‘That was different. And besides, I can’t remember much about it, only what you told me. How do I know you weren’t lying then, too?’ She shook her head. ‘It just won’t work. A marriage should be based on trust and respect and I thought I was the one who’d been dishonest because I lied about my destination, when in fact it was you who … No, go back to Amsterdam. You didn’t want me before when I … well, before this. Now it’s too late.’
Nico swallowed hard, gritting his teeth to stop himself from hurling angry words at her. He’d done his best, but if she didn’t want to be saved, there was nothing more he could do.
‘So be it,’ he said. ‘I hope you enjoy your new life.’
Midori watched him leave with a mixture of anger, despair and longing. Tearing herself away from his kiss was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, but she knew it was the right course of action. She couldn’t marry him, not now.
If only he’d asked before and never brought me here.
But he hadn’t and now she couldn’t be sure anything he said was the truth. There was no denying the attraction between them, as he’d demonstrated so clearly, but she could and would refuse to give in to it completely.
‘I’m samurai. I will not be ruled by emotion,’ she vowed. ‘I will do everything I can to fit in here so that I can once again belong to a family. How hard can it be?’
Surely no worse than anything she’d already been through.
The following morning Midori heard angry voices in the parlour and sat on the stairs, unashamedly eavesdropping.
‘I can’t believe you’re leaving again so soon! You’ve only just got back, after thirteen years. Have you no thought for us? What of your duty to care for me in my old age?’ Aunt Hesketh’s voice was strident and belligerent.
‘How do you know I have so much as a penny to my name?’ Midori heard Nico reply. ‘Unlike your own children, I was left with nothing, remember? And how is it my duty? If you want to be supported, why not ask them?’
Midori had already been told about Nico’s stepsiblings – two brothers in their late twenties who were both clerks, and two slightly younger sisters; one a farmer’s wife, the other married to a clergyman. For some reason they’d all moved to Exeter or somewhere near there.
‘They have families to look after and it’s obvious you’ve made something of yourself.’ Aunt Hesketh sounded defensive. ‘Your clothes are of good quality, if a bit on the ostentatious side.’
‘Perhaps I stole them?’ Nico’s voice was calm and controlled, with a touch of sarcasm, but Midori guessed he was holding his temper in check with difficulty. If what he’d told her the day before was really true, she could understand why he hadn’t wanted to return. Listening to Aunt Hesketh seemed to confirm his words.
‘Now you’re being deliberately provoking.’ Aunt Hesketh sniffed loudly.
‘Well, for your information, I have already given Jacob some money for your keep. You’re right and it shouldn’t have fallen to him to support you. And since my stepsiblings aren’t able or willing to do anything about it, I will, though the Lord knows why …’
‘They do what they can, from time to time.’
‘Be that as it may, it’s all settled.’
‘Better late than never, I suppose.’
‘A simple thank you would do.’ Midori heard the bitterness in Nico’s voice and agreed he had cause to feel that way. Aunt Hesketh was being very trying.
‘Of course I’m grateful, but why must you leave again? Jacob said you’d agreed to let bygones be bygones. This has something to do with that girl, doesn’t it? I can feel it in my bones, she’s a bad influence.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous. I escorted Midori here because she had nowhere else to go. You and Jacob are her family, don’t forget, and you’d better treat her well or else …’
‘I knew it, there is something going on. Why else should you care?’
‘There isn’t.’ Nico’s words came out as if through clenched teeth and Midori held her breath, waiting to see what else he’d say. ‘Midori is a friend, that’s all, and we became acquainted during the journey back. I know she is kind and honourable. She deserves to be treated with respect as your niece, if nothing else. I don’t want to hear any more of the “heathen” nonsense, understand? And don’t think I won’t know, because I will be told, make no mistake. I still have friends here in Plymouth.’
An uncomfortable silence ensued, which was broken by another sniff. ‘Very well. I’m sure the girl won’t be my responsibility, anyway.’
