My Heart is Home

by Barbara Gee

  “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now,” I murmured, “and that includes Hawaii and Bali and Bermuda and Tahiti. And those are places I’d really like to visit sometime.”

  “I’ve been to Hawaii and Bermuda,” he said, sounding a little sleepy. “This is better.”

  I smiled. “Well, maybe we could give it a try in Bali or Tahiti sometime.”

  “Mmmm.”

  “Are you going to go to sleep on me, JP?”

  “Maybe. I haven’t been sleeping much. I hope being in my own bed will change that.”

  “Do you—” I was going to offer to make him some coffee, but his phone rang and interrupted me. He’d put it on the coffee table, which meant he was going to have to get up to answer it.

  He groaned. “That’s Jude.”

  I started to get up so that he could too, but his arm tightened. “He can wait. I’ll call him when I get home.”

  “He’s been waiting a long time already,” I said gently. “Ava asked me this morning if I knew what was up with you. I told her you’d be back tonight and I was sure you’d talk to Jude then.”

  “Yeah, I guess I need to, but I really hate to tell him about Lily over the phone.”

  I looked at the clock and saw it was only eight o’clock. “Tell them to come over.”

  I felt him stiffen. “You don’t think it’s too late?”

  “The way Jude drives, they could be here in twenty minutes,” I said.

  The phone stopped ringing and JP thought about it for a moment longer. “I guess getting it over with wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

  I sat up and looked down at him, emotion hitting me hard. What a beautiful, loving man. I was terrified of what he might have to go through in order to make sure Lily grew up in a safe, loving home, but I loved him so much for wanting to make it happen.

  I ran my fingertips along his jaw. He hadn’t shaved in a while and the scruff was thick and long enough to be past the rough, bristly stage. I liked it.

  “They’re going to be supportive, you know that, right?”

  He exhaled slowly. “Yeah, I know. It’s just going to be hard to tell them I might have fathered a child through a one-night stand that I don’t even remember. That’s just not something I ever thought I’d have to confess to.”

  “Does your family know about what happened with you and Haley?”

  “I talked to Jude about it a few months ago. It was right after you told Ava, so he already knew. Because you’re right, they don’t keep secrets. But the rest of them don’t know.” He sat up and rested his elbows on his knees. “It’s not just them, though. I’m worried about what everyone else is going to think too. It’s humbling to know I’m going to be the talk of the town for suddenly showing up with a three-year-old child. I know I shouldn’t get caught up in what others are saying, but I have to admit it’s going to bother me. A lot.”

  “But you know how that goes, JP. Pretty soon something else will come up and you’ll be old news. You just have to endure it until everyone gets used to seeing you with Lily, and then it’ll be fine.”

  “Maybe. But that group of eighty-somethings that you and Ava hang out with at church is going to be appalled. They’re going to want me shunned.”

  I laughed. “Nah, they love me too much. They’ll defend you to their dying breath simply because you’re my guy.”

  He cocked a brow. “You think? Because that kind of support might be worth joining them at the country buffet some Sunday.”

  I grinned and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “I can’t even tell you how thrilled they’d be. Aunt Donna calls me every week and invites us. I’ve been putting her off because I was afraid you’d be scared of them.”

  That brought out a smile, just as I’d hoped. “They are a little intimidating. Especially the one with the purple shoes.”

  “Priscilla. She’s the leader of the gang.”

  He chuckled and stood up. “I’ll call Jude and see what he says about coming over.”

  ***

  I was sure Jude and Ava had been trying to guess the reason for JP’s four-day absence. I’m also sure that, like me, JP finding out he might have a child wasn’t one of the possibilities they’d entertained. Their expressions went blank with shock and stayed that way for so long that JP launched into a longer description of the events of the weekend, without waiting for their response.

