Our dinner table had become the setting for an episode of Steve Harvey, with me as the pathetic guest and my family as the experts with insight into my life love and all its dysfunctionalities. Blessedly, Perry’s impassioned speech had silenced the crowd and things returned to normal by the meat course—my dad bragged about a record-breaking victory in court, my mother complained about questionable new members of the Scarsdale Golf Club, and Aunt Edna knocked a bottle of La Faraona out of a server’s hand, causing the six-hundred-dollar Spanish red wine to spill all over the formal two-tone decorative tablecloth. My temporarily low-key—albeit tipsy—mother was nonplussed since the cloth was polyester and, therefore, machine washable. After dinner, Perry was forced to gently let down my aunts and uncles’ pleas to direct a group musical performance in favor of discussing his future with Marshall, and I avoided Aaron’s lecherous glances by pretending the catering staff needed me to oversee the cleanup. Two hours and change later, the night was in my rearview mirror and I had another Bellows’ Christmas celebration under my belt. As soon as the first guests went home, I shirked my hostess responsibility and escaped to my room.
I was about to get undressed when there was a knock on my door.
“Sid. It’s Perry. Can I come in?”
“I guess.”
He entered my room and closed the door behind him. Leaning against one of the tall white chests on either side of my vanity table, he raised his palms in the air. “Have at me. I deserve it.”
“Deserve what?” I kicked a black platform sandal off my right foot and then my left.
“What happened at dinner…what a shit show.”
Truer words had rarely been spoken.
Perry continued his excuses. “I swear I wasn’t trying to be an ass when I told Marshall we broke up. I figured, we’re going back to the city tomorrow anyway, why not drop the charade and enjoy the night? Honestly, I had no idea your family would attack you like that.” He shook his head in bewilderment. “They were like a swarm of flies.”
I snorted. “More like a pack of wolves.”
Shrugging, Perry said, “Anyway, I’m sorry.”
I had every reason to be infuriated with him, and I wished I was. What fun it would be to take Perry to task for his actions and watch him shrink into himself in guilt. But for the first time since we’d met, I couldn’t summon the anger emotion. I was angrier with myself than I was with him at this point. “It’s fine, Perry. What’s done is done, and if I’ve learned anything about you this week, it’s that you don’t always use the best judgment.” I smiled in spite of myself. “Now that you’re not my problem anymore, I can sort of see your charm.”
“Are you sure it’s not because we were almost…” He waggled his eyebrows. “…lovers?” His cocky grin quickly morphed into a frown. “Never mind.”
I rolled my eyes. “Speaking of misguided decisions, can we discuss how we’re going to handle this now so we don’t have to talk about it on the car ride home tomorrow? And maybe I’ll be able to fall asleep tonight?” I always slept better when I had a plan.
Perry paced the gray and white printed area rug that adorned my childhood bedroom’s wood floor. “Maybe we shouldn’t tell Robyn and Will. What they don’t know won’t hurt them, right?” He looked at me hopefully.
It wasn’t as if Perry’s suggestion hadn’t occurred to me. If we both agreed to take the secret to our graves, no one would get hurt and we could avoid twin nasty breakups. But how happy could I be lying to Will about something as major as cheating? Each time he mentioned Robyn, Perry, or even Christmas in general, I’d feel soiled. It wasn’t fair to him to continue as if nothing happened. “I can’t lie to Will,” I said firmly, trying to hide the regret in my voice.
When Perry regarded me with pleading blue eyes, he resembled a Siberian husky. “It will only be lying if he straight-out asks you if we hooked up and you say no. Not likely to happen.”
Amused, I said, “Who’s the lawyer in this room?”
“It was worth a try.” He shrugged.
“Maybe they’ll be okay with it,” I said, even though I didn’t believe myself.
Perry raised an eyebrow. “Will didn’t strike me as the type of guy who’d forgive cheating. And Robyn definitely wouldn’t.”
