Godless And Free

by Pat Condell

  Peace, and happy resolutions.

  * As happened to the mother and doctors of a nine-year-old girl in Brazil who had a life-saving abortion. The man who raped her was not excommunicated.

  55.

  Islamist Dickhead

  March 24, 2009

  Some people have a way of getting right up your nose, don’t they? One such person is Mr Anjem Choudary, a British born Islamist with a very big mouth and some very harsh opinions about how people should be allowed to live their lives.

  And he’s been popping up quite a lot in the media recently with his pompous little voice and his bushy little face, so stern, so righteous, telling us all what a corrupt society this iwhile fully enjoying all its benefits.

  His latest pronouncement is that gay people should be stoned to death. Yes, he’s a real charmer

  I don’t know if he’s going to be prosecuted for hate speech for saying this (you know, the way a non-Muslim would be) or if the police think that upholding the law might cause offence and harm community cohesion. You’ll have to ask them that, if you can find them.

  Meanwhile, he wants beer drinkers like me publicly flogged. Ouch! Now it gets personal. He wants women forced to dress like nuns, and he wants to see the flag of Allah flying over Downing Street.

  With such aggressive opinions a man’s bound to have some inner tension. Maybe he needs to relax with a few pints of cider and a couple of spliffs. You know, like in the old days. Because we found out recently that before he became an Islamist dickhead this man was quite the party animal. Alcohol, cannabis, casual sex, pornography – you name it, and he sucked it in and blew it out in bubbles, by all accounts.

  They say, don’t they, there’s nothing quite as bad as the enthusiastic convert, although I have to say it’s a shame he’s not quite devout enough in his new beliefs to have himself retrospectively stoned to death for that behaviour and do us all a huge favour.

  It’s fair to say that this man is not well liked in Britain. Although he was born here, if the government were to put him on a plane anyway and dump him in the middle of the desert where he rightly belongs, I bet somebody orbiting in a spacecraft would be able to hear the spontaneous applause emanating from this tiny island.

  Because, born here on not, he’s about as welcome in this country as a fly is in a kitchen, and he serves the same purpose – a poison-spreading nuisance who makes people sick.

  I know a lot of Muslims are embarrassed by this guy. They cringe when they see his name in the media because they know that their faith is about to be portrayed yet again as a religion of fruitcakes and sadists.

  But they don’t have to worry about that, because everybody knows he’s an extremist nutcase. Every time he opens his mouth he proves that calling him pig ignorant is actually an insult to pigs.

  He’s a walking parody, a laughing stock, a ludicrous cartoon character who speaks for nobody but himself and his own pathetic little coterie of insane medieval pinheads.

  And ironically this is what makes him a unifying influence (which of course is the last thing he wants to be) because whatever we believe or don’t believe, we can all laugh at this idiot together in a wonderful example of actual community cohesion. You see, there’s a first time for everything.

  As for the flag of Allah flying over Downing Street, my hunch is that the British flag will still be flying there long after Mr Choudary and his fuzzy-faced friends have come to their senses, had a shave, and are back on the cider and spliffs.

  Peace.

  56.

  Children of a Stupid God

  May 26, 2009

  Hello everyone. I’ve been away for a while, but I’m glad to be back. Among other things recently I’ve been spending quite a lot of time out in the open air growing vegetables, enjoying the spring weather, and not believing in God, but not necessarily in that order.

  Some people will look at the variety and abundance of nature and see proof of God’s existence. Well, I’ve had a good look recently, and I’ve seen plenty of proof of nature’s variety and abundance, but I haven’t seen God anywhere. And that doesn’t really surprise me, because I don’t think that the violent maniac of the Old Testament would be capable of creating a single radish, let alone an entire world.

  For one thing, a god who’s afraid of new ideas is certainly no creator. But also his eagerness to be worshipped tells us that he’s an extremely shallow individual (which is a little worrying, as we’re supposed to be created in his image) and his quickness to violence shows that he’s also profoundly stupid. Again, uncomfortably close to home.

  Indeed, this god is so limited in scope and so aggressively unsubtle both in word and deed that you could be forgiven for mistaking him for some kind of primitive desert-dwelling tribal human being, and concluding, as I have, that we are not his children at all, but in fact he’s our child, and he’s a very very bad boy.

  Even if I’m wrong about this (and I might be – I’m certainly not infallible, unlike certain other people we could mention) and if God really did create the world, then all I can say is well done God, round of applause for God.

  But if he expects to be worshipped on the back of it, then I’m afraid he can go straight to hell, which is where I suspect he originated, if such a place exists, because the god of the Old Testament reads as if he’s auditioning for the role of Satan. It would be hard to imagine a more malevolent entity without the aid of a pair of comedy horns and a pitchfork.

  Just look at his track record. He comes out of the desert a few thousand years ago killing and smiting with righteous abandon, spawns three religions that absolutely loathe each other, supplies us with scriptures that set us at each other’s throats like dogs over trifles, dividing us into us and them, into believers and infidels, ensuring that every one of us will be born with millions of instant enemies.

