Pink Shades of Words: Walk 2016

by Anthology

  “Good morning, Mayor. What has you heading off island today?” I asked, suddenly curious. I’d never seen him on the morning ferry to Boston before.

  “County council quarterly meeting in the city.” He looked out at the view of the shoreline and seemed pensive as he studied it. “One of the few reasons left to get me to leave, otherwise I wouldn’t.”

  “Ahh, well I don’t blame you a bit. I’d choose the island over Boston any day.”

  “Why don’t you then?” he asked quickly.

  “Herman, you are the mayor so I know you are fully aware there is no thriving interior design business on Blackstone Island for which I might be employed.”

  He stroked his chin thoughtfully before replying, “I’ll have to work on that one then, but you never answered my question.”

  “What?”

  “I offered you a penny for your thoughts, but I guess you’ve raised your rates.” He pretended to sulk. The man could still flirt like a champion and his handsome features hadn’t been erased by the years, either. He must have been quite a specimen in his younger days breaking hearts all over the place. I’d have to ask Nan about his past sometime.

  “For you, no charge.” I nodded toward the trees rising majestically along the rock cliff and the rocky beach below as the ferry moved around the horn of the island toward the open bay. “I was thinking about how happy I am to be back here. I do love that view so much.”

  He admired the scene along with me for a minute. “Glad to have you back, too. I know your grandma is thrilled.” Was that a flicker of something I just saw pass through his deep-blue eyes? I waited for it. “By the way, how is your grandma doing since her surgery?”

  As dependable as clockwork, dear Herman Blackstone was when it came to my nan.

  “Thank you for asking. She is recovering well, but between you and me, I don’t think she was ready to retire from Blackwater when they closed the house. She loved her job, and now I think she’s a bit bored.” There were other things I left unsaid because I didn’t want to offend Herman in any way. It was his family who’d employed my grandmother for more than three decades, before abandoning the property two years ago. Nan had been the housekeeper at the Blackwater estate for thirty-five years when it was boarded up for good and now sat empty along the western cliffs of the island. The family didn’t come here anymore. I’d heard it was only the father who loved it so much, but after he became ill they didn’t return again.

  “A lot changed while you were away.”

  “As things do,” I replied softly, sensing his sadness but not wanting to pry.

  “Yes indeed, but that doesn’t mean there’s no room to improve the situation,” he said, “and remember where you’ve come from.” Clearly he was unhappy with his family giving up on the island.

  I put my hand on his arm. “I am so sorry for your loss, Herman. Nan told me about your brother’s passing.” I’d heard Mr. John-William Blackstone had died of cancer not long before I returned five months ago. “I only met him one time when Nan first took me in, but he was always a very good employer to her and she thought the world of the family.” That was mostly true. Nan never said a word against her, but I don’t think she held Mrs. Blackstone in the same esteem as her husband, and she’d stopped coming to the island for holidays years ago, once her children were grown. I guess not everyone could love the rich beauty of the island in the same way.

  He turned his wise eyes on me and covered my hand with his. “I’m sorry for your loss as well, Brooke. Your grandma told me when it happened. She was worried sick about you, and she needed—well, I think she needed to talk to somebody about it at the time or she would have lost her mind.”

  Kindness can induce an outpouring of emotions I had found. This wasn’t the first time it had happened to me, either. My friend Zoe’s heartfelt condolences had done the same thing when we first met up after I returned. Same with Eduardo. When someone showed they cared about you, and expressed it in a kind way, that very kindness held the power to bring all of those experiences and hopes and dreams of memories rushing right back up to the surface again like it had happened yesterday. Even when I believed I’d buried it deep, my hurt was really just hovering at the surface, barely covered by the thinnest of sheets ready to blow away in the breeze.

  My eyes filled with tears before I could stop them. I gave in and let them fall. Sometimes I was weak and couldn’t help remembering what I’d lost...and I cried.

  “Oh hell, I’ve upset you—I’m so very sorry, Brooke,” he sputtered.

