The Boyfriend Swap

by Meredith Schorr

  I squeezed the smiley face stress ball I kept by my bed. “There’s no point. I really messed things up, and losing him is the price I have to pay. Maybe I’ll feel differently when it all sinks in, but I don’t think Will was the one anyway. If such a concept even exists outside of Hallmark movies. Speaking of which, how was Meat Guy?” After receiving Lisa’s virtual spanking, I needed a break from my own drama.

  “Meat Guy, also known as Evan, was actually kind of cool.”

  My eyes opened wide. “You mean Frank got it right for once?”

  “It’s too soon to say we’ll be starring in our own Hallmark movie, but a one-on-one date is not out of the question.”

  “He didn’t smell like roast beef?” I put the phone on speaker so I could simultaneously unpack my suitcase.

  Lisa laughed. “If he did, it was in a good way.”

  “Cute?”

  “Very.” I could hear her smiling as she said this.

  “Go Frank. Keep me posted.”

  “Will do.”

  “Is Jake married?” I held my breath. Will definitely wasn’t the one if instead of sobbing into a gallon of Häagen-Dazs over his dumping me, I was sweating another ex-boyfriend’s marital status.

  “Jake who?” Lisa asked before answering her own question a second later. “Jake Harrington?”

  “Yes, Jake Harrington. What other Jake is there?” The simple question took more effort to ask than I’d ever admit. My heart was beating as quickly as if I’d just sprinted to the finish line in a 5K run. “I saw a picture of him with kids and was wondering if they were his.” No big deal.

  “Yes. He got married a couple of years ago.”

  My stomach dropped. “So those boys in the picture…are his?” I kicked the suitcase against the wall and sat on the edge of my bed. I’d do it tomorrow.

  “They had twins.” Lisa was quiet for a moment. “You’re not upset about it, are you? I never told you because I didn’t think you’d care.”

  I closed my eyes and contemplated my answer. What would be the big deal in admitting I might have made a mistake? Lisa, of all people, wouldn’t judge me. Before I could change my mind, I blurted out, “I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately and wondering if I blew it.”

  “How do you think you blew it?”

  “My ambition. In the battle between my grades and love life, my grades won every time. Maybe I was misguided.” I pinched my lips together.

  “For one thing, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to make the most of a very expensive Ivy League education. Your dad had some high expectations of you joining the family practice. And let’s not forget Jake was your college boyfriend. College relationships rarely make it to the altar.”

  It would have been so easy to accept Lisa’s answer and let go of any responsibility I held for the failure of my relationship with Jake, but something was nagging at me. The floodgates had opened and I couldn’t let it go. “How do you explain the rest of my relationships not going anywhere?”

  “I can’t.”

  “My family thinks my drive to succeed impedes my ability to fall in love. Do you agree?” I held my breath. Maybe she’d say no. My relationship with Will ended prematurely, but at least it hadn’t been contentious while it lasted.

  “Honest answer?”

  Her need to ask my permission to voice her true opinion wasn’t a good sign. “Obviously.”

  “I don’t think you blew it with Jake, but—”

  “But?”

  “But until now, I had no idea you even cared about finding someone special. Whenever you talk about a guy you’re dating, you’ll tell me how cute he is or how great he is in bed, but nothing else. You even kept Will at arm’s length by refusing to introduce him to your parents. Kind of extreme. I just assumed you weren’t looking for anything deep. Are you?”

  “Yes. No? I think so.” I scratched my head in frustration. “I don’t know.”

  Lisa laughed. “How decisive of you.”

  I sighed. “I have no idea what I want, Li. But I really need to figure it out.”

  “What’s your plan?”

  “I don’t have one. Any suggestions?” Not having a plan of attack was foreign territory for me, and I didn’t like it.

  “Maybe it’s time you made some changes.”

  “Brilliant idea, Captain Obvious. But how?” My left leg bounced uncontrollably.