I thought of something funny. “Imagine if the two of them fooled around as well and are having the exact same conversation in Philadelphia right now.” On second thought, it wasn’t very humorous.
Perry smirked. “Will and Robyn? Never. We’re definitely the villains in this story, Cherry.”
I sighed. “You’re so right.” I motioned toward my door to let him know it was time to leave me alone. “See you in the morning.” I was exhausted.
A few minutes later, I crawled into bed and closed my eyes. Maybe if I shut them tightly enough, I could erase the faces of my family regarding me with pity for failing to create and sustain a true love connection. But I’d need earplugs to drown out their voices playing like a soundtrack on repeat saying I was too competitive, I lacked a nurturing gene, and I was too focused on the bottom line to ever be as successful in love as I was at law. The thing is, they were right.
For spring break my first year in law school, Jake planned a four-day weekend for us at a luxury ranch in Montana where we’d go horseback riding and learn to fly fish—something I’d always wanted to do—and I told him I couldn’t go because I cared more about earning one of forty-five coveted spots on the Columbia Law Review than I did about his romantic overtures. Instead, I spent all week at home working on my personal statement for the Review application with my father hovered over my shoulder. Initially, Jake accepted my ambition as part of what made me “me”—he said it was a turn on—but eventually it killed us. Over the years, I had kept myself so busy chasing one win after another it left me no time to consider whether the successes even made me happy—until now. Something had to give, but I had no idea what.
Robyn
“Do you still hate me?”
I gripped the steering wheel tighter and frowned. Staring at the road, I asked, “Why would you think I hated you?”
“You’ve barely said a word to me since we woke up. Your parents were giving us curious looks all during breakfast.”
I could hear the regret in Will’s voice and winced in discomfort. “You’re paranoid. They didn’t notice anything.” I recoiled as the bold-faced lie escaped my lips. I had spied my mom’s furrowed brow out of the corner of my eye as she looked back and forth between Will and me as we sat side by side at the kitchen table without uttering a word to each other. And there was nothing subtle about her repeated requests for me to pass her this or hand her that in a relentless attempt to catch my eye. I’d managed to slide the platter of toast and the pepper shaker across the table to her all without looking up from my own plate of food. I even gave her the lamest goodbye hug in Lane mother/daughter history because of my overwhelming desire to own up to the truth—that this year’s Chrismukkah was a fabrication, and Will was no closer to being my boyfriend now than he was a decade ago. If I let her squeeze me too hard, it might all come spilling out. Maybe I would tell her soon, but I needed to hold it together at least long enough for the car ride back to New York. I hadn’t lied to her since I was thirteen and I told her I had a hole in my boring black rainboots so she’d buy me a new pair of bright red ones. She never found out I’d purposely bludgeoned my old pair with scissors. I dreaded the disappointment on her face when I confessed to this lie.
“Please don’t be this way, Snow. I’m really sorry.”
When we stopped for a light, I turned to him. “If you must know, I am going to break things off with Perry when I get home.”
Will’s eyes opened wide. “Whatever you think is best,” he said in a casual tone belying his earlier strong opinions on the matter. But I caught him smile before turning to look out the window.
My skin
burned with irritation. “I was planning to end it before you chipped in your two cents. But for what it’s worth, your theory was wrong.”
Will faced me again and frowned. “I believe you. I just couldn’t think of another reason to explain your attraction to him. He’s so…wrong,” he said, shaking his head.
I narrowed my eyes. “Why do you care so much?” It was on the tip of my tongue to remind him that Perry would be out of his girlfriend’s life soon enough too, and he should move on.
He shrugged. “I just do.”
I waited for him to elaborate, but he said nothing and resumed staring out his window. I figured he had nothing else to say and focused on the road with one finger in my mouth as I chewed on a nail.
Another twenty-five minutes passed by without a word exchanged between us. Although I sang softly along to the music to calm my nerves, Will was silent. Apparently, he was all sung out from a musical weekend with the Lanes. My mind flashed back to the night before when I played “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” on the piano while Will strutted around the family room belting out fake lyrics to distract us from his horrible voice.
