lack
mayonnaise
may-uh-naze
oil
ol
peas
pays
said
say-ed
shrimp
shramp
sore
so-war
sure do
shore doo
tired
tarred
CHAPTER 15
Why Southern Ladies Love Holidays
It is a universally acknowledged truth that southern women love holidays. Most ladies I know decorate for every season of the year, and some even switch out their china. Pretty much every female friend I can think of has boxes of Halloween, Easter, and Christmas decorations somewhere in her house. We love to decorate. Heck, we even decorate our mailboxes in the South.
Why do we like holidays so much? I actually think it’s pretty profound: we like having things to look forward to—times that we know will be entirely about family and togetherness and the kids and the things that really matter. When you put out your pumpkins or your garlands or your flags, you get a rush of excitement. You know you’re creating an opportunity to make memories and setting the stage for family time, which can be so elusive in the rush of the day to day.
Do southern women sometimes encounter resistance in our efforts to make holidays special? Yes, we do.
For example, I take a family photo every single year, in October, for our Christmas card. For five or six years, my kids complained. I would always say, “One day you’ll thank me for making all these memories for you.” Now they’re used to it and give in to the photo ritual with hardly a complaint. They have learned to submit to wearing whatever holiday sweater I give them, and yes, that is one of my proudest achievements as a military commander . . . I mean, as a southern mother. As long as it doesn’t have a reindeer or a snowman on it, my troop will comply.
I believe in the ritual of taking those photos, because it’s important for my kids to feel like part of a family unit. And even if they grumble about having to sit still in a sweater on a hot day every fall, I do believe that one day they’ll look at those photos and realize that someone cared enough to take a picture of them every year. Children need to understand that they are part of a family connected by traditions—even if it may take them a little while to realize what holidays are really about . . .
That’s right: making your mother happy.
Kidding aside, here are my favorite things about each major holiday.
Christmas
Nashville rarely has a white Christmas. When it does snow, it doesn’t usually stay long, but at least for the day or two until it melts, the countryside is breathtakingly beautiful. And whatever the weather, Advent calendars go up on December first. Then one day that month, ideally on some afternoon when it’s too cold or rainy for the kids to play outside, we will put on some carols and make some hot chocolate and have a gingerbread-house day.
I gave up trying to make the gingerbread from scratch after one very messy year. Broken pieces . . . runny icing . . . it was a disaster. After that I was like, Screw it, I’m just buying the pre-made one. But let’s get real . . . it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if you make it from ginger you grew yourself or if you buy the blank ones and decorate them. It matters that kids remember the tradition and they get to eat candy and make something crafty. Plus you get to display their artwork up on the kitchen counter. My mother did it with me and my brother, and now I do it with my kids.
The Nashville Hot Chocolate
One tradition I feel other towns could benefit from is the Nashville “Hot Chocolate.” Every Christmas at school, you’d have a kind of grandparents’ day, but we called it a Hot Chocolate. And when stores had open houses for the holiday season and served snacks, that would be a Hot Chocolate. And when you were having a housewarming party, that would be a Hot Chocolate. Basically we used “Hot Chocolate” as another term for “get-together.” So if you’re having a casual daytime party, you’re having a Hot Chocolate. And what do you serve there? Of course, hot chocolate. But you also have to serve hot apple cider, because sometimes you will get an oddball who doesn’t like hot chocolate.
So on a table you have the kids’ gingerbread houses and the Advent calendar, and you have the tree covered in lights. But I feel that staircases need a little greenery, too. I love to decorate the bannister with a garland of magnolia and pine. And I clip Christmas cards onto the garland with clothespins. As you go up the stairway, you get to see all your friends’ little children’s faces on those cards. It makes me so happy! It’s the little things, right?
Christmas in Nashville is really something, complete with advanced-placement caroling. As kids, we would often go out caroling to raise money for a worthy cause. When we were younger, our parents went with us. When we were older, groups of friends would go out on their own, caroling up Belle Meade Boulevard and all the surrounding neighborhoods.
Since moving to Los Angeles, I’ve organized my own caroling parties. One year, I didn’t do the party, and people were so upset that I was forced to start it back up. People told me they missed it, because it’s very rare in Los Angeles to have a moment when people take time to remember traditional carols.
Here’s how my party goes: We have a yummy dinner of ham and biscuits, always. Just ham and biscuits. Simple. Holidays always just say ham to me. There’s nothing like a honey-baked ham. Once everyone’s had some ham and biscuits and some drinks, we gather around the piano and start singing carols.