‘Thank Christ for that. Now I need to get down to the ship. Goodbye.’
Midori barely had time to move out of sight before Nico flung open the parlour door and came storming out. He took the stairs down two at a time, sometimes three, and it was obvious he couldn’t leave the house fast enough. Midori stood up slowly, her limbs curiously frozen, and blinked hard to get rid of the prickling of tears in her eyes.
‘I never cry,’ she told herself sternly and drew in a strengthening breath. ‘And he’s not worth anyone’s tears.’ She ignored the little voice inside her head that asked whether she was really sure about that.
Later that afternoon she stood in the small bedroom and rubbed absently at a grimy window pane with the heel of her hand. She looked out towards the harbour. Fishing boats and other sailing vessels of every description and size filled her vision, but the larger ship which had brought her, Nico and Harding from Amsterdam was gone.
She put a hand over her mouth to stifle the cry of anguish that wanted to escape. Despair welled up inside her, but she pushed it down. I will not give in to these emotions. She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the cool glass.
‘Are you all right?’
The small voice behind her made Midori jump and she swivelled round to find her youngest cousin standing by the door, watching her with concern in her eyes.
‘Oh, Temperance, you startled me.’
‘Sorry, but you were deep in thought. Is something wrong? Is Father cross with you? I know he can be a bit harsh …’
‘No, no he’s not.’ Midori turned back to the window and stared into the distance again. ‘I was just thinking of … my friends from the journey. Their ship has gone.’
‘Cousin Nicholas, you mean? Yes, I heard him say it was leaving with the tide.’
‘I know.’ Midori tried to make her tone sound even.
‘Oh, I forgot!’ Temperance put her hand in the pocket of her apron and brought out a somewhat grubby piece of paper. ‘He asked me to give you this, sorry.’
‘Thank you.’ Midori took the note which was addressed to her in bold writing and tried to ignore the sudden quickening of her heartbeat.
Midori,
If you are ever in need of assistance, I beg you will go and find Harding who has promised to help you in any way he can. He lives on the other side of the harbour, in the fourth house on the left facing the quay.
Should you wish to write to me, you know my direction – Keizersgracht canal, Amsterdam.
Yours,
Nicholas Noordholt, formerly Hesketh
Midori balled the missive up in her hand and threw it into the grate. She didn’t think she would need to write to Nico, but even if she did, she wasn’t likely to forget where his house was situated. And his pointed reminder that he had legally changed his name and therefore hadn’t lied about it didn’t help. You still weren’t honest with me, so how could I ever trust you?
The answer was that she couldn’t and she’d been raised to value honour above all else. A man without honour was worse than the eta, the lowest of the low.
This was her life now and she had to accustom herself to it. But as her breathing became more even, Midori wondered where Nico was now and whether she would ever see him again.
Nico stood
by the porthole in his cabin and watched the English coastline sink below the horizon. Inside, he felt numb, as if parts of him were missing, and his thoughts were bleak.
I should never have left her there. She can’t possibly fit in. If she won’t marry me, I should have found another way. The guilt ate away at his insides, gnawing relentlessly, giving him no peace.
He clenched his fists. ‘It was her decision,’ he said out loud.
But they will try to change her. The image of a smiling Midori being beaten into submission by her uncle etched itself on the insides of Nico’s eyelids and he rubbed at them to make it go away.
‘By all that’s holy,’ he muttered, ‘he’s not like that.’ Although Jacob had thrown Nico out of his house in anger once, he hadn’t actually hit him. So there’s no reason to suppose he will beat Midori.
Perhaps he should have stayed longer, tried to find out more about the impending civil war before leaving Midori in Plymouth? How will I know she’s all right?
Ah, but I’m forgetting Midori’s own skills in that department. Surely she was fully capable of defending herself? Any soldier trying to attack her was in for a surprise. He couldn’t help but smile at that thought.
