Circus of the Dead: Book 4

by Kimberly Loth

  He rolls over, and Raptor curls up into his side. They were all Benny’s birds before they were mine, but I thought Raptor had more loyalty than that. He probably can’t see me. But it’s annoying that even my beloved pet, who I did not kill when I had the chance, abandoned me. Just when I thought I had people who love and support me, everything is ripped out from under me.

  All because of Lorena.

  I watch them for a few minutes. I don’t know why. I should leave. I wish I could steal Benny’s calm, even breaths right away from him. This isn’t fair.

  This is my own freaking home, and I can’t stay here. What else will Benny steal away from me if he gets the chance?

  I hate him.

  I storm out of the boat and head back to Lorena’s. I have no idea what I’m going to do when I get there. It takes me no time at all to float down the path and through the walls to her boat. I sit on a chair at the table, and I’m curious, for a second, why I do that.

  I don’t need to sit. In fact, it feels a little silly to sit. But I do it anyway. Being dead is weird. I still behave like I did when I was alive, but I don’t have to. I don’t get tired. This is so weird. The eternity in front of me seems so vast.

  I pick up the contract I signed, the one that ruined everything, and read it again. Lorena really messed with me. She must truly hate my guts.

  Sure, she had a purpose when she made the deal. She wanted off the island, but why did she have to do it in such a brutal way?

  She killed Juliette, Maddie, and Luke. She might have somehow made it so I would find out Luke was my father, and she was my mother at the right moment. She controlled Samuel so well. She made him love and hate me at the same time. She probably even orchestrated everything leading to the moment kill him. The whole thing makes me sick. Though, according to others on the island, Samuel was never a good person. Maybe he was though. Maybe it was just Lorena working through him that was evil.

  He’s dead-dead though, and so I’ll never be able to ask him.

  Oh, that woman is going to pay.

  Sure. I’m a ghost, and I have no means of leaving the island. But before I died, I was both a powerful Obeah and an ancestral witch. I may have zero answers now, but at some point, I will kill her. I have forever to figure it out.

  My heart clenches. Benny.

  Did he ever really love me? Or was this some long con between him and Lorena? He could’ve killed me many times over, but he didn’t. He waited until I signed that stupid contract because he was somehow in it with her.

  I hate this.

  I feel so betrayed in so many ways. But mostly by Benny. He wanted his life back, and Lorena gave it to him.

  I hate her.

  I hate him.

  I hate everyone.

  Funny how a few days ago, I was relieved that I had people who loved me and would help me figure out how to end the island so everyone could have their happily ever after.

  Now I don’t give a damn about a single one of them.

  I will have my revenge on Lorena, and I’ll do it all by myself because I can’t trust anyone else.

  Benny talks like I’ll forgive him. That will never happen.

  I want to tear this stupid contract to shreds. No. I want to go back in time and never have signed it in the first place. Further than that. I want to go back to a time where I never heard of this forsaken place. I want Maddie to be alive and to be back on those waves, completely oblivious that horrible places like this even exist.

  I flee Lorena’s boat. I don’t even know where I’m going. I race around the island, going faster and faster. I don’t get dizzy or sick. I just fly. Around and around. Everything is a blur—a glowing green one. I’ve only been dead less than forty-eight hours, and already, I feel the horror of being stuck.

  Eventually, I stop near the big cats.

  Luke is my father. If anyone is still loyal to me, it’d be him.

  Though, maybe not.

  Lorena is my mother, and she killed me.

  But I have to have someone to support me. I’ll go mad if I try to do everything by myself.

  Luke sits on a bench and stares at Fiona. I sit next to him, and he puts an arm around me and pulls me into him. I instantly feel a little better. One good thing about being dead is that he doesn’t smell anymore.

  “I did everything I could to prevent this outcome.” Luke shakes his head. “I sent you away. I tried everything to get you off the island. And yet, she still killed you.”

  “Why me?”