  Thanks to this monster we live in a world divided against itself, where every one of us is an infidel to somebody – including you, no matter what you believe, even if it’s nothing, you can be guaranteed that somebody somewhere hates your guts because of it. Welcome to planet earth, the centre of the universe. Enjoy your stay. (Although, apparently, not enjoying it will get you into heaven that little bit quicker.)

  Now given this humiliating and, let’s be frank, embarrassing situation that we find ourselves in, where, thanks to this ludicrous god, the whole world seems to be in an ever decreasing orbit around the black hole of the Middle East, from which not even light can escape (oh, you’ve noticed that as well?) maybe civilisation, therefore, is a little too much for us to hope for at this early stage in our development. But wouldn’t it be nice if we could at least find some way to resolve the artificial differences that this god has imposed on us without resorting to violence?

  I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I take it back. I don’t know what came over me. I was just being silly. I do apologise. Of course violence is the only answer. After all, it’s the language of God – that’ll be our god, the stupid one, the god of death. “Believe in me or burn in hell. Worship me or I’ll send a plague. Little pigs little pigs let me come in or I’ll burn your cities to the ground.”

  And, if it’s God’s language, and if we’re created in his image (which presumably means he’s also a gullible superstitious fool, but that’s another subject), well then it’s bound to be our language as well.

  And in truth it’s just about the only language we know how to speak to each other when push comes to shove, because everybody knows that the threat of violence is behind all diplomacy, no matter how warm the handshake or how charming the smile. In fact, without it we’d barely be able to relate to each other for the perfectly understandable reason that we’re too primitive and stupid. (Obviously, I don’t claim to speak for everyone, just the people on this particular planet.)

  How stupid are we? Well, look at us, we’re a naturally curious race of beings. If we weren’t we wouldn’t be here. The quest for knowledge is what has driven us forward from day one. Yet we sub
scribe in our millions to these anaerobic belief systems that purposely limit knowledge, discourage curiosity and sanctify ignorance. Why do we do this to ourselves? What are we afraid of? Is it being alone in a cold and empty universe, is that it?

  So we’d rather be subject to a cruel and stupid fascist god than to no god at all, and to cringe under the phoney threat of eternal damnation like a bunch of cowardly muppets.

  We’d rather drag ourselves through history, inch by tortuous bloody inch, because we’ve got this dead weight attached to us, this useless lump of fossilised thought we call religion, this psychological ball and chain that we just can’t bring ourselves to cut loose, because this god of ours, he may be stupid, he may be as dumb as a sack of walnut shells, but he can only reflect the intelligence that created him, the poor sod.

  It’s two thousand years now since Jesus lived, if he lived. Let’s assume he did just to annoy a few atheists, but don’t tell anybody I said that or I’ll be in all kinds of trouble.

  And Jesus may have been a good guy in many ways, but he was no saint.

  He had his dark side. It’s wasn’t all loaves and fishes and lilies of the field, was it? He’s the one who came up with the idea of eternal damnation in the first place, not God, surprisingly.

  No, there’s nothing in the Old Testament about anybody simmering in the lake of fire – that was Jesus’ idea. Maybe God was just so busy killing and maiming people there and then that it completely slipped his mind, and you could certainly understand that, because he was very busy after all. But you have to wonder why Jesus would take up the slack when he seemed to be doing so nicely with his miracles and his parables and his message of sweetness and light. Why would he feel the need to introduce coercion and threats?

  Well, because clearly Jesus was no fool, and he quicklyealised that he was talking to stupid ignorant barbarians who, despite his enlightening life-giving message, still needed to be threatened with crude violence to make them behave in a civilised way, and two thousand years later nothing has changed.

  Who wouldn’t be embarrassed? I’m more than embarrassed, if you want the truth. I’m ashamed. I feel like apologising to the universe for wasting its time. (Must be the Catholic in me coming out now.)

  We think we’re so advanced, don’t we, especially now that science is cutting a dash through eleven dimensions, doing religion’s job for it in fact, attempting to illuminate the mystery of life rather than suppress it, but down here on the ground it might as well not be happening. Things are just the same as ever; people still worshipping dumb idols, still fearing evil spirits, still cowering under the angry heavens like a bunch of frightened cavemen.

  The only mystery to me is how we can look at ourselves in the mirror without laughing.

  Peace, and happy days.

  57.

  Ban the Burka

  June 28, 2009

  Well, this week there’s been quite a lot talk about the burka, or the niqab, or whatever you want to call it. I’m talking about the neurotic need that some women have to walk around everywhere in disguise.

  Ever since the French president said it was unwelcome in France, there’s been a debate going on here in Britain about whether this ugly mobile tarpaulin should be banned. Although, I have to say that if we were a more honest society, and therefore a more healthy society, there would be no need to ban this ridiculous outfit, because it would already have been ridiculed out of existence.

  Most Muslims know full well that the burka has nothing at all to do with their religion. There’s nothing in the Koran about women dressing up like Darth Vadar. This is a manifestation of a primitive culture and a primitive mindset that deserves about as much respect and consideration as the beliefs of headhunters.

