Whiskey in a Teacup

by Reese Witherspoon

  For my wedding, a dear friend gave me a pair of engraved brass horseshoes with my wedding date on them that I thought were so clever and that I treasure. When I need to give a wedding present, I’m not usually that creative. In fact, I always give the same thing: a cake plate. Always, always. Because you know what? Cake plates remind you of fun times and good things. No one is depressed when they see a cake plate. A cake is happiness. With frosting on top.

  CHAPTER 6

  Bluegrass Forever

  Being from Nashville, I grew up surrounded by music. The entertainment at our school functions wouldn’t be some random garage band but rather famous country singers such as Brooks & Dunn, Amy Grant, or Emmylou Harris. It was normal for me to be around a lot of country music singers. The country music scene was like our Hollywood. And I had so many favorites: Dolly Parton, of course. Alabama. The Oak Ridge Boys were huge when I was little. Rosanne Cash. Loretta Lynn. Barbara Mandrell was a major star, because she and her sisters had a variety show on television. Every Saturday night, we were glued to it. Louise was the funniest Mandrell—she was my favorite, and not just because once at a music awards show she took the stage in hot rollers.

  One of the great disappointments of my life was when I didn’t get to play Barbara Mandrell in the fourth-grade play. I was gutted. Fortunately, I got to play “Mother” Maybelle Carter instead, complete with autoharp. So I got an early country music history lesson on the Carter Family. Maybe that’s why I scored the part of June Carter Cash in Walk the Line: my intimate knowledge of all the Carter Family’s greatest hits. I knew the lyrics to “Wildwood Flower” before I ever shot one frame of the movie.

  My childhood was full of music, and I’m doing the same for my children. There’s always music playing, and we’re always singing songs to one another. My little boy is named Tennessee, so we sing him the University of Tennessee cheer: T-E-double N-E-double S-double E-TENNESSEE! That’s how he learned to spell his name. We also sing the University of Tennessee’s unofficial fight song, the Osborne Brothers’ 1967 country hit “Rocky Top,” to him. He thinks it’s hysterical. You know how much I like the song “Rocky Top”? I played it at my wedding, never mind that it has a line about “corn from a jar.” It reminds me of where I’m from.

  To me, bluegrass music is so soothing and comforting. I find it relaxing and just so happy, and I’ll keep it on in the background as I go about my day. It’s got its roots in Appalachia, and it makes me feel like I’m home. I love what Steve Martin said: “The banjo is such a happy instrument. You can’t play a sad song on the banjo. It always comes out so cheerful.”

  Honky-tonkers Don’t Cry

  My mom, a retired nurse, works these days as a hostess at a honky-tonk.

  “Your mom still works after she retired?” someone asked me recently.

  I burst out laughing. She doesn’t have to; she loves to. I beg her to relax, but she insists on working.

  “I’m an extrovert,” she says. “You can’t keep me at home!”

  The best way to describe my mother is sunshine in human form: smiling, laughing, always dancing while practicing the deepest gratitude for life. Deeply social and a true optimist, she managed to end every day I was little with something nice to say about her job, and telling me and my brother she loved us. She would sit on our beds and listen to our dreams, frustrations, and heartbreaks and say, “Everything is going to work out. You’ll see.” I remember crying one night when I was fourteen years old because I wasn’t even filling out my training bra. My mom soothed me by saying that my boobs would grow: “In fact, one day they will be so big, you will have to cart them around in wheelbarrows.” Did I mention she’s funny?

  We would watch Saturday Night Live together and laugh at the Church Lady and the Cheerleaders. Betty’s laugh was always the loudest, just so full and easy. She’s not afraid of a good knee slap, either. And boy does my mother love to dance and sing! There is not a day of my childhood when I don’t remember her dancing and singing.