  “I don’t know, but if anyone can figure it out, it’s you. You have everything you need at your disposal—you’re wickedly intelligent and your parents have more money than many small countries.”

  “I’m not sure cash will solve this problem.” I leaned back against my headboard and closed my eyes. “I wish I had time to sort it all out, but beginning Monday, it’s back to the grind. Billable hours trump self-reflection at Bellows and…” I stopped speaking and opened my eyes.

  “You still there, Sid?”

  “I’m here. More importantly, I’m a genius.” I vaulted out of bed and hoofed it to where I’d left my laptop on my coffee table.

  Lisa snorted. “And she’s back.”

  “I have to go, but I promise to share this plan with you before I implement it, okay?”

  “I’ll believe it when I see it, but fine. Call me tomorrow.”

  “Will do. Keep me posted on Evan the cute Meat Guy. And Lisa?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you.”

  Robyn

  “Hello?” I recoiled as the word came out like a question instead of a greeting, but I wasn’t expecting to hear from Will again so soon, if ever.

  “Hey, Snow. It’s Will.”

  As if someone else would call me Snow. “Miss me already?” I asked before gnawing on a fingernail.

  Will chuckled. “The absence of a choir performing twenty-four-seven in my apartment is disconcerting.”

  I smiled. “It wasn’t twenty-four-seven. We did sleep, remember?” I glanced at Anne Marie, who didn’t try to hide her desire to listen in.

  “You’ve got me there.”

  I waited for him to get to the reason for his call, but when he didn’t say anything, I took the initiative. “What’s up?”

  “I just left Sidney’s place.”

  “Oh?” Since I didn’t know whether Sidney had confessed to getting frisky with Perry, how else was I supposed to respond? I couldn’t think of another reason he’d call to tell me he’d been to his girlfriend’s apartment, but I had to be careful. I wasn’t lying when I told Anne Marie I wouldn’t be the one to break the news to Will.

  “Have you seen Perry yet?”

  I stood up from the couch and twirled a strand of hair around my finger. “Yes. He left a little while ago.”

  “Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” Now I was pretty sure he knew and wondered if, like me, he was afraid to be the bearer of bad news. “Did Sidney tell you something?” One of us had to say something or we’d be here all night.

  “You mean about her and your boyfriend?”

  “My ex-boyfriend.”

  “You did it. Good for you.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes, you’ve made your feelings about my relationship with Perry quite clear, Will.” With an apologetic glance at Anne Marie, who was still paying keen attention to my side of the conversation, I took the phone to my bedroom and closed the door.

  “Like I said, he’s not good enough for you, and I think he proved it this week.”

  “Sidney isn’t exactly innocent either.” I wasn’t trying to defend Perry, but I resented Will placing all the responsibility on Perry.

  In a quiet voice, Will said, “I know she’s not. I broke up with her too.”

  “I’m sorry.” And I was. I never wanted things to go down this way.

  “Don’t be. I’m not.”


  Sitting on the edge of my bed, I said, “Well, that’s good then.” An awkward silence ensued until I said, “Was there another reason for your call?” I took a sip of my wine.

  “I was thinking we should go out for karaoke.”

  Like a Pavlovian response, my heart instantly beat in double time. “Just the two of us?”

  “Yes. We could have a country theme—cheating exes.” Will laughed.

  As much as I wanted to see Will again, my stomach dropped in dread of spending all night talking about Sidney. “Sorry, but I have zero desire to commiserate over the sordid behavior of our former partners.”

  “You’re right. Who needs them? Forget I mentioned it. We have plenty of other things to talk about.”

  “You really want to go out?” The room suddenly got very hot. I cracked open a window, but when the sounds from the street twenty-seven floors below felt like they were coming from right outside my door, I closed it again.

  “Why not? Let’s go on a real date and show them how it’s done.”

