Knots

by Chanse Lowell

  She nodded and smiled.

  “Good. Girl.” He bopped the end of her nose with his. “I’ve handled everything. I’ve set up the U-Haul, contacted the people we need to so we can move you out of there and get you in here with me permanently.”

  Those words filtered straight into her heart and made it squeeze hard.

  “Sounds good. I’ll make sure we’re ready, Sir.” She made the bed, went about straightening up the room and then set out his toothbrush with the exact amount of toothpaste on it he always used.

  He was getting dressed in the closet. They had a rhythm now. It was necessary for her to do as much for him as possible, since he liked to spend every spare moment of his morning loving on her, which left less time for getting dressed, grooming and the other mundane daily stuff life required.

  They swapped places a moment later.

  He was in the bathroom brushing his teeth while she got out his tie for the day.

  She brought it and his shoes and joined him in there. He finished rinsing and spitting, then sat on the toilet seat.

  Like clockwork, she set his shoes in front of his sock-clad feet, and while he slipped them on, she was knotting his tie for him.

  He kissed her, checked his hair real quick and then he was out the door.

  God, she loved mornings with him.

  She had a role—she knew her purpose. And she fit in his life so effortlessly now, there was this all-encompassing sense of peace that remained with her all day long.

  As soon as he was gone, she vacuumed, swept up the kitchen, unloaded the dishwasher and cleaned up from breakfast.

  When that was over, she pulled their clothes out of the dryer. It wasn’t like her to let them sit in the dryer overnight, but last night he wanted to scene with her, so the laundry had to be switched right before bed, left to dry while they slept.

  She folded it on the couch while she watched TV and then went to go pack them up.

  What was she supposed to wear to see her parents? She hadn’t seen them in a few years.

  Actually, not since the wedding three years ago.

  Ugh—she was not looking forward to this.

  But Mark would be there. Pono had no idea how to deal with her parents, and it was so uncomfortable around them, they just avoided her family. Her parents seemed oblivious to their existence anyway.

  And here Mark had already talked to her mother on the phone.

  Brave man.

  She swiped her loose hair out of her face and then tucked it behind her ears.

  Okay, packing up Mark first would be easier. She knew what he wanted to wear.

  She pulled out the luggage from his closet, and within twenty minutes had him all packed up.

  Her heart warmed as she thought about how much easier her life was.

  No guessing. No questioning if she was a good girlfriend to him because he told her she was constantly.

  The interesting part was she didn’t think it was going to stop.

  It didn’t seem like it was all about the early days of dating. This was him—Mark as a Dom.

  He gave honest feedback on everything. And if she screwed up, it wasn’t a big deal. He’d correct her in a loving way—no condescension, and then her guilt was wiped away.

  For the next several minutes, she rummaged through her drawers and her back heated, then grew sweaty.

  Her head ached and spun as she considered what the hell to pack.

  They were going to be there for a week. Hopefully that would be enough time to get the place all packed up, visit her parents and rearrange things at work.

  The good news so far was they were fine with her moving to the California office. It was a thirty-minute drive from Mark’s place, so it wouldn’t be too bad.

  After another ten minutes of huffing and sweating, she finally just picked the top five tee shirts and shorts in her drawer, then shoved them in their suitcase.

  A text had her phone rattling in her pocket. Already?

  Love you so much! Tomorrow you join the mile-high club.

  “Yeah, right.” She snorted and smiled huge.

  She texted back, Remind me why we’re flying and why you wouldn’t let me pay for my ticket?

  His reply was quick. Don’t make me come home and spank you. ;D

  You’re just looking for an excuse, Sir. She giggled.

  The texts stopped. She could imagine him laughing in his office.

  Out of nowhere, she got the brilliant idea to go pay him a visit and give him his surprise now. She had something she planned to give him once they were in Phoenix. Something to let him know he meant more to her than anybody ever had.

  She put her shoes on, brushed her hair, then put it into a ponytail and grabbed her purse and keys.

  Her chores were done, and she could finish packing herself up when she got back.

  What harm would it do?

  Was this allowed? They hadn’t ever discussed her stopping by unannounced.

  She knew the address. It was plugged in on her phone, so she got directions and hopped in her car.

  He only worked five minutes away anyway. Why not?

  When she pulled up to the guard shack, her nervousness spiked until she saw the big islander guard, smiling at her.

  “Howzit?” he asked.

  “Good. I’m here to see Mark Pierce.”

  “He’s not here.”

  “Do you know where he is?” She fought off a frown.

  “He went to the studio. He’ll be back in a few hours.” The guard shook her hand and showed her where she could pull over and turn around.

  She sighed and went back home.

  That sinking feeling, the one in her gut, was frustrating. If Mark was with her, he’d find a way to get rid of it.

  Oh well.

  Once inside, she finished packing. The good part was now she wasn’t thinking about her parents and dreading the visit.

  She was wishing Mark had been there and that she could’ve surprised him.

  Why did her failure on this tiny thing hurt so bad?

  The rest of the day, she busied herself, getting the house ready for being vacant for a week.

