Confess (Sin City Salvation #1)

by A. Zavarelli

  Gypsy jolted in her sleep, her features pinching together painfully as her hand reached into the space between us. She cried out, and I thought she was hurt when she opened her eyes and tears leaked from the edges.

  “Lucian,” she whimpered as her fist curled into my shirt and clung to me.

  “What is it?” I asked. “Are you hurt?”

  “I thought it was a dream,” she cried. “I thought you left me again.”

  Sobs wracked her body as she curled into the fetal position, and I had no recourse against the pain that sliced through my chest. If she was lying, it was too convincing even for me. I moved closer and took her in my arms, wrapping her against my chest as I petted her hair and tried in vain to calm her. “I’m here.”

  “For how long?” she whimpered. “I can’t… I don’t think I’ll survive it if you die twice.”

  I gulped down the emotions that threatened to spill out and brought my lips against her hair. At that moment, it didn’t matter what she did or didn’t do. I wanted to promise her things I couldn’t give her. I wanted to tell her I would live forever… as long as she’d have me.

  “I’m here,” I said again.

  She wrapped her fingers up in my shirt and pulled me closer, dragging my lips to hers. I thought I could resist, but it was a lie. The minute I felt her against me, I groaned, my need for her ripping through me like a bullet.

  “Please.” Her palm found the hard bulge of my cock through my jeans, and I bucked against her.

  “Christ,” I shuddered. “I can’t, Gypsy. I can’t.”

  I said this even as I tore at her shirt. My shirt. It came up over her head, and that was the only thing she was wearing.

  “Fuck.” I drew a hand over my face and tried to block it out. The image of her naked and wanting, swollen with my child and wet between her thighs. It was the most inviting she’d ever looked, and I couldn’t find the words to deny her. Gypsy unzipped my jeans and grazed my dick through the briefs I was wearing, and it was all over.

  “No.” I grabbed her hand in mine, and she blinked at me. “Inside you.”

  It was the only thing I could manage to get out before she pinned me on my back and climbed on top of me. I hadn’t let a woman get on top of me since before I went to prison, and I couldn’t imagine that I was going to like it now. But seeing her in the early light of morning, her curves silhouetted by the shadows in the room, I didn’t have any further protests. She was the most beautiful temptress I’d ever known, and even I couldn’t resist her now.

  She pulled my briefs down and tucked them under my balls, my dick saluting her as she took it in her hand and rubbed the head against her pussy. My eyes fell shut and struggled to open again as I felt her sink down on top of me with a contented sigh. She moved against me, more animal than woman, desperate to get off on my cock.

  I didn’t help her. I just watched as she abused the hard flesh, jamming it and out of her wet cunt as though her life depended on it. Her boobs were huge, and I ached to touch them, but I couldn’t give myself permission until she hauled my hands up to cup them.

  “Play with me,” she whispered. “Please, Lucian.”

  My cock contracted inside her at those desperate, throaty words, and I stroked her nipples beneath my thumbs, watching her eyes roll back in her head.

  “Oh, God,” she whined. “Oh God, I need you so much, Lucian. Don’t ever leave me again.”

  Her words were punctuated by convulsions that milked my dick, and when she squeezed my hips between her thighs, I couldn’t hold back. Hot jets of come flooded her, filling her with what felt like a decade’s worth of unspent energy.

  She collapsed onto her side, still clinging to my body. Our legs were wrapped together, her fingers curled around my biceps. She didn’t want to let go.

  I didn’t either.

  “Don’t leave me.” Her forehead came to rest against my beating heart. “Please don’t leave me.”

  I WOKE TO THE SOUND of birds chirping and fear ripped the breath from my lungs when I realized the bed beside me was empty. My eyes moved around the room, desperate for any signs that it was real. When I found Lucian’s shoes near the door, my heart calmed. I heard the shower running in the master bathroom, and I knew it was him. He was alive, and I hadn’t dreamed it.

