“No, Axel, it’s not that simple.”
“Why not? Tell me. Because it’s down to just me and you right now.”
“Axel, please shut up for a second,” Shelby said.
“Okay.”
“I’m sorry I walked away just now. I’m sorry for what I was.”
“No. Dammit. Don’t apologize for what you feel. For what you have to say.”
“You were right about me.”
“About you? With what?”
“Something I’ve been hiding.”
“Okay,” I said. “So what have you been hiding?”
Shelby curled her fingers into my shirt at my neck. “There’s something wrong… and I have to go and see a doctor…”
4.
My body rested against her. My hands traced lines up and down her right arm, shoulder, neck, her hair, then back down to her hip and leg. I couldn’t stop touching her. I loved her. And I was fucking worried.
Our motorcycle ride ended back at Gonzo’s shop where I told him to pack the ride away. Then I put Shelby into my truck and took her to my place. I made her explain everything to me ten times and I still didn’t understand it all. She had to go and see her woman doctor as she put it because her monthly things weren’t normal.
I got nervous when I started to think about how much time we had spent in bed together and they hadn’t been an issue at all. So much so that Shelby stood up, took my hand, and demanded that we go there right then.
I took my time with her, kissing every inch of her body after I stripped her clothes away. There was nothing I wouldn’t do to make her feel beautiful and prove my love to her.
I took my time loving her, going so impossibly slowly that it started to piss me off a little because it wasn’t my style. But what I got in return was nothing like I had ever experienced. The slow process of making love to Shelby was like a gift. Watching the way her body reacted to what my body did to her. Watching her slowly grab the sheets. Watching her lift her hips off the bed and offer little bucking movements at me as she reached climax. Watching her put her head back and strain her neck, pushing her chest into the air, contorting her body into a position that I never knew she could possibly do.
The way she collapsed to the bed, melting into the sheets. Her hands scratching forcefully up my back, leaving her mark, maybe as a warning to anyone else who would ever think about touching me. But trust me, nobody would ever have the chance to even breathe the idea. My life was meant for Shelby. My everything was meant for her.
I loved her until I came, going so slowly that I thought my entire body was going to explode. I was then the one with my fists full of the bed sheets as I held there, my muscles pulsing, my thickness throbbing, deep inside of Shelby’s beautiful body.
When we were both done, I lifted her up from the bed and carried her to the top where the pillows were. I placed her down, my queen, and I eased the covers up over her body. I then walked around the bed and climbed in, pressing my body against hers.
The woman I loved in my bed. In my heart.
I traced a million lines without speaking a word.
But I couldn’t wait forever to talk.
I stopped at her shoulder. “Are you awake, love?”
“Of course I am.”
“I can’t stop thinking about what you said. The doctor…”
“Axel…”
“We’ve been together so many times, Shel. We were just together again.”
“And your point?”
“Are you sure that that was okay to do?”
“Oh, believe me, it was okay,” Shelby said with a laugh. “It was better than okay. It was-”
“I’m being serious here,” I said.
She rolled to her other side to face me. The fronts of our bodies pressing together, which was far more dangerous than the other position. I saw the swell of her breasts and felt the heat between her thighs as she slipped her right leg over me.
“I don’t want to go into details,” she said. “Just… things haven’t been normal. Okay? I’m fine though. With what we’ve done. But I just know there’s something wrong. It’s a woman thing. I just feel it. Okay?
“Okay,” I said. “I get it then. I just… I’m here. And that sounds cliché. Whatever you need from me, I’m here. I still don’t understand it. You’re not telling me everything. But that’s okay.”
“You’re here, Axel. That’s all I ever need.” She kissed me and then bit her lip. “I have some bad news though.”
“What’s that?”
“No more lovin’ for a little bit,” she whispered.
“What?”
“You heard me. No sex.”
“Ah, right. Just sex though. At least for you. But for me…”
Shelby rolled her eyes. “You have two hands.”
She tried to roll away and I pulled her even closer. “So do you, love.”
She laughed.
I laughed.
We didn’t need to tell each other that we loved each other all the time. We never did before. All we needed to do was make each other laugh. Find those little things that only we knew about.
“I’m tired,” she whispered as she nuzzled her nose into my chest.
“Yeah, me too,” I whispered back.
We didn’t say goodnight to each other either.
We never did.
Because if we were in bed together, it was already a good night.
I wasn’t going to sleep though.
I was going to hold her, think about her, plan our life together.
There was something I didn’t tell Shelby. I didn’t want to pick an argument with her.
But the look in her eyes when she spoke… it reminded me of the look when she said she’d lost our baby.
Nineteen
*PRESENT DAY*
Shelby
1.
I played with the pack of cigarettes for a good ten minutes, trying to convince myself to smoke. And convince myself not to smoke. Funny how the first question the doctor asked me was if I smoked. And funny how I was quick to say no. Which wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t exactly the truth. There wasn’t a checkbox for I only smoke when I’m near Axel because he makes me so fucking crazy in love, yet scared to death that we’re going to hurt each other again.
