Road To Forgiveness

by Cox, Carol

  The doctor might be pleased about the location of the wound, away from any major blood vessels, but he didn’t have to cope with the difficulty it caused Jacob. The bullet entered the side of his upper right thigh and exited just below his hip. Doc might be justified in his pleasure over it not nicking any bones, but Jacob could think of better places for it. Its placement made walking difficult and sitting in a saddle—or nearly anywhere else—impossible.

  Jacob checked his pocket watch, then snapped it shut and replaced it in his vest. Three thirty. The crowd was growing larger by the minute. He wavered at the edge of the street. Maybe he should go to his room and forget the whole thing.

  No. He had to see this through.

  “Came to see us off, did you?”

  Jacob used his cane to pivot around and saw Buckey O’Neill standing before him. The mayor’s dark eyes shone with a sympathetic light.

  “Wouldn’t miss it.” Jacob forced a smile, then dropped all pretense at pleasantries. “Go ahead and swear me in, Buckey. Let me go with you. This thing won’t take long to heal. I’ll be fit for duty before we get on the boat for Cuba.”

  Buckey’s smile dimmed. “If I had my choice, I’d like nothing more than to take you with me, but I can’t.”

  “But you know I intended to sign up the day after this happened.” He gestured at his wounded leg. “I’m practically a part of the group already.”

  Buckey shook his head. “The requirements are that recruits be able-bodied and physically fit for duty, and right now. . .” He nodded at Jacob’s cane. “Regulations. I’m sorry.”

  Jacob’s shoulders sagged. “I know. I just had to try.”

  “You’re right, though. You’ll be back in the saddle in no time.” Buckey’s voice took on a more jovial tone. “I’ll rest better in Cuba, knowing you’re helping to take care of things here at home. You’re a good man, Jacob. I’ll be seeing you soon. It shouldn’t take us more than three months to whip the Spaniards and be home again. One of these days, we’ll be celebrating statehood together.”

  “Buckey!” shouted a man across the grounds. “We’re ready to muster the troops. We need you with your men.”

  Buckey gave Jacob a quick wave and trotted across to where some men stood in a cluster along the north edge of the square.

  Jacob watched the men try to form some semblance of order. All walks of life and manner of dress were represented in the group. They might not look like much of a military unit now, but he knew these men, knew their hearts. With a little training, they’d shape up to be as fine a company as ever served the country.

  A lump swelled in Jacob’s throat. Pride or longing? He couldn’t tell which. He swallowed hard and pushed his way through the jubilant throng. Women stepped aside to let him pass, glancing at him, then his cane, then quickly away. Jacob gritted his teeth.

  He took up a casual stance next to the bandstand, where the Fort Whipple band was in full swing. Might as well look like he was enjoying the music. Not a care in the world, not he. No one would have reason to think he attended the ceremony as anything but a well-wisher, nor suspect the fierce disappointment that burned within him.

  The band music ceased, and the stirring tones of a cornet pierced the air. Jacob turned to look, along with everyone else. A young boy, no more than fourteen, held the instrument to his lips. The plaintive notes drifted over the plaza.

  A man standing in front of Jacob turned to his companion. “Isn’t that the band master’s boy?”

  His friend nodded. “LaGuardia’s been a real boon to Fort Whipple. It’s a shame he’s leaving along with the rest. And this young fellow has his father’s gift for music, that’s for sure. If he keeps it up, he might make a real name for himself someday.”

  While the last notes still hung in the air, the young lad trotted down the bandstand steps. His father nodded at him with obvious pride. Jacob heard him whisper, “Good job, Fiorello,” before taking up his baton and striking up the band again.

  The boy’s shoulders straightened proudly. Jacob watched him walk past, remembering when the prospects for his own future looked just as bright. His lips tightened. Not so long ago, he felt he was on the verge of capturing the rustlers and bringing them to justice; he had found the love of his life; and he planned to march off with the local troops and bring freedom to a captive people. It just goes to show you how everything can change in a heartbeat.

