Will scratched his head. “Maybe I am, but I just spent three nights pretending to be someone else’s boyfriend and lying to a lot of people. Under the circumstances, I think I’m handling it well. Evidently, not as well as you.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m handling it well either.” My hands trembled. I put down my glass before it crashed onto the floor.
He furrowed his brow. “You’re not?”
“There’s something I need to tell you.” I swallowed back the pain in the back of my throat. “It’s about Perry and me.”
He frowned. “What about you?”
I couldn’t face him when I made my confession so I closed my eyes. I wished I could cover his eyes so he couldn’t see me either. “We hated each other from day one and fought like opposing counsel in an intense trial the entire time. And then…” I felt like I was perched to jump out of an airplane, paralyzed to hurl myself over the edge.
“Then what, Sidney?”
“When I’d say ‘yes,’ he’d say ‘no.’ If I went left, he’d go right. If I claimed the sky was blue, he’d insist it was purple. He knew how to rattle my cage, and I walked right into it. To make matters worse, my parents loved him and he ate it up. It came to a head, we had a bitter confrontation, and before I knew it, we were kissing.” I opened my eyes and faced Will, who was staring at me in shock. “But it was inspired by hate, not attraction. I’m so sorry, Will. It meant nothing and I swear to God, we didn’t have sex.” I cringed in anticipation of his reaction.
Will blinked at me. “You cheated on me with Perry?” He stood up and paced the room.
I rose too. “It was only a kiss. I could have kept it a secret, but I didn’t want to lie to you. I don’t want it to be the end for us, and I hope coming clean shows you I’m committed to giving us a go. We’re so good together.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know what to say to this.”
“Can you forgive me?” I held my breath and stared at the twitching vein in his neck.
He turned his back on me, not saying anything.
I searched my mind for words, but my brain was incapable of presenting a further defense. I swallowed back the thickness in my throat and hunched my shoulders in defeat.
After what felt like forever squared, he sat back down. The twitch was gone. He patted the spot next to him. “Sit.”
It was a positive sign that he didn’t storm out of my apartment, slamming the door behind him, and I joined him on the couch with cautious hope.
He took a sip of wine and placed it back on the coffee table. “I thought the swap was a bad idea from minute one. We were playing with fire, but I agreed because it was so important to you and I wanted to make you happy.”
“You were great, Will. I can’t begin to—”
“Let me finish, Sid,” he said in a soft voice.
I nodded and placed my fingers over my racing pulse, willing it to slow down.
Will absently tapped his foot against the surface of the wood floor. “Over the last few days, I’ve thought about it from your perspective and the conclusion I’ve reached is if you truly cared about me, you wouldn’t have so easily and eagerly put me in the position you did.”
My heart jumped into my throat. “I thought I was doing it for us. My parents…” I searched for my next words in the high ceiling. “We were having so much fun, and I was afraid introducing you to them would be the beginning of the end.” I contemplated going into further detail, but the theory that made so much sense mere weeks before suddenly seemed dumb as dirt.
Will sighed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but it honestly doesn’t matter. If you were truly invested in our relationship, you wouldn’t let your parents get in our way. But you did, and on top of it, you crossed the line with Perry.”
Placing my hand on his thigh, I said, “You have my sincere remorse. I can admit when I’m wrong, even though I hate it.” I released a nervous laugh. “I want to make it up to you—introduce you to my parents even.” I licked my dry lips. “Unless the kiss is a deal breaker.”
He smiled at the floor as if he shared a secret with the hardwood tiles. “It’s interesting that Robyn’s folks disliked Perry, but your mom and dad took to him so intensely. Maybe our parents know something we don’t about who’s right for us.” He scraped a hand through his hair and looked back up at me. “If so, I don’t think your parents would have liked me, Sid.” With a pained expression, he continued, “Because kiss or no kiss, I already had my doubts as to whether we belonged together. The truth is, I think we can both do better.”
Robyn
After dropping off the rental car, I cabbed it home and changed out of my heavy sweater and jeans into a t-shirt and my coziest pair of pajama pants—navy blue and emblazoned with images of different breeds of dogs from poodles, pugs, beagles, and more. I allowed myself a brief stint of self-pity, choosing to spend it with a mug of hot chocolate piled high with mini marshmallows and staring out the window and down at the Hudson River and New Jersey on the other side of the water. I’d save the bottle of wine for when Anne Marie got home from her own holiday later that afternoon.
My shared living space with Anne Marie on Manhattan’s Upper West Side might not have been exceptional in terms of square footage, but the view from our apartment on the twenty-seventh floor made up for it. The sky at sunset was streaked in various shades of blue, pink, orange, and yellow. It was breathtaking, and I would have been happy to spend the entirety of the evening not moving if my mind didn’t keep dreaming up images of Will reflected along the surface of the water. I half expected to see his shadow hovering over me, hear the sound of his laughter, or feel the flutter of my heart from his nearness, but I didn’t. There was no reason to think I ever would again. It was like a repeat of the summer before my senior year of high school—watching Will move out of his parents’ house for college and wondering when, if ever, I’d see him again. But unlike in high school, when the most attention Will gave me was a smile in passing in the hallways or a few words of conversation at a social event, this time, we’d been inseparable for almost a hundred hours. We’d slept together. Sure, our PG-rated slumber party was more Disney Channel than Skinamax, but it didn’t make the proximity of our bodies clad in only thin shorts and t-shirts any less real. And the accidental spooning session was etched in my memory.
