by Amy Muscat
“Well, I don’t want to drink alca...alco... that thing then, if I be sick,” she said scrunching her nose up.
We all laughed.
****
After we had dessert, my mom’s homemade milk chocolate cheesecake, and talking for about half an hour we had to go ‘cause of traffic and Ivy had to go to bed at 7:30 as it was a school night.
“Right say bye to nana and pop’s please,” I told her, pulling her suitcase to the front door.
“Bye nana, bye pop, I love you,” Ivy said, giving them both a hug and a kiss before jumping down and waiting by the door.
“Bye mom, bye dad, I’ll see you soon, and yes I’ll text you when we get home okay?” I told them before my mom could say anything. I walked over and gave each of them a hug and kiss just like Ivy had done.
While Lottie went over to give out her cuddles, I put Ivy in the car and strapped her in her seat before jumping in the driver’s seat.
“Do you want my phone or do you want Lottie to sit in the back with you?”
“Hmmm... I want Lottie to sit in the back with me,” she said.
“Okay.”
I lowered the window and told Lottie to hurry up, when we were all situated in the car, I backed out and waved to my parents, who were standing at the door.
Back to the city now.
****
We got home around 7pm as there was some traffic and I told Ivy to go get undressed while I run a bath for her.
“Otay.”
Walking into the bathroom, I started running her bath making sure there were loads of bubbles.
Ivy came running down the hall and into the bathroom 2 minutes later and climbed in.
20 minutes later and she was washed, dried, teeth brushed and in her pajamas.
Going in her room, I picked up her hair brush and waited for her to come back in the room from giving Lottie a kiss goodnight.
“Momma can I have my hair like yours?” She said coming back in the room and stopping in front of me and turned her back to me so I could do her hair.
“Sure baby.”
After putting two braids in her hair like mine, she jumped in bed and got a book out from her mini library next to her bed, which consisted of every princess book and some other children books that Lottie had brought back from work.
But of course she picked a princess one, so we laid down and read a book together. Well, I read while she listened.
When she was down for the count, I detangled myself from her and pressed a kiss to her forehead and cheek before walking out and into the living room and plopping down next to Lottie.
“Hey, she asleep?”
“Yeah, she must have been tired.”
“Yeah probably, so what’re you going to do about the club and working Pey?”
“I think I’m gonna take a couple of days off, I just need to clear my head and going back to work so soon is just too much right now... I don’t think I’d handle it. I’m still in shock Lott, it’s the fact that he acted like I’d done something wrong and not the other way around. I’m sure Jimmy will understand,” I told her pulling my phone out to text him.
I typed out a quick text to Jimmy...
“Hey Jimmy, I hope you don’t mind but I’m not gonna be in this week, I could do Fri if you need me but if you don’t then let me know. Thanks Pey x” I pressed send.
“What did you say?”
I showed her the text and she nodded at it.
A couple of minutes later my phone pinged with a text.
“Hey Pey, ya that’s fine, if you could come in Fri 7-12 that would be great, how are you feeling? I’m sorry that happened to you, just enjoy Ur week and relax. I’ll see u Fri, Jimmy.”
Texting him back and telling him that Friday was fine and that I could work the hours he needed me to. I told him not to worry about it, he didn’t know who he’d been letting into his club. I turned to Lottie and told her I had a week off work, well until Friday night that is, and she said it was about time that I took some days off. And I agreed. I did work hard. And whether or not I was a stripper and didn’t have a nine-to-five job, I still worked every day of the week and some weekends, so I was entitled to a break.
After that, we settled in and watched some ‘CSI’ for a couple of hours before Lottie got up and told me goodnight and she went to bed. I stayed there and finished watching until the end, then went and brushed my teeth and walked to my room and got in bed.
Peyton’s dream...
Pregnant.
That’s what the five tests were telling me.
They were telling me that I was 3+ pregnant which meant that I was about 5 weeks gone.
OHMYGOD
What the fuck was I gonna do?
What was I gonna tell my parents?
What was I gonna tell Keller?
KELLER!
He’s in a different country, fighting a war.
WhatthefuckwasIgoingtodo!
My head was a big mess, it was like a bomb had gone off in the middle and everything was trying to gel its self-back together at the same time.
The same thing kept going through my head:
What was I going to do?
I had to think about this, I had to think of how this was going to shape my life.
I was planning on going away to college in 6 weeks to study English literature. How was I going to do that pregnant?
I checked the time and saw 10:30 in the morning and calculated that it was about 8pm in Afghanistan, Keller should be back to base now so I tried to Skype him but got no answer. I tried again another three times but still no answer, so I decided to write a letter. Keller was an old romantic and asked me to write to him while he was over there as he would always keep the letters and could re-read them whenever he missed me.
I dug out a pen and my notepad from my bureau sat down at my desk and started to write...
Dear Keller, X
I miss you so much baby. It hurts that you’re so far away.
I hope everything’s going okay out there and that your team is looking out for you.
My mom & dad says hello, and to hurry back home.
I saw your dad and the step-bitch yesterday, your dad misses you so much, and he told me that if I talk to you before he does to tell you that he loves you.
