Mountain Man Secret_Back On Fever Mountain 3

by Melissa Devenport

  “Yes. Mutual hatred, I suppose. I did as you asked. I didn’t harm anyone. I… I didn’t trade my soul for my life.”

  She didn’t remove her hand and the heat of Jason’s skin burned into her palm. She knew his face so well, his features. She didn’t know what truly lay beneath. She didn’t doubt his love, but she didn’t truly know his heart. He had a whole past, another world, that he’d kept from her.

  “We’re strangers,” she whispered. “That’s what I feel like.”

  “I don’t even know myself, so how could you know me?”

  “We’ll make time, Jason. We’ll learn each other again. No more secrets. No more past. Going forward, we are just who we are.”

  “And that is?”

  “I don’t even know yet. I suppose we’ll have to choose names.” She finally turned and looked at her mother, who stood watching them, taking it all in. “You’ll come with us mom? It’s not safe for you here anymore.”

  “Yes.” Joan reached up and swiped away tears. “Yes, of course. None of us chose this, not really. We will find peace. Eventually. We’ll make sure that Ross never knows of this. That he grows up happy and loved.”

  Amanda nodded vehemently. “Today we lay the past to rest.”

  “Today we lay it to rest.” Her hand fell away when Jason moved his face. He whispered the words while she still had her head turned away, but the sincerity in his tone rang through.

  “And what about Andy? Where will he go, or where has he gone? Is there any peace in the world for him?”

  “I can’t answer that. I hope so. He’s a lost soul. A broken soul. He probably has never known love and that is the only thing that truly redeemed me.”

  “Then we were meant to meet, no matter what, because your love saved me. Our loved created our son and he is the most perfect thing in the world.”

  Jason closed his eyes. He spoke slowly, like he savored his next words. “A life of peace and happiness. A life where our son knows the joy of parents who cherish him. A life filled with laughter and happiness. And one day, when we actually have real names again, I’ll ask you to be my wife.”

  “Is that another one of your promises? A promise to live by? A word that you intent never to break?”

  He nodded solemnly, the man who was no longer Jason or Dallas or any other name. He didn’t need a name so long as he was hers.

  “Yes, it’s a promise.” He waited a minute, a minute filled with silence, the solemnity of that vow wrapped tightly around them, before he bent his head and kissed her.

  Chapter 15

  Fighting For Him

  Jason

  Their first night in Cartagena, Columbia was a hard one. Their new apartment was nothing like the rustic log cabin. It was located right in the heart of the city, in an area that wasn’t great, but it was safe. Located in a quaint yellow building with arches on the main floor and rows of white balconies rising above, it was nice enough. It wasn’t luxury, but they had time to move on and move out, once they had their lives together again.

  Or at least, Amanda could.

  The city didn’t afford the freedom Jason was used to. The hustle and bustle of people and vehicles below never seemed to die out or fade away. After years of silence, it was jarring.

  At least the noise provided an outward distraction from the noise in his brain. He’d never wipe the sounds of gunfire and dying men from his ears or be able to erase the smell of smoke, his life going up in ashes, from his nostrils. The memories weighed him down like a physical burden.

  He hadn’t lost Amanda yet, but he didn’t know how long they could last. He’d made promises to her the night he’d rescued her from that dingy house that he knew he wasn’t going to be able to keep. How long would she choose to stay with him, now that she knew the truth? He might not have pulled the trigger, but he was there the night those men died. He hadn’t been able to do a damn thing to intercede on their behalf. Not that they would have stepped in and saved him, had it been the other way around. Worse, they would have had no qualms about killing Amanda, Joan and Ross.

  Their names had died that night instead.

  Jason, now Markus, sat outside on the balcony, the apartment quiet behind him. Everyone had fallen asleep long ago. As usual, he hadn’t been able to sleep. Even when the danger was long past.

  Will I ever sleep again?