  I’d often fantasized about Will asking me out and how I’d respond. In my daydreams, I always played it cool on the outside even as I sweated thunderstorms on the inside. Sometimes I imagined him coming backstage after a concert to tell me how amazing I was or even running up to the stage with flowers. Other times, he followed me into the bathroom after our first kiss, shut the door behind us, and ripped my clothes off. And in other versions of my daydream, he climbed into my bedroom window and we fooled around under my parents’ roof. There were more scenarios than a choose-your-own-adventure book, but they had one thing in common. I never dreamed he’d call me on the phone an hour after breaking things off with someone else because she cheated on him. He really had no clue. “Is this a joke to you?” I looked out my window, remembering when I had a view of the Bradys’ house a few doors down.

  Will paused before responding. “Of course not. I’m completely serious.”

  In all my fantasies, I was the happiest girl in the world. I never would have guessed I’d be angry when it really happened. “Perry and Sidney messed around. Let’s show them by doing it too?”

  “That’s not what this is, Snow,” Will said in quiet voice.

  “Are you sure, Will? Because it feels more like tit for tat than a genuine desire to go out with me.”

  “I like you, Robyn. It has nothing to do with Sidney.”

  “If that’s true, then how come you never mentioned dating me before now? You had plenty of opportunities this week.”

  Will sighed. “You were taken, and I don’t go after other guys’ girlfriends.”

  “I told you I was breaking up with Perry. You never once mentioned ending things with Sidney.”

  “I was conflicted, Snow. I was attracted to you, but I still had feelings for her.”

  I let his words sink in. I was pretty sure Will believed what he was saying, and I wanted to believe him too. There were moments we spent together when I felt something between us and knew in my gut it wasn’t one-sided. But the timing of his confession was questionable—mere hours after learning of Sidney’s deceit. Less than twenty-four hours earlier, Will was ready to resume things with Sidney and never see me again. How could I trust what he was saying? I didn’t want to be his consolation prize.

  “You still there?”

  I nodded as if he could see me and removed my finger from my mouth. “You need to know my mom wasn’t exaggerating about the extent of my crush on you when we were younger. If she didn’t believe our farce, she never would have purposely embarrassed me by announcing it at the dinner table. But I knew we weren’t really together, and let me tell you, I was mortified.” Unveiling the magnitude of my feelings was the opposite of playing it cool, but I didn’t care. He needed to know.

  “Like I said, you have nothing to be embarrassed of. It was a high school crush.”

  My eyes welled up. “It was bad, Will. I barely knew you, but I wanted you so much. I thought about you almost constantly. Going to school was fun, not only because I was Snow White and naturally cheery, but because there was a chance I’d see you. On weekends, no matter where I went, I kept my eye out for you, hoping you’d show up. Even if you were with Adrienne, I was happy because I got to look at you. My feelings were silly and based on nothing but teenage hormones, but it didn’t matter because they consumed me. My ability to keep it together the night we kissed was nothing short of miraculous because I was dying inside. Dying. And when you left for college, I cried like my dog died. But I got over it. With you out of the way, I was able to give other boys a chance. I moved on. And then I met Hurricane Sidney and she came up with the asinine plan to trade boyfriends for the holiday. She mentioned her boyfriend’s name was Will, but it never occurred to me it was you. But it was.”

  “Snow—”

  “Wait. Let me finish. I promise I’ll get to my point soon.”

  “Go on,” he whispered.

  “By the time I found out it was you, it was too late. I couldn’t suddenly renege on my agreement to go through with it, and besides, high school was a long time ago. I’m not the same innocent girl I was then. I’m an experienced woman. I’ve had many boyfriends and plenty of sex.” I cleared my throat as my cheeks turned pink. “I figured I could handle a few days with Will Brady. Maybe I’d find I wasn’t the slightest bit attracted to him and laugh about my silly high school infatuation. Right?”