The questions were only the beginning. Then came the tests. I felt like a science project with everything that was done, but I trusted the doctor. She was a kind woman with a big smile and even bigger brown eyes. She insisted I call her Deb instead of Dr. Shollin. She promised me the world without promising me the universe. Which meant a lot. She had my medical history and understood what I had gone through in the past. The last thing I needed was some upbeat person telling me that the world was full of rainbows. Because guess what? Sometimes the rain didn’t go away to make room for a rainbow. Sometimes the rain got worse and the storm grew stronger and there was a tornado.
There was a question that stuck out like a sore thumb that I hesitated to answer, but did based on emotion. It rattled me because of what Axel and I had talked about that day at the beach.
I couldn’t get the question out of my head, yet I refused to talk about it with Axel.
I picked up the pack of cigarettes again and shook it to get one out.
It was a terrible idea. Considering what Deb talked about when she got serious with me. This was probably the worst thing I could do to myself. Yet it was the only thing that could make me feel good.
Unless I called Axel to come over.
Which he would do. In a heartbeat.
I finally had to stand up and walk away from the table.
I couldn’t torture myself. I had to find a way to distract myself until Deb called with whatever news she had for me.
A knock at my door was the perfect distraction.
It was even better when I opened the door and saw Stacy standing there with a big smile on her face.
I let out a scream and jumped at her.
It hadn’t been
years since I’d seen her, but we’d never gone this long without seeing each other.
We did the clichéd woman hug and jump around while screaming thing.
Then we went inside and did it again.
“I didn’t know you were coming back,” I said.
“I wanted to surprise you.”
“I was just thinking about you. I haven’t heard from you…”
Stacy stopped at the kitchen table and pointed to the cigarettes. “What are these?”
“Those are Axel’s,” I said so quickly that it was scary.
“No, they’re not,” she said.
“Me and Axel are back together.”
“One thing at a time. Are you smoking again?”
“Stac, I’m a grown woman.”
“And that can kill you.”
“I’ve had a rough time lately, okay?”
“Shelby…”
I sighed. “Is that what you wanted to come home to?”
“No,” Stacy said.
“I didn’t smoke any cigarettes today, okay? I haven’t touched one in a while. Honestly. Not since me and Axel got serious…”
“So that’s really happening?”
“Yeah,” I said. “It’s crazy. I know. Sometimes I think about it and…”
“I’m happy for you,” Stacy said.
“What?”
“I’m so happy for you. Shelby, that was the only time in life that you were you. When you were with him. And I know how hard things got after you lost the baby.”
Oh, so we’re just getting right into it, huh?
Stacy touched her lips. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to blurt that out.”
“No. Say what you have to say. We can’t hide it anymore. It’s stupid to pretend like it never happened.”
“Right. Well… you two should have never split up. The whole divorce thing was stupid. But maybe it’s good that it happened though because now you two get to be together again. The right way.”
I laughed. “Okay, Miss Relationship Master. Why don’t you stick to yourself and tell me about your trip.”
“I am,” Stacy said. She hurried toward me. “I thought about you a lot. You and Axel. I mean, I thought about Den too. I made my peace with him passing. I don’t blame myself. I loved him. I showed him that. I cared for him. I did everything I could for him. And he’s gone now. I’ll always hurt for that, Shelby, but you know what? He can’t hurt me anymore.”
I touched my sister’s face. “That’s a really hard thing to admit. I’m proud of you.”
“But it’s more than that,” Stacy said. “If love even has a chance to exist and the two people are alive…”
“Why don’t you focus on your heart?” I asked. “Because what you just said is what happened to me and Axel. After we lost the baby… okay? Loving, caring, doing everything. And it wasn’t enough. For each of us. Because what we wanted was gone. And we both messed that up. It only seemed right to just break it all off at that point. Get away from each other and have a fresh start alone.”
“Which you never wanted.”
“Never,” I said without hesitation.
“And neither did he,” Stacy said.
“Probably not.”
Stacy sighed. “I sat there and just thought about so much, Shelby. My life. Den. Just everything. And I truthfully feel more lost right now. But it’s a peaceful lost. If that makes sense.”
“It does. It’s freedom.”
“Yeah. Freedom. And I know what I want my first thing to be.”
“What’s that? Name it. We’ll do it or buy it or get it right now.”
Stacy laughed. “I want a tattoo…”
2.
When Tate saw me, he froze. He pointed at me. Then he pointed at Stacy.
“My sister,” I said. “You remember her, right?”
“Vaguely,” Tate said. “We didn’t have many sober nights back then.”
“Back then?” I asked.
“We’re much more responsible now,” he said with a laugh.
“Shel?” another voice asked.
I turned my head and saw Axel walking with a woman next to him. She was in a tank top, one that was way too tight. Her slender shoulders and skinny arms, tattoos on her forearms. Messy black hair pulled back and dark eyes that screamed devil. She had a white bandage on her left shoulder; the fresh tattoo that Axel had just finished.
Now, I would never lie and say that it didn’t sometimes bother me to picture Axel touching women in various places when he tattooed them.
But his eyes were locked on me. Not the woman next to him.