  A man on a bike rolled by slowly under the balcony and continued his way on down the street. A young man and woman, arms linked, walked slowly by on the opposite side of the street. They said nothing, but it was obvious they were lovers.

  Jason started when the door opened behind him. Amanda stood there, a vision in her cotton t-shirt and a pair of denim shorts. Her flaxen hair was mused from having slept on it for half the night and her mossy eyes were cloudy with sleep.

  “You haven’t come to bed,” she stated matter-of-factly. It wasn’t a question.

  Jason shrugged. “No.” He turned back to the street. There was another chair on the tiny balcony and Amanda slipped into it. He couldn’t turn and look at her. He hadn’t been able to truly look her in the eye once since the night he’d kicked down the door and found his family in that tiny, abandoned, decrepit house.

  It could so easily have been the last place they ever saw.

  “Jason?” Amanda laid a hand gently on his bare arm. It was warm, the night as humid as most nights were. He hadn’t bothered changing out of his gray plain t-shirt and jeans he’d worn all day even though he was probably stale and sweaty.

  “Hmm?” He made a non-committal noise in the back of his throat.

  “Can you look at me?”

  It was the one thing he hadn’t been able to do and she knew it. He turned his head in her direction, but purposely didn’t focus on her face. He looked past her, to the teal building that butted up against theirs.

  “You know that what happened wasn’t your fault. You know that, don’t you?”

  He sighed roughly, reached up and ran a hand through his hair. It was damp at the base, near the roots. “I don’t know how you can say that. Of course it was my fault. Everything that happened was my fault. I never should have hoped that I could lead a normal life. I dared to think that I had gotten out, gotten away, and that I would be unfound and unharmed. I let you depend on me, when I couldn’t even depend on myself. Worse, I endangered your mother and our son.”

  “We’ve been through all that,” Amanda said quietly, infinite patience in her voice. “You can’t bring up the past anymore. What happened is over. It’s dead to us. It was another life. A completely different life. We were different people with different names. We can’t go back, we can only go forward.”

  It sounded like a motivational speech, designed just for him. He said nothing, because there was nothing to say.

  “That’s what you doubt most of all, isn’t it? It’s what you’ve been struggling with since that night you came for us. I thought it was over then, but that was just the beginning. It was the beginning of our new life. It was the beginning of you becoming a person I don’t even feel like I know. It was the start of all your doubts.”

  His head cranked around so fast a sharp pain ripped up his neck and radiated down his spine. Amanda’s eyes burned bright with emotion. She was so incredibly beautiful, a touch of moonlight on her pale, silken skin, the curve of her cheek and her full lips so very alluring…

  “You know that I’m right. I know you think that once we got here, once we settled in and got back to a life we both knew how to lead, that you’d leave. You’d leave because that’s what you think is best for us. You think that deep down, it’s what I want, whether I know it or not.”

  “It’s not-”

  “I can feel you pulling away,” Amanda cut in. “Each day, I can feel you slipping away, a little at a time. I feel like you’re not even mine, Jason. That you no longer want to be in our lives. You think it’s best for us. You think you need to go, even though what happened is over and there is no one else looking for you an
d we’re safe here. You think we’d be better off without you. You think your son should grow up not knowing his father because his father’s life has been soaked in violence and blood.”

  His heart sunk and his stomach clenched violently. He heard the truth of his thoughts echoed in her words. There was no use denying what she said. Amanda knew him better than anyone else in the world. It had taken her all of eleven days to figure him out.

  “Yes,” he admitted. “I do think that.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest, as if doing so would protect her from the harsh reality of the truth. “Well you’re mistaken. How could you even think those thoughts? Why would you want to pull away when we’ve been gifted this new chance, this fresh start. We both know that there was a chance that we might not be here. We beat the odds and we’re here together. What about your promises? Promises to make me your wife? To love me and your son?”