  I could tell Herman was absolutely horrified by my outburst, the poor man. I heard it in his voice. Awesome! I’d freaked out a sweet old man, and the day was barely underway. I’d bet money he’d go straight to my nan and tell her about it the minute he returned from his meeting in the city. Then she would be worried. And she didn’t need to be worrying about me right now as she healed from her knee replacement. I was fine. And nothing would change the past no matter what people said or didn’t say to me. The whole experience of grief was rather an unending cycle, and so damn exhausting, I just wanted off the ride at this point.

  I shook my head and stared down at the decking below my feet. “It’s okay, please. This happens to me sometimes and I—do this—” I used my knuckle to brush away a tear and took in a slow, deep breath to help bring my emotions back down to a functional level. “I’ll be fine. Sorry, Herman.”

  “Don’t you apologize to me when you’ve every right to grieve,” he scolded. Then he presented a pristine white handkerchief to my hands. I took it gratefully as Herman drew his arm around me and pulled me in against his shoulder. The soft leather of his jacket cushioned my cheek as I accepted his offered comfort. “Of course you’ll be fine, Brooke. You have your whole life ahead of you and wonderful things will come, you’ll see.”

  We stood like that and watched the island grow smaller and smaller until the ferry turned southward and she slipped out of sight. I knew I’d be back to this same exact spot in the ocean when I returned on the five thirty after work. I’d wait for that moment when the island appeared on the horizon, after the captain made his northward turn. I’d breathe a sigh of relief when she came into view, and my heart would settle. It was a weird ritual with me, but it happened every time I came and went from Blackstone Island. It hurt a little to leave her each time, but the tiny thrill I experienced when I returned had never failed me either.

  As I pulled myself together and indulged in my Zen moment with Herman, I thought about what he’d said...about wonderful things were ahead for me.

  I wanted it to be true.

  I so wanted it to be true.

  THREE

  ~BROOKE~

  Harris & Goode was tucked away on Hereford Street where it was a bit quieter from the foot traffic Newbury Street enjoyed. It didn’t matter the location was quieter, though, because clients looking to hire a designer in this neighbourhood usually weren’t walk-ins. The interior design business relied on word of mouth, but mostly the coveted referrals from prior clients to their friends with the money to pay for such services.

  When I felt like walking, I got off at the Copley Station and followed Newbury Street down to where I worked. If the weather was unpleasant, I took Hynes because it was a lot closer. Today wasn’t unpleasant though. A sunny and dry autumn day was always appreciated.

  My small emotional breakdown on the ferry this morning with Herman had strangely helped.

  In a way.

  So I let my guard down and remembered my sadness for a moment.

  I’d become emotional.

  I’d cried and scared poor Herman.

  But we both survived it, and when the flurry of my sadness had passed, I’d felt much better. And I think Herman did as well. It wouldn’t be weird when we saw each other next time because now we’d sealed our friendship. That, as I pondered further, was a good thing.

  I stopped at Starbucks to repair my makeup, and more importantly to supply my coffee addiction, before
heading inside Harris & Goode at the next doorway. God, I loved that we had a Starbucks next door. One of the nicest perks about my job. There was a line for the loo so I checked my messages while I waited. The one from Martin was unexpected. He wanted me to work a reception cocktail party this evening, six to nine.

  My side job serving for Jonquil Catering was not my favourite, but it paid pretty well when I could fit a job in. I loved working at Harris & Goode designing rooms for clients based on their visions, but couldn’t quite make the ends meet on a junior designer’s salary. Not yet anyway. So I took jobs serving on weekends and evenings if I had proper notice. Nine hours wasn’t enough time for me to arrange anything, and Martin knew that. I had to have a place to stay the night for one thing, because the last ferry left the dock at eight thirty p.m. on the dot, and if I wasn’t on it, then I was stuck in Boston for the night. I’d stay over with Zoe, but my friend was out of town for her sister’s wedding for at least another week. I didn’t have clothes for the following day of work at Harris & Goode, or my black and whites for serving. There was no way I could work for Martin tonight.

