by Rhian Cahill
Kelsey smiled—more a grimace really—and moved past him. Leading the way, she glanced back to check he was following. She’d sent him home two hours ago to get ready and wait for the car. It was the first break, other than when she was asleep, that she’d had since he’d picked her up last Saturday to help chose his mother’s coffin. He’d begged to sleep on her couch, and as usual, Kelsey found it impossible to refuse someone in need. They’d made a stop each day at his house for clean clothes, but other than that, Bry was basically living with her again. At least someone was benefiting from West’s generous delivery of food.
Kelsey nodded at the driver when he opened the door for her. She climbed in and slid across the seat to make room for Bry. They’d be arriving at the church in about twenty minutes. One thousand two hundred seconds to brace herself for everyone’s reaction. She was dreading it more than the funeral itself. Bry sat next to her and closed the door, but instead of offering him a reassuring smile like she’d been doing all week, she stared out the window and tried to focus on the passing houses.
They pulled up in front of the church all too soon, and Kelsey kept her gaze lowered as she got out of the car. She didn’t want to face West or any of their friends just yet. Instead, she let Bry usher her inside to the pew reserved for immediate family and took a seat. There was no need for her to turn around, no need for her to make eye contact with anyone. She could feel more than one set of eyes on her. Their curiosity was understandable. It was the anger and confusion she was sure West would be feeling that she didn’t want to see.
The service was simple—quick. Bry hadn’t wanted anyone to speak, just the priest, and it didn’t matter how much Kelsey had tried to convince him otherwise, he hadn’t budged on that. Funny how he couldn’t seem to make a decision about anything else but that he’d known with certainty. There were no pallbearers, only men from the funeral home dressed in black suits. Kelsey waited while the priest offered his condolences to Bry before they made their way out of the church behind the coffin.
She stood to the side and watched as the men loaded Marjorie in the back of the hearse for her final journey. Bry hadn’t wanted a graveside service, instead opting for his mother to be lowered into the ground next to his father in private. He wouldn’t even be there. He moved closer to her and despite her attempts to keep her distance as everyone came past to offer their sympathy, Bry kept including her in the conversations, kept pulling her closer.
Their friends waited until all other attendees had spoken to Bry before coming over. As much as Kelsey didn’t want to look, her eyes sought West. She wasn’t sure what it was swirling in those stormy-grey eyes, but she couldn’t stop the catch in her breath nor the tears flooding her eyes and blurring her vision. She’d known seeing him would make her crack. Known the emotions she’d been holding at bay would come crashing down on her.
He stepped forward and pulled her into his arms, but she couldn’t let him give her comfort. Not when she wouldn’t be able to let go if he held her longer than a few seconds. She slipped from his embrace, avoided the eyes she knew would be filled with confusion and hurt, and turned to face the next of their friends. It seemed to take forever for the last person to come forward, for everyone to begin to move away and the driver of the funeral car to usher them back into the vehicle.
Kelsey slumped back against the seat and prayed she wouldn’t lose it until after she got home. Until after she was alone and could let everything she’d bottled up run free. Bry didn’t speak, and for that she was grateful. But her relief was short lived. When the car pulled up at her house and he exited with her, she knew she wouldn’t be able to let go anytime soon.
West threw his keys across the counter and made a B-line for the fridge. He yanked open the door, pulled out a beer and cracked the top. But when he brought the cold bottle to his lips, he couldn’t drink. His frustration and anger were a boiling, seething mass inside him, and he had to let it out. The only way to do that was to confront the person who’d caused it.
Kelsey.
God it had ripped him up inside to see her looking so exhausted. And thin. He didn’t know if anyone else would notice but he could tell she’d lost a couple of kilos since he’d held her while she slept Friday night. Had it only been five days ago that she’d left his house after spending the night in his arms? He’d lost track of the days, what with Weston’s being so busy and his worry over Kels, he didn’t know what day it was.
Standing there, watching Bry be totally oblivious to Kelsey’s pain and need had solidified something for West. If he couldn’t have her completely, couldn’t be the one to support her, he had to walk away. And by walk away he meant she couldn’t work for him in any capacity. He’d have to find someone else to manage the books and his taxes. There was no way he could settle for the crumbs she’d been tossing his way.
Not anymore.
As he put the beer on the counter, he reached over and scooped up his keys. He slammed the front door on his way out. The small amount of satisfaction did little to appease his growing annoyance. West figured he was about to explode, and Kelsey was going to take the brunt of it. His fury may be an overreaction, but today had been the straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak. He’d had enough of her pushing him away only to pull him close when it suited her and then push him away again.
He didn’t remember the drive over. Couldn’t say if he’d stuck to the speed limit or ran any red lights. His complete focus was on the coming confrontation with Kelsey. Slamming out of his car, West stopped to suck in a deep breath in an attempt to cool his jets some before he stormed into her house. With a little more control over his anger, he made his way up the path.
West thought about using his key but decided he better not. He should at least give her the courtesy of knocking, except when he reached the door, he found it open and Kelsey standing in the hallway with an armload of clothes. Men’s clothes.