  And as for modesty, please, don’t make me laugh. Modest people don’t draw attention to themselves by dressing up in a mobile tent just to rub it in the face of a culture they despise, but for some reason insist on living in.

  The burka will never be welcome here in Europe, or in the western world generally. It will always cause trouble, and that, I suspect, is why it’s being worn.

  And there are plenty of good reasons to ban this horrible garment, but for me the best reason is the fact that it would offend Islamists, which I think is always a good idea. If a small group of hysterical bearded fanatics are squealing about Islamophobia, well then you know that somebody is doing something right.

  Personally, I would ban it on public transport and in public buildings, and anywhere else that other people are expected to show their face as a matter of course. I also think that shops and banks should be allowed to refuse entry to anybody in disguise. And I think that those women who think it’s a good idea to walk around in one of these ridiculous outfits should seriously consider seeing a doctor, not only for themselves, but for their babies, some of whom have been born with rickets because their mothers suffer from chronic vitamin D deficiency through lack of sunlight.

  Now personally I’ve been criticised quite heavily in the past for my attitude to this dehumanising shroud, this cloak of death, this mantle of misery. People have said to me: “You say women should be free to live how they want to and to dress how they like, and yet you have ridiculed those women who choose to cover their face of their own free will. And this makes you a hypocrite, and a racist, and an Islamophobe, and a Jew, and a homosexual, and a filthy kuffar who’ll burn in hell, inshallah.” Or words to that effect.

  Well, quite apart from the obvious security threat posed by the burka, which we don’t like to talk about too much out of respect for their religion, even though their religion is our biggest security threat (sorry to all you peaceful Muslims, but we all know that is the unfortunate truth, at least right now)…

  But quite apart from that whole issue, the burka is more than just an item of clothing, isn’t it? It’s a political statement of very determined separation (so much for community cohesion) and it’s also a powerful symbol of the status of women in the Muslim world, some of whom, even in this country, have no choice as to whether they are encased in these sartorial prisons.

  And that’s why I believe that those women who deliberately try to legitimise this sinister garment in the free world to make some kind of cockeyed statement are actively condoning and encouraging the oppression of other women on this planet, for which I think they ought to be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. I think what they’re doing is deeply immoral, I think they’re traitors to their gender, and as a symbol of their religious or cultural identity they might as well be wearing a yellow star.

  I also find it baffling as to why it is that the western feminist voice, usually so assertive and confident, is so muted when it comes to women in Islam. That couldn’t have anything to do with cultural relativism looking attractively ethnic once you were all safely home and dry, could it girls? Or maybe it just wasn’t a very worthwhile cause after all. I don’t know, what do you think? I would like to hear, because the silence so far from feminists has been deafening and shameful. Everybody thinks so. Everybody’s wondering where the hell are all the feminists. People even write to me and ask me: “Where are the feminists?” As if I’m supposed to know. I’m just as puzzled as everybody else.

  But let me tell you what those shy retiring feminists could and should be saying if they were anywhere to be found, and that is that any western woman who makes allowances for, or who accommodates, the misogyny of Islam in her life is a fool to herself and a traitor to her daughters who will have to live with the consequences in a society where they feel less valued, less safe, and have fewer rights than they do now.

  And personally I don’t want to be a party to anything like that, and that’s why I think that the issue of women’s rights should be a line in the sand that Islam is not allowed to cross at any price. The emancipation of women in Islam is one of the most important political issues on this planet because it’s the only thing that’s likely to civilise this crackpot religion of peace. And I think that western governments who c
laim to stad for freedom and justice should be pursuing it vigorously and without compromise, regardless of anybody’s feelings or cultural sensitivities, especially within their own borders. And that means no sharia, and no burka.

  But let’s not be too intolerant. That’s the worst thing you can be as a modern European, and I’m nothing if not a modern European. So I wouldn’t want to ban the burka for absolutely everyone. Not at all. In fact I think it should be compulsory for all Islamist men, especially during the hot weather, and maybe then we’d find out just how popular this thing really is.

  Peace, especially to all the silent feminists. You know who you are, even if nobody else does.

  58.

  Apologists for Evil

  July 23, 2009

  It’s often said, isn’t it, that the liberal left is conspicuously silent when it comes to radical Islam, but in my experience that’s not entirely true. Many of them are very quick to label anyone who advocates freedom over theocracy as a racist and an Islamophobe.

  Indeed, after my last video, where I suggested that we should ban the misogynistic and fascist device known as the burka, I got quite a lot of very angry e-mails from members of the multicultural appeasement lobby; the kind of people who would put their own mothers and daughters in burkas to avoid being called intolerant, and who occupy such high moral ground that you can hardly see them up there through the clouds of self-righteousness.

  I’m talking about members of the enlightened liberal intelligentsia that consistently shows itself to be anything but enlightened, or liberal, or intelligent, mainly because it’s motivated more by a deep irrational hatred of America than by any real notion of justice or respect, and whose politically correct double standards and cringeworthy cowardice in the face of aggressive Islamism has led many liberal-minded people to actively despise the word “liberal”.