Knots

by Chanse Lowell

  “Hold on—what?” Her eyes widened.

  “You know what I said.” His jaw snapped shut.

  “You think he was a submissive? But he . . . But I wasn’t and he—he wasn’t gay!”

  “I never said he was. There are men with submissive natures—it doesn’t mean he was gay. I know he was straight. He loved you, but when you had sex, like we discussed before, it was always the same, right?”

  “Yeah.” Her head almost lolled on the headrest as she stared at him in awe. It was crazy how he could almost see into her soul and see her past. How was he this observant? And why did it thrill her he could say these difficult things and make it seem easy? God, he set her blood on fire by merely talking to her candidly.

  “He kept it the same because odds are, he didn’t know what to do. He probably kept hoping you’d take over, and when you didn’t, things kind of stalled and it was probably awkward for both of you at times.”

  “How the hell do you know all this? Did he tell you this stuff?” Her voice was all breathy, and she hated how obvious it was she was aroused by him. It wasn’t all about the physical either. It was the mental more than anything—the way he got in her head.

  “No. He never talked about your sex life, and if he’d tried, I wouldn’t have let him. It would’ve killed me.”

  “It would?”

  “Yeah.” He slid his teeth over his bottom lip, and the gesture was innocent enough, but to her, it was potent and obscene. Her thighs slid together to quell the throb building between them.

  “Most of the time it was fine, but yes, I admit, there were times neither of us seemed to know what to do, and forget about talking during. If either of us tried to dirty talk or say what we wanted, we’d wind up laughing or it would just kind of fizzle. God, this sounds pathetic, and it really wasn’t. He was a good lover, and I thought I was okay at it, too, but maybe I’m in denial.”

  The car rolled to a stop.

  She blinked and glanced around. “Is there a reason we’re back at this beach?”

  “Neutral territory. You said you were already afraid of the kind of sway I have over you. We need to discuss it, and if I bring you back to my place, I’ll have no choice but to show you why that’s a good thing.”

  She fought off a visible shiver and wrapped her arms around herself.

  “You said you wanted to get to know me better first, so let’s start this by taking a walk. I’m gonna share with you the first time we met—and what you did to me.”

  “What I did to you?” Her mouth dropped open, and her eyes widened. She failed to blink.

  “And what you’ve continued to do to me every day since. You’re a part of me, and I can’t let go of that part, because it’s the best fucking piece of my soul. Before you, I don’t know if I even had half a one. But now, I look at you, I breathe in your scent, and I know I have one because I only want what’s best for you—to see you smile, hear you laugh, watch you come undone with pleasure.”

  She slid away from him an inch. Her clit tingled. How the hell did he know exactly what to say to make it throb like that?

  She looked away.

  “Come—walk with me,” he said.

  He got out of the car, helped her out, and they both took their shoes off and chucked them into the foot well.

  She waited for him to lock up, and the moment his hand was extended, she lunged for it.

  He chuckled, and right when she thought he’d kiss her, he leaned in and ran his lips across her forehead. “I have power over you? I can’t even tell you what it does to me to see you react like this—to want to be near me—want to touch me at all.”

  Her cheeks heated, and she stared at him with a lazy smile. “Really?”

  “I already told you—I never lie, and you, clever girl, have a way of making me damn near close to being speechless and breathless. That’s quite a talent you have.”

  He tugged on her hand, pulling them toward the beach.

  “Story time—listen carefully, because I don’t know if I’ll be able to say this more than once.” He squinted once the sun hit their faces, and he turned them away from the harsh rays. The sun wasn’t quite setting yet, but it would be soon, and there was something about a day ending, with him at her side, that heated her insides into a smooth, silky feeling.

  “I don’t know if you remember the first time we met four years ago, but I remember it better than anything that’s ever happened to me,” he began.

  She nodded and squeezed his hand to encourage him to continue.

  “You were wearing this black little dress, and your legs went on forever in those matching black strappy heels. I was caught up in how sexy you were right away, but I could’ve gotten past that. I was with another woman, and she and I got along great. But then Pono introduced us, and the second I shook your hand, there was this heat between us—like a spark of something dormant inside me came to life. You smiled, spoke with the softest, sexiest voice I’ve ever heard. And then when Pono left you to go get drinks for both of you, I was taken aback at how readily you followed my lead. I gripped the back of your elbow, led you over to the table where my date was and chose where you sat. You were so comfortable with my touch right away that I wanted more.”

  She swallowed, and her steps slowed a little. Could they walk this beach forever? The low, sensual timber of his voice had her so aroused she was free-flowing between her thighs.

  Breathe—in and out, Jeanie, like the waves.

  In.

  Out.

  Tide comes in—washes it all away.

  Only nothing was being washed clean with her.

  The more he spoke, the dirtier she felt, only she wanted to stay dirty with him. And he wasn’t even saying anything naughty—yet.

  Would he?

  God, her heart clenched and filled with hope.

  What was wrong with her that she wanted him to talk dirty to her? Somehow, she knew he could say things without reservation most men wouldn’t dare speak.