  A born artist, she never met a blooming flower, dog, horse, landscape, or new city that she didn’t marvel at. She finds beauty in simple things: flowers on her front porch, a squirrel in the yard, a visit with her elderly neighbor. One time when I was eleven years old, she heard me and my friend gossiping about a boy at school and she told us we should never speak ugly about people who weren’t present. I’ve never forgotten those words, and I’ve taught my children that we should always find the best in people like Grandma Betty does.

  She found purpose in her work as a nurse and a teacher and she told me long stories about her students, who were trying to become part of the medical workforce in Nashville. She had endless patience to listen to her students and answer their questions, and she took their struggles to heart. She felt pride in her work because she knew those men and women would be serving our community. To this day, I have people who come and tell me that my mother was their teacher, and it fills me with pride.

  It always made my day when she came home and told me she had spoken about me in her early childhood pediatrics class. I remember thinking she carried me with her even when she was working. That meant the world to me and showed me the value of being a working woman. She taught me that it was important to tell children how fulfilling work can be so they will want to find that sense of purpose in their own lives. I credit my mother for my work ethic. I am always happiest when I am working because I learned from her that if you love your job and take pride in it, it really doesn’t feel like working at all.

  That certainly is how she feels now about working at a honky-tonk. For those of you who don’t know what a honky-tonk is: it’s a great southern nightclub with live music and dancing. Fun dancing, too, the kind anyone can do. When I was a kid, I took clogging lessons and learned cotillion dancing, and they were both work. But at a honky-tonk, there’s no pressure. People of all ages just get up and start dancing, beer in hand. The spirit of the place is such that everybody will dance with anybody. No judgment if you’re not a great dancer or need help learning the steps. It’s all just in the spirit of fun.

  Of course, there’s always a show-off or two to keep things lively—that guy who knows every dance, twirls every girl. To me, there’s nothing more charming or appealing than a guy who knows how to dance like that. A king of Texas swing? Forget it. He’s the only guy you want to dance with. My dear friend, Howell, whom I’ve mentioned as my go-to dinner party guest, grew up in Texas, and he’s been dancing like that forever. Naturally, if there will be any dancing at all, I insist that he come to the party with me. And invariably, he’s the most popular man in the room. (Maybe Howell’s mom should be writing this book instead of me! She knows how to raise a good southerner!)

  Full Moon Midnight BBQ Barn Party

  My parents instilled a love of music in me early on. We would go listen to live music two or three nights a week, whether it was a bluegrass concert at the park or an evening at the Bluebird Café, where local songwriters test out their newest tunes. Sometimes when there was a full moon during harvesttime, we’d go to a midnight barn party at our friends’ big backyard barn. That was my favorite outing.

  You’d show up in the backyard while it was still light out, and you’d see a barbecue going and a ton of hay bales set up in a big semicircle around the entrance to the barn. You’d hear crickets chirping, and you’d have to wear cowboy boots because this was a barn, after all, and you never knew what you might step in.

  As it got dark, the musicians would appear in the doorway of the barn and start playing bluegrass music. All different kinds of local musicians would join in. It would always start out with one act, then turn into a giant jam band by the end. And we kids were thrilled that we got to stay up until midnight!

  You had people from the whole community talking and laughing and the children dancing up a storm on the grass. I think those nights are where my love of music and especially live music began. Bluegrass has been carried down as a tradition from generation to generation,
and I love to see it continue. I have a cousin who makes all those old-fashioned instruments such as mandolins and zithers, and I consider it a great tribute to our heritage.

  Now, as you might imagine, everyone worked up quite an appetite dancing. As happens so often in the South, at those midnight barn parties, music and food would go hand in hand. On the buffet table, there was always barbecue. You’d have hamburger buns and different kinds of sauces for different tastes, and then corn on the cob and lots of booze.

  These days, the spirit of those barn concerts lives on in some of the parties I go to around Nashville. For example, after the Country Music Awards, Ronnie Dunn and his wife, Janine, used to host a long-standing party where all the musicians would go back to his house and sing around a piano. It was magical. You’d see George Strait, members of Rascal Flatts, Martina McBride, Keith Urban, just singing away together.

