A Lover's Lament

by K. L. Grayson

  “Were things better with your mom this morning?” I ask, tossing a rock into the creek.

  Devin shrugs, his eyes trained on some unknown object off in the distance. I imagine that the fight with his mom last night must still be weighing heavily on his mind.

  “We can talk about it some more if you want.”

  “Nah, I’m all talked out, and you’ve listened to enough of my bitchin’.”

  If he only knew how much I loved being the one he comes to. It’s a good thing he doesn’t, because it might scare him off. But it’s true. I want to be the one he comes to when he’s having a bad day and when something exciting happens. Unfortunately, the latter doesn’t occur very often.

  “Thank you,” he whispers, glancing in my direction.

  “You don’t have to thank me.”

  “I want to.” He sighs, running a hand over his face. “You’re here for me when I need you, and I don’t want you to think I take that lightly.”

  I shake my head. “I don’t think that. You’re my best friend, Dev, and I love you.”

  “I love you too, Katie.” His voice is soft, and as he says the words, a crimson flush creeps up his neck. My entire body freezes, and I’m completely unable to do anything but stare at him.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  I don’t respond because I’m still in shock.

  He loves me …

  “Say something, Kit Kat.”

  I blink several times before I’m able to form words. “I know,” I say.

  I love the way his eyes widen. “You know?”

  “Yes,” I say, chuckling. “I know you love me. I-I just didn’t think you’d ever actually say it.”

  “Well,” he says, nudging my shoulder with his. “Now I’ve said it.”

  “Now you have.” I nod, looking away with a smirk.

  I just wish that he loved me the way I love him.

  “Want to make it permanent?” he asks. Jumping to his feet, he holds out a hand. I look at the offering for only a second before slipping my hand in his. He tugs me to my feet and I brush off my butt.

  “I’m not sure I follow.”

  “The tree,” he says, gesturing toward the old oak sitting a few feet from the bank.

  “What about it?” I ask, following him when he walks toward it.

  “Let’s carve our names into the tree.”

  My lips pinch together and brows scrunch as I look at the other sets of initials carved into the bark. Both my grandparents and my parents’ initials are there, and something about carving ours doesn’t seem right.

  “But we aren’t married,” I say. “You aren’t even my boyfriend.”

  Devin laughs and pulls a pocketknife from his jeans. “It doesn’t matter,” he says, shaking his head. “You and me, we’re forever. It doesn’t matter if we’re married or not. You’re my best friend, Katie. You could grow up and marry some rich fucker like Wyatt and I could marry some spoiled brat like Marybeth, but it wouldn’t change how I feel about you. You’re always going to be a part of me, and nothing in the world is gonna change that.”

  His words do two things. First, they make my heart melt. Second, they make carving our initials in the bark sound much more appealing. Which is a good thing because, without giving me a chance to respond, Devin shoves the tip of his knife into the tree and carves our initials.

  D.C. + K.D. = FOREVER

  “Katie?” Devin nudges my leg and I look up.

  “Huh?”

  “You left me for a second there,” he says, his brows dipped low. “Are you okay?”

  I smile, but it isn’t a beaming smile. It’s a gentle one that says just how much I adore him. “Yeah. I’m great.” And for the first time in months, I mean it. I am great, and it’s thanks to this beautiful man.

  “You didn’t answer my question,” he says, a nervous look on his face.

  “Well, that’s because I zoned out and didn’t hear it. Repeat, please.”

  Devin’s shoulders rise and fall on a deep breath and he rubs his hands along his jeans. “Is Wyatt’s name carved on the tree?” His eyes dart away as though he can’t watch me give him the answer, so I scoot closer until our knees are touching.

  Screw it. Crawling into his lap, I drape my legs on either side of his hips. Devin looks up, gorgeous green eyes as wide as they can be, as my mouth descends on his.

  “No.” I brush my lips over his, nipping the bottom one playfully before dipping my tongue into his mouth. He opens willingly, and the kiss goes from zero to sixty in less than second. Then a little voice in the back of my head—a really freaking annoying one—starts screaming that now is the perfect time for the conversation we still need to have.

