Cowboy Baby Daddy

by Claire Adams

  I hadn’t even thought about it. The length would matter concerning what kind of furniture we could get into the place and individual rooms. Nice furniture hadn’t been something I’d worried about since leaving Livingston. That was yet another thing I’d thought would weigh me down.

  “I’m not sure,” I said. “We haven’t really talked about it much. She doesn’t want lawyers involved, so that’s a good thing. I’ve made it clear I’m sticking around.” I shrugged. “I don’t want to push her too much. Things are okay, I think.”

  “Yeah, I get it. I get it.”

  I looked over my notepad. The list was pretty manageable, but it also wasn’t that short.

  “I’m gonna have to paint this place and then buy furniture,” I said. “So I’ll need to stay in the cabin until then.”

  “It’s fine. I’m more excited about getting the land ready for more horses and cattle. I don’t care where you stay.”

  A wide grin appeared on his face, and I couldn’t help but grin back.

  Carl had the right idea. We should worry about what we could deal with, the problems right in front of us. I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Aspyn would have plenty of time to come around.

  Chapter 21

  Aspyn

  “Where we going, Mama?” Kadie asked from the back seat. She tried to bounce a little, but her straps didn’t give her much range of movement.

  “To see Alex,” I said, keeping my eyes on the road. The problem with the country roads was that you never knew when some animal might run out in the middle of the road or when some escaped cow might be sitting in the middle, relaxing and waiting to get hit by your car.

  I’d seen more than a few cars totaled because of unfortunate encounters with animals in my life.

  “Alex’s nice,” my daughter said. “He played blocks with me. We made towers. Mine was better.”

  I smiled into the rearview mirror. “He did play with you, sweetie. That he did. You’re right. That was very nice of him.”

  “Does he have blocks at his house?”

  “I don’t think so, sweetie.” I doubted Alex was keeping a bunch of toys sitting around for Kadie. He’d barely been around kids from what I could tell.

  “But I want blocks.”

  I spared a glance at the rearview mirror. Kadie was in full pout with her bottom lip out. I tried not to laugh, figuring it’d only encourage the behavior. But still, it was funny-looking as hell.

  “Okay, sweetie. I’ll try and remember to ask when we get there, but keep in mind, he just moved into this new place, so he probably doesn’t have any toys. The people who lived there before didn’t have many kids visiting them, and Alex isn’t used to being around kids.”

  “Why?”

  “He just … isn’t. He didn’t see a lot where he lived before.”

  “Where was that?”

  “Texas.”

  “No kids in Texas?”

  I sighed. Talking to a young kid could be exhausting. “I’m just saying he might not have blocks.”

  “Okay. But he’s still nice.”

  I thought that over. Kadie liked Alex. That should be a good thing, I told myself. After all, he was her father, even if I hadn’t told her that yet. I wasn’t sure why I was waiting. It wasn’t like she had some complicated ideas about who parents were. She was still young to ask those questions or notice much in the way of differences between her family situation and other people’s.

  Maybe I wanted to be sure about Alex. I couldn’t really trust him yet, even though we’d both done our parts to screw up the situation after I’d gotten pregnant. That didn’t change the truth that he wasn’t exactly the boy I remembered from high school or even the man I remembered from the reunion.

  The question of who he was now still needed to be answered. I knew he was a man who had been hurt and was still suffering. I understood that and wished him well, but I also knew I had to put my daughter’s happiness and safety first.

  I sighed. No matter how much those muscles, blond hair, and tattoos could short-circuit my brain and send a jolt to my center, I tried to focus on the fact that he’d come to Livingston because he was messed up and was trying to get his life on track.

  That didn’t fill me with confidence about the kind of father he might make. I had to be careful, for both my sake and my daughter’s. Kadie was young enough to not understand many things, but she was also young enough to care too easily and get hurt by the false and easy promises of adults.

  I spotted the green road sign that marked the county road leading to Carl’s land. I turned to hit the road, which though paved, was not in the best condition. Unfortunately, there was no other way to get to Carl’s land.

  I shook my head, realizing I needed to stop thinking about the land that way. Carl had land out this way, but now so did Alex. Whatever was happening between us, no one could say he wasn’t putting down roots. That, at least, was some proof he wasn’t going to run back to Texas the first chance he got.

  If he was only interested in getting into my pants, he was doing it in the most expensive way possible.

  So why did the whole situation make me so nervous? My heart was racing like Martin Truex, Jr.

  I didn’t know if maybe it was because I’d gone from hating Alex’s guts to having sex with him pretty quickly. Though I knew the situation behind why he’d ditched me was complicated, it still didn’t sit right with me.

  But damn it, it’d been three days since we’d made love, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Even there, while I was driving, warmth pooled in my center as I thought about how it felt to ride Alex, his thick cock inside me, thrusting into me, driving me to orgasm, those gray eyes looking up at me, hungry and then satisfied after he’d climaxed. I remembered the wonderful wave of my own orgasm shooting through me.

  Alex wasn’t the only man I’d ever been with, but he was the only man to make me feel so wanted, so desired, so much like a woman.

  I swallowed, trying to resist a moan. Talk about distracted driving.