  I didn’t know how long it would take for that fear to go away, but until he gave me the answers I needed, it never would.

  I wrapped myself up in the bed sheet and padded to the bathroom. Steam billowed from the open shower, and Lucian’s back turned to face me. I dropped the sheet and entered behind him, and in the light of day, I knew I wasn’t imagining it last night. He was leaner than I’d ever known him to be but still strong. Everything about him seemed different somehow; as though he’d been to hell and back while he was gone. What little hair he had was fuzzy, having been shaved at some point, and I wondered what that meant.

  I didn’t know what mood he’d be in this morning or where we even stood. But I couldn’t tiptoe around, hoping he’d come to realize the truth. There wasn’t any time to waste. I stepped behind him and wrapped my arms around his back, enclosing them as I leaned my face against his skin. At first, he froze, and we stayed there like that, silent, for several minutes before he turned me in his arms.

  His eyes trailed over my body, lingering on my swollen breasts before moving to my belly. I felt like he wanted to touch me, but he couldn’t give himself permission. I took his hands in mine and rested them against the warm skin that was home to our son.

  Lucian’s focus was intense as he held his palms against me. “When did you know?”

  “Before I found out you were sick,” I admitted. “I tried to tell you. I wanted to, but the timing wasn’t ideal. Emmanuel’s trial, and then the cancer… but mostly, I was afraid. I didn’t want you to think I’d done this on purpose.”

  My eyes moved to the floor while I spoke, shame welling up inside me. Lucian removed one of his hands from my belly and brought it to my chin, lifting my gaze back to him.

  “I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me,” he said softly. “You never should have been made to feel that way.”

  “You didn’t know.” I shrugged. “But I wasn’t sure how you would react… after Dawson.”

  He closed his eyes, restraining the visible emotion he felt and confining it inside him. “When I saw you and I realized you were pregnant, I was angry. But it was with myself. I missed everything.”

  “Not everything,” I insisted. “You’re here now. You’ll be here when he comes into the world. Right?”

  “I’ll be here,” he said emphatically. “That much I can promise.”

  I should have been happy with that, but it wasn’t enough. “And what about his first birthday? Or his fifth? Will you be here then?”

  Lucian met my eyes, and there was so much regret in his. “I don’t know, but I can tell you that I want to be. I can tell you that I will do everything in my power to make that happen.”

  “Tell me what’s happening,” I begged. “Lucian, I can’t take this anymore. I need to know. Are you getting treatment?”

  His face softened, and he reached out to touch me before he thought better of it. But before he could take it back, I took his hand in mine and threaded our fingers together.

  “Yes,” he said hoarsely. “That’s why I’ve been gone so long.”

  Relief flooded my chest and my heart as I looked up into his dark eyes. “You are?”

  “I just finished chemo. Radiation is next.”

  “So that’s good.” I smiled. “Right? That means everything will be okay?”

  “The prognosis is good so far,” he said hesitantly. “My oncologist is confident that the treatment will work, and he’s happy with the odds. But there’s always a chance it could come back, and if it comes back, it’ll require more aggressive treatment. So I can’t tell you that I’ll be cured forever, Gypsy. I can’t make you any promises, except to say that I’m doing everything I can, and I�
�ll continue to for as long as I can.”

  My throat bobbed as I nodded. That made sense. This wasn’t a sprint; it was a marathon. It would be a lifelong battle to make sure he was healthy, and every time he got even the slightest hint of a cold, terror would wrap its icy hands around my heart. But I didn’t care. He was here now, and he was alive, and I would take every single second that I could get with him, and I would never take them for granted again.

  Those were lofty ideals, but I wanted so badly to make sure of it. Because that was what Lucian deserved. He deserved someone who would love him until their heart splintered apart and turned to dust. And nobody on this earth would ever love him more than I did.

  “What made you change your mind?” I asked.