  As he spoke, I saw comprehension slowly overtake the shock. They listened raptly as JP told them about Adalyn’s illness and her not having any options for Lily other than him. By the time he got to the part about the lawyer’s fears that Haley would reenter the picture due to the money at stake, they were both firing off questions. It made me smile. They were already adamant supporters of JP getting Lily, no matter what the test results said.

  “I know the courts tend to favor the mothers, but in this case, the mother hasn’t made a single effort to see her daughter in three years,” Ava said heatedly. “Surely any judge would conclude that the only reason for the sudden change of heart is the huge amount of money that’s at stake.”

  JP rubbed the back of his neck. “You’d think so, but Haley is an accomplished liar and could probably come up with some kind of story. She might even try to make Adalyn out to be the bad guy for paying her to stay away from her child.”

  “But that wasn’t it at all,” Ava insisted. “She paid her to save the child. And there’s a signed contract to that effect, right?”

  “Right, but Haley could claim she was strong-armed into signing it and now she regrets it. Who knows. It’s her word against Adalyn’s, and if Haley waits until Adalyn passes away before coming forward, we don’t even have that.”

  “The attorney could get a sworn statement from her to have in the files at least,” Jude said.

  “Yeah, and he’ll do that,” JP said. “There are just a lot of unknowns with a person like Haley. Granted, this is all worst-case scenario, but the attorney said we need to anticipate everything so we’re ready for whatever Haley might pull.”

  “When will the test come back?” Jude asked.

  “Hopefully in a couple of days. The results will go to Adalyn. She’ll call and let me know what it says, then email me a copy.”

  Ava clasped her hands under her chin, her eyes shiny with tears. “She has to be yours, JP. I can’t stand to think of what you might have to go through to get her if she isn’t.”

  JP let out a long breath and nodded slowly. “And if I’m not the father, Haley might miraculously remember who is and try to cut a deal with him. Offer him part of the money. Then there’s no way I could prevail.”

  “Poor little Lily,” Ava breathed, looking at me. “So you met her, Myla? Do you think she’s JP’s?”

  I nodded and rubbed my hand in circles across JP’s back, hoping our support was helping him. “I did meet her. She’s incredible and I do think she’s JP’s. Seeing them together—you’d never guess they only met a few days ago.”

  “Do you have any pictures?” Jude asked.

  JP picked up his phone. “One or two…..or twenty,” he said a little sheepishly. He found the first one, then handed the phone to Jude and Ava to scroll through. “Myla and I think she looks like Adalyn.”

  Jude looked down at the phone, then quickly back up at JP, his brows raised. “Seriously?” He chuckled. “Then Adalyn must look an awful lot like Janna.”

  “Oh my word!” Ava said, leaning in toward the phone as JP and I exchanged a confused look. “This is Janna. You don’t see it?”

  JP reached for the phone and he and I huddled over the screen. Now that they’d pointed it out, I thought I did see the likeness. I’d assumed Lily’s dark eyes were from Adalyn, but Janna also had dark-chocolate-colored eyes. I wished I could see photos of her at that age to compare.

  JP studied the phone for a long time, swiping between pictures, then a smile curved his lips. “Why didn’t I see it?”

  “Maybe it’s easier to see the resemblance in photos than in real
life,” Ava said. She held out her hand. “Let me see more.”

  They looked at each picture, grinning at the engaging little girl who was pulling on their heartstrings even though they’d never met her. Jude handed the phone back to his brother, smiling confidently.

  “She’s yours,” he stated. “I’d put money on it.”

  “Congratulations,” Ava said, standing up and leaning down to hug JP.

  He chuckled and hugged her back. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I hope you two are right, but we need to wait for the test before we celebrate.”

  “You gonna wait for that before you tell Mom and Dad?” Jude wondered.

  “That’s the plan. I thought it would be better if they knew one way or the other from the start.”

  “Agreed. Just make sure you include Janna in the announcement. She’d be hurt if you left her out.”

  “Definitely.”

  They continued to discuss things while I went to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. Decaf, because JP needed to sleep tonight. Ava soon came in and put an arm around my shoulders.

