Only a Glow

by Nichelle Rae

  After I dried off, I was happy to discover that the smells still floated around me, in my hair and all over my skin. I also noticed my skin and hair never felt so soft or so clean. I felt renewed and almost beautiful. The wonders of Salynnian goods, I thought to myself as I dressed and began to comb my hair. The smile never left my face as I inhaled the aroma of Isadith’s gifts. When I returned to camp, Beldorn had packed up Lómarandil. I found myself less anxious to travel to The Pitt. I actually felt ready for anything!

  “You look radiant, Azrel,” Beldorn said.

  “Thank you,” I replied for once, instead of rolling my eyes at the compliment like I usually did. I felt radiant, too! I hoped this feeling would never go away.

  I felt sick. Night had long fallen as we came to the lush cliffs that towered over The Pitt. My stomach churned, and I wanted to steal the reigns from Beldorn so I could ride away and never return. Unfortunately, he gently urged Lómarandil down the steep, grassy cliff side. I gazed at the land as we slowly descended, but only to take my mind off my stomachache.

  The grassy cliffs formed an oval surrounding the small land. The farthest house against the opposite cliffs wasn’t very far away; I could still make out some details of its texture. All the houses looked very much the same: wicker houses dotted here and there across the lush, thick grass. A waterfall to the right cascaded down the only rocky side of the oval. The waterfall joined with a stream that bisected the land into two parts. The water emptied through a short cave to the left and out into some unknown place. Six bridges spanned the stream to allow easy crossing.

  As we rode through the land, I saw that some buildings were places for farming crops, others for blacksmithing, and some buildings were for selling or trading essentials. Almost all the nearly identical houses had a flower garden. None of the homes were either big or small—just comfortable, simple, varying only in shape.

  Short, gnarled, odd-looking trees I’d never seen before also dotted the land. Some bore fruits, others flowers. No roads were visible, just well-traveled paths worn away here and there by wagon wheels. Some were more worn then others, especially where the wooden bridges met the land on each shore.

  We rode for a while through the small land, mostly toward the waterfall. My heart was beating louder than Lómarandil’s hooves on the ground. Finally, we approached a house that sat within a ten-minute walk of the waterfall. The land behind the house was unoccupied and stretched far, all the way to the wide western cliffs that rose up in the darkness.

  I turned my gaze to the house—the one I would call home for the Light Gods only knew how long. It was built just off a well-worn trail, on top of a small, raised parcel of land. A short flight of eight cobblestone stairs rose from the trail to the house. Beldorn and I walked up them now to the front door. As we approached, all the lights in the house were off.

  “Well, I guess they aren’t home!” I said, trying to get out of this any way possible, sounding ridiculous. “We should come back tomorrow. Or maybe next week, just to be sure they will be home.” I knew I was wasting my breath.

  Beldorn gave me a stern glance over his shoulder then knocked on the door with his staff. My heart seemed to skip a beat with every knock. A light came on inside almost immediately and I heard footsteps near the entrance. My stomach turned and burned with anticipation. I felt like I was going to be sick. My face grew hot with nervous tension, and my heartbeat pounded in my ears and throat. On impulse, I stepped behind Beldorn. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hide for long. If nothing else, my pounding heart would give me away.

  I felt like such a child, so vulnerable to whatever was about to happen. And, okay, I finally admitted it—I was scared. I really didn’t like fear. But worse, I didn’t like not being in control, the feeling of helplessness. What had happened in river was a good example; thrashing around in rushing water and being carried away against my will was the worst feeling a human being could experience. Having my father die, losing my best friend, and being taken to live in an unknown land with a mother I’d never met before—together, it was a lot like being in that river, and I didn’t like it.

  The doorknob rattled, then I heard the door creak open. A soft female voice came from within. “Beldorn! How lovely to see you again.”

  Beldorn bowed slightly, almost revealing me prematurely. “Hello, Priweth.”

  As they exchanged greetings, I kept screaming to myself Run! Run away now! Get away while you can! You don’t have to face rejection! Leave! Just jump on Lómarandil and ride like the wind. Go! Go!