“What the fuck?” West didn’t know he was going to open his mouth until his voice echoed off the walls.
“West? What are you doing here?” Kelsey’s forehead creased and she looked over her shoulder.
“We have to talk,” he said.
She turned to face him once more. “This isn’t a good time.”
“It’s never a good time.” He stepped closer, deeper into the house. “I’m tired of waiting for the good time, Kels.”
“Please.” She looked over her shoulder down the hall again before bringing her gaze back to his and then dropping it to stare at his chest. “Not now.”
West had a feeling he knew why she kept glancing that way. He nodded towards the pile of clothes in her arms. “Want to explain that?”
She wasn’t looking at him, so he doubted she saw his gesture, but she would have to be clueless not to know what he was talking about. “I…um…” Her struggle to find words didn’t surprise him.
For the first time since he’d gotten there, West took his eyes off Kelsey and looked around. From where he stood, he could see into the living room. It was obvious she’d had company—still had company if he took into account the pair of men’s dress shoes next to the coffee table. He’d seen hints of it this past week when he’d dropped off a meal each day, but he’d ignored it. He couldn’t ignore it now. It was blatantly obvious Bry was staying with her.
“It’s not what you think,” she murmured.
He bought his gaze back to her. “You have no idea what I think or why I think it. You’re too busy pretending nothing is going on and burying yourself in someone else’s problems so you can avoid your own.”
“That’s not true,” she argued.
“Isn’t it?” He scrubbed his hand across his forehead.
“No. I’m helping a friend. Just as I would any other.”
“Seriously?” West’s mouth hung open. Did she actually believe that load of BS? “So you’d let any other guy friend stay over. Do his wash
ing?”
“Bry’s mother just died, West. What else am I supposed to do?”
“Support him without shutting out the man in your life for a start.”
“The man in my life?” Kelsey lowered her voice. “We slept together once. It was a mistake.”
He wasn’t about to argue the number of times they’d slept together. They could pick that particular debate apart for hours. “Was it a mistake when you turned up on my doorstep in the middle of the night needing comfort too?”
“I—”
“Don’t delude yourself. We’re seeing each other. You wouldn’t have had sex with me if you didn’t feel something for me. And you wouldn’t have knocked on my door after midnight just so I could hold you if you didn’t feel it deeply. Stop lying to both of us.”
“I can’t deal with this now.”
“Dammit, this has to stop!”
“What?”
“You shutting me out. Sneaking around behind closed doors like we’re some fucking dirty little secret. Everything being on your terms.”
“That’s not—”
“Isn’t it?” He stepped closer and she took a half-step back. “Who knows?”
“K-knows?”
“Yes. Who the hell knows we’re seeing each other. And don’t you dare fucking say we’re not again. Do you have any idea how hard it was to watch Bry put his hands on you today? How hard it was not to give you the comfort I could see you needed? Any idea how much I wanted to pull you against me to hold you close—to claim your mouth in a kiss that would leave you with no doubt I’m here for you—leave no one in any doubt we’re together?”
“I…” She shook her head.
“I know I fucked up before. But I’m not that boy any more. I know what I want. Who I want. And I know I have a lot to make up for, but I’m ready to do that and more, Kelsey. I just need you to meet me halfway.”
“West,” she whispered his name, her eyes glistening with tears, still shaking her head back and forth.
“Fuck.” West couldn’t do it. Couldn’t stand here and argue with her when he knew full well she wasn’t going to admit to a damn thing. Wasn’t going to let him in and give him what he wanted. “I’ve had enough. I can’t take it anymore. You either want to be with me or you don’t. I can’t keep doing this stop-start thing or continue to pretend I’m not so far gone on you that I can’t see straight.”
Kelsey didn’t know what to say. Couldn’t think beyond the hurt, devastated look in West’s stormy-gray eyes.
“Just as I thought.” He dragged his hands through his hair. “I’m done pushing this. Done fighting for us on my own. When you’re ready to be with me, really be together, out in the open for anyone to see, you know where to find me.”
He spun around and stormed from the house. The slam of the door made her flinch, but other than that she didn’t move. It wasn’t until several minutes later that what had happened sank in.
“Oh God.” He’d left.
“Kelsey?”
She turned to find Bry standing behind her. “Bry. I…”
“I should go,” he said.
Oh God. Her cheeks filled with heat. He’d heard their argument. “I’m sorry.”
Bry smiled. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”
“I do. You’ve just lost your mother. You need somewhere to recoup. Not somewhere with people arguing—”
“You should go after him.”
“What?” She stared at her ex-husband.
“Go find him and fix it.”
“I…it’s not—”
He smiled. “Yeah, it is.” Bry took a step closer.
Kelsey swallowed and confessed what was weighing on her heart before her mind could stop her tongue from forming the words. “I’m so, so sorry. I never loved you like I should have. Like you deserved.”
He laughed and pulled her into a hug, the armload of his dirty clothes trapped between them. “We’re both guilty of that.”