  I texted him my reply: Sorry, can’t do, Martin. I’m already on the mainland for the day. I need some notice to arrange where to stay, clothes etc. –B

  He’d be pissy with me now but what could I do about it? Living on an island made for some challenges and I couldn’t control the ferry schedule. There wasn’t a lot of demand for a boat to Blackstone Island in the middle of the night.

  I fixed my face in the mirror at Starbucks and thought I’d pass for normal. If Eduardo didn’t notice I’d been crying then I’d call the whole thing a success. Straight blonde hair and very light brown eyes—that I’d been told were amber—had been inherited from my mum. Nan reminded me frequently that I looked just like her. I thought my mum had been very beautiful, so when Nan told me I could be Mum’s twin, it made me feel good inside.

  I studied myself thoughtfully and came to the conclusion that I didn’t look bad, just a bit...sad.

  Because I was.

  It was no coincidence my favorite character from the movie Inside Out was Sadness. She was necessary—an important part of your life—and if you tried to keep Sadness out completely, and didn’t let her in once in awhile, then the rest of the parts of you started to break down from the pressure of trying to deny yourself the right to be sad. It all made total sense to me. Maybe I’d watch it tonight after I visited Nan at physical therapy.

  “Good morning!” Eduardo lambasted me with his standard greeting. “Looking very sexy today, my Condesa. Those boots are screaming ‘do me ’til I can’t take it anymore’ you know.”

  I set my coffee down on the reception counter and unbuttoned my coat. “Good morning to you too, and they are not screaming anything of the kind.”

  “They so are, darling. I bet you didn’t notice the hunk in the sunglasses checking you out either, hmm?” Eduardo waved toward the full-glass front doors of the building where a “hunk” was indeed peering in as he took a call. Six two, maybe six three, with dark hair, a very nice wool coat in camel over an expensive gray suit, and aviator sunglasses was all I could make out through the window. But even through the glass and shadows, his handsomeness was apparent. There were men like him everywhere in Boston’s business centre, though. I saw them every day, hurrying from one corporate deal to another. Trying to get ahead just like everyone else.

  “He’s talking on his phone, Eduardo, not looking at me, you tit-head.”

  “He did. You passed by and he checked you out real good, honey. He liked what he saw, mmm-hmm,” he informed me with a straight face, “and I love it when you talk dirty English to me.” It was all I could do to keep from laughing at him outright. Eduardo Ramos was good for my soul. I’d only known him since I’d started working at Harris & Goode four months ago, but we had clicked right away. He knew all about my past, and was nothing but supportive and compassionate about my situation. He loved the fact I was British and called me Condesa most of the time—Spanish for countess. The thing with Eduardo was you had to overlook the outrageous and inappropriate comments he made on just about any off-limits topic for a place of business—and always at the most inappropriate times—because it was simply part of the package. A gorgeous Puerto Rican gay man with a mouth, and absolutely, perfectly lovely.

  I shook my head at him slowly. “Do Jon and Carlisle know that you fantasize about the foot traffic when you should be working?”

  He sniffed and frowned. “They do the same thing when they come through the front. But it’s right there, Brooke, right in front of me.”

  “What is right in front of you?” I looked back toward the glass and noticed the hunk had moved on.

  “Man heaven,” Eduardo sighed dreamily. “Big...hard...cocks...just walking—walking past us all day long. Ay Dios mio!” He fanned his face with both hands flapping.

  I lost it and had to either laugh out loud or explode. “Probably not so hard as you imagine if they are walking. I think it would be quite painful to walk around with a stiff cock all day.”

  “You have a point there, Condesa, and please say ‘stiff cock’ for me again in your pretty accent.”

  “No, I will not say it again, and you can stop being cheeky with me.”

  Eduardo knew I wasn’t annoyed. It was a game we played for fun. Jon and Carlisle, the owners, didn’t give a toss either. It was part and parcel of working with three gay men who were interior designers. It came with the territory, and the setup worked for me just fine.