I’ve got something to tell you baby and I’m scared of how you are going to react to it.
I hope you’re sitting, if not go sit down...
I’m pregnant.
I just found out, like 5 minutes ago, and I tried to Skype you, but got no answer.
I’m sorry Kel. I know we didn’t plan this, I certainly didn’t.
I don’t know what we are going to do, but I know we can do this together baby, I know we can.
I love you so much baby,
Peyton xxx
****
My eyes snapped open, and I was gasping for breath for the second night in a row.
What the fuck was with these dreams?
I’d put all the memories in the back of my mind for years now, and all of a sudden just because I’d seen him again for all of ten minutes I haven’t stopped dreaming about him. This was starting to get on my nerves. Looking over to the clock, I saw it was 6:47am and thought that I’d better get up anyway.
Making my way to the kitchen, I started making breakfast; pancakes, bacon and scrambled eggs.
Nose in the air, Lottie come out of her room, with a smile on her face until she saw me and it dropped right away.
Rushing over to me, she asked what was wrong in a concerned voice.
“Lott I keep dreaming about him. Our time together. When we were having sex. When I wrote to him and told him about being pregnant with Ivy, it’s really pissing me off. I saw him for a couple of minutes and now I’m dreaming of him every night,” I said, blowing out a breath and getting upset in the process. Pushing the tears back, and quickly wiping my face. I didn’t want Ivy to come out and see me crying.
“Oh babe, I don’t know w
hat to say to you other than chin up. Really, I understand why you’ve been dreaming about him, it’s the shock of seeing him and your brain is going through every detail again. Because consciously you don’t want to think of him, but subconsciously you actually do,” she said, shrugging and wrapping her arm around me, giving me comfort.
“Sooo... was the sex good?”
Slapping her on the arm, I laughed at her and told her it was incredible.
When I started dishing up the food, Ivy came in the kitchen rubbing her eyes and yawning and gave a big stretch. She acted like an adult I swear.
“Good morning baby.”
“Morning momma, morning auntie Lottie,” she said, going over to the table and waiting for her plate. She looked sad, and I didn’t like it.
“What’s wrong baby?” I asked walking over to her and squatting down next to her and rubbing her arm.
Shaking her head, she said, “Nothing’s wrong momma, I had a bad dream that’s all.”
Frowning at that, I picked her up and sat her in my lap, pulling her back into my chest and asked what it was about.
And with that she burst out crying.
Startled I swung her around to face me and saw the big fat tears rolling down her cheeks.
I started rocking her in my arms and Lottie came over and pulled a chair next to us and started rubbing her arm.
After shh’ing her and getting her to calm down slightly so that she could speak I asked her what it was about.
“It was about my daddy” hiccup, “Does he not want me momma?” hiccup, “When I was at the park with nana and pop I was playing with a girl and then her daddy came over and got her” hiccup, “And I was sad ‘cause I haven’t got one, and I was dreaming of him,” she said taking stuttering breaths trying to calm down.
Tears were streaming down my face from listening to her tell me just how sad she was.
Oh god, what was I meant to tell her. That her dad never wanted her? No, I could never tell her that, it would break her little heart in doing so.
I looked over to Lottie and saw that she was crying too, looking helpless, probably what I looked like at the moment as well.
“Baby, your daddy is away at war you know that, I told you that. He’s gotta fight the bad men. Okay?” I really didn’t know what to say and tell her. I was stumped.
“Otay momma, I just miss him,” she had never met him, obviously, but she had a picture of him and me when we were together.
I had been sorting through some pictures and Ivy had been helping me when she had come across a picture of Keller and me. She had asked who that was and I told her, that was her daddy and she asked if she could keep it. I’d told her yes after hesitating for a minute and she had got the biggest smile on her face I’d ever seen. The smile that graced her face that day was amazing. So I took the picture and framed it for her and it now resides next to her bed on a table.
I looked at the three of us, all a crying mess, and the thought of this being every mom’s nightmare came to mind.
“Hey, how about you don’t go to pre-k today and we can have a day in yeah?”
Looking thoughtful, she said okay and asked if Lottie could stay too.
“Heck yeah, I’m staying in, I wouldn’t miss this for the world munchkin,” Lottie said, giving Ivy a smile and leaning down to give her a kiss on the forehead.
“Okay baby we can watch movies all day and eat junk food too. How’s that sound?”
“Good,” Ivy said looking a little better.
“Okay, now let’s sit down and eat our breakfast before it gets cold.”
That day was one of the best day’s I’d had for a long time, well apart from this morning’s crying fest that is. We watched movies, played games, dressed up, danced and had all the junk food that we could stomach.
****
The week went by faster than I had wanted it too, and before I knew it, Friday was here and I had to work tonight. Okay, I didn’t have to, but I’d told Jimmy that I was going to work and I wasn’t going back on my word.
Walking into Entice, I saw that it was busy. Well, much busier than normal. John was over at the bar talking to Amelia and from here it looked like she was blushing. Get in there John! I mentally high-fived him for growing some balls and finally talking to her, other than a ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye.’ I didn’t want to disturb them so I walked straight through the club and into the changing room and started getting ready.