  “You know that already. You were her ticket off the island. The only thing that mattered to Lorena was her freedom. It consumed her.”

  I stare down at my hands. I feel like I don’t understand anything. “I get that part. But why did she kill Juliette? And you? And Maddie? Well, Maddie, I get. She needed leverage.”

  Luke sighs. “Maybe her own mother didn’t love her when she was a child. She never talked to me about her past. She’s twisted and demented. She saw you as her enemy, so she made sure you suffered. I don’t know why.”

  I clench my fists. “She’s my mother.” What kind of mother does that to her own child? Mothers love their children.

  “I’m sorry. If I’d known what kind of woman she was, I would’ve never fallen for her, but she kept her vileness buried, always using other people. I resented Samuel so much. But he wasn’t the evil one. She was.”

  My voice catches in my throat. “I feel so bad for the things I did to Samuel.”

  “You only did what you could with the knowledge you had. Don’t feel bad about that. It’s on Lorena’s head, not yours.” Luke stands up and paces in front of me. “I wish I could change things.”

  I lean back on the bench and watch Bob chase a fly in his cage. “You and me both. I’ve felt helpless a lot since I’ve come here, but never more than now. She’s gone. How do you fight an enemy you can’t even reach?”

  His shoulders fall. “I hate to say this, but you might want to accept it. Learn to love the island. Get to know the ghosts. See what you can do about stopping the deaths, but I don’t think you’ll ever be able to leave.”

  I clench my teeth. This has always been Luke’s solution. Just learn to live with it. But I’m not one to accept my fate. Though, trying to change everything might be what got me into this mess, to begin with.

  “I won’t do that. I will not be stuck here forever. I will find a way to get off this island. And when I do, I’m going after Lorena, and she’s going to regret all of this.”

  He shakes his head and frowns.

  “I figured you’d say that, but I had to try. Lorena won’t go down without a fight, and you could end up worse than you are now.”

  “It can’t get worse than this.”

  I should know better than to say that. Things can always get worse.

  I leave Luke and go sit on my porch. I miss my own house, but I can’t even hang out in it because Benny is in there, and I don’t want to see his stupid face.

  Without warning, Juliette pops up in front of me.

  “Figured you’d be here. You already miss being alive?”

  I nod. “How’s Maddie?” I ask, a little ashamed that I forgot about her in my agony over Benny.

  Juliette gives me a massive grin, and I let out a sigh of relief. At least that went right.

  “Alive and well. I had to search for the little turd. She was already out on the waves, surfing.”

  My chest swells, and I have to fight back tears. She’s okay. Nothing else should matter. If she’s alive, then all of this is worth it.

  “Did you hang out for a bit? What does she remember of being here?”

  Juliette shrugs. “I don’t know. She surfed, chatted with a few friends, and kissed a boy named Dylan. When she went home, she ate dinner with your parents. They didn’t mention anything about her being gone, and your name never once came up.”

  That stings a bit, but I can handle them not talking about me. Maybe the spell Lorena cast makes Maddie forget all abou
t me. Or maybe she just isn’t talking about it. Maybe she doesn’t even remember what happened. That would be the most merciful.

  Lorena has never been merciful though.

  I stare at the skull.

  Again.

  I spend far too much time out here with it, but this is where the magic of the island resides, so I want to know how I can end it. That is my new goal. Destroy the island. Then once I’m free, I’ll hunt down Lorena and destroy her.

  But I can’t seem to do anything to the skull, so I just stare at it.

  It sure beats staring at Benny. I could hang with Juliette, but she leaves the island most of the time. Luke is fine, but he’s perpetually depressed and just likes watching his cats.

  Who knew being a ghost would be torture by boredom.

  Maybe I can blow the skull up. Worth a shot.

  I concentrate on conjuring fire, but nothing happens. I stare at my hands and try again. This is the easiest spell I’ve ever done. I can conjure fire with my eyes closed.

  Nothing.