  The country music community is so inclusive. Its members really care about one another, and there’s no divisiveness. There’s just this incredible spirit of collaboration in that we are all artists and we all support one another. Those moments of togetherness around a Nashville piano are something we can all learn from.

  Southern Party Playlist

  When I was appearing as June Carter Cash in the film Walk the Line, I learned so much about the history of American music, how the Carter Family traced the origins of country to old English folk songs and made sure to record every song for posterity. It made me appreciate the music all the more. Also, my party playlists got a million times better. These days I usually just put “Patsy Cline” into Spotify and let the magic unfold. But if you want to curate your own southern playlist, here are a few songs to get things off to a solid start:

  “WALKIN’ AFTER MIDNIGHT”

  PATSY CLINE

  “I LIE WHEN I DRINK”

  DALE WATSON

  “LAST CALL”

  LEE ANN WOMACK

  “WINE, WOMEN AND SONG”

  LORETTA LYNN

  “SHAKE SUGAREE”

  ELIZABETH COTTEN

  “THE DARK END OF THE STREET”

  JAMES CARR

  “KISS AN ANGEL GOOD MORNIN’ ”

  CHARLEY PRIDE

  “JOLENE”

  DOLLY PARTON

  “MISSISSIPPI GIRL”

  FAITH HILL

  “TROUBADOUR”

  GEORGE STRAIT

  “ORANGE BLOSSOM SPECIAL”

  DOLLY PARTON

  “BLOWN AWAY”

  CARRIE UNDERWOOD

  “BIG RIVER”

  THE SECRET SISTERS

  “THE TRUTH”

  JASON ALDEAN

  “DON’T BLINK”

  KENNY CHESNEY

  “FAMILY TRADITION”

  HANK WILLIAMS JR.

  “COMING HOME”

  LEON BRIDGES

  “WHITE LIAR”

  MIRANDA LAMBERT

  “SHADOW ON THE WALL”

  RUBY AMANFU

  “AMERICAN HONEY”

  LADY ANTEBELLUM

  “YOU SEND ME”

  SAM COOKE

  “BLESSED”

  MARTINA MCBRIDE

  “BOONDOCKS”

  LITTLE BIG TOWN

  “CHICKEN FRIED”

  ZAC BROWN BAND

  “ONLY IN MY MIND”

  REBA MCENTIRE

  “GEORGIA ON MY MIND”

  RAY CHARLES

  “TENNESSEE WHISKEY”

  CHRIS STAPLETON

  “AMERICAN WOMAN”

  MUDDY MAGNOLIAS

  “BLUE EYES CRYING IN THE RAIN”

  WILLIE NELSON

  “MY MIND’S GOT A MIND OF ITS OWN”

  JIMMY DALE GILMORE

  SERVES 4 TO 6

  Brother John’s Ribs

  * * *

  As you probably know, there’s a big argument about Texas barbecue versus North Carolina barbecue versus Tennessee barbecue, and now there’s a whole Georgia sweet and smoky . . . Some places do a vinegar-based sauce. Others like to use honey. Of course, I think Tennessee’s traditional red barbecue sauce is the best and my brother John’s is the best of all. Here’s his secret sauce recipe and his famous (in our house, at least!) ribs recipe, too.

  * * *

  FOR THE DRY RUB

  1/4 cup packed brown sugar

  4 tablespoons chili powder

  1 tablespoon salt

  2 tablespoons garlic powder

  2 tablespoons onion powder

  2 tablespoons cumin

  1 tablespoon cinnamon

  2 tablespoons ground oregano

  1 teaspoon cayenne pepper

  1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder

  FOR THE RIBS

  4 to 6 baby back rib racks

  1/2 cup yellow mustard

  Optional: John’s BBQ Sauce (recipe follows)

  * * *

  TO MAKE THE DRY RUB

  Place all ingredients into a jar with a tight-fitting lid or a zip-lock bag and shake until mixed well. Use immediately or keep sealed and stored in a dry, dark place for up to 6 months or until it loses its nice, strong smell.

