Just Watch the Fireworks

by Monica Alexander

  I made a mental note to always have cookies with me at weddings in the future.

  There were a few minor issues with the DJ playing the wrong version of the song Bianca had picked to dance to with her father, but Daddy had talked her down from the ledge, and the DJ had quickly downloaded the right version of ‘Forever Young’ which I thought was a strange choice when it was all said and done. After that we kept waiting for the next bad thing to happen, but when it didn’t we were able to sneak into a side room and eat something.

  “I hung out with Beckett on Friday night,” I said as we sat down at the table.

  “Yeah, I know. I was there. I saw you,” Kate said flatly, only looking up briefly from her salad that she was shoveling into her mouth. “How was that?”

  “He had his moments at first, but then he ended up being really sweet. We actually had fun.”

  “Sounds harmless. He’s still a jerk, though,” she said, taking a hasty sip of her water. “You need to eat. If something happens and we have to go out there, you won’t get dinner. Trust me. I won’t make that mistake again.”

  “Fine,” I said, taking a big bite of chicken that was just this side of rubbery. “He’s not a jerk, Kate. We both made mistakes. It was a long time ago.”

  She shot me a look a she bit into a roll but didn’t say anything else on the subject.

  “Okay, so I need to tell you about something else that happened,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I haven’t told anyone else, and I need your opinion.”

  She nodded. “Sounds bad.”

  “I don’t think so, but I’m not sure. So Beckett and I were talking and he asked me about something harmless, and then he pushed a lock of my hair behind my ear.”

  Her eyes went wide. “He did what?!” she said around a bite of vegetables. I could see the bits of chewed broccoli and carrots in her mouth.

  “Kate, it’s not that big of a deal. He used to do it all the time. I’m sure it was just out of habit, right?”

  I thought about the other things he had done out of what I was sure habit and was now more convinced than ever that it wasn’t anymore than that.

  She shook her head back and forth. “You need to be careful Courtney. I remember him doing that a lot while you guys were dating and there was nothing platonic about it. He would always tuck your hair behind your ear and then kiss you. I don’t know.”

  “He didn’t kiss me this time,” I said, thinking back and remembering what she was talking about. Now I was suddenly less sure that the gesture was platonic.

  She just shook her head at me, but didn’t say anything, so I told her about my conversation with Beckett and how we’d decided to be friends. I even told her about going to breakfast with him.

  “Courtney, what are you doing?” she asked incredulously.

  “What do you mean?”

  “This is exactly why I asked you if getting engaged to Ryan was the right decision.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, playing dumb on purpose.

  “You and Beckett,” she said, shaking her head. “That’s such a minefield. You need to be really careful. You couldn’t even talk about him a week ago, and now you’re telling me you’re friends and everything’s cool. I don’t buy it.”

  “We are just friends,” I insisted. “It had just been so long since I’d seen him that I think I was holding onto old feelings. Now that I’ve seen him, I know that I don’t feel anything for him anymore. I can let go of a lot of pent up emotion I was carrying around, and we can just be friends.”

  I wasn’t sure I was being totally honest with her, or myself, for that matter. The bottom line was that when I was around Beckett, old feelings had a way of bubbling up. It couldn’t be helped. We had so much history.

  “Just be careful,” she said again.

  “I’m not planning on being anything but careful,” I said.

  “No, seriously, be careful,” she said. “Use a condom. You have no idea where that Jenna girl had been.”

  My mouth dropped open, and I balled up my napkin and threw it at Kate.

  “You’re being ridiculous. I’m not going to sleep with him.”

  “No, I’m being honest, which is more than I can say for you right now.”

  Twelve

  Friday arrived without fanfare. The week had been quiet at work after ‘The Wedding From Hell’, but Bianca and Evan Friedman were on a cruise through the Mediterranean, and I’d never have to talk to crazy Mrs. Scarletti again. It was grounds for celebration. I’d even had a good meeting with Kendall from Framingham who was getting married in December, had lunch with my dad one day and found three more sketches to add to my collection at the apartment. One had been on the water bill, though, so I’d had to tear part of it off to pay the bill so we’d have running water in the coming month before I posted the sketch.

  Before I knew it, the big night – the introduction of Beckett to Ryan – had arrived. Part of me was completely fearful that it would blow up in my face, and with good reason. All week long, Ryan had been earning looks from me whenever he made a sarcastic comment about Beckett. He’d quickly apologize each time, saying he was just joking, but it got old really fast.

  After work I went downstairs to Elle where Summer was helping a teenage customer pick out a sweater. I browsed the jeans as I waited for her, wondering if I could justify buying another pair. I was a bit of a denim hoarder. I was already dressed to go out, having changed upstairs, but I was suddenly rethinking my outfit as I held up a new pair of True Religion skinny jeans that were too cute not to try on. I passed Summer, holding up the jeans as I made my way to the dressing rooms in the back. She just nodded and went back to the girl who seemed to be very indecisive.

  As I turned sideways, wondering exactly how these jeans made me lose inches on my thighs and make me look taller, I knew I had to get them.

