Cheaper to Reaper

by Vi Lily

  Gio leaves the kitchen and walks toward my front door. I follow like a kitten wanting its ears scratched. He turns to me then and cups my cheek once again. Instead of another smoking panty kiss, he touches his lips to my forehead, then backs into the hall, keeping his eyes on me.

  “Rest tonight, bella donna, and tomorrow morning I will come collect you and take you for a tour of the campus.” He glances down the hall.

  “Do not open the door for anyone until then.”

  Chapter 7

  A FTER STARING AT MY door for a long time, I realize how dumb I’m being, staring after a guy like some love-starved psycho. I decide to start exploring the rest of my living quarters.

  The living room is sparsely decorated, but the sofa looks extra comfy, so I leap on it to test it out. I was right… super comfy. I pat the cushions on each side of me and grin. It’s perfect for future make-out sessions with hot Italian guys.

  There’s a big screen on the wall and I wonder if it’s some sort of television. I wonder what kind of shows they have in the afterlife, but I can’t figure out how to turn the stupid thing on. I’ll have to ask Gio tomorrow.

  After the living room, I grab my extra uniform and head toward the door that must be the bedroom. I turn the knob and gasp as the door opens.

  It’s. Freaking. Gorgeous!

  The room is decorated in the same soothing color scheme of blues and greens, but the color is more muted. Another bank of windows forms one wall, but rather than the heavy draperies that are in the living room, wispy pale green and blue sheers cover the wall.

  A giant bed against the far wall takes up a good portion of the room… and by giant, I mean that four Gios could easily fit on it, with room to spare. The headboard is made from a light-colored wood with delicate carvings. I move closer and snort; they’re scenes from fairytales. That’s kind of funny, considering this is the Fae dorms.

  Thankfully, the bed is already made and looks as clean as any four-star hotel’s bedding. That makes me wonder where we do our laundry here. I have so many questions.

  I see a small door off to the side and open it to find a huge closet. I take a minute to hang my uniform up and then laugh; it looks a little ridiculous all by itself in the huge space. Mental note: figure out where the Commissary is and get some new clothes pronto.

  Another door reveals a gigantic bathroom and I’m starting to wonder if the apartment is somehow sort of magical, like the rooms expand when you walk into them. I don’t care to figure that out at the moment; I’m too busy staring at the bathtub that looks like a small swimming pool. Seriously. It’s square, about ten feet across and deep, with tiled benches on the sides.

  A bath sounds like an awesome idea at the moment, but I’m not sure how to turn the water on. There’s a big silver faucet where the water probably comes out, but no handles. I squat down next to the faucet and look underneath it to see if I’m missing something. I still don’t see anything that looks like an on/off mechanism.

  I lose my balance then and grab the faucet to keep from falling into the tub. Warm water shoots out of the faucet then, right into my face. I jerk and then do a clumsy flip into the tub, landing hard on my back.

  While the water pours on my face.

  Sputtering, I sit up, hitting my head on the faucet. I scoot away from the water then and stand up. The water is filling the tub quickly, so I scramble to one of the benches before I get my shoes wet. Ugly they may be, but they’re the only pair I have right now.

  Since I’m already half wet, I decide I might as well take a bath, so I take off my wet uniform and toss it on the floor next to the tub. By now, the water has filled the tub, which is freaking shocking considering how big the thing is. Apparently, they don’t do water conservation in the afterlife.

  I sigh as I slide down into the water and just float there, my long hair drifting in lazy movements around my body, tickling me like a lover’s fingers. Not that I’d know what that felt like.

  A different type of sigh escapes me then.

  I think this Chloe two point O version is a little more… horny, I guess, than the former version. I mean, I’ve spent all day lusting after one guy after another. First Samuel, then Ali, and then Gio.

  Gio.

  My fingers find my lips then and I smile. Damn, that Fae can kiss. I can’t wait until tomorrow when we get to spend some more time together. And hopefully get some more tongue tangling in.

  I float there for a while and then realize that, while the warm water feels awesome, eventually I’m going to need soap and shampoo. And some other clothes. I mean, I assume that we don’t have to wear our uniforms twenty-four seven, but who knows. I’d like to have some more panties and bras and some jammies at least.

  Forcing myself to sit up, I look around the room, wondering if the former tenants left towels behind. This bath wasn’t exactly well-planned, but then again, I hadn’t meant to fall into the stupid tub and nearly drown myself.