  TO MAKE THE RIBS

  1. Remove the thin membrane from the back of each rack if it has not already been removed by the store. Let the ribs rest at room temperature for 30 minutes. Prepare your smoker or grill and bring the temperature up to 210º to 225ºF.

  2. While the smoker or grill is getting hot, coat each rack of ribs with a few tablespoons of yellow mustard so that there is a thin layer on the front and back of each set (this will help create a brown crust and help a dry rub of your choice adhere; you will not taste the mustard after the meat is cooked). Season the ribs with the prepared dry rub both front and back (preferably a thicker coat on the top, curved side).

  3. Place the ribs, curved side up, cupped side down, in the smoker or grill. Cook for 3 hours at 210º to 225ºF. Add smoke to the ribs only for the first hour, using wood chips or pellets of your choice (hickory, mesquite, apple chips, or whatever).

  4. After 3 hours, remove the ribs quickly and wrap with aluminum foil. Turn the foil-wrapped ribs over, so the cupped side is up, and replace them in the grill or smoker.

  5. Cook the ribs for an additional 1 to 11/2 hours at 210º to 225º F. The internal temperature should reach 165ºF.

  OPTIONAL: For wet, sticky ribs, baste the ribs generously with a wet BBQ sauce before wrapping them in the aluminum foil and placing them back into the smoker or grill, cupped side up. Then, during the last 10 minutes of the 4-hour cook time, remove the ribs from the foil and baste them one more time with the BBQ sauce. Place them back into the smoker or grill without the foil, directly on the rack, and allow the sauce to caramelize. Transfer the ribs to a cutting board and allow to rest for 10 to 20 minutes before serving. Another serving option is to cut all the meat off the bones, chop the meat, and serve it on top of a nice salad or on buns as BBQ sandwiches. Serve with corn on the cob, boiled for just a few minutes, and extra sauce on the side.

  Tip: For meat that falls off the bone, don’t rush or use high heat. John’s mantra: “Slow and low.”

  MAKES ABOUT 21/2 CUPS

  John’s BBQ Sauce

  * * *

  3/4 cup (11/2 sticks) butter, divided

  1/4 cup chopped onion

  1 clove garlic, minced

  1 teaspoon salt

  1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

  1 cup diced tomatoes (fresh or canned)

  4 tablespoons ketchup

  5 tablespoons apple cider vinegar

  2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce

  11/2 cups water

  3 bay leaves

  1/2 lemon, sliced

  * * *

  1. In a medium saucepot over medium-high heat, melt 4 tablespoons of the butter.

  2. Stir in the chopped onion and sauté for 1 minute.

  3. Add the garlic and the salt and pepper and sauté for another minute.

  4. Stir in the tomatoes and ketchu
p, then add the vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, water, bay leaves, and lemon slices. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat to low. Simmer for 15 minutes, stirring frequently.

  5. Remove from heat and strain the liquid into a bowl. Stir in the remaining butter, allowing it to melt completely in the hot liquid. The sauce can be served warm or kept covered in the refrigerator for up to 1 month.

  CHAPTER 7

  The Family Table

  These days, I feel as though I can barely sit still for ten minutes without getting antsy. A lot of friends my age have the same issue: we’re always looking at our watches halfway through a play or staring impatiently at the clock when we’re waiting in line at the bank.

  What’s going on with us? I used to be able to wait, or to make it through a whole movie without wanting to check my phone or run around the block. For a while, I thought I was just getting older and battier, but now I think it’s due to some combination of our faster pace of life, the onslaught of technology, and the feeling that there’s so much to do that there’s no time to waste.

  Family dinner is my only salvation from this affliction. We put all the devices away. I put some hot food on the table. We say grace. It’s really important to me for us to appreciate that we have very blessed lives and should be grateful every second of the day for all of our blessings. Grace is a time to raise the kids’ awareness that we must take care of others who are not as fortunate and to remind them to think of the big picture.