  “Try this with them,” Summer said, tossing a top over the door. “It just came in today, and I immediately put it aside for you.”

  “Love you,” I said, as I grabbed the flowered top from her and slipped it on over my head. It was perfect.

  I liked the new outfit much better than the one I’d originally been wearing. My thighs looked smaller, and the top accentuated my chest. It was a magic outfit.

  “You just made $300,” I called to Summer, rationalizing that I’d been working hard and hadn’t shopped since starting my new job. It was okay to treat myself to something new – especially when it looked that good.

  “Score,” she said from across the store.

  I could hear her talking to Genevieve, one of her employees, giving her the run down on what needed to get done that night before closing. My watch told me it was close to six, so we had a little bit of time before we had to leave. I hoped Summer could brief Genevieve soon, so I could pick her brain about Julie, Beckett’s date. Patrick and Beckett were picking us up at the store on the way to the restaurant. Why I was so interested in Julie, I couldn’t explain. For some reason I needed to know more about her, and Beckett wasn’t offering anything up.

  “So have you met Julie?” I asked, as I paid for my purchases.

  Summer had sent Genevieve to the backroom, so she couldn’t hear our conversation. I was glad. The less people who knew I was asking about Julie, the better.

  “Nope,” Summer said, as she scanned my credit card and bagged the clothes I’d been wearing before, “but she sounds nice. Beckett was over at Patrick’s last night for dinner and they were talking about her. Beckett thinks it might get serious.”

  “He told you that?” I asked, suddenly catching my reflection in the mirror behind the cash register. “I thought he didn’t talk about stuff that that in front of you?”

  My hair was not cooperating that night. I’d been out in the humidity earlier that day, and it was frizzy. I scraped it back into a low ponytail, thinking sleek was always better than frizz.

  “No, he didn’t tell me. I overheard their conversation when I was com
ing back from the bathroom. They shut up as soon as I walked into the room.”

  “Well, what else did you hear?”

  “Nothing really,” she said vaguely, as she looked down to organize the day’s receipts.

  I didn’t believe her. Summer was a terrible liar.

  “Sum?” I prompted her, wanting her to continue.

  “Courtney, I don’t want to tell you,” she said, turning her back to me and suddenly busying herself with folding some tops that had been left on the back counter.

  “Summer,” I said, a warning tone in my voice.

  She spun around to face me. “Trust me. You don’t want to hear it. Knowing this will just screw things up. If you truly love Ryan, you will let this go.”

  I decided to ignore her last comment. “Summer, what did you hear?” I asked slowly and carefully.

  After a few moments, she sighed, and I could tell she was relenting. “Okay, but you can’t say anything to anyone.”

  “Fine, I won’t. Just tell me already!” I insisted.

  She took a deep breath, as if to brace herself, tossing down the sheer cardigan she was holding.

  “So I was coming back from the bathroom, and I heard Beckett talking about Julie and how he really likes her and how he thinks she’s great. Once he said that, I hung back in the hallway, so I could see what else he said.” Summer grimaced and I knew she felt guilty for eavesdropping.

  “Go on,” I urged her. The suspense was killing me.

  “So,” she continued. “Then he said something about realizing that he needs to just let go and try to get serious with someone.”

  “Okay, so what’s the big deal about that? Good for him.” I shrugged, trying to sound indifferent to the idea even though it was slightly unsettling.

  “I’m getting to the point. So they talked about that for a few minutes. It wasn’t very exciting. I decided then if I didn’t go back in there, they would wonder what was taking me to so long. So I went back in,” she said, grimacing a little. “Right before I walked into the room, Patrick said something I couldn’t hear, but I heard Beckett respond, ‘Yeah, she’s great, but she’s not Courtney’.”

  Summer bit her lip, as she waited for my reaction. I didn’t know what to say. My head was swimming. Was I right? Was he not over me?

  “Say something, Courtney,” Summer said then, and I could see the anxiety on her face.

  I looked at her for a few moments, trying to figure out how to respond. I tried to keep my tone level. “I don’t know what to say, Sum.”

  “What are you going to do?” she asked, her brow furrowing as she tried to work through why I wasn’t freaking out.

  “Nada,” I said evenly, even though what Summer had said was slowly working its way through my brain, and I wasn’t having the best reaction to it. I just didn’t want her to know that.

  She’s great, but she’s not Courtney.

  She’s not Courtney.

  She’s not Courtney.

  “Really?” she asked. “Kate and I totally thought you would react differently.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “You talked to Kate about this before you talked to me?!”

  “I had to talk to someone, and I didn’t want to tell you. Besides, Kate and I feel the same way about you and Beckett.”

  “And what way is that?” I asked, crossing my arms in front of me.

  “That you’re like a time-bomb and it’s only a matter of time before you explode – the fall out being the damage inflicted on those who love you the most.”

  “Stop it,” I said. “Just stop. I would really like for my two best friends to give me some credit here. I am just friends with my ex. There is no harm in that.”

  So maybe now I might be imagining what it would be like to kiss him again, but that didn’t mean anything.

  “Whatever,” she said. “Just give me a warning if I need to duck. I don’t want to get hit by any shrapnel. I’m going to change.”