  The men marched out of step to form ragged ranks across the plaza’s north lawn. Jacob clenched his teeth together so hard he could hear them grate. They’re ready to go. And I should be with them.

  Bitterness choked him. They all stood on the same grounds on the same day, but he wasn’t one of their number. And why? Because some bullheaded rancher who didn’t think I was man enough to do my job shot my leg out from under me.

  The crowd stirred and someone jostled his elbow. “Hello there.”

  Hallie Evans smiled up at him, her dark brown eyes shining with pleasure. The sight of her upturned face only added to his black mood. He tried to hold his feelings back. She had come, like the rest, to join in the patriotic fervor and send the able-bodied men on their way.

  He gritted his teeth again. Not even to Hallie would he admit just how raw his feelings were. “So you came to see the troops off, did you?”

  “No.” She pressed closer to him. “I came to see you.”

  Came to see him, a cripple and a failure? Jacob stared at her intently. “Why?”

  Her answer was drowned out by the swell of applause as the governor was introduced. Jacob worked his jaw and tried to focus his attention on the solemn proceedings going on just in front of them.

  He had to settle for trying to look like his attention was focused there. Hallie’s nearness drove all other thoughts from his mind. Jacob nodded and clapped along with the crowd during Governor McCord’s address to the troops. He cheered when the governor presented Buckey with an American flag sewn by the ladies of the Women’s Relief Corps of Phoenix.

  He managed to applaud when Prescott’s city attorney gave the departing mayor a tooled holster and engraved six-shooter and laughed along with the rest when the owner of the Palace Saloon presented the troops with a young mountain lion as a mascot.

  And all the while, his whole being roiled in a tumult that rivaled the upheaval in Cuba. The speech-making droned on. The crowd grew restless, but Jacob felt he could stand there all night, injured leg or no, as long as Hallie stood beside him.

  And yet he stood there as one who could not serve his country or fight alongside comrades he admired. Desolation at being left behind threatened to consume him. He choked back the bitter taste of gall.

  At last the ceremony ended. The band struck up a lively rendition of “Hot Time in the Old Town” and led the way north along Cortez Street to the depot, where a special Santa Fe, Prescott, and Phoenix Railway train awaited them. The new recruits straggled behind them in a ragtag version of a march. The cheering throng trailed along, shouting out exuberant words of encouragement.

  Hallie moved as if to join the crowd, then hesitated. “Do you want to go or. . .”

  He should have known. Jacob shook his head and bit back a hot retort. “Go ahead if you want to.”

  Hallie moved next to him and rested her hand on his arm. She seemed to be searching for words. “I know this is a big disappointment for you, having to see your friends go off together like that. But I look at them all.” She took a deep breath and gestured in the direction the departing troops had taken. “I see how excited they are, but in my heart I know some of them won’t be coming home.”

  She gave him a wobbly smile. “I guess God answers prayers in unusual ways sometimes.”

  In the distance, the band music faded away to be replaced by the sounds of the locomotive building up a head of steam. A chorus of voices took up the refrain “God Be with You Till We Meet Again.” The solemn lyrics floated back to the plaza on the evening air.

  Jacob stood without moving a muscle and st
ared at Hallie. Finally he lifted his cane and held it up between them. “You’re saying you prayed for this to happen?”

  A pink tinge flooded Hallie’s face. “Having my father shoot you was hardly my idea of how to keep you here.” She tilted her chin up in a gesture that reminded him of Catherine when she faced the consequences of some misdeed. “But I have to admit I’m grateful.”

  “Grateful.” He felt an ominous calm settle over him. “Grateful that I’ve been turned into a useless cripple?”

  “Better a cripple than a corpse,” Hallie retorted.

  Jacob stepped away from her. “What makes you so sure I would have gotten killed? I might have come back as an officer. At the very least, I’d know whether I could stand up to the sound of bullets whizzing past me without turning tail and running. I’d know that I’m a man.” His tone grew rough. “And everyone else would know it, too.”