I think it’s so fun when someone’s playing the piano. There’s something really joyful about it. And now that I’ve been in Hollywood awhile, I’ve learned that great piano players are usually up for playing the piano at the party. I took piano lessons for five years, but it totally eluded me. I was just butterfingers. So it took me a while to believe my piano-playing friends when they offered to play. After all, if you’re an actor or a comedian, you’re not usually happy when somebody asks you to say your famous line from the famous movie you were in or to crack a joke on the spot. But musicians? Turns out they are often literally sitting on their hands waiting until someone asks them to play. I thought, “Oh, they’ll want to relax.” Nope. They relax once they’re sitting on that piano bench, banging out “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” or “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”
Now, a lot of people don’t know the words to even the most common carols. Between you and me, I find this befuddling. How do you make it to adulthood without ever picking up at least one verse of “Joy to the World”? Were you raised in a bunker? In case you were, in fact, raised in a cave, I have lyrics books made up for anyone who needs them. We sing and sing until we’re hoarse. It’s very cathartic to sing for a couple of hours at the top of your lungs surrounded by all your friends.
It’s a beautiful, joyful time of harmony until the inevitable annual argument about who gets to sing the “FIVE GOL-DEN RINGS” solo in “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” Every year, several guests lobby hard for the privilege of singing “FIVE GOL-DEN RINGS.” All my friends know that it’s a very big deal if you get that solo, a clear sign that you are an exceptional singer and one who has waged a successful campaign to be chosen. Our best soloist was definitely Neil Patrick Harris. His was by far the best Five Golden Rings of all time. He should really think about doing a Christmas album. Kate Hudson is a close second—she sings like the best bluesy lounge singer in the land.
But of course the most special part of the holiday is seeing the kids’ faces on Christmas morning. We do stockings on Christmas Eve, and Santa comes at night. I always make the same two things for breakfast: breakfast casserole (sausage and white bread and eggs, baked with cheese on top) and an applesauce cake, which is like a coffee cake. I usually prep it the night before.
The kids wake up insanely early. My one rule is that Mom has to have one cup of coffee and put on her robe before we go downstairs. One year our Christmas started at four a.m. and was over by five thirty.
It was ridiculous. Once all the presents had been opened, we all went back to bed. It gave new meaning to the phrase “too soon.”
MAKES ONE 9-INCH CAKE
Applesauce Cake
* * *
This old-fashioned cake is very easy to mix up, and it tastes even better when it’s a day or two old. It goes great with coffee, and nothing says “Happy holidays!” like cake for breakfast.
* * *
FOR THE CAKE
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
2 cups sugar
3 cups applesauce
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon nutmeg
13/4 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup golden raisins
1 cup chopped pecans
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
FOR THE BROWN SUGAR ICING
2 cups packed light brown sugar
1/3 cup heavy cream
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup sifted confectioner’s sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
* * *
Preheat the oven to 325°F.
TO MAKE THE CAKE
1. Grease and flour a 9-inch bundt or tube pan. In a mixing bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Mix in the applesauce on a low speed. The butter mixture will separate a little from the applesauce, so don’t worry that they don’t mix together completely. In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, baking soda, and salt. Remove 1/4 cup of the flour mixture and dredge the raisins and pecans in it. Fold the remaining flour mixture slowly into the applesauce mixture until just combined. Add the raisin and pecan mixture along with the vanilla extract and stir together by hand.
2. Pour into the prepared pan and bake for 11/2 hours or until a toothpick inserted into the center part of the cake comes out clean. Let cool slightly and remove the cake from the pan, allowing it to cool completely.
TO MAKE THE BROWN SUGAR ICING
In a small saucepan, combine the brown sugar, cream, and butter. Over medium heat, bring the mixture to a boil, stirring occasionally until smooth. Remove from the heat and stir in the vanilla extract, confectioner’s sugar, and salt until smooth. Very quickly pour the icing over the cake, allowing it to spread and drip down the sides to set. The icing sets up very quickly, so it looks best when it is allowed to flow naturally.
Easter
Would you believe that as much as I love Christmas, it’s not even my favorite holiday? My favorite holiday is Easter. Easter is a big deal in the South. We get real competitive with our egg decorating, and there are a million Easter egg hunts all over Nashville. We would do one at home when we woke up, then one at church, then one at a botanical garden. They weren’t easy, either. The grassy hill behind the church where our Sunday school teachers hid eggs was slick as glass if you were wearing brand-new Easter shoes, so many a child would wipe out, grass-staining the heck out of their frilly dresses and seersucker suits. Still: we got really good at finding Easter eggs, y’all.
My mother helped the Easter bunny by making our Easter baskets special. She went out of her way to find some treasure from the local sweet shop—one little bag of the most delicious candies on Earth or a single exquisite Belgian chocolate bunny—to put in a basket she embellished with a satin ribbon or pretty spring flowers. My friends often had mountains of drugstore candy that at the time I thought looked pretty fantastic, but now I think that with her baskets my mother was teaching me a valuable lesson about quality over quantity. She changed the way I thought about food: the more time that’s taken and the more care that’s put into something, the better it is.