I knew I was being stupid moping over a guy who wasn’t mine to begin with. Will and I weren’t even compatible. I wasn’t a sharp, sexy redhead, and he wore a suit to work on a regular basis. Once my pity party came to an end, I’d leave the memories of my brief stint as Will Brady’s “girlfriend” behind and life would resume as normal. I’d survived my unrequited crush in high school and gone on to date many guys—nice, good-looking, fun, and talented guys. And even though my time with Perry was coming to an end, I knew it wouldn’t be long before I found myself interested in someone else—someone equally enamored with me and hopefully in touch with his creative side. No more lawyers. The only way I’d date a lawyer was if he were…Will. I sighed dejectedly and glanced at my watch. Perry would be here any minute.
Moments later, there was a gentle rap at my door. “It’s me. I ran into Anne Marie in the lobby,” Perry called out from the hallway.
“Come in,” I said, lifting myself to a standing position and placing my empty mug on the dresser. I resisted the urge to bite my nails.
Upon entering my room, Perry pulled me into a hug. “There’s my girl.”
I inhaled the faint scent of citrus from his Acqua Di Gio cologne and frowned into his chest. I wished he wasn’t so happy to see me. It made what I had to do so much harder. But I had to rip off the bandage. Perry was better off without me at this point.
“Welcome home,” he mumbled into the top of my head.
“Back at you,” I said. When we separated, I was surprised by the genuine smile that appeared on my face. We’d had
a good run, and I had no regrets.
“It’s good to be back in the city where not everyone is a rich white person.”
I laughed. “I take it Scarsdale isn’t much of a melting pot?”
He shook his head and sat on the edge of my bed. “How was the city of Brotherly Love?”
“Philadelphia was fine.” I dropped my gaze to the floor before reluctantly meeting his eyes and letting out a deep exhalation. “We need to talk, Perry.”
His face fell. “You know already?”
I jutted my head back. “Know what?”
“About me and Sidney.”
“What about you and Sidney?” My heart beat rapidly in anticipation of his next words.
“You don’t know?” He sat on the edge of my bed. “Forget it then.”
“Seriously? What happened between you and Sidney?” I pulled him up to standing position.
Perry pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he said, “Promise me you won’t be mad.”
I groaned. “Just say it.” Did they fall in love? Wouldn’t that be ironic?
“We kissed.”
My mouth fell open. “You…kissed?” I repeated his words back at him, not sure how I felt about his confession.
Perry raised his hand. “Before you say anything, you need to know that Sidney started it. She threw herself at me. I…I didn’t see it coming.”
I narrowed my eyes. “So Sidney kissed you and you pushed her away.” I had my doubts he’d be so guilt-ridden if that were the case.
He ran a hand through his hair. “In the spirit of true disclosure, not exactly. Not right away at least. I kissed her back. You know how weak Schuester is.” He looked at me pleadingly.
My eyes bugged out. “You slept with her?”
Shaking his head frantically, Perry shouted, “No! No. No. No. We didn’t have sex.” He let out a deep breath. “But I didn’t push her away, and we might have if someone on the catering staff hadn’t walked in on us. I’m sorry, Robyn. Please don’t hate me.”
What happened next came as a surprise to both of us. My belly quivered and my throat tickled, and I laughed. I closed my mouth to get my bearings, but another giggle forced my lips open.
Perry’s eyes bugged out and he stood up. “You’re losing it, aren’t you? Everyone has their breaking point, even you. You’re hysterical and it’s all my fault.” He paced the length of the foot of my bed, muttering to himself.
With one hand on my mouth to stifle the laughter, I reached out to touch Perry with the other. “It’s okay.” I took a deep breath in and out to compose myself. I should have been angry as hell, but it was so damn funny. It wouldn’t be humorous at all if my feelings for Perry were where they should have been after almost a year together.
Perry stopped moving and studied me. “You sure?”
I nodded. All that time I spent drowning in guilt for crushing on Will when Perry almost had sex with Sidney. Was any man immune to her charms? “I don’t hate you, Perry. And at least I don’t have to feel so wretched about breaking up with you now.”
He grinned. “Yeah…Wait. Why are you breaking up with me?”
“Really, Perry? You’re asking me that now?” I smirked.
Perry shrugged sheepishly. “Fair enough. But you were dumping me before you even knew about Sidney and me. Why?”
I sighed. “Because, honestly, I think I’m ready for a more serious relationship and we’re not going anywhere. Am I right?”
He nodded. “Probably. But we had fun, didn’t we?”
“We did,” I said with a gentle smile.
“You didn’t…” Perry made a humping gesture. “With Will, did you?”
“We didn’t even kiss,” I said with a smirk.
Combing his fingers through his hair, he asked, “So why now? Did your parents pressure you?”