She shook her head. “No. I—”
“Nope.” He gave her a squeeze before letting her go. “No apologies necessary. We loved each other, still do, but it’s not the kind of love you build a life on. And if we hadn’t both been so intent on having that happy ever after, we might have worked out sooner that it was false walls we were putting up.”
“Might have been better if we didn’t like each other so much too.” She gave him a tight smile. “I still feel guilty about all I cheated you out of.”
Bry placed his hands on her shoulders and looked her right in the eyes. “I know what you can do to make it up to me.”
Kelsey eyed him warily. “What?”
“Stop punishing yourself and West, and go after what you deserve.”
Her eyes widened, her mouth dropping open, but before she could gain her wits, he was talking again.
“I’ve always known how you two feel about each other. And it shames me to admit part of my motive to get married was to stake a bigger claim on you than him.” Bry smiled, but sadness and regret burned in his eyes. “So you see we both have things we’re guilty of. Sorry for.”
Kelsey stared at the man she’d married. He had been and always would be her friend, and yet she’d had no clue that he’d known about her feelings for West or that he’d felt threatened by them. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Tell me you’re going to go find him. Tell me you’re going to go fight for what you deserve. ’Cause you deserve a man who loves you to distraction and that man was never me. Would never have been me. West, on the other hand, he’s that guy.”
Her eyes and nose stung with the tears she held at bay.
“None of that.” He tapped her on the end of her nose. “No tears. Not while I’m here.”
Kelsey didn’t argue when he took the pile of clothes from her arms. Or when he went into the living room and slipped his feet into his shoes. She still hadn’t said a word when he came to stand in front of her again.
“Thank you, for going above and beyond.” Bry leaned over and kissed her forehead. “You’re more than I ever deserved, Kelsey.”
With those parting words, Bry let himself out the front door and closed it quietly behind him. For a split second, she thought about going after him to offer him a lift. But the man was perfectly capable of calling a cab or flagging one down. Bry was right. She’d gone above and beyond for him in the last few days. Was West right though? Had she sunk herself into helping Bry so she didn’t have to think about what was happening between them?
Chapter Fifteen
Kelsey had wanted to go after West on Thursday night, but she knew she had to be sure. If they were going to do this—if she was going to put her heart on the line again, she had to be one hundred percent certain it was what she wanted. So she’d taken a couple of days to think about it. Really think about it. She’d discovered some things about herself she wasn’t proud of in the two days since he’d given her the ultimatum. He’d been right to call her on her behaviour. She was ashamed to admit she probably would have continued to treat him the same neglectful way if he hadn’t.
Once she’d decided she wanted what West offered. Wanted what they could have together, it was a matter of deciding how she’d go after it. Shaye had come over last night and they’d spent the evening plotting and planning. No alcohol. The one thing they both agreed on was that Kelsey had to do some grand public gesture. Well, as public as a show of her intentions in front of their friends. Today seemed to be the perfect choice for that.
Everyone was getting together at the Moreland house for Coop and Zac’s birthdays. Kelsey had known the Moreland twins since kindergarten, and it still boggled her mind to think they were born on different days. Coop’s birthday was today, while Zac’s was tomorrow. It would be more bizarre if they were identical, but being fraternal twins meant the separate birth dates worked fo
r them.
A horn blasted out front and Kelsey quickly scooped up her bag and headed outside. Shaye waited in her car—the cute little convertible she was going to have to sell now that she was unemployed.
“Hey,” Kelsey said as she slid into the passenger seat. “It’s a shame you’re selling this thing. I’ll miss our summer drives to the beach.”
Shaye leaned forward to look through the windshield at the overcast sky. “Nothing like the long winter months and unemployment to show you the folly of driving a topless way-above-my-new-budget vehicle.”
“You still haven’t heard about those two jobs you went for this week?” Kelsey asked.
“It’s Saturday. They’re not going to call today even if they’ve made their decisions, and neither of them are being finalised until end of next week.” Shaye reversed out of Kelsey’s driveway.
“Oh.”
“So. Are you going through with it?” Shaye asked as she whipped the little car around the corner.
“Yes.”
Shaye grinned. “I can’t wait to see this.”
“Hey. You’re supposed to be supporting me in my leap of faith.”
“Honey, you don’t need anyone for that. Doesn’t matter what you do, West will catch you.”
Kelsey hoped her friend was right. She’d never been this nervous about anything. Not even the night she’d given West her virginity had butterflies plagued her the way they were right now. Then again, she hadn’t known what could go wrong then. How much it could hurt to totally open herself up to someone and have them reject you. And here she was planning to do it all over again.
It seemed to take no time at all to drive the thirty minutes to the Moreland family home. “Wow. That was quick,” Kelsey commented as Shaye pulled up at the kerb.
“Yep. We got all green lights. I think it’s a sign you’re doing the right thing.” Shaye grinned as she shut off the car and reached into the back for her bag. “Let’s get this party started.”
Kelsey swallowed, her throat tight with nerves and strained to the point of pain as she did so. She needed to take a breath, calm down and concentrate on what she planned to do, not what the outcome might be. Like Shaye said, she had to have faith that West would be there to catch her. If she didn’t trust him to be there, she may as well turn around and head home now.