I also love Easter because it’s about new beginnings. It drives home how time is passing and also how lucky we are to be seeing another spring. Everything about the celebration reminds us that we are blessed to be in a beautiful environment. We’ve made it through the cold, dark winter. Now the daffodils are blossoming and the trees are budding. Tulips were always a big thing in my family. My dad took great pride in planting tulip bulbs every winter so they would pop up at Easter time—gorgeous red and yellow in a perfect circle in our flower bed.
My girlfriend Heather and I always enjoy forcing bulbs, usually paperwhites. They’re a reminder that something beautiful can come out of dormancy, just like the world around you is waking up to spring. It always reminds me of my dad and his prized flower bed.
How to Force Bulbs
Every winter, I buy some paperwhite or tulip bulbs. You can buy them already started in dirt or in water, or you can plant them yourself—either in soil or water. They don’t like dirt that’s too moist, so if you put them in a pretty, decorative container without drainage on the bottom, you should put down some gravel or lava rocks on the bottom, then soil over that. And the bulbs don’t like to be fully buried. Let them stick out halfway. Partial sunlight is plenty. Watch them grow for a couple of weeks and then bloom. Voilà, spring indoors!
MENU
easter lunch
* * *
Easter Rolls
Baked Ham
Mama’s Biscuits
Sweet Potato Casserole with Candied Pecan Crust
Asparagus with Mock Hollandaise Sauce
Mile-High Lemon Meringue Pie
MAKES 12
Easter Rolls
* * *
1/4 cup dark brown sugar
1/4 cup light corn syrup
4 tablespoons butter
Dash salt
1/2 cup coarsely chopped toasted pecans
12 frozen Parker House–style rolls (from a 25-oz. package)
* * *
1. Combine the sugar, corn syrup, butter, and salt in a small saucepan and bring to a simmer over medium-low heat; cook, stirring constantly, for 1 minute. Remove from heat and stir in the pecans.
2. Divide the pecan-syrup mixture evenly among the cups of a 12-cup muffin pan (about 1 tablespoon in each cup). Place a frozen Parker House roll on top of the mixture in each cup. Cover with lightly greased plastic wrap and let sit at room temperature for 21/2 to 3 hours, or until double in bulk.
3. Preheat the oven to 400°F.
4. Remove the plastic wrap and bake in the preheated oven for 12 to 15 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from the oven and let cool for 2 minutes. Turn the rolls out upside down on a serving platter and spoon the pecan mixture over the tops. Let cool slightly before serving.
SERVES 12
Baked Ham*
* * *
My grandmother loved to serve ham at Easter, sometimes covered in pineapple slices or basted in a brown-sugar and cola glaze. This recipe from my friend Annie Campbell is the perfect balance of sweet and salty, plus it’s simple to make. I always serve a ham-and-biscuit buffet at my Christmas parties.
* * *
1 cup orange juice
1 cup maple syrup
1 cup honey
2 tablespoons stone-ground mustard
1 teaspoon ground cloves
1 teaspoon ground allspice
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 tablespoons lemon zest
2 tablespoons orange zest
1 spiral-cut, cooked bone-in ham (about 6 to 8 pounds)
* * *
TO MAKE THE GLAZE
Combine the orange juice, maple syrup, honey, mustard, cloves, allspice, cinnamon, lemon zest, and orange zest in a small saucepan. Bring to a boil over high heat and then reduce to a simmer. Cook, stirring occasionally, until thick and syrupy, about 15 minutes. Strain the syrup through a fine mesh strainer and set aside until ready to use.
TO MAKE THE HAM
1. Preheat the oven to 250°F. Wrap the ham tightly with foil and place in a roasting pan. Transfer to the oven and cook until the ham reaches 120°F in the center, about 21/2 hours. When done, remove it from the oven and unwrap. Increase the oven temperature to 400°F.
2. Brush the ham with
one-third of the glaze. Return it to the oven and bake for 5 minutes. Brush the ham with another third of the glaze and bake until crisp and shiny, for about 10 minutes more. Remove from the oven and paint with the remaining glaze. Tent the ham with foil and let rest for 15 minutes before slicing and serving.
3. Serve the ham on a platter alongside assorted mustards and dinner rolls.
* OR PSSST . . . just buy a HoneyBaked Ham online. Their 10-pound hams serve about 20 people. I swear I don’t work for them! I’m just being realistic. No one will know the difference. And if they do, they will be too happy and full to judge you. Glazes are messy and people are busy, especially around the holidays.
MAKES 14
Mama’s Biscuits
* * *
2 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
4 tablespoons vegetable shortening
2/3 or 3/4 cup buttermilk
* * *
1. Preheat the oven to 450°F.
2. Combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt; mix well. Cut in the shortening with a pastry blender until the mixture resembles coarse meal.
3. Add the buttermilk, stirring just until the dry ingredients are moistened. Turn the dough out onto a floured surface; knead 3 or 4 times.
Whiskey in a Teacup Page 12