  “I…”

  “No!” A steely glint flashed through Amanda’s eyes. Her lips pressed into a thin, hard line. She didn’t have to raise her voice for him to understand that she was dead serious. “There is nothing you can say that I’ll accept as a reason for you to leave. What happened was a product of the life you led, but we both know it was not your fault. I know that you love me. I know that you love your son. If you think for a second that I’m not strong, you’re mistaken. If you think that I’m not a fighter too, that I won’t fight for you and our life together and our love, you have another thing coming.”

  All Jason could do was stare at his woman, his warrior, goddess of a woman. She did indeed look fierce enough, eyes blazing, her heart on her sleeve, the air thick between them with her emotion and her love, to ride into battle. A battle she’d fight, time and time again for him. For his soul and his heart, for his body and his life.

  He tried and failed again to say anything. His throat closed up, aching with regret and unspent emotion. If a thousand years passed, he could never tell her enough times just how sorry he was.

  “You didn’t ruin my life, so stop thinking that right now. You saved it. You brought my mother and I back together and you were the one who gave me the gift of my son. I feel like I never lived a single day in my life before I met you. So stop. Stop sitting out here by yourself. Stop staying awake all night like you have to keep guard over us or because you can’t bear to be near me since it would make it that much harder to leave.”

  “Amanda…”

  “No. That’s not my name any longer. My name is Dawn. I chose that name so that it would always remind me of our fresh start. Of this amazing second chance, this opportunity to live out a life of peace and love together.”

  “You have no idea…”

  “What you saw that night? I can figure it out. Don’t think that I’m so innocent that I don’t know what happened. I know you’re haunted. I know that you’ll probably wrongly blame yourself for this for years to come. Maybe you’ll never forget and maybe you’ll never let go of the guilt in your heart, but you can’t stop fighting for our love either. Don’t let go of it, please. I would fight or beg or do anything in my power to hold us together. I love you, Markus.”

  His name sounded strange on her tongue. He wished she didn’t have to call him that, but Jason hadn’t been his real name either. He wished for a lot of things, prime among them, he wished that she could truly forgive him. He knew that would never happen because she was not the one withholding it. It was he himself who felt that forgiveness had to be earned.

  “The one thing I would never forgive you for, is leaving,” Amanda whispered brokenly, tears welling in her eyes. Her lips quivered and he knew she was battling hard not to cry. “I would never forgive you if you abandoned us. Not now, not ever. You are my heart and soul. It’s always been true and it will always be true. I swear that I will never take another. I will never be able to be happy while I know you are alive and out there. If you want me to have a life worth living, then stay. Stay and fight for us. Fight whatever demons are in your head and in your heart and let me help you. You promised that I would be your wife. I’m going to hold you to it. I know that you want to mean it. I will be your wife and you will be my husband. I will love you until my last breath, and hopefully even after. I knew pretty much from the minute I saw you that you were my heart and my heart was yours. So don’t give up now. Don’t leave me now. Clear the smoke and ashes from your head and move forward, Jason, please.”

  Jason’s heart stirred at Amanda’s impassioned speech. He was struck at her loyalty and her absolute, unwavering love. She taught him what it meant to be a good person. It was her bravery that pulled him through, that put the love and life back into his heart and soul.

  He rose slowly, setting his chair back an inch. The balcony was so small he only had to go a step before he reached Amanda. He knelt at her feet, gripped her hands and stared earnestly up into her gorgeous, tender face and luminous eyes.

  “My love,” he whispered, completely and totally humbled. “I can say nothing, nothing in the face of your unwavering love. I needed to hear this, most of all. I needed to know that I am truly forgiven in your eyes and that you want me by your side. I know of no other honor greater in the entire world. There is no other place I would rather be.”

  “All you had to do was ask.” Her hands came up and cupped the side of his face. Her fingers gripped his cheeks. She bent her head and when she was just an inch away, her breath warm and seductive on his lips, she whispered, “I know you didn’t know how. You don’t have to ask me ever again, you just have to promise that for the rest of our lives, it’s just us.”

