by AmyJ
With such weather, Elizabeth was not surprised when she received a message
from Netherfield stating Georgiana would be unable to accompany her on her
deliveries. In truth, the mist had caused Elizabeth to even consider postponing the visits. However, recalling the dire need of one of the families, she knew the errands could not be put off.
It was late morning when Elizabeth returned to the house. As she was divesting her damp pelisse, she was informed by Mrs. Hill that Charlotte Lucas was
waiting for her in the sitting room.
"Lizzy!" Charlotte greeted.
"Charlotte! What a pleasant surprise!"
"I have been waiting to tell you my news. I did not want you to hear it from anyone but me." She waited long enough for Elizabeth to take up some tea and find a seat. "I am engaged, Lizzy!"
Elizabeth's eyes widened, and she nearly spilled her tea. "Engaged?"
"Yes. To Mr. Collins."
"Are you out of your mind, Charlotte?" Her tea cup clinked from her abrupt movements. "He is the most insensible man of my acquaintance!"
Charlotte scolded her friend. "I would remind you, Lizzy, he is to be my husband. I am aware of his shortcomings, but I am of an age where I must
think of my future. Marriage is the only provision for us well-educated young women of small fortune, and however uncertain of giving happiness, it must be their pleasantest preservative from want."
Unsure of what to say, Elizabeth simply stared at Charlotte. There was truth to what her friend said, yet the price for this security was so high! Swallowing her indignation for her friend, she turned a polite smile. "If you are certain what you are about, Charlotte, then I shall be happy for you and wish you joy."
"Lizzy, I know you do not esteem Mr. Collins, but I am not like you; I have never entertained romantic fantasies. I have no other prospects and no hope for any. Mr. Collins will provide for me, and therefore, I will be content."
Elizabeth nodded slowly in acceptance. She stood and hugged her friend and
murmured congratulations with as much sincerity as she could muster. Her
friend had based her decision on necessity, not happiness. She had made a
decision that would ensure a roof over her head and food in her
stomach. Sometimes that must be enough, she thought grimly.
"You are not angry?" Charlotte asked tentatively. "I understand Mr. Collins first made an offer to you."
"And I refused him. I can not begrudge him for finding another."
The two chatted a while longer, discussing the timing of the marriage and
details of the wedding. Elizabeth was grateful to learn Charlotte had asked Maria to stand up with her; she was not certain she could have held that office.
It was one thing to wish a friend happiness in marriage, it was quite another to stand witness and condone it.
That same day at Netherfield, Darcy was alone in the library reviewing his
correspondence. While the dreary weather had prevented him from riding that morning, it had also given him an excuse not to visit Longbourn. While
normally he had no objections to seeing Elizabeth, he was not ready to explain his odd behaviour of the previous day; nor was he ready to spend any amount of time in her presence. Before he did that, he needed to come to a decision.
At seeing a letter from his friend Lord Blakeslee, he set the others aside.
Darcy,
So Bingley is to join the ranks of the gentry. Mark my words, he will send his steward running, if only from frustration in trying to read
his instructions without a cipher. You have your work cut out for you.
‘ Tis a pity you missed the shooting. Fowl was good this year, though
as always I had to suffer the rumblings of Lord ______. The man
would have us still back in the Stone Age if it were up to him.
Thank goodness Chandler and Brisbay did not desert this year. With
both you and Woodall missing, I may have been tempted to hole up
in a covey myself.
Mother was at her usual matchmaking schemes. This year it was to
be Lady Greene. On that subject, Lady Brisbay, and Miss Ringwald,
have all expressed their regret with your absence.
I must thank you for that stroll down memory lane. You had me quite
in stitches over the reminder of Miss Elizabeth Bennet. I believe
Mother thought me fit for Bedlam. I must own to some intrigue
though. How is it that Bingley's estate happened to be not only the
same county, but also the same town as Miss Bennet? I know
perfectly well that Bingley does not change the knot of his cravat
without your approval. I begin to think there is more to this lady than you have let on.
I will be in London until the beginning of December, and then on to
Trentholm until after the holidays. If you can pull yourself away from
your Miss Bennet to spend a day in London before then, send your
card around.
My best to you and yours.
Wesley
Darcy re-read the letter again -- particularly the fifth paragraph. It was written innocently, but was far from innocuous. Wesley had no way of knowing that he had spent some hours last night pondering ‘this lady.' Yet, somehow his friend had managed to connect him with Elizabeth, even before he had.
He threw the letter to the wayside. He was tired from thinking about marriage and Elizabeth. The two together seemed absurd. At the same time, the more he thought about it, the more the idea appealed to him. If he must submit to a marriage of convenience, who better than Elizabeth? Her intentions were not mercenary. She cared about Georgiana and him. They were friends, and had
never tired of each other. In many ways, she was what he had always wanted in a wife.
Yet, he was not attracted to her. And, as much as he enjoyed her company, he could not ask her to give up her chances for a loving marriage. He could not ask her to suffer the same lot as he, simply because it would make his life easier. He respected and cared for her too much.