  She stared at the breaking waves on the beach, trying to scrub her mind clean.

  “I sat you next to my date, and you were polite, listened to her attentively, but every time I spoke, you almost jumped to attention. You didn’t even seem to notice that I watched your every eyelash flutter. Within seconds, I knew you were hungry, saw what food you were eyeing, and I ordered you a meal. Not once did you give me a dirty look, but my date did—several times.”

  “Foooohhhhhh,” she exhaled long and slow—slower than the eventual setting sun.

  Her insides were bursting with riotous sensations because not only were his words inciting her to a frenzy inside, but his free hand was drifting up and down her arm, making it burst into inseparable chills from each motion and each sound he made.

  “You kept looking over at me while you ate, as if for permission or feedback. I’d nod, and you’d dig in. It was the oddest thing—the way you were synced to me almost immediately. And when Pono returned, it didn’t seem to matter.”

  “Did he notice?”

  “No. He had his drink, ordered his own plate of food and he started joking around with the other guys at the table. You were gracious with him, and at one point, not only did you lean over and refill his glass with the pitcher of beer on the table, but you looked to me, I nodded and you filled mine as well. All wordless exchanges, but you didn’t have to say a fucking word. I was harder than a rock for you, and when I got you to speak to me later, engaged you in conversation, it was worse. I found out how talented, accomplished and lovely you are. I could tell Pono didn’t appreciate what he had in you—that he was taking you for granted and holding you back. God, I wanted to fly into a rage at him, but instead, I saw to it your needs were met that night.”

  She swallowed harder, and her throat went dry. He took care of her, and she didn’t notice?

  “What happened the next time Pono and I met with you?”

  “You don’t remember?”

  “Not really—I’m sorry, Mark. Most of th
e time when I was near you, it was like a blur. I couldn’t think—all I could do was chase my breath and try to calm my speeding heart. I didn’t know why I always felt that way around you, so I told myself you frightened and intimidated me, and to stay away. I tried to stop looking at you, but instead, I found myself sneaking fleeting glances when I thought you were otherwise engaged.”

  “I saw—probably almost every single one. I always knew where you were, what you were doing, and if Pono was near you, I tried to respect him and keep my distance, but dammit, that was hard to do.” He rubbed the inside of her arm—the sensitive flesh prickling.

  She rolled her head forward and closed her eyes, trying to absorb the electric vibe his flesh gave off.

  “That second time I saw you, I knew I was gonna have a hard time keeping away from you, so I made sure to sit you in the center of the booth, far enough away from me that you were out of my reach. You looked miserable for a split second when I sat you down, and that’s when I knew . . .”

  “Knew what?”

  “You felt it, too,” he said, stopping them from walking and gripping her upper arms. “You needed that fierce connection.”

  He loomed over her, his hot breath fanning over her forehead. “You knew I wanted to be closer, and you didn’t know why you were upset, but you knew something was wrong.” He licked his lips.

  She frowned. “I sound like the worst wife ever—cheating without even realizing it.”

  “But you didn’t cheat, and that was part of the reason you were so miserable. You didn’t want to feel that way about another man, but it was inevitable.”

  “Great.” She shoved her right foot deep into the sand and stared at it. “How can you even trust me at all—knowing all this about me?”

  “Hey—don’t do that.” He cupped her chin and tilted her gaze up. “You didn’t do anything wrong. We can’t help it if we have a chemistry that defies understanding. The reason I can trust you is because you were always careful around me, and you made sure not to take any risks. That’s a woman I can admire. That’s a woman that makes it known with her body language she won’t ever cheat. I love that about you. I respect that you have such a strong conscience. I probably wouldn’t have been so insanely attracted to you if you’d been any other way. I could get other women easily if I wanted to. But it’s not because you were the forbidden—it was always because you were the right one for me. I need you to trust I will always respect your wishes, like I did then, and I’ll do it now. I won’t ever hurt you.”

  “I thought pain was the whole damn point of your lifestyle,” she said, the left corner of her mouth slanted down.

  “The whole point is to push further than possible, feel more than what’s expected and find that deep connection that can’t be found any other way. Untold pleasure is what I want to give you, and a love that makes your bones ache, it’s so good. That’s what I’m offering, and what I ask in return is for your unending trust and devotion—and I know you can do both of those because I’ve seen you do both with Pono and me, albeit in increments and in minute ways. But when they were there, my fucking God—I about died to have you. Say yes again, Jeanie. Confirm you want this.” He pushed out an explosive-sounding exhale. “Give me a week to get to know you, do small things with you from my lifestyle to introduce you, then two weeks to take it further, explore and see where we land together. There’s no way you’ll regret this. Say yes—I need to hear it once more.” He cupped her hand in his, then placed her palm over his heart.

  Her mind raced almost as quickly as her heart. The sun was setting behind him, and it cast the most ethereal amber glow around him. He looked like an angel.

  “But what do I do when it’s over? What if I decide this lifestyle isn’t for me, and I’m already too deep? You’re so easy to love, Mark, and I can already feel myself under your spell. What if I can’t ever resurface and get out?”