She touched his arm and thanked him for the tattoo. Without looking at her, Axel told her to make another appointment when she wanted more. Then he just walked right to me and scooped me up off my feet and kissed me. Right in front of everyone. Without a worry or a care. Not that there should have been… but it was a little weird when you considered that we were once married, and now divorced.
That it didn’t matter as we kissed right there in the middle of St. Skin.
Axel put me on my feet and winked as he backed away.
“Stac,” he said and gave her a hug.
“You’re not going to pick me up and kiss me, are you?” Stacy asked.
I swatted at her arm. “Bitch.”
“No, I’m not going to do that,” Axel said. “How was your adventure?”
“Amazing. That’s why I’m here. I want a tattoo.”
“Yeah?” Axel asked.
“Like right now,” Stacy said.
“She’s demanding,” Axel said, looking at me.
“Try living with her,” I said.
“I think I’m free right now,” Axel said.
“I love it,” Stacy said.
“What do you want done?”
“I don’t know.”
Axel and Tate laughed at the same time.
“What’s so funny out here?” another voice asked.
Anyone who met Prick never forgot him. He came strutting out from the back of the shop with a cocky swagger and an eyebrow raised. He was locked onto Stacy already and I pushed at Axel.
No fucking way…
“Who is this?” Prick asked.
“Stacy,” Axel said. “Shelby’s sister.”
“Oh my… a sister,” he said. “And you’re even prettier than Shelby.”
“Hey,” I said. “What did I do to you?”
“You broke my heart,” Prick said.
“I broke your heart?”
“Yeah. You chose this big lunk over me.”
I laughed. “When did I do that?”
“We had our moments, Shelby,” Prick said.
“This is where you need to close your mouth,” Axel said.
“Oh, I can do plenty with my mouth,” Prick said. He inched closer to Stacy.
“Get any closer and I’ll cut your dick off,” I said.
Prick looked at me. “All I hear is that you want to touch my dick.”
“I’m going to cut your fucking hands off,” Axel said.
“Oh, tough crowd,” Prick said. He looked at Stacy and winked. “See the kind of trouble I’ll walk into for you.”
Stacy laughed. “Is this guy for real?”
“As real as they come,” Prick said. “Now, forget the ink. Come and let Prick give you a piercing that nobody can see. Well, nobody but me…”
“Did he just refer to himself in the third person?” Tate asked.
“I heard it,” I said.
“Okay,” Tate said. “Prick, you’re fired.”
“What?” Stacy cried out. “No.”
“Oh, she’s defending me,” Prick said with a grin.
“He’s only kidding,” I whispered to Stacy.
“Stay away from her,” Axel said to Prick. “Go back to your cave and hide.”
Prick stepped back and showed his hands. “You all know where to find me.”
He puckered up his lips and kissed the air in Stacy’s direction.
<
br /> “Wow, he is creepy,” I said.
“You should really fire him,” Axel said to Tate.
Tate patted Axel’s back. “We all know how things go when I fire people.”
“I think he’s kind of cute,” Stacy said. “He’s edgy and speaks his mind.”
“You go near him and I’ll never talk to you again,” Axel said to Stacy.
“How about you just tattoo me?” Stacy asked. “Or do I need to speak to a manager?”
“She’s got a point,” Tate said. “This is costing us business, Axel.”
“Yeah right,” Axel said. “You know I’m not charging her for this.”
“It’s coming out of your paycheck then,” Tate said.
“No,” Stacy said. “I have money. I’ll pay. I don’t want Axel to get in trouble.”
“He’s joking,” Axel said.
“Oh,” Stacy said as her cheeks turned red.
“Welcome to St. Skin,” I whispered to her.
“Maybe this was a bad idea,” she whispered back.
I looked at Axel and felt too many emotions to count.
Yeah… getting involved was a really bad idea… but the greatest decision I ever made.
3.
“It burns,” Stacy said for the hundredth time.
Axel stopped tattooing her and smiled. I could tell he was getting pissed off.
“What did you think it would feel like? A unicorn rubbing against you?”
“What does that feel like?” Stacy asked.
Axel shook his head.
“Stac,” I said. “It’s not that bad. And you’re almost done.”
“Fine,” she said.
She pouted and crossed her arms. She suddenly looked like she was ten years old and didn’t get her way.
Axel focused on Stacy’s forearm again to finish the tattoo. I was against the spot that she had chosen , but it wasn’t my arm and it wasn’t my life. So I kept my mouth shut. At the same time, I couldn’t stop watching Axel work. The intense look on his face. What this all meant to him. This was far beyond a job or a career.
The needle buzzed over and over.
Stacy turned her head and winced when she needed to.
And I just stood there and watched.
My mind raced in a hundred different directions. Stacy was the most important person in my life besides Axel. We grew up being told that we were stepsisters, but never let the word step matter at all. She was my sister. I was her sister. Through the hardest times of being young and thrown into the fire of adult situations, we were always together. I didn’t have to be stronger than her and she didn’t have to be stronger than me.
Nothing Lasts Forever Page 19