

  “I get it. No worries.”

  “So, you, uh….”

  Zachary nodded. “Usually bottom too. But I can top, and have.” H
e turned until they were face-to-face, his lips curving into a mysterious grin. “You know what this means, don’t you?”

  Julian looked at him with a nervous glint. Was this it? Deal breaker? “What?”

  Zachary’s face was so serious. “Rock. Paper. Scissors.”

  “What?” Julian repeated stupidly.

  Zachary took Julian in a hug and spoke into his ear. “Winner gets their way?”

  Julian snuggled closer, lips passing over Zachary’s face and hands skimming over Zachary’s back. “I don’t think there would be any losers, Zach.”

  And so their love life had begun.

  Julian and Zachary sat listening to Brian question a female midlevel IT manager who he hoped had been privy to incriminating communications. Julian sensed she wasn’t going to offer anything new, but Brian persevered in his dog-with-a-bone fashion.

  As the questions droned on Julian hummed, lost in the sunlight’s reflection bubbling like seltzer spray on the hotel room’s gleaming mahogany table, seeing the start of a melody. Blinking, he looked up to see Zachary observing him silently, lips twitching as if indulging in a particularly delicious secret.

  When Julian got lost in his head, he didn’t notice Zachary staring. They both had this tendency to get lost watching each other. Zachary had admitted his staring habit from day one. But Julian seemed to have it worse. Now, though, it was Zachary’s turn. Julian smiled. Zachary was as ridiculously hot as ever. His suit fit his broad shoulders nicely and tapered in toward his waist. Julian swallowed, going hot under his collar as memories of the previous night surfaced.

  “Jules? Julian?” Brian’s voice broke through Julian’s memory-induced haze. “Where were you, man? We’re done.”

  Flustered at the intimate nature of his ruminations, Julian rose to clean up the table, grateful that Zachary had already taken care of the recording equipment.

  Brian left shortly after that, leaving them alone once more. Julian put the last of the files away and placed that night’s work in his messenger bag.

  “Jules?”

  “Mm?”

  “How come you don’t want to meet my friends?”

  Julian’s face sobered. Since they’d started dating this had come up, especially since Gabe had insisted on apologizing to Zachary in person for lying to him. After that Zachary had tried to initiate a night out with his friends. It wasn’t that Julian didn’t want to socialize. Well, not exactly. “Sure. Your friends. We’ll, um, meet, or whatever.”

  Zachary stepped closer and held the top of Julian’s arms, steadying him. “Jules. Breathe.”

  Julian colored slightly and stared at the carpet. Zachary drew him in. “C’mere.” He put his arms out, and Julian buried his face into Zachary’s neck. “Okay. What?”

  “What what?”

  “What’s bothering you about meeting my friends?”

  Julian stiffened and pulled away, turning around. “I’m an idiot.”

  Not surprisingly, Zachary frowned, hating when Julian put himself down. “No. You’re not. Jules?”

  Julian turned and faced him. “The friends I have I’ve known a long time. That’s not a coincidence. I’m not easy to like. You know that. I… I’m annoying.”

  Zachary grabbed them both beers and plopped down on the sofa. Guess Zachary thought they were going to need some fortitude for this talk. Julian’s stomach contracted as nerves pinched his guts. He forced himself not to hyperventilate. Or worse.

  “Sit.” Zachary patted the cushion next to him. “Julian. At your worst you could never be as annoying as Marc. I promise.”

  Zachary laughed and was clearly trying to lighten the mood. Julian knew that Marc Reynolds was Zachary’s best friend and roommate. He’d followed Zachary to Washington, DC, from their hometown of San Antonio when Zachary had been accepted at Georgetown Law School. When first talking about Marc, Zachary simply said that Marc was like Julian’s Gabe, only without any musical ability. Julian understood about amazing best friends willing to follow you around.

  Next to him Zachary took a long swallow of his beer, and Julian fought the heat he felt as he watched it slowly go down his throat. He shook his head to keep from getting distracted. He owed Zachary an explanation.

  “Zach. I—in the past. I think maybe part of what always went wrong with my relationships is that I’m hard to like.”

  Irritation flashed in Zachary’s eyes. Julian knew Zachary hated how often Julian let his failed past relationships influence his present life. Zachary was a “live in the moment” kind of guy, and Julian’s attitude went against his grain.

  As expected, Zachary immediately disagreed. “Those losers were imbeciles. Thought we settled that already?”

  “It’s just that once we got to the friends meeting part, it got awkward. Especially David’s friends. They didn’t think I was good enough for him.”

  Zachary put his bottle down and shifted until he was in Julian’s space. “Don’t do that, don’t say it, don’t even think it. Sure, we had less than a romcom-perfect start. But you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Our colleagues—Katherine, Jack, hell even Brian—they all know it too. Kat tells me every day seeing us makes her happy by osmosis.” He squeezed Julian’s knee. “And it’s time for my friends to see that too. C’mon. Please let me show you off.”