What if she refuses to do as Jacob asks? He leaned his forehead against a windowpane and closed his eyes. There was a wilful streak in Midori, a steely determination which had helped her to get this far, but it could lead her into trouble. ‘I hope she can adapt and accept her circumstances,’ he whispered. They would punish her, if not physically, then through other means. Her lovely hair! A woman who misbehaved could have her hair cut off as punishment, and even the thought of that made Nico cringe. Or what if they throw her out? If Jacob truly was a Puritan, he’d be obsessed with immorality and repress vice wherever possible. A heathen, Midori would not be tolerated.
But she said he’d promised to let her make up her own mind. Would he?
Nico began to pace the small cabin. Should he turn back and wait until he could be sure? No, I can’t afford to lose any more time. He had stayed too long in England as it was; he had to report back to the Heeren XVII in Amsterdam now if he wanted to continue his career with them.
Harding. Nico had asked the man to keep an eye on Midori somehow.
‘I’ll pay you for your trouble, of course.’ Nico had pressed a handful of coins into the old sailor’s palm.
‘No, no, that’s not necessary,’ Harding protested, trying to return the money. ‘I’d be happy to help her any way I can, you know that. Fond of her, so I am.’
‘Well, keep it just in case,’ Nico insisted. ‘You may need it for her.’
Harding agreed to that and promised he’d help Midori if the Marstons threw her out.
‘Send word to me if either of you need assistance, won’t you?’
‘Aye, I swear it. Don’t you fret none, all will be well.’
Nico ground his teeth. He wanted to believe Harding, but it wasn’t ideal. Still, it was the best he could hope for. With a heavy sigh he lay down on his bunk and closed his eyes. He must put Midori out of his mind; she wasn’t his concern any longer.
Chapter Twenty-Three
September 1642
Dear Ichiro,
I am writing to you, as promised, to inform you of my arrival in England. The journey was somewhat eventful, but Captain Noordholt kept me safe. He has now gone back to his home in Holland.
I am slowly adjusting to life here and do my best to please my uncle Marston and two aunts. I am determined to fit in, as we discussed, and apply myself with diligence to learning everything I can, both in regard to religious and domestic matters. I have duties, like helping in the kitchen, not because there is a lack of servants, but because here no member of the household is allowed to be idle. It is a novel experience, but I find I enjoy it and time passes quickly. I have acquired many new skills, such as baking, candle-making and how to make cheese, a staple of the English diet it seems. I think you would like the taste of it – I do.
With my uncle’s help, I now understand the Christian doctrines much better. He has made me see what a wise man Jesus of Nazareth (the son of the Christian god) was and that makes it easier for me to follow his teachings on how to behave. It is all beginning to make sense and Uncle Marston is pleased with my progress, although naturally I still follow Japanese customs (albeit in secret so as not to offend my uncle).
I have a young cousin, Temperance, who is very sweet. She is extremely knowledgeable, despite her tender age, and accomplished in most household duties. I find it much easier to learn from her, since she can be relied upon to explain things in a straightforward manner. In return, I tell her about Japan and our life at Castle Shiroi. She considers this exotic and has an almost insatiable desire for more information. I admit I don’t mind satisfying her curiosity as it helps me to keep the memories alive in my own mind.
I trust you are well, and your wife and the children also. Please write to me if you can.
Your obedient sister, Midori
Midori put down her quill and sighed. She had no idea whether her letters would ever reach Ichiro, although her uncle had said he would try to find a way of forwarding them via the English East India Company’s ships to the Far East. She bit her lip to stop the homesickness from flooding her mind and tried to remain optimistic.
I’m sure my messages will get through somehow.
‘I’m afraid the ships for the Far East don’t leave until earliest January, but if you don’t mind travelling north instead, we have one going to the Baltic next. The captain’s just been taken ill so we need someone to take his place.’