  “Azrel,” Beldorn’s soft voice brought me out of my terrified thoughts of escape. I looked up to see him gazing at me over his shoulder. “Your mother wants to meet you.”

  I swallowed hard and dropped my chin to my chest. Taking a deep breath, I gathered all the courage I had left and stepped out from behind the wizard. Slowly I raised my head to look at my mother.

  She was absolutely stunning! No wonder my father had loved her so much. It had been twenty-five years since he first met her, and she was still radiant. Her thick brown hair was tied up in a knot with loose strands caressing the sides of her face and neck. Her white chemise outlined her perfect figure and danced around her bare feet. I had her blue eyes; in fact, I looked a lot like her, yet my figure wasn’t as graceful. I was more muscular than she was, and taller.

  As soon as her eyes set on me, her legs buckled and she fell to her knees in the doorway. Her chin quivered and she just stared at me with wide eyes for a few moments, tears filling them. I resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably. “Azrel,” she whispered. I saw her throat bob in a swallow. “I’m so happy to see you.”

  After a little nudge from Beldorn’s staff, I took a step toward her. “Hello…Mother,” I said hesitantly. The word mother tumbled out of my mouth awkwardly. I’d never said it to anyone before.

  She held back hysterical sobs as she slowly reached up to take hold of my hand. Gazing down at it, she tenderly caressed my skin as if making sure I was real and solid to her fingers. She looked up at me again and, using the doorframe for support, pushed herself to her feet. Her eyes studied my face for another moment. Then with a cry she threw her arms around me and sobbed into my shoulder. I stood frozen and confused while she trembled against me. Then I lightly placed my hands on her back, feeling very odd at having a stranger hold onto me as if her life depended on it.

  Sensing my apprehension, she pulled away and wiped tears with one of her hands, keeping the other on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to rush anything. I wanted you to get used to this change first, but,” she looked at my face, “I’m so happy to see you.” She placed her elegant hands on my cheeks and scanned my face once, then again. “Oh, I’ve thought about you every single day since...” She tripped on her words. “Well, since you left.” She didn’t want to say “since you were taken away.”

  Smiling gently, she caressed my cheek and the sides of my hair. “Oh, my daughter.” She gazed at my face a little longer, then looked at Beldorn. “Thank you so much for bringing her here safely. Do you have time to come in for tea?”

  Beldorn smiled. “No, thank you, Priweth. I have a long road ahead of me and must be off.”

  “Oh, all right. Thank you, Beldorn,” she said as she placed her arm gently around my shoulders.

  Beldorn bowed slightly again. “Goodbye, Azrel. Until our next meeting.”

  “Goodbye, my friend,” I said, swallowing back tears. “Thank you for all that you’ve done for me.” He smiled at me, then turned and walked back down the cobblestone steps. I watched him mount Lómarandil and ride out of sight.

  I bent to pick up the pack holding all my belongings and then faced my mother, feeling empty and alone at having my friend, my partner for the past fourteen months, just ride away as if we’d meant nothing to each other. Once again, the rug of familiarity was pulled out from under my feet, and I hated it.

  My mother smiled at me, then stepped inside the house. “Come in, please
,” she said. I walked in the front door. A single oil lamp above the doorway glowed softly. It wasn’t very bright, but I could make out the general set-up of this small, simple house.

  Right in front of me was a staircase to the second floor. The hall at the top turned to the right and continued out of sight behind the wall. A cozy living room sat just to the right of the staircase. I took a step toward it and gazed around. A fireplace was in the middle of the back wall, unlit. There was a comfortable-looking couch to the left of that. A short table was in front of the couch, which stood on a lovely woven throw rug. A chair that was hidden in the shadows faced the doorway. To the left of the stairs was a room that I guessed was a kitchen, though it was dark. From the light provided I could make out a dining table surrounded by high-back wooden chairs.

  “Are you hungry or thirsty?” my mother asked, looking rather nervous.

  I shook my head and continued gazing around, taking a few steps toward the living room. My eyes fell again to the chair facing the doorway. I suddenly noticed that a small figure was lying there asleep, curled up in a blanket with its back toward me. Excitement boiled up in my chest as I subconsciously took my pack off my shoulder and set it on the floor.