  “How are you doing with all this?” she asked softly.

  “I’m fine, I’m just worried about what’s in store for JP and Lily. I’m so afraid this is going to turn into a battle with Haley.”

  “He already loves that little girl.”

  “He does. And he’s worried about her. She’s going to have such a hard time understanding things when Adalyn’s health starts to decline, which the doctor said could start happening at any time.”

  “Is she going to have chemo? Or surgery?”

  “They’ve ruled out surgery, and she already had the first two rounds of chemo treatments. She’ll have six or seven rounds total and I think they go three days on and four off. After that, the hope is she’ll have several pretty good months before the real downhill slide begins.”

  “So it would take a miracle to turn it around?”

  I nodded sadly. “It’s already spread to her liver and lungs. It blows my mind that she didn’t have symptoms before it got to this point, but that’s what makes colon cancer so scary. Sometimes there just aren’t recognizable symptoms until it’s too late.”

  “What are the plans for Lily if Adalyn gets really sick during the chemo?”

  “We haven’t discussed that yet, but I’m hoping she can come and stay with JP for extended visits. I can make sure I’m available to be with her while JP’s working. I’ll just have to let the school know I won’t be able to say yes every time they call.”

  “Camilla will want to help, and I can too. We can make it happen.”

  I pushed the button to start the coffee and gave my friend a hopeful look. “You really think she’s JP’s?”

  “Oh my word, yes. I really do.” She paused and gave me a searching look. “How’s this going to affect you two, though? You were just getting back to being a couple again—are you okay with suddenly having a child thrown in there? It’s a huge deal, especially if it becomes a custody fight. Instead of having all JP’s attention focused on your relationship, you’re going to have to share him. And I’m sorry, honey, but there are bound to be times when you’re gonna feel like you’re getting the short end of the stick.”

  I nodded wistfully. “I’m trying to come to terms with that. He feels such an obligation to make sure Lily gets the life she deserves, and I have no doubt he’ll pour everything he has into that goal. That’s just who he is, and those qualities are a lot of the reason I love him so much. So…..we’ll figure it out. We have to, because I can’t lose him again.”

  Ava still looked worried. “If things go his way with Lily, you’re going to be an instant mom.”

  I gave her a sideways look. Leave it to Ava to get ahead of ourselves.

  “Only if he decides to marry me,” I said.

  “Like that’s even a question,” Ava scoffed. “Seriously, are you ready to be a mom?”

  I folded my arms and leaned back against the edge of the countertop. “I think I could be.”

  “Without resentment?”

  “Yeah, I mean, Lily is totally innocent, and I refuse to go back and start blaming JP for what he did in the past again. So there’s no one to resent.”

  “It won’t be easy—”

  I put up a hand, interrupting her. “I know, Ava, I know that. Is this the way I would’ve planned things? No, definitely not. But it’s our new reality, and it’s not enough to make me think twice about being with JP. Not even close. I love him, and I honestly hope and pray I do get the chance to be his wife and Lily’s mother.”

  “We’re all going to pray for that,” Ava said fervently.

  I let out a breath and apologized for snapping at her.

  She gave me a quick hug. “I didn’t take it personally. It’s going to be okay, Myla.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I have to believe that. And just wait till you meet Lily,” I added. “She’s so sweet and smart. And a total chatterbox.”

  Ava grinned. “Oh man, can you even imagine how excited Camilla’s going to be when she hears she’s a grandmother? She won’t be able to get her hands on that little girl fast enough. I know she can’t take Adalyn’s place, but I have to think it’ll be a comfort to Lily to have another woman her Grammy’s age in her life. Not to mention a grandpa, aunts, and uncles. And then there’s your own family. They’ll eventually be involved too.”

  I raised my brows in warning. “But we can’t all just swoop in and smother her. She’s not used to family, and she’s going to have a lot of changes to deal with. I imagine there’ll be times when we all just have to take a step back and let her be with JP.”