Nico was in the presence of only one of the Heeren XVII this time, which was a lot less intimidating. He hadn’t expected to be given employment immediately, so the man’s proposal was a nice surprise. Nico felt restless and needed something, anything, to do.
‘That would do very well, thank you,’ he assured the director. ‘I’ll go anywhere as long as there is profit involved.’
‘Yes, well, it won’t be as much as for the Far East journeys, but there are valuable cargoes to be found in the Baltic, too.’ The man added with a small smile, ‘Your wife will expect you to return with furs and amber jewellery, I’ve no doubt.’
‘I’m afraid I don’t have a wife.’ Nico tried not to bristle. Why was everyone in the VOC so interested in his marital status?
‘Oh, I beg your pardon, only I thought a man such as yourself would have been snapped up by some lucky lady a long time ago.’
Nico tried to smile at the compliment. ‘No, not yet, but perhaps I’ll purchase some amber just in case.’
‘Good idea. Now here are the details of the journey …’
As Nico was briefed, he tried his best not to think of the only woman he’d ever proposed to. Would she appreciate jewellery and furs? Should he have tried to woo her properly? He doubted it would have made any difference. She placed more value on honour and honesty, neither of which she believed he possessed.
If he ever wanted to win her hand in marriage, he’d have to prove her wrong. But since I don’t, there’s no point thinking about it! Why, then, wouldn’t his mind give him some peace?
The truth was he missed her. And he couldn’t stop thinking about the kisses they’d shared. His body ached at the mere thought of holding her close. He clenched his jaw.
She refused my proposal. She doesn’t want me and there’s an end to it.
He sincerely hoped going to the Baltic would keep him very busy indeed.
‘Do stop dawdling, girl. I haven’t all day, you know.’
‘Coming, Aunt Hesketh.’ Midori followed her aunt into the house, weighed down by the load of produce they had been to buy at the market, while inwardly seething. She wasn’t used to being someone else’s beast of burden and the humid late September weather hadn’t made her task any eas
ier. Not that she would receive any thanks for her efforts. Will anything I do ever find favour with this implacable aunt? The very sight of Midori seemed to anger the woman, and nothing could be done to change that state of affairs, apparently. So much for treating me well, as Nico asked her to do. Nico … No, I mustn’t think of him, he’s gone. But for some reason her mind refused to follow this order.
‘I’m going to lie down for a while. This heat is unbearable,’ Aunt Hesketh declared. Halfway up the stairs she turned back towards Midori. ‘Well, don’t just stand there, take our purchases to the kitchen before they, too, wilt.’
Midori hurried to do her bidding, if only to get out of the woman’s sight. She shook her head. What reason could her aunt possibly have for treating her so badly?
The kitchen contained only her other aunt, and Midori realised that here was a rare opportunity to find out some answers.
‘Aunt Marston, I wonder if I could have a word with you, please?’ she said, while piling all the parcels on to the table.
‘Yes, of course, my dear. What is it?’ Aunt Marston looked a bit like a frightened rabbit, nervously twitching when flushed from its bolt-hole. She always seemed on edge, which was no wonder with a sister-in-law like Aunt Hesketh, Midori thought.
‘Uncle Marston said Mr Hesketh was the man my mother was supposed to have married, the reason she ran away, in fact. Can you tell me what happened, please? Why did my aunt end up with him when she was supposed to have married another?’
‘Er, well, all I know is Kate was forced to accept Hesketh. There were certain circumstances, and … Your grandfather had already signed a marriage contract with him, and as the man was willing to take either daughter … Well, your grandfather could be rather forceful when he chose to be.’ Aunt Marston shivered slightly, as if a memory of the old man scared her. She fiddled with her apron strings. ‘Was that all? I have a lot to attend to this morning, so if you’ll excuse me?’
‘Just one more thing, if you please. I don’t quite understand the enmity Aunt Hesketh seems to harbour towards me. Nothing I do ever pleases her and I’m trying my hardest, really I am.’
The Gilded Fan (Choc Lit) Page 22