  “Um—”

  “Wrong. For one thing, you’re still sexy as all get out. And funny. And, well, you really are an appallingly bad singer, but you’re a good sport. And a fabulous dancer. And I like being with you, and my family adores you. We exchanged more words in four days then we did in four years and I like you, Will. I really like you. Not the idea of you as the older popular boy in the neighborhood, but the real grown-up tone deaf Will Brady.”

  “I like you too—”

  “Which is why I can’t go on a date with you.”

  “You can’t…I don’t understand. If you like me so much, why wouldn’t you want to go on a date with me? I’d think you’d be happy I finally shared your feelings. Better late than never, right?”

  I was sick to my stomach and certain it had nothing to do with drinking wine only an hour after eating almost an entire bag of mini marshmallows. The knowledge that Will Brady professed to like me in real life instead of my imagination and I was turning him down was mind boggling even to me. I was the one making it happen. It felt wrong, but not as wrong as saying yes. “That’s the thing. I don’t believe you like me, Will. I want to believe it. I really do. But I think it’s a knee-jerk reaction to breaking up with Sidney on the heels of our four days together. It would be convenient, wouldn’t it? If we hit it off. But it’s not something you’ve thought through. It can’t be, considering you just broke up with Sidney a hot minute ago. If you were anyone else, I’d say, ‘Sure, let’s go on a date. If we hit it off, great. If not, no biggie.’ But I can’t do that with you, Will. Dating you was my teenage fantasy, but if I’m going to take my fantasy into the real world, it has to be for the right reasons or else it’s better off remaining in my dreams.” I waited for Will to respond, but there was silence on the other end of the phone.

  Finally, he spoke. “I understand, Robyn.”

  “You do?” My lips quivered, and I fought not to tell him I changed my mind even though part of me really wanted to.

  “Yes. It makes perfect sense you would think that.”

  “Good.” I gulped.

  “You’re pretty amazing, Robyn. I’ll talk to you soon.” He hung up before I could respond, and I remained frozen to the spot, staring at my phone.

  My hands were still shaking ten minutes later.

  Chapter 17

  Sidney

  The first day back after a vacation, I liked to get to work early to go through emails and get myself in work mode before everyone else ar
rived. The office was usually a ghost town the week between Christmas and New Year’s, but even when our clients were sipping exotic drinks with tiny umbrellas while basking in the sun in St. Barts, they still managed to have legal issues they needed us to handle at a moment’s notice. I finished the Venti coffee I’d picked up at Starbucks, and desperately in need of more caffeine, I resorted to the firm’s free stash. When I entered the pantry, I was surprised to see Anne Marie. She was stirring a container of Quaker instant oatmeal.

  “Miss this place, did you?” I asked.

  Appearing startled, Anne Marie looked up. “Did you say something?”

  I waved a hand at her and smiled. “I was teasing you for being here so early. How was your holiday?”

  Anne Marie’s face flushed and she pursed her lips. “It was nice,” she said before turning back to her breakfast without another word.

  I opened my mouth to press for more details but shut it as it hit me why she was being so cold. She knew. I made my coffee in silence and she was gone by the time I finished. I walked past her cubicle on the way back to my office, tempted to apologize or at least explain my side of the story. But no matter who told the tale, I was still the backstabbing bitch who climbed on her roommate’s boyfriend. Rather than express my regrets or offer an explanation, I stepped into my office and closed the door behind me. I was more determined than ever to put my plan into action.

  Not a minute later, there was a knock on my door. “Come in.” I grimaced when Michael Goldberg entered, wearing a tacky flamingo-printed tie and a smug look on his face. “Merry Christmas, JB.”

  “Feliz Navidad, Mike. What can I do for you?” I flipped through my desk calendar for my appointments for the week. Anne Marie added all my meetings to the Outlook calendar, but I still liked to use my old-school printed calendar for backup.

  Michael sat in my guest chair uninvited and reclined with his arms clasped behind his head. “No time to chat?”

  I rolled my eyes. “When have you ever come in here to chat?”