  Mark may have handled everything in Phoenix, but she’d handle everything here at their home. He wouldn’t even have to throw out the trash. She’d let him focus on the things that mattered.

  Handling people. Her and her parents.

  * * *

  The flight was uneventful.

  They both slept a lot of the way, her tucked into his side.

  Thank God he’d only been teasing about the mile-high club. She might’ve had to safeword on him if he really had wanted to make love to her on the plane. Her bravery was growing daily, but she wasn’t quite at that level yet.

  The idea of public sex still scared the shit out of her.

  When they landed and had gathered their luggage, she about burst.

  “Sir, I was going to wait until we got to my place, but I can’t wait any longer. I have something I want to give you.” Her voice shook harder than her hands.

  It was amazing he hadn’t seen it earlier when they had to go through the metal detectors and they’d made her empty out her pockets.

  But then he’d been putting his shoes back on while she was being scanned.

  He’d seemed in a hurry when that had happened anyway, so he was less observant than usual.

  Good thing, too.

  “You have something for me?” He smiled so hard, his eyes squinted.

  “Yeah. May I give it to you now?”

  He nodded his head and watched her every move.

  “Put out your hand and close your eyes, please,” she said.

  He smirked but did it.

  A moment later, she plopped it into his palm and then curled his hand around it.

  “Open, Sir.”

  His piercing blue eyes took her in for a moment, then shifted down to what he was holding. He gasped as he stared at it.

  “Holy shit! Sweetheart, how much did
this cost?”

  “It doesn’t matter. I wanted you to know that I may have given Pono a wedding ring, but you have my heart—absolutely. And I know this seems kind of dumb, but there’s a heart engraved on the inside with my initials inside it.” She beamed at him.

  The ring was black gold with five black diamonds inlaid in a row.

  His eyes twitched and teared up. “Fuck, Jeanie, I . . .”

  “It has five stones, representing the five ways you own me—body, heart, mind, soul, and my will, or my submission, as you would call it. I know it’s cheesy, but—”

  He covered her mouth with his palm. “Shhh . . . I absolutely love it. There’s nothing cheesy about it.” He pulled her over to a bench, tugged her down into his lap as soon as he sat down, then wrapped his arms around her. “It’s perfect. And, actually, I have something for you, too. But I want to wait until we’re at your place.”

  “Okay. I trust you, Sir.”

  “I know you do, and it’s the best feeling in the world.” He kissed her nose, and they both giggled.

  He set her back on her feet, and then they were off to get the rental car.

  They drove in a happy silence.

  She wound up holding her breath, though, when he parked in her parking spot for her apartment.

  It seemed like forever since she was here and had left with a few days’ worth of clothing.

  Over the past few weeks, she’d bought more while at Mark’s place so she wouldn’t have to keep doing laundry every four or five days.

  But it would be nice to have a full wardrobe again.

  All she’d brought with her had been her underwear and three bras, two dresses, two pairs of heels, two sets of pajamas, a pair of jeans, five shirts and shorts along with a bathing suit. Oh, yes, and some flip-flops.

  Now she’d have several different pairs of shoes, work clothes, winter wardrobe for mild weather and church clothes, though she still needed to supplement that wardrobe since weekly church attendance was going to be a new thing for her.

  She looked forward to that part the most—the comfort of her own clothing, hanging in the closet, even though she always hated clothes shopping. She never knew what to get.

  Part of the reason she wanted these was so she wouldn’t have to shop more.

  Mark helped her out of the car as usual, and she took several deep breaths as her stiff legs carried her inside.

  He stroked her back and hair—already sweaty since it was August in Phoenix, the muggiest time of year.

  It had to be pushing one-thirteen. Her skin remembered these high temperatures.

  Without a word, he unlocked the door. She’d already given him the house key before they left his home.

  Already her chest ached to be back at his place.

  The old weighty feeling of being a disappointment hit her the moment she walked in the door and smelled the mixture of her cleaners and Pono’s cologne.

  It hung in the air like an unanswered question—why didn’t we work?

  Mark turned to her as soon as he shut the door and kissed her slowly and tenderly. His hands were gentle in her hair.

  When he broke away, he said, “Your turn to close your eyes.”

  She did, and when he told her to open them, he had a necklace in his hands. “Jeanine, you’ve offered me a ring as a sign of your devotion to me, and now, if you’ll accept my collar, you’ll wear a symbol of my ownership of you.”

  He’d explained to her before what a collar would mean. They’d talked about it, but it sounded like something that would take place a long time down the road. It sounded very close to the commitment of marriage.

  Without having to think twice, she whispered a choked up, “Yes, Sir. I’ll be yours in all ways, and I will cherish this collar along with anything else you see fit to give me.”

  “You realize what this means?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “And you are fine with calling me Master now, rather than Sir?” His right brow crawled its way up his forehead.

  “I’ve already been saying it in my mind every now and then to try it on, so yes, Master, I’m ready. This girl’s ready to move forward with you.” She smiled and her heart did, too.