  There’s a box in the corner that sort of looks like a shower, but it has a panel on the outside, which makes me wonder if it’s one of those sauna things. That would be awesome, because I could dry off pretty quickly in the heat.

  I pull myself up out of the tub, being careful not to slip on the wet tile. Gio said we can’t die in the afterlife, but I didn’t think to ask him about injures. And if we can be injured, are there, like, hospitals or something here? If so, how would I call someone? I doubt yelling, “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” would work.

  I realize I have a lot of questions that need answers.

  Once I’m on my feet, I realize that the floor isn’t even slippery, which is really strange. Awesome, but strange.

  I walk up to the panel on the outside of the box and hesitantly put my hand on it. It lights up and asks me what setting I want — low, medium, high, or sauna. I frown, then figure I better be safe and start with low. I don’t even know what this thing is going to do. Maybe bake me or send me into a time warp, to another faceted world.

  You really can’t be sure in these situations.

  The panel blinks and then the door pops open. I peer inside and breathe out a sigh of relief; apparently, the thing is some sort of drying booth. There are footprint emblems on the floor, so I step inside and place my feet on them. The door closes behind me then. I look around and see a little plaque on the wall showing a figure with outstretched arms, so I raise my arms up and wait.

  In just a few seconds, the mini room heats so pleasantly that I sigh in contentment. I can feel my skin tightening as it dries, but it doesn’t feel like dry skin. You know, the flaky kind. It’s more like I’m being wrapped in a warm blanket. It’s a very a nice feeling. Comforting.

  Too soon, the heat shuts off and the door pops open. I turn around and then notice an “emergency exit” button. I feel kind of stupid then, because I hadn’t even thought about getting out of the booth when I stepped in, just trusted that the door would open. I guess I’m not very claustrophobic.

  Once I step out, I realize with a whole lot of shock that my hair is mostly dry. I may not remember everything of my past life, I do know that my long, thick and slightly wavy hair would take forever to dry.

  That drying booth thingy is freaking awesome.

  After I get out, I put on my blouse, but nothing else. I mean, I don’t want to put on dirty underwear, cuz gross. As I stand there, lacy lingerie in hand, I wonder what I should do. Laundry is another question on the list to ask Gio.

  The tub must have automatically drained when I got out, but I manage to rinse out my undies since I figured out that you turn the water on by tapping the faucet, then I hang them over the faucet. If they’re not dry when I need them, I’ll just take them into the drying booth thingy.

  Well, now I’m clean with super silky skin and hair. I think maybe the water here has some sort of magical properties, because I feel cleaner and softer than ever and I didn’t use any sort of product.

  I really don’t want to go to bed, because it seem
s too early. Plus, I haven’t eaten anything and I suddenly realized I’m starving. I walk into the kitchen and put my hand on the panel. A voice comes on:

  “How may we serve you?” a male voice asks.

  Huh, that’s weird. It sounds like a real person, not an automated system.

  “Uh, could I have a, um, green chile cheeseburger with bacon, sweet potato fries and a vanilla shake?”

  I’m not sure if weight gain is a problem in the afterlife, but after the day I’ve had, I think I deserve the calories.

  There’s silence for a moment, then the voice comes back on.

  “You will need to obtain your order in the cafeteria. It will be ready in twenty.”

  Twenty? Twenty what? “Uh, okay,” I tell the voice. “Can you tell me how to get to the cafeteria?”

  “One moment.” A whirring sound startles me to my right, and I glance over when the cabinet door pops open. There’s a piece of paper inside and I pick it up. It’s a map, with “cafeteria” circled in red.

  The voice comes back on. “Follow the map. If you get lost, just touch any wall and ask for directions.”

  Wow. Okay, that’s convenient. “Thank you,” I call out, but there isn’t a response. I think I’ve been dismissed.

  Well, hell, I hadn’t planned on going anywhere, but now that I placed my order, my mouth is watering for that damned cheeseburger. I think about Gio’s warning, but my stomach growls, arguing that I’m not opening the door for anyone, and who is he to order us around anyway?

  My stomach is a cantankerous bitch.

  I hurry back to the bedroom and throw on the clean skirt, the knee-high socks and the ugly shoes, then grab the map and rush out the door. It isn’t until I’m halfway down the hall that I realize I didn’t even put on a bra.

  And I’m wearing a white blouse.

  I tie the blouse up under the boobs again, hoping that will bunch it up enough to not show any nips. But it’s late enough that I hope there won’t be too many others around to witness my hoochie clothes. Then again, I saw a lot of girls — and guys — wearing a lot less at the school. I doubt anyone will notice me.