  Reluctantly, I pull back. Devin’s eyes are hooded, his lids bobbing several times before his eyes seem to refocus on me.

  “His name isn’t on the tree because he isn’t my forever.” Fisting my hands in the front of his shirt, I tug him forward until we’re nose to nose, our breath mingling. “You are my forever, Devin. And as much as I hated to admit it after you left, I knew that I’d never carve another man’s initials into that tree.”

  Devin’s answering smile is completely blinding, and I can’t help but wonder how many times he was able to drop a set of panties just by flashing that bad boy at some unassuming woman. I cringe at the thought, and then make a mental note to ask about any ex-girlfriends.

  Strong, warm hands settle on my hips. “Tell me about him … about what happened after I left.” His face looks pained as he says the words and I know that this is the part he’s dreading, so I decide right here and now to make it as painless— but truthful—as I can.

  “There isn’t much to tell,” I say with a shrug. “You left and my heart was shattered. I was a walking zombie through my entire senior year, looking for you everywhere I went, convinced that one day you’d show up again. Every time the phone rang, I nearly jumped out of my skin, and I drove past your house so many times that I think the people who moved in thought I was stalking them.”

  Devin gets a chagrined look on his face, and his eyes dart to the side before finding mine again. I wrap my arms around his neck and draw circles with my fingers at the bottom of his hairline.

  “Anyway, I finally realized you weren’t coming back and I did the only thing I could do … I moved on.” Devin’s hands fist at my hips. I bring my lips to his cheek before peppering kisses down his neck, a reminder that I’m here and we’re together. Because that’s all that matters.

  “I started nursing school, met Maggie, and finally started to live my life again. It wasn’t until a couple of years later that Wyatt finally asked me out, and I had no reason to say no.” I shrug. “He was still one of my best friends, and he knew me better than almost anyone else. He’d been completely loyal to me since kindergarten, and I hadn’t dated a single person since you left.”

  Devin looks off to the right, and I cup his cheek in my hand and bring his eyes back to mine. “He was safe,” I whisper, trying to get Devin to understand the meaning behind my words. “I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, and at the time, that’s what I needed. I never loved him the way I love you. You believe that, right?” I ask, dipping my head to get a better look into his eyes.

  Reaching up, Devin runs a thumb along my bottom lip. I have to fight the urge to nip at it, because the weight of the moment is too strong and it’s swirling with too much emotion to go there right now. His face softens and his eyes bounce around my face as though he’s seeing me again for the first time.

  “I believe you.” His eyes close as our mouths crash together, my lips parting against his. This kiss is completely different from every one before it. Our hands are exploring and our tongues are dancing rather than dueling for power. It’s as though we’re saying goodbye to all of the guilt and regret, letting go of the past, once and for all.

  “I love you,” I say, laughing when he sucks my bottom lip into his mouth, distorting my words.

  “I love you
too, baby.”

  “Now,” I say, taking a deep breath. “Want to tell me about your ex-girlfriends? There has to be a few.”

  Devin pulls back with a classic are-you-smokin’-crack look on his face.

  “Okay,” I drawl out. “I’ll take that as a no.” I shift to move off of his lap, because, well … it’s not fair for me to bare it all and him not do the same. One large hand settles low on my back, holding me to him, the other wraps around my neck.

  “First of all, you’re not going anywhere, Miss Devora,” he says, nuzzling the side of my neck. “Second, there isn’t much to tell.” Pushing at his chest, I separate myself from him just enough so that I can look in his eyes, which are dancing with equal parts amusement and adoration.

  My legs go all gooey and I relax against him. “Tell me anyway.”

  “Well, we moved to Pennsylvania and I was beyond pissed. At myself, at my mom, at your dad”—he shakes his head as though he’s ashamed—“and my life sorta spun out of control after that. I’m embarrassed to admit that my drinking got worse, I experimented with drugs, and somewhere in there, I made the decision to try to go to a community college. Well, that was a terrible mistake because my head wasn’t in it. I was still mad, even after a couple of years, and then I got into that accident and I decided it was time to clean up my act.”

