The Second Cat Megapack: Frisky Feline Tales, Old and New
Page 14
DIG-DIG:
It’s quite easy to see, wit shines in her eyes, grace animates all her motions; I will say to you, my dear fellow, that this envelope hides the most pretty and sarcastic young girl.
GUIDO:
(transported) God! What are you saying to me! Everything’s explained now; and the instinct of love is not a chimera. Learn that my heart had guessed her metempsychosis, and that I love that agreeable, gracious young girl. I adore her.
DIG-DIG:
That would be possible!
GUIDO:
And it’s all over for young Guido, if you don’t show me some way, some secret— There has to be one, o venerable Indian!
DIG-DIG:
(mysteriously) Hush, I don’t say no. You actually grasp, I haven’t been for the last ten years close to a guru without stealing some of his secrets! And I have an amulet whose virtue is infallible to accomplish the transmigration of souls at will. (he shows Guido a ring)
GUIDO:
Truly!
DIG-DIG:
All you have to do is rub it while pronouncing the name of Brahma three times.
GUIDO:
(excitedly) Ah, my friend, my dear friend If you would like me to give you all that I have, my blood, my life—
DIG-DIG:
I won’t hide from you that it’s very expensive. These are articles not to be found in commerce and at least 200 florins—
GUIDO:
(going to the coffer) Here, here, there’s a hundred already. They won’t long remain in the cash box, and for the rest, I’ll give you my note.
DIG-DIG:
God! what a head! And what imagination! If this is the way you do business, o my son!
GUIDO:
(taking the ring) She’s mine! What joy! (running to the bed where Minette reposes)
DIG-DIG:
Take care, take care, you don’t know what you are doing. Perhaps before the end of the day you will repent having made use of this talisman. Think carefully about it, o imprudent young man,
(sings)
Before your voice animates
The creature that charms you
Remember the maxim
That Brahma prescribed us—
This profound maxim
Book three, third verse
“Don’t disturb the world
Leave each thing as it is.”
(to Guido who escorts him out) Don’t disturb anything, I entreat you.
(Exit Dig-Dig)
GUIDO:
Now what was he saying? Don’t disturb the world; I don’t want to disturb it, on the contrary, I want to put it back the way it was, and that won’t take long.
(lovingly)
MINETTE:
(taking the amulet)
Well, it’s funny, my heart’s beating. You’d say I am afraid.
(approaching the bed and immediately recoiling)
O powerful God of the Ganges
You through whom all is changed
She who I love is there.
Reveal her to my eyes.
Brahma, Brahma, Brahma!
(as he says the words he rubs the amulet, and suddenly the bed curtains open with a drum roll. Guido recoils)
It’s she! She’s a woman!
MINETTE:
(waking up, rubbing her eyes and passing her hand behind her head) Where am I? What a new day! (sitting up, then rising on her feet) Ah! How I’ve grown! How far I am from the ground. (she takes a few fearful steps, stopping mid-stage, shaking her head like a cat, then stretching her arms, touching herself, seemingly looking for her fur)
This is singular—vanished.
GUIDO:
(following her motions) I don’t dare to approach her; and I don’t know how to talk with her! Absolutely the same physiognomy. Yet she’s better than before. (calling her like a cat) Pst! Pst! Minette! Minette!
MINETTE:
Who’s calling me? It’s my master, it’s Guido. (she extends her hand to him)
GUIDO:
She hasn’t forgotten my name. (taking her hand) Ah, I recognize it! God, how soft it is!
MINETTE:
(looking at him) O prodigy, how like him I walk; how like him I speak; a thousand new feelings are coming together in here (pointing to her head). Heavens! What is this that I feel? How it beats. Guido, Guido. What am I then?
GUIDO:
(admiring her) Something that—there is nothing prettier in the world, a woman, a real woman. At least I think so.
MINETTE:
Me, a woman! What joy!
GUIDO:
Yes, no question. Now that’s what I’ve been asking Heaven for every day. Are we going to be happy together! All that you wish, all that can please you— (seeing that she’s looking around) Speak, what do you want? What is the first thing that you want?
MINETTE:
A mirror.
GUIDO:
What! Ah, that’s only fair. (going to the table) First, let’s put away my precious talisman. (placing it in the box, then getting a small mirror)
MINETTE:
I really want to know Me so much. Well!
GUIDO:
Ah, in the joy of seeing you my
My soul was plunged.
(presenting the mirror to her)
MINETTE:
(with urgency) Quickly, give me that mirror. (looking at herself) God! How changed I am. (making faces) But, all the same, it’s not bad.(fearful, looking behind her) But is this me that I perceive? Hardly, hardly, I believe.
GUIDO:
(looking at her) O women! Vanity! With you it begins at birth.
MINETTE:
(still admiring herself) Oh, yes, it’s really me. It has to be me. I’ve never seen my features and yet I recognize them.
(turning to Guido) I’m pretty, right?
GUIDO:
(crossing his arms) She asks that of me. (lovingly) Charming!
MINETTE:
That’s the way it seemed to me. But at first glance, I was afraid of being mistaken.