However, despite his self protestations of it being selfish and unfair, and the reasons why they should not marry, he could not make himself forget the idea.
Chapter Ten
Darcy exited Netherfield to find Achilles saddled and waiting for his morning ride. Despite whatever faults Bingley may have as a landlord, no one could
complain about his treatment of his guests.
As he had the past few mornings, he mounted Achilles and immediately
spurred him into a gallop. He was agitated. Despite his efforts not to entertain thoughts of marriage to Elizabeth, the idea would not die. Even in his sleep, the idea lingered. In fact, that was the reason for his particularly perturbed mood today.
He had been startled awake by a dream. It began innocently enough; he and a young Elizabeth were running around the grounds of Pemberley as they often
did. He had Elizabeth's bonnet in hand, and he was taunting her with it. It was after she reclaimed her bonnet that the dream took an unexpected turn.
Suddenly, in front of his own grown person, stood the present Elizabeth; her hair blowing gently in the wind, her face flush, and her eyes bright from the exercise. He felt drawn to her. Before he could stop himself, he was reaching for her, and his lips were making aim for hers. That was when he awoke.
While the dream had been disconcerting, even more disturbing was the feeling of loss he felt finding his arms empty.
After a punishing ride, he found himself near Oakham Mount. The sky was
ablaze with the morning sun, and the morning mist was lifting from the ground.
The elevated position promised a fine prospect. Previous such mornings had
taught him the vantage point always showed Hertfordshire at its best.
When he arrived, he was surprised and not a little distressed to see Elizabeth a
lready sitting there. He had not come to any decision, and the turmoil caused by last night's dream was still fresh. Seeing the chimera of his consternation in front of him did not bode well for his agitation.
Ever since his epiphany at Longbourn, he had avoided Elizabeth. He had even rebuffed Georgiana's requests to call at Longbourn in an effort to avoid
Elizabeth's company. Now, quite by accident, she was there in front of him.
"Fizzy!" she greeted warmly.
Darcy could not help but smile. "Li'l Beth. How are you?"
Elizabeth moved towards one end of the log she was sitting upon, making room for him. "Enjoying the scenery. Is it not magnificent?"
Darcy said nothing. Instead, he paced nervously for a few moments. Finally, he took a deep breath and sat. He knew if he did not she would know something
was amiss. He searched for something to say, but the only topic that came to him was marriage.
In three days of arguments with himself, he had only come up two reasons why they should not marry; the first being because they were not attracted to each other, the second being the displeasure of his family.
Six months ago, that would have been reason enough. Now, when compared to
his alternatives, both reasons seemed inconsequential. It was driving him mad!
"What is wrong, Fizzy?" Elizabeth said, startling him.
Darcy froze. How had she known something was wrong? Mastering his
appearance, he calmly said, "Nothing. I was only enjoying the tranquillity."
"Well, if you grind your toe any further into the ground, there will be a hole big enough to break your ankle." She looked pointedly at this boots, that even now were working a patch of black earth.
Darcy looked down and grimaced inwardly. Unable to stop his nervous
movements, he stood and began pacing again. Silence hung for several
minutes. "What would you say if I asked you to marry me?" he suddenly blurted out. He immediately dropped his eyes to the ground and kicked at a few fallen leaves.
It was Elizabeth's turn to be caught off guard. For a few minutes she only
stared at him, uncertain she had heard him correctly. Then, with a scrunched up brow, she cocked her head sideways. "Are you serious?"
Finally, daring to look at his friend, Darcy nodded. Seeing her shocked
expression, he quickly took a seat next to her and unconsciously took her hands in his. "Li'l Beth, please hear me out. I know this took you by surprise, but I am perfectly serious. I need to marry. I have known you nearly my whole life. I trust you, I am comfortable around you." He stood with his back to her, unable to look at her any longer. "Georgiana needs a sister and I ..." He let the words die. He did not want to admit he was lonely. He rarely admitted that to himself.
Turning to face her, he started again. "I have resigned myself to a marriage of convenience. By marrying you, I would at least have the comfort of knowing I can be friends with my wife and that I can trust her with Georgiana and
Pemberley."
Elizabeth sat mutely, trying to formulate the barrage of thoughts and emotions into words. After watching her mouth open and then close again several times, Darcy took a seat next to her. He knew he had blindsided her with this, and she would need time to think, so he said nothing. Finally, she looked at him.
Slowly, still unsure of her words, she said, "Fizzy, I am flattered, but surely you can find a woman more... qualified. One who can at least offer you a
substantial dowry. You know I have a very small one, and no connections. I
have never had a London season, and..."
As if answering himself, as he had several times the last few days, he
interrupted, "Perhaps. But I could never be sure of their intentions. Most of the women of the ton are like Miss Bingley - though some at least try to hide it."
Elizabeth smirked, remembering Miss Bingley's antics while she was at
Netherfield. "Fizzy, you have plenty of time to find a wife. Unlike us women, you have the luxury of never being considered ‘on the shelf.'"