  “So you joined the Army. I know that. But what about girlfriends?” My heart has been pounding, waiting for him to tell me that he fell in love with the nameless woman I saw in the photo, and each second that passes drives me a little more insane. “Tell me about them.”

  “There was only one. She was no one. Just a girl I met in college. We got along great and she loved to party … it was a win-win for everyone.”

  “Did you love her?”

  “No,” he says, kissing me softly on the mouth. “I’ve only ever loved one girl in my life. I’ve only ever said those three little words to one person, and that’s you. It’s always been you, and it’ll always be you, Katie.”

  “You promise?” I ask, hating how vulnerable I sound, but damn it, I’m vulnerable. He owns every single part of me, heart and soul, and if he leaves me again, I know that I won’t survive the heartache.

  “Katie,” Devin’s voice softens, his hands making their way up my body until they’re wrapped around my cheeks. “I swear to you that I’m not going anywhere. I am yours, whether you want me or not. I’ve given you my heart, and even if you don’t want it, you can’t give it back because it belongs to you. I know what I have—what we have. It’s special. It’s once in a lifetime. It’s a happily-ever-after sort of love. And I may be a dumbass, but I learn from my mistakes and I don’t make the same ones twice. Letting you go was one of those mistakes.”

  His words seep into my skin and wrap around my soul. I close my eyes, savoring the moment. “Can we go home?” I ask, hating that by ‘home’ I mean the hotel, because right now I’d rather have him in my bed. “I just want to be with you. I want to make love to you over and over again.”

  “We have a lot of years to make up for, that’s for sure,” he says, smiling as he manages to push to his feet with me still cradled in his arms.

  “Ten, to be exact.” I giggle when he smacks my ass playfully. “Roughly thirty seven hundred days … give or take a few.” Devin growls, a low rumble causing his chest to vibrate, and the sound causes shivers to run down my spine. “That’s a ton of sex. Are you up for the challenge, Sergeant Clay?”

  “Oh, sweet Katie. You have no idea what sort of challenges I’m up for.”

  “Hmmm,” I purr, kissing the side of his neck as he walks through the house and out the front door. “This could get interesting.”

  With a speed I didn’t know he was capable of, Devin opens the door of our rental, dumps me in and then runs to his side of the car. In a matter of seconds, we’re flying down the road. His hands are gripped tightly around the steering wheel, and I watch the muscles of his thighs twitch under his jeans as he shifts gears. It’s fucking sexy as hell, and I suddenly can’t wait for the hotel—I need to touch him now.

  Turning in my seat, I reach across the gear stick. Devin gives me a curious glance. “What are you doing?”

  “Nothing.” I shrug, slipping my hand in his jeans. I find his erection rock solid and throbbing, and when I wrap my fingers around him, his cock jumps in my hand.

  “Katie.” His voice is low, raw and holds a massive amount of warning. “We’re almost to the hotel, baby. Give me a couple more minutes.”

  “I’ve given you enough time, Dev.” He glares at me and I can’t help but smirk. He’s just so damn gorgeous it isn’t even fair. That strong jaw, that fucking dimple … those eyes. It’s too much. He should be arrested for being too damn good-looking.

  “Well then, you better drive fast,” I say, dropping my eyes from his as I lower myself in the seat. “Because in approximately ten seconds, you’ll be buried deep in my throat.” He moans, his stomach muscles twitching under the weight of my lips against his belly button. “And once I start, I won’t stop.”

  “Hold on.” His voice is deep and husky, and it sounds like he’s doing everything he can to keep himself together. It’s a damn good thing I went without underwear this morning or they’d be soaking wet.

  His legs move under me as he shifts gears, and my body jerks as we propel forward. “I am.” Popping the button on his jeans, I slide the zipper down and tug his cock from the confines of his boxers. “I suggest you take your own advice, soldier.” Wrapping my mouth around the head of his cock, I take him deep into my mouth, surrounding him as far as my mouth will allow.