  He debated his answer carefully before he gave it to me. “When I got my diagnosis, I thought I’d been given an opportunity. After Dawson, there was nothing else I wanted more. I’d been merely existing since he died and little else. I thought this decision would bring me peace. But when you walked out on me, the reality of it hit me. I kept telling myself that you could move on, but the reality was I didn’t want you to. I didn’t want you here by yourself or with anyone else. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave you that way.”

  “I came back for you,” I told him. “I came back, but you were…” I took a deep breath. “They told me you were dead.”

  He held me against him as I composed myself, and when I looked up at him again, I was afraid to ask the next question. “Do you believe me?”

  His gaze was cloudy before he refocused on me. “If I told you that I did, would that make me a fool?”

  “No,” I whispered.

  “I guess it doesn’t matter,” he said grimly. “Maybe I am a fool. But I believe you, Gypsy.”

  “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO do?” Father Hawk asked.

  My fingers beat a restless rhythm against the worn church pew. “I don’t suppose you’d like to give me your thoughts.”

  He bowed his head. “The logical solution I’m supposed to give you is to pray for a resolution.”

  “But?” I asked.

  His eyes drifted to the confessional. “But I’ve only ever known Gypsy to be honest with me.”

  I knew she was honest with him. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that I believed her too, and that meant someone else wanted us both dead.

  The doors to the church opened, and footsteps echoed down the corridor. Nolan paid his respects by lighting a candle and saying a prayer before he dared to acknowledge me. In all the years we’d been friends, I’d only ever known him to be good. He was my mentor. The man who saved me from myself and set me on the path to righteousness. In my heart, I didn’t believe he was capable of hurting me, and it crushed me that I’d even considered the thought for a second.

  He sat down beside me, and Father Hawk took his leave. Neither of us looked at each other. The silence that lingered between us was unfamiliar, and it reminded me of the first time he came to visit me in prison far too many years ago.

  “I’m glad to see that you’re alive and well,” he said.

  “You knew I was alive and well. Why would you think otherwise?”

  He looked at me, eyes shadowed with exhaustion. “You were on death’s door when you left. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

  “So you decided it was best to let everyone think I was really dead?”

  His head dipped forward, a subtle nod of regret. “I believed it was only a matter of time. I wanted to honor your wishes, and I knew if anyone realized you were still alive, they would try to find you and change your mind.”

  The explanation was a plausible one. I hadn’t told Nolan I was going to get treatment. I hadn’t told him anything other than the fact I was leaving.

  “If I’d known you wanted me to act differently, I would have,” he explained. “But you left in such a hurry, I wasn’t certain what I was supposed to do. We hadn’t planned for that.”

  I studied him. “I don’t suppose you’d have any idea who was trying to kill me and my wife then?”

  Nolan shook his head, his eyebrows pinching together. “I don’t imagine there was much of an investigation after you told your doctor the insulin was self-inflicted. If they did have their doubts, they never contacted me.”

  I knew what he was getting at, and it was a point I didn’t want to argue. At the time, I believed it had been Gypsy. It was an automated response to cover for her, and my doctor already believed I was suicidal, given my constant rejection of life-saving treatments. There was little they could do but keep me under observation for the required amount of time.

  “There was no investigation,” I conceded. “At least not to my knowledge.”

  Nolan shrugged. “Then it’s anyone’s guess. You’ve made a lot of enemies over the years, and from my understanding, so has Gypsy.”

  I considered his suggestion, and it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. There had been incidents over the years when my car was trashed, or the office had been vandalized. Death threats in the mail were part of the job, but nobody had ever taken it this far before.

  “Have you considered that your ex could have anything to do with this?” Nolan asked.

  My stomach roiled. “It’s crossed my mind.”

  “She’s in prison, but she has contacts on the outside. Perhaps she managed to convince someone to help her.”

  “It’s possible,” I admitted. “I’m going to look into it.” I couldn’t ever underestimate her ability to fuck up my life again.