  “They’ve really bonded, huh?”

  “Oh yeah. I was only with them for a day, but it was so obvious. Honestly, Ava, I hate to think how it would affect him if he loses her.”

  “It won’t happen. We’re going to think positive. She belongs with JP and that’s where she’ll end up.”

  I hoped she was right because I couldn’t handle the thought of JP in that kind of pain. I poured the coffee and we rejoined the guys. Jude and Ava stayed another half hour, but after about a dozen yawns from JP they left, telling him to go home and get some sleep.

  He followed me to the kitchen and put the mugs in the dishwasher.

  “I guess I’ll take Jude’s advice and go. Will I see you tomorrow?”

  “Of course. I don’t work, so I’ll come to your house this time.”

  “Sounds good.” He closed the dishwasher. “I have to say, this driving back and forth kinda sucks.”

  “Especially when you’re so tired.” I frowned, concerned about how exhausted he looked. “You’ll be okay driving?”

  “Yes, ma’am. I promise.”

  “Text me when you get home, okay?”

  “I will.”

  He was leaning against the counter beside me and I moved in front of him, looping my arms around his waist. “Don’t get discouraged about Lily, JP. The only thing we can do is take each day as it comes and make the best decisions we can. Trying to see the whole picture when you only have a fraction of the information is only gonna drive you crazy.”

  His arms came around my shoulders and he propped his chin on the top of my head. “You’re a wise woman.”

  “Sometimes,” I said, nuzzling my face against his chest.

  His arms tightened. “I don’t know what the next few months will hold, baby,” he said, his voice raspy. “You’ve been so great about everything, but I still feel like I need to apologize. One phone call and I went from being able to focus almost exclusively on you and me to having a child and a looming custody battle.”

  “We don’t know about the battle yet. It may never happen.”

  “We can only hope.” He pulled away slightly so he could look at me. “Your support means the world to me, Myla, but I don’t want you to pretend everything’s okay when it’s not. I need you to always be honest about how you’re feeling.”

  “I’m not pretending.” />
  “Not now, but things are going to get harder. Even if Haley stays away and getting Lily goes smoothly, it’s still going to be an adjustment to have her in our lives.”

  “JP.” I framed his face with my hands. “I want to be with you and Lily’s existence doesn’t change that. We’re in this together…..if you want to be, that is.”

  “Oh, I want to be,” he said softly. “It just feels like I’m asking an awful lot of you. I need to know that you’ll tell me if you feel overwhelmed or neglected. No suffering in silence because you don’t want to worry me. That’s all I’m trying to say.”

  I nodded. “I get it. But right now Lily has to be your main focus, and I get that, too.”

  He speared his fingers into my hair and tilted my head farther back. “I don’t want it to seem like I’m choosing her over you.”

  I smiled, “I can share. She’s just a little girl, JP. She needs you.”

  “I know she does.” His voice was soft as his eyes bored into mine. “I just don’t want all this to get you and me off track.”

  I shared his concern, but if he loved me as much as I did him, we’d figure it out. And he hadn’t given me reason to believe he was any less invested than I was.

  “I think there’s enough of you for Lily and me both.” I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his inviting mouth. “I love you, JP.”

  I literally felt the effect of my words on him as his body relaxed.

  “I love you back, Myla.” He kissed one corner of my mouth, then the other. “I thank God every day for bringing you back to me. He might be getting tired of it.”

  I rubbed my hands over his shoulders. “I’m exactly where I want to be.”

  He kissed me properly then. It was long and sweet and passionate, and it was all I could do to tear myself away so he could go home to bed.

  He sent me a text when he got there, letting me know he was safe and sound. Since he was big on honesty, I gave him some.

  Me: Good. But I’d rather you were here.

  JP: That makes two of us, babe. Love you. Sleep well.

  Me: I will. You too.

  I went to bed longing for the day when I could sleep well with him by my side.