Fifteen minutes later, I was dressed and ready to go.
As I was walking out, Kitty came over and stood in my way, giving me a dirty look with that pig nose of hers scrunched up.
I didn’t have the time or patience to deal with her crap tonight.
It had been a bad day for me; first I had been 10 minutes late for work at the coffee shop. Then I had spilled a customer’s coffee on myself because apparently people trip up on the air. And lastly, when I was getting ready to come to work Ivy had started acting up saying that she didn’t want to eat her dinner and started throwing a tantrum. Slamming doors and shouting, so I really wasn’t in the best of moods to deal with Kitty.
“Look whatever your problem is with me, I can’t be bothered to listen to it nor can I be asked to think about it, grow the fuck up and deal with it, okay?” I told her. I was sick of her giving me evil eyes and looking at me like I was trash every time she looked in my direction.
I started walking around her when she grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop.
“You need to watch your mouth and yourself little girl, I’m telling you,” she said in her nasal voice.
“And you need to get the fuck off me before I make you,” I told her, looking pointedly at the hand still gripping on my arm.
She let go and stomped off out to the club, probably to give a blowjob to some poor guy who’s gonna wake up one morning with his dick green from all the disease that’s lingering in her mouth.
Taking a breath to calm myself down, I walked out of the room and over to the bar and spoke to Amelia for a while.
She asked how I was, and what had happened. I told her the whole story, and she was shocked by it all, but then said that it must be fate.
Oh yeah, fate. Fate brought us back together with me giving him a VIP room dance and him giving me a mind blowing orgasm.
Jimmy came a half an hour later, saw me and took me in his office. Sitting me down, he asked me how I was doing.
“I’m okay, thanks. It shocked me so much, I didn’t know what was going on, it’s like my brain couldn’t comprehend what was happening, I was so confused. I still am.”
“Ah Pey, I’m really sorry that happened to you girl, I really am. He hasn’t been here since, so I don’t think you have to worry about seeing him again,” Jimmy said.
I don’t know how to feel about that to be honest with you. One part of me is glad that he hasn’t come back to the club, but the other part of me is sad and hurt that he didn’t want to seek me out again.
Telling Jimmy that it was fine and holding the overwhelming disappointment inside and not letting my face show anything was hard. I didn’t want to let on that this entire situation bothered me.
After my talk with Jimmy, I went out and waited for my turn to dance, always looking over my shoulder to see if I could spot Keller in the shadows. I never saw him. So I tried to put him in the back of my mind and get on with it, but it was hard. The next five hours flew by, with me doing three stage shows and a lot of private dances, but I didn’t do any VIP rooms. I wouldn’t be caught making that mistake again.
****
Walking out the club at 12:30 and into the parking lot I was preoccupied, calling my voicemail when I felt a hand over my mouth and an arm wrap around my waist.
Screaming into the hand, I started kicking my legs as my body’s instincts took over and the person who had grabbed me pulled me back into the shadows where no one would be able to see us.
With his lips at my ear the person said, “I’m gonna let go of your waist now but
if you try and run I’m going to hurt you, understand?” The man’s voice was eerily familiar and as I nodded he stepped back and I saw Andrew the creeper.
His face was half lit by the street lamps and he looked a mess.
Not the usual slicked back hair, sharp suit, and cocky Andrew that I was used to. The man in front of me was in a pair of jeans that had seen better days, with a polo top on and what looked like food and drink stains down it. His hair was a mess, like he’d been constantly running his fingers through it and he had a weeks’ worth of hair on his normally clean shaven face.
“What do you want Andrew?” I asked, trying to sound confident, but the shakiness in my voice gave me away. I always knew there was something not right about him.
Barking out a sharp bitter laugh, he said, “What do I want? Well, that’s an easy question to answer Peyton. I want you.”
Shocked I took a step back from him, I was now submerged in darkness and no one who could be walking past would be able to see us. I had to move away from him.
“You said my name. How do you know my real name?” My voice cracking on the word ‘real.’
“Ah, I didn’t know for sure but thank you for confirming it. I overheard your boss the other day saying something about a ‘Peyton’ and one of the other girls said, ‘poor Emerald’ so I put two and two together and got your name, though I wasn’t sure until just now,” he said, his facial features showed how proud of himself he was.
“I don’t know what you think is gonna happen with us, so I’m just going to tell you that nothing will. Now let me go and we can forget this ever happened. I can see that you’re drunk so I won’t make you feel bad when I see you next time, okay?” I wouldn’t be seeing him next time, but he doesn’t have to know that. As soon as he lets me go I’m going back into the club to tell Jimmy that he has to ban him.
Shaking his head as he laughed mockingly at me, like he found my speak amusing, he told me, “I don’t think so my sweet Peyton, oh no, I’ll tell you what we’re gonna do? We are going back to my place and you’re going to finally give me that private dance and then I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to think of another man. Do you hear me?!” He said his voice getting stronger and louder with every word until he was shouting in the end.