“You’re doing it again, Snow.”
“Doing what?”
“Giggling to yourself.”
“Oh.”
“Were you laughing about my singing again?”
I whipped my head to face him with my eyes bugged out. “How…how did you know?”
He grinned. “I didn’t. Until now.”
“Sorry.”
“No worries. I’m hoping I created enough material to keep you Lanes in stiches for the foreseeable future.” He cleared his throat. “You ready to get back to the city?”
“Not really,” I mumbled. My stomach churned at the thought of what lay ahead of me. I wasn’t looking forward to my talk with Perry. He’d been a good boyfriend to me for almost a year, and it wasn’t his fault my feelings for him weren’t where I thought they should be at this point. And in another week, I’d have to face Principal Hogan and the possibility that the job I loved so much was in jeopardy as well as the music education I considered vital to every child. And let’s not forget my pathetic depression over saying goodbye to Will for what might be the final time.
I was only comfortable discussing one of those items with Will. “I couldn’t sleep last night, so I did some more research on budget cuts.” I grimaced, hoping Will wasn’t insightful enough to make the connection between our argument and my bout of insomnia. “I found a few foundations focused on helping endangered music programs at schools. Maybe a grant from one of them would be a solution.”
“Your school is lucky to have you. So are your students.”
I shrugged helplessly. “I won’t go down without a fight. I can’t.” I knew Lance would help me, and even though I wouldn’t wish the same panic I was experiencing on someone else, it was comforting to know we were in it together.
“If anyone could make it happen, it’s you.” Will reached across the front seat and tapped my thigh with his fingers before returning his hands to his own lap.
“You say that like you know me.” My chuckle came out like a strangled cry.
“I do know you,” he said, his stare on me. “Maybe more than I know my own girlfriend.”
He’d looked away too fast to catch me flinch. Maybe if he’d uttered those words a few days earlier—even yesterday—they’d have filled my naïve heart with hope. But today, I felt my face flush in anger that he’d be so heartless to toy with my emotions and play with my head once again. I was beginning to think he enjoyed it. I wanted to scream myself into laryngitis or weep until I needed a prescription for Restasis for dry eyes. Instead, I focused on the open space of road ahead of me and floored the gas. It was time to go home.
Because I wanted to avoid extended conversation, I didn’t argue when Will refused my offer to drop him off at his apartment in Union Square and drove straight to the car rental place. After we got out of the car and emptied the trunk, I told him I could take it from there.
Will placed his small wheeled suitcase on the concrete and tucked his hands in his jacket pockets. “Can I give you some money?”
I shook my head and removed my wallet from my purse. “It’s paid for already, and besides, this was my gig, not yours. I can handle it,” I said, adding the required, “But thank you” at the end.
“If you insist.”
I felt his gaze on me and forced myself to face him head on. Planting on a smile, I said, “I guess I’ll see you around.” My heart was racing, and I made an instant decision to pick up a bottle of wine on my way home. It would go nicely with a marathon of the High School Musical movies. Maybe James and I could watch separately but together.
“I had a really good time with you, Snow,” he said, taking a step closer to me.
Please don’t hug me. Please don’t hug me. As my throat closed up, I fidgeted with my purse and said, “Me too,” until I found myself wrapped in his arms in the dreaded embrace and breathing in the scent of him bathed in my vanilla body wash. When we separated, Will planted a soft kiss on my forehead. I bit my lips to keep them from trembling and blinked to hold back tears. Then it was over. With a sad smile, Will grabbed the handle of his suitcase and walked out of the rental garage and out of my life.
Chapter 15
Sidney
From my small kitchen nook, I peered through the open wall at Will, who was sitting on my couch. “Can I pour you a glass of wine? I stole a few good vintages from my dad’s cellar.” When my voice came out an octave higher than normal, I turned my back on him and cursed at myself. Getting flustered around men was never my MO before, and it wouldn’t be now either if I wasn’t about to confess to cheating on the man in question.