  Fun. That’s all it was: a little fun between two lonely people. I’d wanted Alex for years, and sure, he was the father of my child, but we weren’t the same people anymore. I couldn’t let my heart fall for him so easily. It’d be a stupid mistake.

  We both needed to learn who we were first. I couldn’t help but worry that I’d screwed up big time by letting my body do the thinking instead of my head. Whatever I felt for Alex, it couldn’t be described as anything but complicated, and no matter what happened, I had to remember Kadie would always need to come first.

  Carl’s house was coming up on the left, so I turned onto his dirt road and followed it down past his house to the small guest house where Alex was staying. I always thought it was weird they called it a cabin since it didn’t really look like one to me, and it wasn’t out in the woods.

  I parked my car and then helped Kadie out of her car seat. We headed up to the cabin, and I knocked on the door. My daughter walked in circles around me, humming a song. We waited a good 20 or 30 seconds before I knocked again.

  Again, we sat there, only the faint whisper of the wind to keep us company. There was no way he hadn’t heard me. I knocked a third time.

  I sighed. It’s not like I expected Alex to rush out of his house as we were pulling up, but he did know we were coming by, so it was annoying that he wasn’t there. It was the little things that proved someone actually cared.

  I pulled out my phone and dialed his number.

  “He better not be in town,” I muttered to myself. If he’d forgotten us, I was going to let him have it.

  “Hey, Aspyn,” he answered.

  “Where are you?” I said, not bothering to keep the sharpness out of my voice.

  “At my house.”

  “I’ve been knocking on the door, but you’re not answering.”

  “Well, I … oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t explain it well when you called me earlier. I’m not at the cabin. I’m at my house. The McMillian’s o
ld place. Just head on over. The door’s unlocked. Just come on in.”

  “Uh, okay.”

  Alex ended the call.

  I sighed, torn. It was kind of annoying that Alex hadn’t made things clearer, but I did know how moving into a new place could be difficult, and from what he’d said on the phone, it was a bit of a fixer-upper.

  “Come on, sweetie,” I said to Kadie, “let’s get back in the car.”

  * * *

  A couple minutes later, we pulled into the driveway of Alex’s new house. I allowed myself a soft smile at the sight.

  I’d always loved this house as a kid, something about the angles, and the large windows. It was too bad the McMillians themselves were so grouchy.

  I blinked a few times as I thought the whole situation over. I didn’t know how much the McMillians were selling the house and land for, but it couldn’t have been that cheap. From what little I’d been told, Carl and Alex had gone in together to able to afford it.

  Carl didn’t have a ton of free money, and so I wondered what Alex was bringing to the picture. Working construction paid well enough, but it wasn’t like construction workers got rich, and despite his injuries, he wasn’t on disability.

  The whole thing made me a little suspicious, but maybe Alex had spent the last 13 years saving every penny. That wasn’t a bad thing in a man normally, but some other things made me wonder about that. When he’d shown up in town, he didn’t even have his own truck, and the one he bought wasn’t new.

  Money was tight for me because I had a daughter, but he didn’t have anyone to worry about but himself. Still, I couldn’t help but let my mind wander to dark places, but decided to let it go for the moment. It’s not like I thought he was dealing drugs or anything. At least not totally.

  I helped Kadie out and led her by the hand to the front door. Not only was it unlocked, but it was open, probably to help air the place out. Musty didn’t even begin to describe it.

  A ripping sound reached my ears.

  “Alex,” I called. “You in there?”

  “I’m in the kitchen,” he yelled back. “Y’all just come on in. Don’t worry. I haven’t painted anything yet.”

  We entered and soon found Alex in the kitchen ripping down some faded floral print wallpaper. Yuck. It looked awful.

  He shot us both a grin. “Welcome to my new home.”

  “Your house smells funny,” Kadie said.

  “Kadence!” I said, my cheeks flaming. It might have been true, but that didn’t change the fact that it was rude.

  “Sorry, Mama,” Kadie said, looking down at her feet.

  Alex just laughed. She looked up with a smile.

  “It does smell funny, doesn’t it?” Alex said. “Don’t worry. I’m fixing it up so it’ll smell good again. Nobody’s lived here in a while.”

  “Why?” Kadie asked. “Did they die?”

  I facepalmed. The best and worst part of dealing with a young kid is how brutally honest they could be.

  “No,” Alex said. “They stopped working and moved away to a place that was warmer.”

  “Oh. I’m happy they didn’t die.”

  Alex and I both shared a chuckle.

  A quick glance around the kitchen showed that Alex had a lot of cleaning to do. Not to mention he’d have to replace almost all the appliances. The McMillians might have only moved out a few years before, but it looked like they’d bought their appliances in the ‘90s.

  “Oh, I got something I want to show you, Kadie,” he said. “I found it in a closet. Want to see?”

  She bobbed her head up and down eagerly.

  Alex wiped his hands on a towel before heading back into the living room and then to a side den. A musty wooden box sat on the floor, a pile of wooden blocks inside.

  Kadie squealed and rushed to the blocks. She started digging into them and tossing them on the floor.