“No. They think I’m dating Will.” I grimaced as I remembered I’d need to ’fess up pretty soon, and considering my mother was as enamored with Will as I was, it wouldn’t be fun.
“Gotcha. Well, I should probably go then. Unless you want to have sex one last time.” He cocked an eyebrow.
Chuckling, I said, “It’s a tempting offer, Perry, but one I must decline.”
“I understand. I really am sorry about…well, you know.”
“I know.”
“Take care of yourself, and may your next boyfriend be all you’ve ever wanted.”
I blinked back a tear. The Perry who stood before me was a much more sensitive version than the one I was used to.
“Of course, good luck finding one as sexy and talented as me.”
Or maybe not.
Anne Marie gaped at me from her side of the sofa. “Yowza. Makes my Christmas of attending midnight Mass, eating obscene amounts of food, and exchanging presents seem very bourgeoise.”
Chuckling, I said, “It was actually a pretty typical holiday. Well, aside from pretending Will was my boyfriend and coming home to find out the guy I was really dating had a sizzling suck-face session with the girl he was pretending to be in a relationship with.”
Anne Marie leaned forward to top off my glass of wine. “Yeah, aside from all of that.”
I let my head drop back toward the ceiling. “Who am I kidding? It was a disaster.”
“How could Sidney do that to you? To me? I’m her secretary, and I’d never have introduced you to her if I’d known she’d stab her claws into your man.”
“I should be mad. But I don’t care enough.” I frowned. “Isn’t that sad?”
“What’s sad is that you slept in the same bed with your lifelong crush for three nights and nothing happened, while my slutty boss was throwing herself at your boyfriend.” She cocked her head at me. “By the way, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you had feelings for Will.”
“He’s your boss’s boyfriend. I didn’t want to put you in the middle. And besides, I didn’t think I’d still like him after nine years.”
“But you did.”
I gulped my wine. “I did.”
“Does he like you?”
I brought my glass to my mouth and let my lips linger on the edge for a moment before taking a sip. “James thought so. Will had nothing pleasant to say about Perry, and James said it was because he was jealous that Perry was my guy. I wanted it to be true, and that’s when I knew I had to end things with Perry no matter what.” I thought back to dancing with Will and how right it felt to be in his arms. He’d called me sexy. But I didn’t miss the regret in his eyes immediately after he said it or the way he hoofed it to the porch to get away from me later. He was holding his phone when I followed him outside. He probably missed Sidney and wanted to hear her voice. “I think Will might have gotten caught up in the moment and the performance of it all, but he has no intention of breaking up with Sidney.”
Anne Marie harrumphed. “Wait until he finds out what she did.”
“I’m not going to tell him.”
“You’re a much better person than me.”
Shrugging, I said, “It’s not my place or my business.” My phone rang and I picked it up, gasping when I saw who was calling.
Will.
Chapter 16
Sidney
After Will left my apartment, I stretched across the length of my couch and remained there for an hour. With effort, I lifted myself to a seated position, feeling as if my body was weighted down with concrete cinder blocks. I removed my wine glass from the table and stared into the bottom, tempted to swallow the backwash. Instead, I returned it to the silver Hammertone coaster with a loud sigh. Despite putting my best effort into my expression of remorse, I was prepared for it to not be good enough. But I hadn’t expected Will to end things between us for any other reason than my infidelity. It had never even occurred to me that simply asking Will to play al
ong with the swap was akin to treating him like shit and making it clear his feelings didn’t count nearly as much as my own. Once I decided the boyfriend swap was more than just a drunken suggestion by Anne Marie, but the perfect antidote for mine and Robyn’s holiday dilemma, no one else mattered. When had I become so focused on winning that I’d do anything to get my way? Success at all costs was the name of the game, at least the one I’d been playing for most of my life.
I might have been oblivious to how my dysfunctional personality affected my romantic life all these years—or just too busy winning to notice—but based on their outburst at Christmas dinner, my family knew something I didn’t. I wondered who else was in the know. Lisa? She’d never said as much to me, but considering how open I was to unsolicited advice—not at all—it didn’t mean anything. There was only one way to find out. I removed my phone from where it had been charging in my kitchen, headed to my bedroom, and called her.
After telling Lisa about my indiscretion with Perry and my subsequent breakup with Will, I said, “And that’s what’s happening with me. What’s shaking in your neck of the woods?” The resulting silence on the other end of the phone unnerved me. “You there, Li?”
After another beat, Lisa said, “Yeah, I’m here. I’m trying to come up with an appropriate response.”
“You’re my best friend. Just say the first thing that comes to mind—appropriate or not.”
Lisa clucked her tongue. “Here goes nothing then. The boyfriend swap was not one of your wisest schemes—something I would have told you if you’d asked my opinion before going through with it—but it’s not as if you would have listened to me anyway. When Sidney Bellows devises what she considers a brilliant plan, God help any naysayers. In short, nice going, friend. Hashtag fail.”
I whistled through my teeth. “Wow. Don’t sugarcoat your feelings or anything.”
Lisa snorted. “You told me to say the first thing that came to mind.” In a softer voice, she asked, “How are you doing with the breakup? Are you going to call Will?”
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