GUIDO:
(looking at her) It must be admitted I’ve succeeded awfully well. All these charms, they’re my work.
MINETTE:
(placing the mirror on the table) So much the better! I thank you for it. But I will ask you, sir, why didn’t you make me taller?
GUIDO:
There, that’s ambition! Just now, she was no higher than that (placing his hand near the ground) Ambitions of grandeur already!
MINETTE:
No, only like this. (she stands on tiptoe) Only a little, I beg you. What’s it cost you?
GUIDO:
I can do no more, These are not works that can be retouched at will.
MINETTE:
Ah, fine! You are not very obliging.
GUIDO:
And you, if you are not satisfied, you are really being difficult.
MINETTE:
(offering him her hand, smiling) Ah, yes, pardon, I am an ingrate.
GUIDO:
Besides, what are you complaining about? Aren’t you the same as you were before?
MINETTE:
No. I’ve never been a woman before. This is the first time for me.
GUIDO:
Bah!
MINETTE:
But in revenge, I’ve been many other things. (Guido starts) Yes, sir. Don’t you remember what you were before?
GUIDO:
Why, damn, I’ve thought I’ve always been what I am: a lovable young man.
MINETTE:
Oh, as for me, I wouldn’t say that exactly. But I remember myself, with confusion; it was really a long time ago. Yes, I was first of all a little flower of the field, a little marguerite.
GUIDO:
Heavens, a little marguerite, that was sweet, indeed.
MINETTE:
Not very; always exposed to the Sun. How to remain fresh and pretty. So each day I addressed my prayer to Brahma:
(sings)
Change, change me, Brahm
a!
Brahma!
Brahma replied:
Be satisfied!
He changed me
Into a lark
Suddenly leaving the ground
I took flight in the air,
Imitating the flat notes
Of nightingales
But one day, in a mirror
Desire made me see
Got me caught in nets
And I said
Change, change me Brahma
Brahma!
What a marvel!
Suddenly Brahma
Who was answering my prayers
Changed me
Into a bee.
Ah, what a happy fate
To gather new booty
Of rose and thyme
Every morning.
But flowers’ springtime
Unfortunately have only one season.
In winter I was bored
And I said:
Change, change me, Brahma
Brahma
Yes, I flatter myself
Your heart will hear me.
Suddenly here I was
Merely a cat.
He changed me.
They dote on me.
They cajole me.
With soft bread
And nice milk.
But cats, they say
Are natural felons.
For them, I blushed
And I said:
Change, change me, Brahma.
Brahma,
My heart demands
This favor.
And suddenly here I am.
Just a woman.
He changed me!
GUIDO:
Someone’s coming. No doubt it’s my old governess. Don’t let her suspect your former condition.
MINETTE:
Don’t worry, I am discreet.
GUIDO:
She’s discreet, too! If I could make myself so. Hush, here she is.
MARIANNE:
(enters aside) It’s over. The bargain is concluded. I’ve sold her for three Florins. But I’ll never have the courage to (aloud) What do I see! A woman around here?
(As Marianne enters, Minette paces herself to the right of Guido and tries to hide from the eyes of the governess who goes to the table and picks up the box)
GUIDO:
(low to Minette) Careful, Minette, and let me do it. (aloud) My poor Marianne there you are quite astonished. She—she’s the daughter of an old friend of my father’s who’s just arrived this very moment from England.
(Meanwhile, Marianne places what she bought on to the table.)
MARIANNE (looking at her):
From England?
GUIDO:
Yes, a young lady. As she was without asylum. I offered her one. She will lodge with us.
MARIANNE:
With us? (placing her basket down) Ah, indeed! For goodness sake, here’s news.
MINETTE:
(to Guido) She’s bringing lunch; it’s cream. So much the better.
MARIANNE:
What, master. You, who gave up women—?
GUIDO:
Ah, but this one here. What a difference. She’s quite another sort, she’s purity, innocence itself.
MARIANNE:
(ironic) And she’s coming from England. (she takes the cash box into the next room and then begins to place all that is needed for lunch on the table) I see what it is: the gentleman is weary of my services. It’s a young governess that he needs. But seeing her, at the age she is, God knows what people will say. They won’t spare you remarks, nor barbs!
GUIDO:
(looking at Minette) As to all that, we don’t fear them, and we are here to reply to them, isn’t that so, dear friend?
MARIANNE:
(going to him) Dear friend? What do I hear? Would she, by chance, be the passion you wouldn’t confess to me this morning?
GUIDO:
Exactly, it is she. (aside) She doesn’t know how right she is. (aloud) Yes, my dear Marianne, it’s this charming woman, whose gentility, grace, and distinguished manners— Ah, my God, what’s she doing? (he has turned and noticed that Minetter has quietly approached the table and dipped her fingers into the cream which she laps up like a cat)
MARIANNE:
Why—what do I see here? O heavens, great is my shock! Sir, will you look at Milady?
MINETTE:
(aside) O gods! How good this cream is!
MARIANNE:
That says it plainly.
GUIDO:
What distraction, my dear. What are you thinking of?
MARIANNE:
Apparently— It’s an English custom.