  Julian stared, wanting to believe Zachary’s words. But. “You’re so smart, going to be a great lawyer because you care about people and justice. I… this is just a job.”

  “Jules, please, you’re no sloucher. You graduated from Tyler Performing Arts. Your music is your passion. Your career.”

  Julian snorted. “My career? Yeah. Right. Playing at a few clubs? Tagging on to Gabe and Nick’s band. It’s their life, Zach. I-I’m like the perpetual groupie or something.”

  “They sing your songs, Jules. Your music. You are as much a part of it as they are.” He swept his hair back in frustration. “What would Gabe say right now if he heard you say that?”

  “Shut the fuck up.”

  “What?”

  “You asked what Gabe would say.”

  Zachary laughed. “And he’d be right. I wish I had your creativity. You see songs, Jules. You hear them on a breeze or in a rainstorm or along the wall of a monument. That’s—The law, yeah, I respect it. It’s about order and fairness. I care about justice, you’re right. But it’s not magic. The world needs both. And you give my life magic.”

  Julian looked at him long and hard again. After a few moments he said softly, “Did you tell your friends how I get lost sometimes?”

  “They’re used to that with me. Told you the day we met that I sometimes stare. Remember?”

  Julian smiled. “Could look at you for hours.”

  “Same here.”

  “I got the better view.”

  Zachary shook his head. “Nope. But I’ll let you keep your little delusions.”

  Julian rubbed the back of his neck, head ducking slightly. “All right, set something up. I’ll be there.”

  “SO, JULIAN, you’ve been banging my boy here, eh?”

  Julian sputtered, coughing up the wine he’d brought to his lips. They were in a family-friendly Italian restaurant that Zachary said he and his friends frequented. They’d managed to snag a round table toward the back, which had pleased Zachary because he said it made conversation easier. Great, Julian now thought. A whole night of that kind of conversation and he’d barf up his dinner before it was served.

  Along with Zachary’s unfiltered roommate, Marc, two friends from law school had also come along. Margaret (“call her Meg, never Marge”) was a spunky, petite Asian with long dark hair and bright brown eyes. Accompanying her was Sophia, taller and with a fuller figure and alabaster skin that held a blue tinge in the restaurant’s dim lighting. Zachary hadn’t provided a nickname warning for her, so Julian planned to not test that. While not as blunt as Marc, Sophia had a directness about her that Julian was still deciding if he found refreshing or threatening.

>   “Marc, you’re a pig,” Sophia barked. “Don’t mind him, Julian. He’s socially retarded. Socially impaired?”

  “Socially inept,” Zachary chimed in, throwing Marc a nasty look and rubbing Julian’s back. He leaned in. “You okay?”

  Julian wiped a hand over his wine-tinged mouth and gave him a wide-eyed stare. Would it be rude to ask for his food in a take-out container?

  As the meal progressed, Julian started to relax. He learned about Sophia’s love of literature and how if she hadn’t decided to pursue law, she would have ended up teaching English. Meg was an expert at Japanese Aikido. “It’s about using your opponent’s strength against themselves.”

  Julian nodded at that. Given that Meg was so tiny, he thought it was smart to find a way to take advantage of the bulk of others. He was in okay shape himself, not as buff as Zachary by any measure, but he kept himself lean with a relatively healthy diet, and Zachary was a good influence as far as adding weight training to his regular exercise routines.

  Marc proved interesting. He’d studied business and had moved to DC with Zachary to try someplace new. For now, he worked in a trendy retro shop that featured vinyl records and an eclectic DVD sales and rental section. “Really?” Julian asked. “I would think nobody rents that way anymore.”

  Across the table Marc’s mouth twisted. “You’d be wrong. Depends on the demographics of the area, of course. But we offer things that aren’t going to pop up on Netflix.”

  Julian sensed Zachary’s spine straightening with pride for his friend. Pitch rising like an excited kid, Zachary boasted, “His shop’s got every indie and straight-to-DVD disaster anyone could ever ask for.” Picking up a breadstick and waving it around like a conductor, he asked Marc, “Still doing that ‘Have You Seen This?’ display?” Zachary turned to Julian to explain. “Marc keeps a Plexiglas holder by the register and he changes it whenever the mood strikes to recommend a film. What’s in it now?”

  “In a Glass Cage,” Marc replied.

  Julian had no idea what that was, but he kept his face neutral in case it meant something good. Laughter broke out all around. Meg spoke up. “Jules, may I call you that?” Julian nodded. “Don’t feel bad. Nobody’s heard of it. Well, nobody I know at least. It’s a Spanish film from the ’80s about a former Nazi pedophile.” She deadpanned, “You know, light fare.”