  He looked ready to jump her, but instead he stepped back a little. “I love what your ring stood for. Your collar has meaning, too. These are waves. The ocean calms you, and you do that for me in the exact same way. Just being near you, hearing the sounds you make, I find myself again, even though I already knew who I was.”

  “I love it. Thank you.” She leaned forward to get a better look at it.

  She smiled. It seemed he was trying to hide his surprise at the same time she was hiding his. This must’ve been why he was in a rush and making sure to go through the metal detectors when she was taking her shoes off. She missed seeing her collar in those brief moments it would’ve been exposed and pulled out of his pocket.

  Without permission, she ran a fingertip across the filigree design. It was breathtaking and the silver gleamed, like his eyes.

  He choked on a gasp and then looked ready to leak a few ecstatic tears himself. “You have no idea what this means to me.”

  “I think I do, because I’m already dying to touch it while it’s nearer my heart and kissing my skin.” She bit her lip and smiled through it, her legs shaking.

  She blinked away a few happy tears, and then he was putting it on her neck, kissing her harder, deeper and undressing her.

  The next moment, she was on her back, on the couch, frantic for more.

  She never even considered feeling guilty over making love on the second-hand couch she and Pono had bought together.

  She only considered pleasing her new Master and doing whatever it took to make him happy and feel loved, because that’s what he did for her. All. The. Time.

  * * *

  Packing was grueling, but Mark was always going, always moving. One more box. One more thing to move.

  She cleaned in between boxing up her stuff, and he went with her each time she made a run to Goodwill with some of Pono’s things she knew his family wouldn’t want to keep.

  Had they really been at this four days already?

  Sweat dripped between her breasts. Ick!

  It seemed really wrong to have her pretty collar near all this grimy perspiration and dust coating her body.

  “Hey, we need to meet your parents in about an hour. Why don’t you go shower? I’ll finish this up,” Mark called out as he finished packing up the box he was working on filling.

  She fingered her choker, stretched her back, then went to the shower on her own.

  As she soaked and scrubbed, the memories came back.

  Up until now, she hadn’t showered alone in her home.

  Mark was always with her in here, kissing and touching her, whispering sweet things in her ear as he made love to her.

  The vision of Pono assaulted her mind from before he’d gained all that weight, chatting with her while she washed.

  He was excited about how well he was doing in his classes with his final semester.

  “I saw Mark today,” Pono said.

  “Oh, yeah? How’s he doing?” Her heart rate spiked and her throat constricted a little on hearing his name.

  “He has another girlfriend, and she seems nicer than the last one, though kind of quiet. I think maybe he intimidates her, but what do I know?” Pono shrugged and groped her breasts, made a clown-like honking noise, then laughed.

  She ignored it.

  “He asked how you were doing,” he said, his voice teasing.

  “And what did you tell him?” Her voice rose in pitch and was cracking like crazy. Her gut yanked in a spasm.

  “I told him you work. I go to school, and then you play football with me so I’ll get my fat ass off the couch on the weekends.” He patted his stomach that was developing a little pooch.

  “Next time you see him, tell him I’m good, I fed you and watered you, and we’re happy.” She tried to smile, but it felt
more like a grimace.

  “Why would I do that? I like making him think I’m a pussy. It pisses him off. So damn funny.” He snickered.

  “Po-no! Don’t instigate and rile up your friend. Mark’s really nice. He’s one of your closest friends, and you know he’ll do anything for you.”

  “You mean for you.” He laughed and shoved her in the arm.

  She opened her eyes and rubbed her arm where he’d shoved her so long ago, just like the way Mark shoved Jay.

  That was the difference. Pono treated her like she was one of the guys. And while it had been familiar and comfortable—when she honestly thought about it, she never wanted to be put in that role.

  She wanted to be his lover, his confidant and his whole world. Not a joke of a woman he ripped farts around and then pinned it on her as he doubled over with howling laughter.

  She leaned against the wall for a second and smiled.

  Those days were gone, and though she’d remember a lot of it with fondness since Pono had been her best friend and constantly made her laugh, she was going to have the life she always wanted now.

  She was a woman, not a tomboy. She was Mark’s, and that meant more than she could ever express.

  A moment later, Mark joined her, and those bad memories, the uncomfortable ones that made her feel worthless, washed down the drain where they belonged.

  * * *

  “I talked to your dad this morning,” Mark told her as they stood on the doorstep of her parents’ home.

  “You did?” Her heart caved its way into her knees, locking them up. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I knew you’d worry about it and keep obsessing.” He knocked again, harder this time.

  She clicked her teeth together and stood slightly behind his right shoulder. Somehow that little action loosened up her constricting chest.

  “She’s here,” her mom yelled behind the door and then opened it with a beer can in her hand. “Jean, you look a mess.”

  “Hi, Mom.”

  Before Jeanie had to decide if she should hug her, wave, or do nothing at all, Mark stepped forward and took her mother off guard. He gave her a firm handshake.

  Her mom’s eyes grew big, and she paled.

  “I’m so glad to meet you, Mrs. Latham.” Mark let go of her hand and took Jeanie’s.