  He cupped her cheeks, stroking the apple of them with the pads of his thumbs. “You trust me right away to always know what’s best for you, and know that I’ll always listen to you. We’ll sign a contract so you’ll have a safe way out. We’ll have safewords to keep you on top of your fears and anxieties, and you’ll never need to wonder . . .”

  “Wonder?” Her brows scrunched.

  “How utterly amazing it could be with me. You’ll know—and you’ll have a peace inside you that you’ve never had before.”

  Her eyes misted over. “You say this like you know it all to be fact.”

  “Can I show you how I know?”

  “Yeah,” she said, biting the insides of her cheeks, because she had the overwhelming urge to kiss him.

  “Let’s go back to my house, and you’ll give me an hour to play this my way. After that, I’ll go back to taking it slow and allowing you to get to know me all you want.” A tremor of excitement edged its way down her spine and landed at the base, then sat there until he said, “If you want more, of course, you can always say, but it doesn’t mean I’m gonna grant it.”

  He grinned, and her toes curled into the sand. “Yes, Sir. You wanted to hear it, and I want to know more. Yes to an hour tonight, and then yes to three weeks with you.”

  Damn. She was already wishing they were back at his place.

  She fidgeted in the car on their way to his home, but he was calm and untroubled based on his smooth breathing and relaxed posture.

  What the hell had she agreed to? Was this foreshadowing how it would always be between them? Would she always be the scattered mess while he remained impossibly placid with steely control?

  She glanced over at him, and his jaw flexed for a moment. Did he dislike her momentary ogling? And why did that thought turn her on so much she was having a hard time sitting still?

  “Something on your mind?” The liquid-sex timber of his voice stirred up her senses even more.

  “How . . .” She looked away as a sense of stupidity filled her up. “Never mind . . .”

  “Say it, sweetheart, or it’ll eat you alive, and I wanna do that part.” His dark, throaty chuckle set her belly on fire, and it moved down to her pussy.

  “How is it that the little things about you are what get to me most? You’re just sitting there, all focused and relaxed, and I feel like I’m going nuts. Each second that ticks by, I want you more. What’s wrong with me?” She clicked her tongue and gripped her thighs.

  “The only thing that’s wrong with you is you need a good, strong man to take control of your passions and channel it into something you can understand.” He grinned.

  “I thought you were going to say something completely inappropriate,” she mused.

  “Like the fact I’m going to channel all that energy into a fucking like you’ve never had before? You’ll be as raw inside as you are on the outside, and you’ll never feel more replete.” His eyes roamed over to her, then raked down her body. “Was that what you were expecting, gorgeous?”

  She blinked, and her throat got so arid, she couldn’t even swallow. “Uh . . . I . . . Y-yeah, I guess that’ll do.”

  He chuckled. “Need more? Was that too tame for you?”

  “Save it for later. I don’t think I can take much more before I combust.”

  “You only get to combust when I command you to do it. Just want to make sure we get that straight—up front.” He smirked.

  He parked the car and told her, “Stay here. Don’t move.”

  She tucked her hands between her knees and sucked both her lips in, then pressed them together.

  What was he planning now?

  She quirked a brow at him as he ran inside.

  The few seconds she was left on her own were sheer torture. Her imagination went berserk. This man was a mystery—one she was dying to unravel and feared she’d never be able to do it in this lifetime.

  When he returned, he was smiling so wide, he looked like he had already gotten laid.

  He popped the door open, grabbed her hand, kissed and stroked it, then helped her out of the car. />
  “Ready?”

  “You’re the one in charge. You tell me,” she replied.

  “Good answer, only you forgot to address me with the proper title. I’ve let you get away with it this afternoon since this is all so new and you’re obviously nervous, but that stops now. I want you to call me Sir at all times except when we’re around other people in public.”

  She nodded and choked on a giggle.

  His eyes darkened.

  Fuck her on the beach—he was serious. Her smile faded away. “And what are you going to address me as, Sir?”

  “Whatever suits me in the moment, and whatever title you earn. Right now, I’m in a generous mood since you’re taking a chance and giving me an hour, which I don’t want to waste.” He guided her inside, propelling her with his hand on the small of her back.

  Her eyes kept shifting to his. She looked as if her gaze was locked on his.

  “Should I be concerned about whatever it is you ran inside to do while I sat out here, stewing in my juices?”

  “Oooh, I like the sound of that, but you’ve already forgotten the proper respect.” He smacked her ass, and she yelped.

  Then a flash of heat hit her between the thighs. God, that stung a little, but it was . . . My Lord, she was even more turned on. How was that possible? And she was already planning on leaving “Sir” out on purpose so he’d do that again.

  “Don’t even think about it—get your ass inside—time’s a wasting.” He opened the door and prodded her forward.

  In the middle of the living room sat a single kitchen table chair—a plain wooden one with an attached pad on the seat.

  She gave him a questioning look.

  “Strip and wait for further instructions,” he said.

  She narrowed her eyes at him, wondering if she should glance around the room and make sure there were no windows that were opened where a passerby could see what they were doing.