  Oh, my word. My magic doesn’t work as a ghost. I’ll have to wait until I’m corporeal. But getting here then will be difficult.

  Holy flip.

  What if my magic is gone? What if I can’t cast spells anymore?

  I let out a sigh.

  No. Lorena did magic all the time.

  But she is alive. I’m a ghost.

  Juliette pops up next to me. “Why are you here again?”

  I nudge her shoulder. “Because you keep abandoning me.”

  She shrugs. “This island is boring.”

  “You’re telling me.”

  “You didn’t answer my question. It’s not like you can have a conversation with Reken or anything. He’s a glowing green, completely inanimate skull.”

  “What’s up?” I ask, not taking my eyes off Reken. I keep waiting for him to do something. Anything.

  “It’s just that. Well. I was wondering who you are sending on for the full moon.”

  I look at her, confused. “What are you talking about?”

  “You’re in charge, right? You get to decide who moves on.”

  I gape at her for a second. “I have no idea. Maybe I don’t decide at all.” I point to the skull. “Maybe Reken decides for me.”

  She shakes her head. “No. Lorena always chose. We didn’t know that until you figured out that it was her controlling the island. But the last person made a deal with Lorena so she could move on. I want to make sure you aren’t sending me on or something.”

  I give a nervous laugh. “Come on, Jules, I would never do that. I’ll send Greg on. He wants to go.”

  She lets out a breath. “Oh, thank goodness. Okay.”

  “You didn’t really think I’d send you on, did you?”

  She shakes her head. “But I did worry about Victor.”

  I give her a look. “Maybe I should send him on instead. Good idea.”

  She scowls and me, and I laugh.

  Chapter Five

  The night of the full moon arrives, but I don’t know how this works. I tried to do some research, but nothing I read gave me any hints. Though none of the books talked about the glowing lines on my hands either. A ghost would move on tonight, but I didn’t know who or how.

  I hate feeling inept, but that’s basically how I’ve felt since this all began. I wish I knew, if I don’t choose, whether it is done randomly. I hope not. I don’t want Juliette or Luke accidentally moving on.

  I stand on the docks where the ferryboats will bring unsuspecting circus guests. Tonight I have to do my circus duties. I’ll open the show with fire and act like everything is normal even though it’s not. I’m not sure why I have to. I guess I don’t. But it feels like I should.

  I ask Juliette to fetch my costume so I don’t have to talk to Benny, and I’ll change in the big top. Tonight Benny will try to talk to me if his mutterings in my boat are any indication. He’ll be lucky if I don’t kick his ass when I see him. I might.

  The moon crests the trees, and my palms burn. I open them up. The strings glow pink now, and I get it. I have to choose. This should be easy. The anxiety seeps out of my shoulders. I can do this. I worried about nothing.

  But wait.

  How do I know which string represents who?

  I don’t want to accidentally choose Juliette or Luke, but I have no idea which ones represent which ghosts.

  I have to physically choose one, and I don’t want to choose anyone.

  My palms ache. I have to choose someone. I take a deep breath and tentatively pick one, hoping against hope I didn’t send away an ally.

  The strings turn back to green.

  “Show me Juliette,” I say. And all but one string disappears.

  “Show me Luke.” Again, all the others disappear.

  I still have my friends.

  I let out a sigh of relief.

  Tonight, no one dies. This is good. It gives me time to figure out how to control all of this. With any luck, by the time the new moon comes along, I’ll know exactly how to prevent the ghosts from killing.

  I do my show to tumultuous applause then chat with Juliette for a little bit. She wants to hunt down Victor, so I head for the big cats to hang with Luke. He’s no fun as a ghost, but when he’s human, he’s better. I’m almost there when someone grabs my hand.

  Benny stands there with a stupid grin on his face. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

  I rip my hand out of his. “Why?”

  Hurt crosses his features. “Why? Because I love you.”

  I get right up in his face. “I’m dead, and you’re alive. And guess what. I’m the reason you’re alive. Can you see why I’m hurt and pissed and will never, ever forgive you?”