  “Is that...?” I asked in a breath, not taking my eyes off the sleeping figure.

  I felt my mother’s tension ease a bit. “Yes, that’s Rabryn,” she whispered.

  My heart skipped a beat at the mention of my brother’s name.

  My mother walked past me to the chair. “He wanted to wait up for you,” she said looking at me, “but the poor thing was exhausted.” She smiled, then bent over the chair and gently touched his shoulder. “Rabryn. Rabryn darling.”

  The shadow stirred a bit, then a soft voice asked, “Is she here yet?”

  I couldn’t believe those were the very first words he had to say! A soft feeling touched my heart and warmth grew inside me unlike anything I’d ever felt. He really wanted to see me.

  My mother brushed her hand over his forehead. “Yes, she is.”

  Rabryn sat up suddenly wide awake. “Where?! Where is she?”

  “Right behind you,” my mother replied. Rabryn’s head spun around. My breath caught in my throat, and I nearly collapsed at the sight of his face. He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Completely flawless.

  His were the biggest, brightest pair of blue eyes I’d ever seen. His face, in general, was just indescribable. His light skin was like peach marble, and the shape of it gave him an otherworldly look. His features perfectly proportioned, with lips that were pinker than apple blossoms and cheeks rosier then Isadith’s. His b b rown hair was a mess giving him an innocent look to match his eyes. He was so beautiful.

  I would have run up and hugged him, but he was at me first.

  “Azrel!!!” he cried and ran up to me at full speed.

  I laughed and squatted down as he jumped in my arms, almost knocking me over. I wrapped my arms tightly around him, holding him against me in an airborne hug. He was nine, about the same age Ortheldo was when we first met. My heart sank a bit at the thought of my dear friend, but I kept smiling and hugging my little brother close to me.

  Still grinning, I placed him back on his feet then crouched down in front of him. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, too, Rabryn.”

  He beamed a smile, then pet my hair and my cheek. “You’re so pretty!” Then he inhaled deeply through his nose. “You smell good, too!”

  I laughed. “Why, thank you.”

  He placed his hands on his hips and looked at me questioningly. “So, you’re my big sister, huh?”

  My heart leaped at being called a big sister. “Yes, I am,” I said, squishing his nose with my finger.

  He giggled and brought his hands up to his nose. His eyes then dropped down to the sword that hung at my belt and Isadith’s gift attached to my leg. His arms dropped to his side, and his eyes became a little wide and fearful. “What are those for?” I had to forgive him. He and his people led simple lives. Swords and battle knives were of no use to them, so seeing one of each attached to a woman’s body as if she was ready to charge the frontline must have looked strange to him.

  “Those are for me,” I replied. “I use them to protect myself.”

  “Protect yourself from what?” He seemed genuinely interested, which I found odd. He didn’t need to know about the evils of the world. So, I stood with a smirk on my lips and drew my sword, “From little brothers who attack big sisters with hugs!”

  He let out a rather girlie scream and ran off. I laughed and chased him to the far wall, where he suddenly bent in front of a pile of neatly stacked firewood and picked something up. I laughed out loud when I realized he was holding a hand-crafted wooden sword. In the dim light, I saw him take a battle stance—a pretty good one for a child who had never seen a sword fight before.

  I heard my mother laugh behind us. “Sword fighting is Rabryn’s favorite game,” she said.

  No wonder he seemed sincerely interested in why I needed to protect myself. I’m sure he had a hundred imaginary enemies he protected himself from when he played.

  A challenging smirk spread across his face. “It sure is,” Rabryn said.

  I raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really? Well, have at it, little brother. If I break your sword, I’ll make you a new, improved one,” I said and winked.

  With that, Rabryn swung his sword at me. He fought as any amateur would of course, but I let him play it off for a few minutes to so he could release some energy. After a few minutes, I hewed the tip of his sword off and knocked it out of his hand in the same motion.

  He looked at me with those piercing blue eyes in shock. “You really know how to sword fight?!”