“Sounds good. Thanks,” Will said.
I poured us both a generous glass of Rioja from the bottle I’d been airing out for the last hour and joined Will in my living room. After I’d dropped Perry off earlier, I’d come home and devised a game plan for owning up to making out with Perry. That was all it was—kissing. Granted, it was a hot, sweaty, hate-inspired makeout session, but at least we hadn’t slept together. I shuddered to imagine what might have gone down if we hadn’t been caught. I liked to think I would have pushed Perry away before it went too far, but I wasn’t so sure. I took a deep breath and handed Will a glass. “Cheers.”
He clinked his glass against mine and smiled oddly. Normally when Will grinned, the green and gold flecks in his pupils actually twinkled, but not now. “Cheers,” he echoed before taking a sip and darting his less-than-playful eyes around the room.
Placing my glass on the coffee table, I sat next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder. “I missed you,” I said, reaching for his hand to initiate my plan. I had missed him, but I couldn’t change the fact that I’d betrayed his trust. All I could do was use my lawyerly skills to admit my wrongdoing in a manner that downplayed the heinousness of my act. Strategic touching and a little alcohol were major players in my performance.
Will stood up abruptly and since my head was on his shoulder, it lost its landing place and dropped awkwardly to the side. Ordinarily I would give him hell about it—in a sexy, teasing way, of course—but under the circumstances, I let it slide. After straightening my head, I gazed up at him. “Everything all right?”
“Mind if I use the bathroom?”
I was taken aback by the question since he’d never asked my permission to use the facilities before, but joked, “You know where it is.”
I skimmed through the latest issue of Bloomberg Businessweek and nursed my wine until he returned.
“Hey.”
Startled, I let the magazine slip through my fingers. “Hey yourself. Come sit. I want to hear all about your Christmas.”
Will joined me on the couch. “It was fine, Sid. As you can imagine, we did a lot of singing.” This time, his
eyes did twinkle when he smiled.
“How’d you do?” I had no idea if Will could sing, but I assumed Perry was better.
Will chuckled. “I got an F for sound quality, but an A plus for technique.”
“I can vouch for your technique, if you know what I mean,” I teased, nudging him playfully on his upper thigh to lessen the tension in the air.
“Funny,” he said, sliding an inch away from me. “Anyway, there’s not much to tell. I’m sure your holiday was more eventful.”
Sucking on air, I said, “What do you mean?”
“With Perry,” he said, practically choking on Perry’s name. “How’d it go?”
I answered, “It was fine. Why?” and immediately regretted it. I sounded paranoid. If I asked about his holiday, of course he’d reciprocate. Composing myself, I added, “As threatened, Perry entertained everyone from my ancient aunts and uncles to business colleagues of my dad’s. In fact, he might have snagged an agent.”
“Is that right?” Will sneered before mumbling, “I guess it will soften the blow.”
I frowned. “What blow?”
“Never mind.” Will stood up again.
“Need to use the bathroom again already?” I joked, even though I was more exasperated than humored at this point. The guilt was chewing on my insides, and I desperately needed to ’fess up and accept Will’s reaction, whatever it would be.
“Just restless. I was sitting in a car all afternoon.” He stretched his arms over his head and then glanced behind him as if expecting someone.
I raised myself from the couch and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Is something wrong?” I wasn’t paranoid—Will was acting strange.
“Not at all.” He sat back down. “What else did Perry the Great accomplish this weekend? Did he get stuck in an elevator with Steven Spielberg? Or Al Roker?”
My head reared back. “Considering neither of those people were there and my parents don’t have an elevator, the answer is no. You’re being weird.” When Will looked at me with regret in his eyes, my heart hammered against my chest. If I didn’t have so much confidence in Will’s sense of values, I’d think he had his own confession to make. Desperate for comfort, I took a big gulp of wine.
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