Darcy sighed heavily. He could count on two hands the number of people who
knew of his situation. Lord and Lady Matlock, Richard, Stephen, Lady
Catherine, his cousin Anne, and himself. He had never dreamed of telling
anyone else, yet he knew he had to tell Elizabeth.
"I no longer have the luxury of time," he murmured. Then in a more conversational tone, he added, "One of the consequences of the Ramsgate incident was a promise to my family I would announce my engagement by the
end of the next season. It is my family's opinion that if Georgiana had had a sister, the whole scandal could have been avoided." He stood and began pacing again. "Georgiana does need a sister, but one who cares about her. One she trusts and can confide in."
Elizabeth listened, her eyes wide. She was incensed at his family for putting such blame and pressure on him. "I can not comprehend they believe that you marrying under a time restriction would help matters any. It is more likely to get you married to some inane empty-headed fool; and then where will
Georgiana be?"
As if not hearing her words, he explained quietly, "They are going to petition her guardianship be turned over to Stephen, Lord Langford, and his wife if I do not marry." He dropped down next to her again, anguish etched into his face.
"Langford is a good man, but she is all I have left."
Elizabeth put a comforting hand on his arm. "I am so sorry, Fizzy." After a moment of silence she said, "Lord or Lady Langford would not have stopped it as you did."
Darcy smiled weakly at her confidence in him. "I agree with you. My own interference was sheer luck. But it is done, and I have given my word. If I am not engaged by the end of the season, my engagement to my cousin Anne will
be announced." He let out a disgusted snort. "This whole idea stems from Lady Catherine's wish that Anne and I wed. The incident with Georgiana only served as a platform to press her cause. Somehow during all this, my uncle got it into his head that the reason I was not already wed was because I was not looking. I believe he supported Lady Catherine's idea, only hoping to push me to start seriously considering marriage." He let out an exasperated sigh. "I suppose I
should feel grateful to the earl that I have a whole season to find a wife. None the less, I gave my word as a gentleman, and I will not go back on it.
"Li'l Beth, I do not want to marry Anne. She is dour and sickly. She spends her days contemplating her current ailments and what illness will cause her death.
She could never be a friend to either me or Georgiana. I know I ask a lot of you, but I have thought about this, and little else, these last few days. I think it could work to both our benefits."
"Is this why you paid some attentions to Miss Bingley?"
Darcy rolled his eyes at the reminder. "I thought perhaps she might improve upon closer acquaintance." He tried to hide a smirk but was not entirely successful. "I was incorrect."
Elizabeth let out a light laugh. Slowly, understanding dawned. She noticed
Darcy watching her intently and realized he was still waiting for an answer to his original question.
"But we do not love each other," Elizabeth protested, a bit stronger than she intended.
Darcy winced. He dropped his hands to his lap and shook his head. "No; not as a man and wife. But we care for each other, and respect each other. Maybe that is enough. Maybe it will develop into something more, given time."
"Have you discussed this with Georgiana?" Elizabeth retorted, grasping at straws. It was obvious he had given the idea a lot of thought, an advantage she did not particular care for.
Darcy chuckled. "I am certain that if Georgiana had her way, we would be married tomorrow." He became serious once again. "But no. I have not, nor do I intend to. If she knew I was being forced into marriage, she would never
forgive herself."
"I will not speak of it to her."
"Doe
s this mean you will agree?" He stared at her, hopeful.
Elizabeth stood and began picking apart a leaf she had torn from a nearby tree.
"What about the rest of your family? Surely they will not be pleased by your choice. They must expect you to marry someone of your own social standing."
"Lady Catherine will not be at all pleased; she has been determined I will marry Anne since I was born. My uncle... he will certainly be surprised." He turned to her and said solemnly. "But it is my decision. My uncle has agreed to support my decision."
"Even if I were a servant girl?" Elizabeth quipped, unable to help herself.
Darcy laughed. "He would be less pleased, but yes, even if you were a servant girl. He also gave his word as a gentleman."
"But you need an heir. That would mean we would..." She blushed furiously and turned away.
Suddenly the image of her from his dream appeared before him. "Yes," he answered with a swallow. He forcefully pushed away such thoughts. "I need an heir." Then quickly added, "But we are young. There is time for that. We would not have to do anything until we were both comfortable with the idea. "
When Elizabeth was able to look at him again, she was pleased to see Darcy
covered in a dark shade of scarlet. She nodded, once again deep in thought. She had always thought she would marry only for love, but she could not
immediately dismiss the offer in front of her. Such a marriage would mean
security for not only herself, but her family. She had refused Collins out of the sheer absurdity of residing under the same roof as the man. But she could not say the same about Darcy. He was a friend, a good friend at that.
Charlotte's words, when she announced her engagement to Mr. Collins, came
back to her. Marriage is the only provision for us well-educated young women of small fortune, and however uncertain of giving happiness, it must be their pleasantest preservative from want. She remembered how cynical those words had sounded to her then. Now, she was beginning to see the wisdom in them.
"You would take care of my family, should something happen to my father?"
"Yes. They would fall under my protection. I would see they had a house, servants, and an allowance."
Elizabeth nodded slowly. How could she not say yes to such a generous offer?