(Guido gestures for Minette to sit opposite him. He pours her some cream and shows her how to dip her bread in it, which Minette does awkwardly.)
GUIDO:
But what a lunch, Marianne! You, who had no money; how did you do it?
MARIANNE:
(bitterly) How’d I do it! It had to be done in the end. I sold our cat for three Florins.
GUIDO:
For goodness sakes, without consulting me!
MARIANNE:
Ah, indeed, yes. (looking at Minette) Now you have many other things to think about. I sold her to the wife of the governor; a very kind woman who really loves cats.
MINETTE:
(aside, eating) Sell me! That’s funny.
MARIANNE:
It’s to amuse her son, a young man of eighteen; a very hopeful youth.
MINETTE:
(aside) And to a young man, too. (she dunks her napkin in the cream)
GUIDO:
(gesturing to her) Not like that. (aside) She’s not yet used to dining at table. (to Marianne) Well fine,. Since the son of the governor bought her, let him come take her (aside) if he can recognize her.
MARIANNE:
(to herself) And I thought this would desolate him! What insensitivity! But where is that little Minette? She always comes to me right away. (calling) Minette! Minette!
MINETTE:
(rising excitedly) Here I am.
MARIANNE:
(turning) What is it?
GUIDO:
(who’s made her sit down and gestured to her) I said that I saw her here.
MARIANNE:
Perhaps in my work basket.
GUIDO:
(resuming his lunch) Yes, keep looking.
(Marianne picks up her work basket and a ball of thread escapes from it as she does so. Minette, seeing it, leaps from the table, running silently after the ball, which unwinds almost completely as she plays with it as cats do.)
MARIANNE:
Well! Well! What kind of manners are these?
GUIDO:
(rising) Come on. Here’s another entanglement indeed.
MARIANNE:
(snatching the balls from Minette) Would you please stop, Miss!
GUIDO:
(to Minette) My dear friend.
MINETTE:
(stamping her foot) She always vexes me; she deprives me of all of my pleasures.
GUIDO:
(to Marianne) It’s true, too. Let her do it.
MARIANNE:
(pointing to the tangled threads) Let her do it! Look at that! Find a match in that!
GUIDO:
Eh, why do you want me to meddle in that; does it concern me?
MINETTE:
(who’s approached the bird cage, playing with the birds) Ah, how nice!
(She upsets the cage which falls on the table)
MARIANNE:
(shouting and going to pick up the cage) Mercy! My green canaries!
MINETTE:
Ah, actually, this is boring! I cannot amuse myself when she’s here.
MARIANNE:
(enraged) A little girl of fifteen who has no experience—
MINETTE:
(mimicking her) An old bat of sixty who has a bit too much
MARIANNE:
(exasperated) Ah, this is too much!
(sings)
A new martyrdom each moment.
We’ve got to get out of here.
It’s not to be borne.
And rather than suffer it
I prefer to die.
MINETTE:
It’s not to be borne
And I don’t know how to suffer it.
You can get out of here.
It’s not to be borne.
And rather than suffer it
I would prefer to die.
GUIDO:
It’s not to be borne
A new martyrdom each moment
We can never get out of here.
It’s not to be borne.
Silence! Will you stop!
Ah, this could cause me to die!
MARIANNE:
Why, you see then what a nasty mood— I cannot bear it; I’m giving in to my fury.
MINETTE:
Why, you see what a nasty mood! Yes, against me I see her fury.
GUIDO:
Come, calm this nasty mood.
And restore me to calm and joy.
(Marianne exits in a rage, going into the room at the right).
(aside) Nice beginning! Come on, here we are in a quarrel already. (sitting near the table)
MINETTE:
(with an air of triumph) She’s going distracted. So much the better; we’ll be calm for now, at least until she returns. (to Guido) Well? you seem annoyed.
GUIDO:
Come here, Minette, come here, Mamzelle. (Minette approaches) What were you doing? Why did you touch those green canaries? That woman loves canaries.
MINETTE:
So! She’s difficult to live with. (in a caressing tone) And I am sure you wouldn’t want to refuse me the first favor that I ask of you. (she takes his hand)
GUIDO:
(aside) That’s the thing, velvet paws!
MINETTE:
Guido, my friend, my good friend, tell her to get out!
GUIDO:
To get out! That good Marianne who raised you.
MINETTE:
I’ll always love her—but at a distance, a great distance.
(she passes his hand several times above her ear)
GUIDO:
(aside) Come on, we are going to have a storm. (with an angry air) Minette, you haven’t considered what you are asking for.
MINETTE:
(cajoling, with her hand) My friend.
GUIDO:
(with dignity) Minette, you are causing me pain.
MINETTE:
You are refusing me; go away, I don’t love you anymore.
(she scratches him.)
GUIDO:
Ouch! God! what a way to be treated. (aside) and indeed she’s kept singular manners! Above all I must teach her morals, or at least make her clip her nails. (aloud) My dear, you hurt me.
MINETTE:
(distancing herself) Leave me alone, sir, don’t speak to me anymore, since you are so ungrateful for the tenderness I have for you.