  Hallie spoke in a voice thick with emotion. “I said my prayers were answered, and I meant it, even though I never would have asked for you to be hurt. God really does know what’s best, if you’ll just let Him be in control instead of trying to figure it all out on your own.

  “Why do men have to be so bullheaded and determined to do things their way?” She started to walk away, then looked back over her shoulder. “Don’t you know God cares about you, Jacob? He loves you even more than I do.” She strode away quickly, leaving Jacob standing alone in stunned silence.

  ❧

  Jacob pushed open the door of the Ponderosa Café. “That’s another fine meal,” he called to the proprietor. “I’ll see you again this evening.”

  Stepping outside into the morning sunlight, he ran his finger along the inside of his waistband. If he didn’t get back to work pretty soon, he’d be looking like some portly city slicker before he knew it.

  He strolled along Cortez, still favoring his right leg. He’d seen significant improvement, though. At least he could now walk unassisted. When he’d given up the cane five days ago, he felt like dancing.

  “Jacob? Jacob Garrett!” Lucas Rawlins waved from across the street.

  Jacob limped across to greet him, and the two men exchanged a warm handshake.

  “Good to see you!” Rawlins beamed. “How are you getting along? About ready to pick up where you left off?”

  Jacob shook his head. “Doc says it’ll be at least a few more days.”

  Rawlins’s mustache drooped. “I’m sorry to hear that. It’s been three weeks since you got shot. We hoped you’d be back in the saddle by now.”

  Jacob gritted his teeth. Rawlins couldn’t know how much he’d hoped the same thing. “So did I,” he said mildly. “If that infection hadn’t set in, I would have been back at work a week or so ago. As it is, Doc says I’m lucky it wasn’t any worse.”

  “Mm.” Rawlins chewed on his lower lip. “Things quieted down after that brush you had with the rustlers. We thought maybe you’d spooked them enough to drive them out of the territory, but some of us have started losing stock again.” He gave Jacob a long, measuring look. “I hope you’re up and around again real soon.”

  Jacob watched him stride away. The breakfast he had so recently enjoyed now lay in a congealed mass in his stomach. Did Rawlins think he’d considered his enforced time off some kind of vacation?

  I’d like to tell him what it’s like with nothing but time on your hands. To keep his legs from stiffening up on him, he walked the perimeter of the plaza several times a day. By now, he’d become a familiar figure to the people whose businesses faced the town square. Familiar enough to receive smiles and nods every time he made his circuit. But he hadn’t missed the curious glances, the ones that asked why he wasn’t off with the troops.

  Life had taken on an unfamiliar emptiness. In fact, the town itself felt empty without Buckey. The widely respected mayor’s absence left a rent in the fabric of community life, one that couldn’t be filled by anyone else. Jacob sorely missed being able to drop by Buckey’s office to pass the time of day or exchange the latest news.

  And Buckey wasn’t the only person he missed. Jacob hadn’t seen Hallie since the day he growled at her over near the bandstand. The memory of his ill-tempered behavior made him squirm. He’d lain awake every night since then, remembering her parting words, then wondering if he had imagined them. What was she feeling now? Would she ever want to see him?

  He couldn’t blame her if she didn’t. One brief moment on a moonlit night had turned his world upside down. And all because of the impulsive, shoot-before-you-think actions of her father. If Burke’s ill-conceived attempt to apprehend the rustlers on his own led to the loss of Hallie’s affection. . .

  Jacob started another circuit around the plaza, more to work off his frustration than for the exercise. Speculation was going to drive him round the bend. He had to get out to the Broken Box and find out for himself how Hallie felt. But how was he going to manage that?

  He limped across the square to a sturdy bench and lowered himself carefully, wincing only slightly when his injured leg made contact with the wooden seat. That was an improvement. A week ago, he wouldn’t have thought of sitting on anything harder than a feather pillow, let alone considered trying a saddle.

  A saddle? Where had that idea come from? The more he pondered it, the more his resolve grew. He needed to see Hallie, regardless of the cost.