  “I swear it.” The oath was ripped from his too tight throat and as Amanda’s face bent to his, he began to weep and their tears, the sweetest tears he’d ever shed in his life, mingled with hers.

  Epilogue

  A New Day, A New Life

  Amanda

  As she always knew it would be, her wedding was the best day of her life. She and Jason were bound as husband and wife on the beaches of Cartagena. They were renowned for their beauty and with the endless sand, lush vegetation, and crystal sparkling waters meeting an endless blue sky, it was easy to see why.

  Though she’d gone to great lengths to make some friends, their wedding was small, just the two of them, her mother and of course their son.

  Amanda tilted her face up to receive Jason’s kiss while her mother cheered happily and Ross made little baby noises of excitement not more than six feet away. She and Jason were both dressed simply. He wore a black pressed dress shirt and black slacks while she opted for a knee length simple, flowy white dress. They both stood barefoot in front of the justice who performed the ceremony.

  It didn’t matter that she wasn’t wearing an expensive wedding gown or that her hair had been hastily curled that morning or that she wore little makeup. Jason still looked at her like she was a princess.

  He pulled away, blue eyes glistening like the sea behind him.

  They turned as one to face Joan and Ross. Amanda was wrapped up in a warm hug from her mother while Ross grinned and babbled and drooled away in Jason’s arms.

  When Joan pulled away she fanned herself and glanced up at the sun overhead. “My goodness, it’s hot. I think I’ll take Ross and head back to the room, maybe try and see if he wants a nap.” She winked at Amanda and she had never been more thankful for her mother’s insight. They were staying at a resort for a week for their marriage, Joan and Ross in one room, Amanda and Jason in the room backing it.

  “Thanks,” she said softly. “We really appreciate everything.”

  Joan dropped her voice and whispered in Amanda’s ear. “I’m so happy for you, honey. So very happy!” She turned before Amanda could start bawling and held out her arms for her grandson. Jason handed him over. Ross greeted his grandmother with a special smile.

  The justice the resort used for weddings departed as well, after well wishes. Jason moved slowly to stand behind Amanda and together they watched Joan’s retreating figure, g
etting further away from the beach and closer to the villa paths that would take her to their rooms.

  “This was perfect,” Amanda whispered. She blinked away tears of happiness before she turned and wrapped her arms around Jason’s neck. “I’m so glad you are my husband. Finally.”

  “Wife,” Jason said slowly, savoring the word. His eyes burned right through her. “I like the way that sounds. It never would have happened if you hadn’t fought for me.”

  “It hasn’t been an easy road and we know that there will still be bumps along the way, but I’ve never once doubted my love. Or yours.”

  “You are truly a saint, wife.”

  Amanda laughed. “Far from it. I just know my heart, and like I’ve told you so many times before, my heart is yours.”

  Jason wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, tugging her in against the hard planes of his body. The fighter’s body. He was her fighter now.

  “And mine belongs to you. I tried once, to drive you away and I wasn’t able to. I thought of leaving you, but you fought for me. You showed me how to live again. It is because of you that I’m here at all, that I have a heart at all, that I know what true happiness and love are.”

  “I’m glad to hear it, since you just promised me forever and it’s a promise I’ll always hold you to.”

  Jason grinned. “I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.” His eyes took on a wicked gleam. “The only way I could imagine you more beautiful than you are right now is if that dress was sitting in a pile on the floor and your legs were wrapped around my-”

  Amanda leaned forward, standing on her tiptoes, to whisper his name in his ear, a name that she rarely used unless it was just them. “Jason! We’re still in a public place. We can’t go back to the room yet!”

  “And why not?” Jason’s lips turned up in a grin, devilment shining in his eyes.

  “Because if we go back to the room right away, we won’t leave it and I very much wanted to enjoy a walk down the beach.”