  I stuck my tongue out at her as she grabbed her tote bag from under the counter and headed to the dressing rooms, leaving me alone to ponder some new feelings that had just attacked me. The front door chimed at that moment, and I looked around to see if Genevieve had heard it in the back. I noticed her coming out of the backroom, but then she stopped.

  “Oh, it’s just you guys,” she said before she turned around and headed back to the backroom. She really needed to work on her people skills.

  I turned around to see Patrick and Beckett standing at the front of the store.

  “Hello to you too, Genevieve,” Beckett said, but the girl was already out of earshot.

  “Lovely girl,” Patrick said to Beckett. “She was so excited to see us.”

  I had a miniature loss of words when I saw Beckett. He had on dark jeans, a gray t-shirt that was just the right amount of fitted and a Diesel hat. His hair was sticking out from under it, and he could have walked right off a Times Square billboard. Had he always looked this good?

  No, don’t do this, I chastised myself, shaking off that last thought as I made my way over to them.

  She’s not Courtney.

  “Double Trouble, what’s happening?” I asked, using the old nickname I had for them, trying to keep things light.

  “Fighting crime and making the ladies swoon,” Patrick said, shrugging slightly. “All in a day’s work.”

  “Oh, the humanity,” Summer said, as she walked out of the backroom having heard what Patrick had said.

  “What? I make you swoon,” Patrick said, taking Summer in his arms. She looked up at him and grinned.

  “Yes, you do, but I might be the only one. I think it’s your sense of humor that the ladies love.”

  Patrick mumbled something then about always having to be the funny one, and Beckett smiled a crooked smile at me.

  “I guess that makes me the good looking one in this scenario,” he said, and I knew it was in jest, but I couldn’t help but agree.

  “Dream on,” I said, punching him lightly in the stomach as I passed. My fist hit hard abs, and I winced in surprise. Thankfully Beckett didn’t see.

  “Ouch,” he said, “In more ways than one.”

  I felt extremely self-conscious as the four of us piled into the back of a cab. I was wedged between Summer and Beckett, so close that our sides were touching and his arm was draped around the back seat of the cab to give us more room. Thankfully it was a short ride, but the whole time, I had trouble focusing. I could smell the mix of his cologne and the scent that was distinctly him. It was doing strange things to my insides.

  When the cab pulled up in front of Boston Beer Works, and Beckett opened the door, he moved to get out, and we were separated again. I felt a cool rush of air against my skin that had been touching him and a second of wistfulness before I scrambled out after him. He walked over to a red-head who was standing by the entrance. I felt a pang of jealously as he kissed her on the cheek and hugged her. My phone dinged at that moment, alerting me that I had a new text. It was from Ryan, and he was bailing on me. He had to work late, which was no surprise, but he would try to meet up with us later. I just responded ‘ok’ and found myself wondering if he’d made up that excuse to avoid meeting Beckett. It was stupid, but I wouldn’t have put it past him. As soon as I put my phone in my pocket, I saw Beckett motioning for me to come over and meet Julie. Now that I was a fifth wheel, I wasn’t so thrilled about this dinner.

  “Courtney, this is Julie,” he said. “Julie, this is my friend Courtney.”

  Julie stuck her hand out to shake mine, and it was then that I realized how tall she was. Beckett was 6’2” and in her heels, she was about an inch shorter than him. Her long dark red hair spilled over her tan shoulders, curling at the ends, and her green eyes sparkled, as she smiled at me.

  “It’s so nice to meet you, Courtney,” she said. “Beck talks about you all the time.”

  Beck? She was already using his nickname? They were moving faster than I’d thought.

  “Oh, thanks, I guess,�
�� I said, shaking her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, too.”

  It was definitely not my most sparkling verbal moment, but I was struck by how not slutty this girl was. She was normal, she seemed down to earth, and she was dressed in an understated, but cute outfit. She was someone I might want to be friends with. I wasn’t sure I would have disliked her more if she’d looked and dressed like Jenna. Jenna had surprised me. Julie looked just like someone Beckett would date.

  She’s not Courtney.

  “Wow, what a gorgeous ring,” Julie said, as we followed the hostess to our table. “Is your fiancé coming out tonight?”

  I shook my head, praying Julie wouldn’t ask for my engagement story. I did not want to share that in front of Beckett. “He got held up at work. He’s going to meet us later.”

  I watched Beckett raise his eyebrows at me, but I chose to ignore him. I sat down, opened the menu in front of me and forced myself to look at the entrees. I was pretty sure I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t look up to check. When I couldn’t look at my menu any longer, I looked up and met Beckett’s gaze across the table. His eyes were locked on mine. Julie was engaged in a conversation with Summer about her store, so she didn’t catch our silent exchange. My eyes glanced at her for a brief second before coming back to Beckett. His hand was in her lap and she was holding it as she talked. As if knowing what I was thinking, Beckett’s glance shifted to my left hand for a few seconds before coming back to my eyes. We were at a stalemate. We each had someone in our lives, represented if not in person, but in spirit, that night. We were finally even.