  He could do it. He pushed himself up off the bench. Painful or not, he had to get out there. He headed toward the livery across the street from the south end of the plaza.

  He would rent a horse and ride out to the Broken Box today. He’d make it, no matter what he had to endure. At the moment, any discomfort he might suffer paled in comparison with his concern over what he would say to Hallie and what her response might be.

  He crossed the street lost in thought. A buggy wheel missed him by bare inches, and a voice called, “Where do you think you’re going?”

  Jolted from his reverie, Jacob looked up to see Hallie perched on the buggy seat. The sight of her brought a wave of pleasure so intense it shocked him. That joy was almost immediately replaced by profound embarrassment when he remembered the churlish way he had behaved at their last meeting.

  Hallie’s lips parted in a wide smile, and light flooded back into Jacob’s soul.

  He spoke before he could lose his nerve, watching for her reaction. “I was planning to rent a horse and come out to pay you a visit.”

  “Oh no, you don’t.” Hallie’s dark braid swung from side to side when she shook her head. “I checked with Dr. Haskins. He told me any riding in a saddle might tear that wound open again.” Her mouth curved in an impish grin. “But he said a buggy ride—on a nice, cushioned seat—might do you a world of good.”

  The light spread into every part of his being. A buggy ride with Hallie? Things were definitely looking up.

  As though taking his hesitation for a refusal, she reached in the back of the buggy and held up a covered basket. “Fried chicken, biscuits, and dried apple pie,” she announced. “We can go for a picnic. If you’re interested, of course.”

  A buggy ride and a picnic? Only his game leg stopped Jacob from breaking into a jig. “I don’t know,” he teased. “I really ought to be trying to get some work done instead of going out for a pleasure ride.”

  Hallie grinned. “That’s what my pa said. He offered to let you use our buggy while you’re having trouble getting around.”

  “He offered?”

  “Well, he did after I reminded him of the reason you couldn’t be out riding.” Hallie’s lips twitched. “I thought maybe you’d want to drive around to some of the ranches after our picnic.”

  Jacob grinned and put his foot up on the buggy step. “Ma’am, you just made yourself a deal.”

  ❧

  Jacob popped the last crumb of Hallie’s flaky piecrust into his mouth and leaned back on one elbow. The edges of the checkered tablecloth she spread out to hold their repast rose, then lowered with every warm puff of breeze. Jacob sighed and str
etched, feeling a sense of utter contentment he’d thought he might never experience again.

  Hallie sat with her back resting against the broad trunk of one of the cottonwoods that dotted the banks of Granite Creek. Above them loomed the massive rock formations of the Granite Dells.

  “I need to apologize for snapping at you the other day,” Jacob said. “It wasn’t easy to watch Buckey and the rest go off without me, but I had no call to take it out on you like that.”

  Hallie’s lips stretched in the gentle smile that never failed to warm his heart. “That’s already part of the past. I’d rather look ahead to the future, wouldn’t you?”

  “I’m not sure.” The words came out without conscious thought on his part. He saw Hallie’s startled look and tried to find a way to explain. “Just about the time I thought I had my future all mapped out, everything fell apart. I was going to put an end to that rustling operation; I was going to serve my country and help set a captive people free.” I was going to ask you to marry me. He held that comment back. How could he even think about a future with Hallie when he’d made such a dismal failure of his present?

  He cleared his throat and went on. “I had all these grand plans built up, and what happened to them? They’ve all turned to dust. I’ve failed at every one.”

  “Failed? Don’t speak to me of failure, Jacob Garrett.” Hallie reached out to him and wrapped her fingers around his hand. “I know you’ve had some bitter disappointments, but don’t lose heart. It isn’t over yet. You’re going to come through this all right, but you need to trust God.”

  Jacob drew his brows together. “Are you saying there’s something wrong with the way I’ve been acting?”

  “I’m saying you need to believe He has your best interests at heart, even if He doesn’t have your life arranged the way you’d like it to be. He knows the direction He wants your life to take. You need to ask Him to show you what it is.” She eyed him solemnly. “For both our sakes.”