  Nolan nodded. “If you need my help, let me know what I can do. I’m available.”

  “I will.”

  I stood, and we walked out of the church together. It was early afternoon, and the sun was blinding in its intensity. I slipped on my sunglasses, and Nolan held a cupped hand over his forehead, squinting at me. “Are we going to talk about where we go from here? Has anything changed with your plans?”

  “Nothing has changed,” I said. “My final wishes remain the same. But if everything goes accordingly, you won’t need to execute them for a long while now.”

  He blinked at me as he processed my words. “You’re getting treatment?”

  “I’m halfway through,” I answered. “Radiation starts on Monday.”

  A smile broke across his face, and his voice was hoarse when he spoke. “That’s really good news, Lucian. I’m happy to hear it.”

  “Death will have to wait for another day.” I stared off into the distance. “But for now, I guess I should probably let the world—and Gypsy’s publisher—know that I’m still alive.”

  Nolan chuckled, but then he scratched at his chin. “Or maybe you should wait,” he suggested. “If someone really is after the two of you, then it might be safer that you stay hidden until you figure out who it is.”

  I nodded. “You have a point.”

  “I always do,” he answered.

  “EVERYTHING OKAY IN HERE?”

  Lucian looked up at me from his desk, rubbing the tiredness from his eyes as he nodded. “I’m just going through my accounts.”

  He’d been going through them since his return this afternoon, but I wasn’t going to say anything about it. This situation was stressing him out, and he wouldn’t stop until he figured out what was going on.

  I leaned against the doorframe. “Any leads yet?”

  His brows pinched together as he glanced at the screen, and even though he shook his head, I suspected he’d uncovered something.

  “Not anything I can prove,” he said wearily.

  “I’m worried.” My hands felt like iron as they wrapped around me. “I don’t know if I stirred something up by writing that book.”

  Lucian blinked, shaking himself from his thoughts as he focused on me. “Come here.”

  I walked around the desk, and he pulled me onto his lap, leaning me into his chest as he kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes, wishing for more. Since his return, he still hadn’t kissed me on the lips. He said he believ
ed me, but tension lingered between us, and I knew he was still protecting himself in case his worst fears about me turned out to be true.

  “I’m here, Gypsy,” he said. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you or my son.”

  I laid my head against his shoulder and breathed in his scent. It hit me all over again how much I missed him, and when I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, I didn’t want to let him go.

  “I’m not the person I was before,” I whispered. “I would never want to hurt you, Lucian. Never.”

  He closed his eyes and leaned into me. “I know.”

  “If you know, then you can’t hold back from me,” I argued. “I need you. All of you.”

  His grip on me tightened as he dragged his nose through my hair and nuzzled against my neck. “I know, pet. I’m sorry. I’ve been an asshole, and for the first time in my life, I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to make things right.”

  “Trust me,” I said. “Just trust me and be with me… the way things were before. That’s all I want.”

  His fingers brushed over my face, and our eyes locked as he tilted my head up to meet his. “I’m trying, but I know I need to do better.”

  The vulnerability in his voice gave me the encouragement I needed to press my lips against his. His fingers curled into my nightgown, and he didn’t fight me. He gave into me, and before I knew it, we were clawing at each other’s clothes, frantic with a need that manifested in him fucking me roughly over the desk until I came twice.

  He buried himself inside me and emptied his cock, grunting out his release before he squeezed my ass in his hands.

  “I missed this,” he murmured.

  I laughed, turning over my shoulder to meet his eyes. “Me too.”

  “We should enjoy it while it lasts,” he said somberly. “While I’m still feeling up to it.”

  He pulled away and cleaned himself up, helping me right my clothes before I propped myself on the desk and observed him.

  “What will the radiation be like?” I asked.

  “The procedure itself isn’t bad,” he said. “It’s like an X-ray. It only takes a few minutes, but the setup to make sure they target the right areas is what takes the longest.”