  I smiled proudly and sheathed my sword. “Yes, I do. My father taught me.”

  “Wow!” He ran to our mother and pulled on the front of her nightgown excitedly. “Mama, mama! Can I go outside and play sword fight with Azrel? Please? I’m not tired!”

  My mother giggled, then cupped Rabryn’s face in her hands and kissed his forehead. “You may not be tired, my darling, but I’m sure Azrel is. She’s had a long journey and needs rest. You can play with her tomorrow.”

  Rabryn turned to me. “You’ve traveled very far? How long have you traveled? Will you tell me about it? I’ve never left home, but I’m going to be an explorer someday!”

  I laughed. “I’ve traveled quite a bit, and it will take more than a day to tell you all the places I’ve been to.”

  “Wow!” Rabryn exclaimed again and looked up at our mother. “Can Azrel sleep in my bed tonight, Mama?”

  She kissed his forehead again. “Of course, dear.” She turned him toward the staircase and gave his bottom a little swat. “Now go get in bed.”

  He raced passed me and up the staircase, his bright eyes on me all the time and a wide smile on his face. “Don’t be too long,” he said. “You need your rest.”

  I laughed and shooed him up the stairs. My mother was smiling softly as he disappeared. “I’ll bet my last coin that he keeps you up all night talking.”

  I returned her smile, then glanced down, not really wanting to bring up the subject. “Is my stepfather here?”

  Her eyes became sad and she glanced away. “Yes, he is. He’s upstairs sleeping.” She looked back at me and forced a smile. “He wanted to be awake when you arrived but…well, he’s a hard worker, you see...and he—”

  I interrupted her. “He doesn’t want me here because I’m a reminder of your first love, Gworrent.” I read the truth in her eyes. My mother looked at me pleadingly and pressed her lips together. I smiled. “Mother, if we are going to have a relationship at all, we can’t start out by lying to one another.”

  She chuckled in relief. “Okay,” she nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” She walked toward me and took my hands into hers. “I just didn’t want you to feel you weren’t welcome here.” She rested a hand on my cheek. “You are welcome, my dear, more than you know. Derweldo,” she shrugged a shoulder
, “he just needs to adjust. I chose not to wake him because I wanted you to feel somewhat comfortable coming into this home.”

  I nodded. “Thank you, but I don’t want you to think you have to protect me. I was taught to protect myself very well. If Derweldo won’t accept me, that’s up to him.”

  “He will accept you. He’ll learn to love you, just as I do.” She paused and pulled me into a hug. “Oh, my daughter, I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’re with me again.” She held me a moment, then pulled back and looked at me. “It’s been over twenty years and you’ve grown up so beautifully. Gworrent did such a marvelous job, not that I would expect any less from him.” She smiled. “I’d really love to talk to you about...well, about your father and your upbringing. Your life, basically,” she gently chuckled. “How is your father?”

  I looked down and swallowed passed the lump in my throat. Why didn’t Beldorn tell her? “He died,” I said heavily.

  “Oh, dear Gods,” she squeaked, bringing her hands to her mouth. “I’m so sorry, darling,” she breathed, placing her hands on my shoulders. “After twenty years, I can’t imagine how you feel. Goodness knows I wanted to die when he left The Pitt, and I’d only known him for four years.”

  I nodded. “He was a wonderful man, teacher and father.”

  “I wish things hadn’t turned out the way they did. I loved your father greatly.”

  “He loved you very much, as well.”

  She smiled and looked at the floor, and I could practically see the memories of her time with him passing through her eyes. After a moment, she finally looked at me with a sad smile. “I know I can’t replace the twenty years you had with your father, but I’m hoping you could learn to love me just as much.” Her eyes glazed over. “I love you, Azrel. I do. I never stopped. You are my first baby girl.” Two tears fell down her cheeks, and she shook her head. “I wish I could have seen you growing up.” She took my hands again. “Will you give me that chance, Azrel, my daughter? A chance to be your mother? Allow me do what I can to make up the long years I’ve missed with you? Years I will regret for the rest of my days.”