  “I don’t know if she should be playing in some box that’s been sitting in some closet for a few years,” I said. “There could be spiders in there or something.”

  Alex laughed. “Oh, don’t worry so much.”

  I almost snorted. I didn’t like Alex coming in all of a sudden and telling me what was okay to be worried about. He didn’t know what it was like to deal with a young kid and all the ways they could hurt themselves.

  Still, it was hard to argue when my daughter happily started stacking the blocks. After a few, she clapped her hands together and squealed.

  Alex grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the room.

  “What’re you doing?” I demanded.

  “I want to show you something.”

  “What about Kadie?”

  “She’ll be fine with the blocks for a few minutes.”

  I didn’t resist as he pulled me upstairs and into a corner room.

  Three huge windows allowed the sun to stream into the room, bathing it in natural light. Though the rays of light highlighted all the thick dust floating in the air, I could see the potential in the room for the future. It’d be a great place to sit and relax, both in the sunlight during the day and to watch the stars at night.

  “It’s going to be Kadie’s room,” Alex said.

  Warmth spread through my body. I hadn’t realized how serious he was about all of this. It showed how much he cared for Kadie, but it also made things more complicated between us.

  Having sex with him on Monday had been a big mistake. I realized that now. We couldn’t sleep together and play it off like a fun time like Carl and Perri. We already had a child together.

  I needed to be more careful before I screwed everything up.

  Chapter 22

  Alex

  Most normal people didn’t find excitement weird. Not exciting things or situations, but the actual feeling itself. After all, it was something they felt all the time. It was what I thought most well-adjusted people would experience all the time.

  Unlike most people, I’d spent years lost in darkness with only the smallest specks of light cutting through that shadow. Excitement? I could barely remember what regular, sustained happiness felt like. So regular, old-fashioned excitement was almost a foreign emotion. Like something you might read about in a book but never really feel.

  I felt great as that unfamiliar feeling filled me while I shared the house and the room with Aspyn. I’d been unsure about having her over so soon, before I had a chance to really get things in order.

  A little nervousness seeped in with the excitement. It was another feeling I wasn’t all that used to in recent years. Sure, I knew what it felt like to disappoint people, but when you expected to do that, you didn’t feel nervous.

  I pointed to some light pink paint cans in the corner. “Picked that out yesterday, but it doesn’t have to be that color. I just didn’t know what her favorite color was. Don’t all little girls like pink?”

  A funny look appeared on Aspyn’s face. I wasn’t quite sure what it is.

  “Not all little girls,” Aspyn said. “I didn’t.”

  I furrowed my brow. Damn. I should have asked.

  “But pink is Kadie’s favorite color,” she said quietly.

  I shot Aspyn a grin. “Well, then I’ve done a good job so far.” I gestured around the empty space. “I wasn’t sure about furniture yet. I wanted to make sure I bought the kind of bed she liked and that sort of thing. Maybe we can all go shopping together, and she can pick things out she likes. That way she’s happy.”

  Aspyn gave me a shallow nod, her lips pursed. She didn’t look angry exactly, but she didn’t look happy either.

  I stared at her for a moment, wondering if I should say something. Something was wrong, but I didn’t know what it was. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone ahead and picked the color and room without asking for her opinion first.

  I hadn’t really been in anything approaching this kind of situation before, so I didn’t really know the right and wrong thing to do other than try and show that I gave a damn.

  All I knew was that when Aspyn sh
owed up at my door with my daughter in hand, and I wanted to show her everything, that it all felt right. Not just right, but perfect in a way that I’d never felt my entire life. I’d spent ten years before the reunion chasing some thin strand of happiness, and then I’d thrown it away by ghosting her.

  Sure, I’d had my accident as my excuse, but it didn’t change the fact that I could have been having this happy conversation three years earlier, or maybe even 12 years earlier if I hadn’t left town.

  Now, it was like if I just concentrated, I could snatch that strand back. Maybe I was fooling myself, but I wouldn’t know until I tried.

  I pointed to a door on the other side of the room. “Got something else to show you.”

  “We better hurry,” she said. “I don’t like the idea of her alone. It’s not like this place is totally safe yet.”

  Nodding, I turned. “Okay, not much to show in the other room yet anyway. Just a playroom for her.”

  I started heading toward the stairs. Aspyn followed.

  “A playroom? She already has a bedroom.”

  “Yeah, but that way, she can have a room maybe that she can mess up before bed and not worry about or something like that.”

  “Uh-huh,” Aspyn said quietly.

  Having never been in this sort of situation before, I didn’t know what I should expect. Most of the guys I knew who came back into their kids’ lives after not being part of them were dragged there by court order, and their efforts mostly consisted of writing checks, usually for the lowest amounts they could get away with.

  Aspyn just didn’t seem into this tour at all. Maybe it was a mistake to bring her before I got everything renovated. I could see the house of the future in my mind, but right now, all anyone else could see was a broken-down house for two old people.

  We headed back downstairs. I spotted Kadie still happily playing with the blocks through the open door.

  I gestured to Aspyn to follow and walked over to a corner. We needed to discuss some things, and I didn’t want Kadie to overhear, even if she wouldn’t understand them all.