  * * *

  “Martin, I’ve already explained why I cannot do it. I do not live in Boston. I have no place to stay overnight nor do I have clothes to wear tomorrow. If you want me to work for you then you will have to give me at least twenty-four-hour’s notice next time.”

  Seriously, the man was dense. What did he not understand about the situation? More likely he just didn’t care.

  “Why can’t you stay the night with your friend?” Martin suggested.

  “Zoe is away, and even if she was here there’s still the matter of clothes.” I wanted to smack him.

  Eduardo, who had the habit of listening in on all conversations in the office if he was at all able, spoke up, “You can stay with me if you need a place to go tonight.” Too bad he said it rather loudly.

  “I heard that,” Martin informed me. “So it’s settled, then?”

  I stayed quiet and glared at Eduardo. He would get payback in a minute.

  “Brooke?”

  “Yes, Martin?”

  “So I’ll see you at six. I’ll text the address when we hang up.”

  “Wait. I don’t have my black and whites with me.”

  “What are you wearing right now?”

  If Martin were in my line of sight he would be writhing in pain from my death stare. “I have on a chartreuse and emerald green blouse with a black skirt and over-the-knee boots. Totally inappropriate for serving. I can’t do it as I’ve said.”

  “So you go buy a white blouse on your lunch hour and wear the boots. It’s some sort of corporate celebration and most of the guests will be men. I’m sure they’ll appreciate the boots over your beautiful long legs.”

  Ewwww. What a grotty little arsehole. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just make a sexually suggestive comment about my performance on a job, and move along to payment, shall we, Martin?” Serving in heeled boots wasn’t going to be easy, plus putting me out the cost of a new shirt as well. If Martin didn’t like it then he could fuck on off.

  Eduardo giggled and gave me two thumbs up.

  “Double time, Brooke, just be there.”

  As much as I wanted to decline, the extra money would be helpful right now. “Fine, I’ll do it, but, Martin, if you want me in future—give me some notice so I can make arrangements for the night.” If there would even be a next time. Maybe a job search was a good idea.

  After I ended the call I pointed a finger at Eduardo and gave him only a slightly less violent vers
ion of my death stare. “You are in trouble in case you didn’t realize. You are to go tell the bosses we are leaving to shop for a blouse for me and will return with their lunch. And you get to pay for mine today.” I then smiled sweetly before getting up from the desk to put on my coat.

  “Yes, my condesa,” Eduardo sang before bolting up to the second floor to get Jon and Carlisle’s lunch orders.

  While he was busy upstairs, I needed to let Nan know I wouldn’t be over to see her tonight. She would get a kick out of me having a sleepover at Eduardo’s place, though. I tried to see her every evening for a short visit and didn’t want her wondering where I was when I didn’t show. My call went through to the front desk which wasn’t a surprise. Nan rarely stayed in her room, especially when there were activities going on.

  “Blackstone Therapy Center, Lilah speaking. How may I assist you?”

  “Hi Lilah, this is Brooke calling.”

  “Your grandma is in a painting class right now working on a seascape.”

  “Ah, sounds lovely and I can’t wait to see it. Can you please let her know I’m working for Martin tonight? She will understand, and tell her I’ll visit tomorrow as usual.”

  “Sure thing, Brooke, and thanks for letting us know so she doesn’t worry, because she would you know.”

  Placing Nan in a temporary nursing facility while she recovered from a knee replacement had been our only option. She couldn’t be left alone in the cottage all day, trapped in a wheelchair while I was working in Boston. She never complained, but I knew she would rather be at home as anyone would.

  I wished she could have in-home nursing care, and that I could provide it for her, but it just wasn’t possible on her very fixed income, or mine. Once the Blackwater estate closed and she was forced to retire, her money had to be carefully managed to make ends meet. She wasn’t old at only sixty-one, and I suspected she missed her job very much, as well as the camaraderie with her workmates. In fact, the fall that resulted in the need for her knee replacement had happened after she’d lost her job, while she was bored stiff all alone in her cottage. Thank God her friend Sylvie was due for tea later on that day and discovered Nan at the bottom of her cellar steps—frightened and in terrible pain.