  He stands there for a beat like he can’t process what I said.

  “It’s not my fault Lorena used us. I didn’t want to kill you. I don’t want to be alive. Especially without you.”

  “I don’t believe you.” I spin and stalk away from him. He catches me by the wrist, but I jerk away. “I don’t think you get it. I don’t want to talk to you. Go away.”

  “No. I don’t know what made you change your mind, but I won’t let you hate me for something I didn’t do.”

  I can’t believe he’s being so naïve. “You didn’t do? Did you hold the knife that went straight into my heart? Because that’s what I felt.”

  “But I didn’t want to.” He reaches for me, but I back away.

  “How many times did you resist this urge in the past? Five, six. And you couldn’t that night?”

  He grips his hair. “No. I couldn’t. It was as if an invisible force was pushing against my hand. I could tell what was happening, but I didn’t want to. You have to believe me.”

  “I don’t. Not after what you did.” I stalk closer to him, piercing his sad eyes with my pupils on fire.

  “You were the one who turned me against Samuel. You were the one who reassured me about Juliette. You were the one who led the pack to kill Maddie.

  “Everything we’ve had… it’s been a lie. You’ve been on Lorena’s team since before I arrived. You did all this so you could get your life back.” I grip the edge of my shirt. “Well, congratulations, you got it. But I won’t be fooled anymore.”

  He reaches out, wraps his arm around my waist, and pulls me tightly against him. I squirm, but he holds me. I can’t believe he doesn’t get it.

  “Listen to me. I love you and only you. If I could trade places with you, I would. I don’t know what I can say to prove to you how I feel. But maybe this will help.”

  He presses his lips against mine, and for a millisecond, I forget that I’m supposed to be angry, and I lose myself in the kiss. But my true feelings come roaring back. I slap him across the face, my hand stinging. He lets go, hurt in his eyes.

  “Stay away from me,” I growl and storm away.

  Anger rages in my heart. I don’t know where to go, but I don’t want to see anyone. What I want to do is make someo
ne pay. I have hit my breaking point and can’t take it anymore.

  As soon as the sun rises, I head for the heart of the island. I find that glowing skull, and I yell.

  “This is all your fault. I have loved and hurt because of some stupid magic you hold. We’re all trapped here because of something Lorena did to set you up.”

  I kick the jaw, and though it hurts, it’s also incredibly satisfying. I hit and kick it more.

  “I wish you would disappear. That all of this would go away. I want to go home. I want to forget I ever loved Benny. I want to forget that my mother is a murderous witch. I want to forget that I watched my sister die. This is so messed up and sick.”

  The sky behind me lightens. The sun is about to rise. Good riddance. Then Benny won’t be able to see me, and I can avoid him.

  I push at the skull, but it doesn’t move. “How come you won’t do anything? You breathed that stupid green light on me before.”

  The sun crests over the trees, and I turn to look at it. My body feels suddenly different, and I know I’m a ghost once again. The skull moves, and I stumble away.

  It hangs in the air above me and pulses with the green light. Its eerie gaping eyes stare right at me.

  Its jaw opens, and I prepare myself for another blast of green light, but it doesn’t come.

  “Hello, Callie. I’ve been waiting to speak with you.”

  Holy crap.

  It talks.

  And it knows my name.

  Chapter Six

  Part of me wants to run, and another part of me is fascinated, so I stand there like a dumbass and don’t say a word. The skull waits and doesn’t move. My palms itch, and I look down. They are glowing brighter than normal, but still green.

  I take a deep breath and inhale the wet, swampy air. That’s new. Usually, as a ghost, I can’t feel the air. I look straight into the skull’s eyehole. It has no expression. Is it alive? Maybe I imagined it talking to me. Yeah, that’s it. I’m losing it in my anger.

  But it stares at me like it’s waiting. For what? Probably for me to talk back to it. But what do I say to a creepy skull?