  “Son of a bitch.” Devin fists his hand in my hair, and I think it’s safe to say that he’s not doing a good job of keeping it together now. Because when I slide my tongue along the underside of his shaft and suck hard, a string of curse words fly from his mouth.

  “Katie. Fuck. I’m not gonna …” His words trail off as I suck even harder, pumping him over and over. His hips buck and I feel the exact moment that I’ve driven him to the edge. His body trembles, jerks, and then goes completely rigid. I swallow, riding out his orgasm, before releasing him with a wet pop.

  I peek up at Devin while tucking him in his jeans. He looks sated and happy. He must sense me watching him, because he looks down. My head is cradled in his lap and he gives me a devilish smile.

  “Your turn.” The car whips to the left and he throws it into park. Before I can blink, I’m upside down, hanging off his shoulder and he’s walking at a fast clip to what I assume is the hotel, considering all I can see is his ass.

  His large hand slides up the back of my thigh and then disappears before smacking hard against my ass. “I hope you’re ready, because I’m going to spend the entire night making you pay for that. You’re going to come over and over again until you’re begging me to stop.”

  “Will I scream your name?” I ask playfully.

  “Oh, sweetheart. You have no idea what you’re in for.”

  Right back at ya, babe!

  “Between The Raindrops”—Lifehouse ft. Natasha Bedingfield

  A WARM HAND SETTLES LOW on my back, and I moan when he starts kneading at my sore muscles. Devin was right; I had no idea what I was in for. That man dominated my body last night and well into the morning, and now I’m paying the price.

  “Are you sore?” he asks, his fingers making their way to the exact spot that he lay claim to … several times.

  “Mmmm … maybe a little.”

  He nods and kisses my bare shoulder. His fingers are skimming my back, and the light touch causes goose bumps to scatter across my skin.

  “I love that my touch can do this to you.”

  “Trust me, soldier, your touch does a lot more than give me goose bumps,” I mumble, my face still buried in the pillow. Devin chuckles, and I do my best to memorize the sound because I won’t hear it for several more weeks.

  “We should get up,” he whispers.

  “No. I don’t want
to get up.” We made love until the early morning hours and then drifted off to sleep before waking up for a late breakfast. Then we made love again, fell back asleep, and now here we are. I have muscles aching that I didn’t even know existed, and I’m fairly certain that I had more orgasms in the past four days than I’ve had in the past four years combined.

  “I love seeing you like this,” he says, his hands roaming my naked body.

  “Like what? My makeup is a disaster, and I have messy sex hair.”

  “Don’t talk about my woman like that.” He pinches my ass playfully and I squirm next to him, rolling over in his arms.

  “Hi.”

  “Good morning, beautiful.” Dev kisses the top of my nose. “You’re gorgeous, and this sated look on your face is something I could get used to.”

  I cuddle as close as I can get and tangle one of my legs with his. “Speaking of getting used to … what are we going to do when you get done? You said you only have about another six weeks or so, right? Are you going to come home, or—”

  “Katie,” he says, cutting me off. “You’re my home. I’m coming home to you. Where you are, that’s where I’ll be.”

  My heart does a three sixty inside my chest. If I weren’t already head over heels in love with Devin, I would be after those words. “That sounds perfect.”

  “You’re perfect,” he says. “This right here, being with you again, and holding you … it’s perfect. I don’t want to leave.”

  Damn it. I was really trying to go as long as possible without mentioning Devin leaving, but now that it’s out, I can’t seem to stop the tears from blurring my vision.

  “I don’t want you to leave either.”

  Devin kisses my cheek, and then he drags my mouth to his. “We don’t have much longer,” he says, his lips brushing mine. “Then I’ll be home, and we can start our lives together.”

  “That sounds good,” I say, hating the way my heart is trying to jump from my chest. The mere thought of him being gone makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

  Devin’s mouth lands on mine and I immediately open myself up to him. We fall into a drugging kiss, a new dance we’ve perfected the past several days, and the thought of not doing it again tonight or tomorrow makes my stomach churn. The tears that were blurring my vision finally break free.