A Good Distance

by Sarah Willis

  I have tried to build my mother’s life again, filling in the holes as best I can, using plaster and bones, but every time I think I see her, I see a reflection of myself; she is a relationship: my mother. Although she would argue with me, tell me I make much of it up, I am not afraid to remember her wrong, only afraid I may not remember at all.

  It’s my turn to say something. I thought I had so much to say, but maybe I’ve said too much. Maybe the simple truth is all I need. “She hated strawberry ice cream,” I say, speaking up because it has begun to rain. “I loved her. I’ll miss her.” I feel Todd’s hand in mine, and it’s warm despite the cold weather. I take Jazz’s hand, and we three are the family I have, and I am so proud.

  As my mother is lowered into the ground, the rain turns into a gale, a hard rain blowing sideways, edging its way under the canopy; not a gentle rain but one that will knock branches from trees and tear shingles off well-kept homes. I imagine my father directing this scene, waving his large hands, shouting, “More wind! Get that lightning going! Thunder!” But my mother is no longer here. She sits somewhere, on a patchwork quilt in the sunlight, watching us, waiting for my father to finish the show.

  Acknowledgments

  For being the best writers’ group in the whole wide world, and for all their thoughtful suggestions, I’d like to thank Neal Chandler, Pat Brubaker, Jim Garrett, Maureen McHugh, Erin Now-jack, Charles Oberndorf, Amy Bracken Sparks, Lori Weber, and Charlotte Van Stolk; with a special thanks to our absent Paul Ita for his two-hour phone call. I want to also thank my brother, Roger Willis, for his information on oil wells; Rick Seymour for his help with the San Francisco section; my parents, for everything; and Karen Joy Fowler for, once again, her encouragement when I needed it most (and more than a few good suggestions). For their belief in me (and hard work), I thank Christy Fletcher, Judy Piatkus, Susan Allison, and Leslie Gelbman. And finally, a huge thanks to Ron Antonucci, for his love and support.