  The halls are deserted as I make my way to the stairs, following the map in my hands. Just to test it, I put my hand on the wall and ask it how to get to the cafeteria.

  “Follow the stairs down to the first floor, then turn right. Follow the east hallway until you reach the cross section. Turn left. Follow the north hallway…”

  I left the wall talking and started down the stairs.

  Once I reach the first floor, I follow the map — totally impressed that I’m able to, actually — and after only one wrong turn, I manage to find the cafeteria. I mentally high-five myself. Seriously. This is a major life achievement.

  Or afterlife achievement, I guess.

  The cafeteria is empty, thankfully. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do, but I figure it must work like any other café or cafeteria, so I walk up to the counter. There doesn’t seem to be anyone working there, not anyone I can see anyway.

  I glance around and see a plate with one of those domes that fancy hotels use to cover their room service food — or at least, that’s what the movies always showed — under a warmer to my left. It has a sticker on it.

  Chloe Sawyer, Fae Dorms Rm 32

  Well, that’s freaking awesome. I pick up the plate and then start to head back to my room, but movement in the back of the cafeteria catches my eye. I hadn’t seen anyone when I walked in, but he’s in a dark corner, hiding in the shadows. I hesitate for like a nanosecond, then move in that direction.

  “Mind if I sit with you?” I ask.

  Toru looks up at me, startled. When I walked up, he’d been staring at his plate — or plates, rather. It looks like he’s eaten three servings of food, judging by the empty dishes on the table — and he blinks a few times at me, like he’s trying to process what I said. I just smile, pull out the chair next to him and plop my booty down.

  I don’t say anything to him as I uncover my food. The aroma from the burger hits me and my mouth waters. I nab a fry and pop it in my mouth, chewing while I cut the burger in half. The thing is so big, I’d dislocate my jaw trying to take a bite.

  Once that’s done, I take a big bite, not caring if it’s unladylike or whatever. A low moan escapes me as all the flavors hit my tongue. Oh man, it’s so good, better than any I’ve ever had. I remember Samuel telling us earlier at lunch that all our senses are enhanced in the afterlife, but it’s still a little shocking that I can taste every single flavor.

  Including the chile. “Holy hell,” I gasp as the heat hits the back of my tongue. I wave my hand in front of my mouth as I suck in a breath of air. Too late, I realize that I don’t have my shake.

  I twist around to look at the food counter across the room. The heat in my mouth is increasing to the point of being excruciating. I mean, I’m a south Texas gal, for Pete’s sake, and I’m used to fiery jalapenos, spicy red chile powder in my chili stew and super hot green chile from New Mexico, but day-umm… this is off-the-scale, hotter-than-blue-blazes hot.

  Before I can jump up, sprint across the room, vault over the counter and throw myself under the sink faucet in order to drown the heat trying to burn my tongue off, a cup appears in front of me. Without any hesitation, I snatch it up and gulp it down. I don’t even care what it is I’m drinking; it’s cold, it’s liquid and it soothes the heat.

  Sort of. My tongue is still burning, but at least it doesn’t feel like it’s melting.

  I blink back the tears and look at Toru. He’s not smiling, but his full mouth is twitching slightly and there’s a gleam in his black eyes. I slam my eyes shut, open my mouth, then look at him again while laughing and panting at the same time. I’m paughing. Or lanting.

  I think the damned chile fried my brain cells.

  “Thanks for the… whatever that was,” I rasp out as I gesture at the cup that’s now empty. I didn’t even taste it. I grin. “You’re my hero.”

  He looks up at me, his dark eyes widening.

  He really is kind of horrible to look at. I mean, he’s got a mostly human face and doesn’t have like a long snout or anything, but his nose is wide and flat and sort of heart-shaped on the end, like a dog’s. His cheekbones are high, like right under his eyes, and a bit sharp. His forehead is bulgy and broad. I realize then that he doesn’t look as much like a dog as I thought, but more like a drawing of a caveman I saw once in a book.

  To top it off, he has scars that look an awful lot like they were from a bear claw running down the left side from his hairline to his mouth, which is wide and thin-lipped, taking up most of his lower face. I wonder if his teeth are sharp too.

  To make it all worse, he has waist-long black hair that he has severely pulled back in a ponytail at his nape. It sort of accentuates all the awfulness and I wonder if he does that on purpose.

  Regardless of his strange appearance, at the moment it’s obvious the big guy is shocked. Why, is the big question.

  Because I smiled at him? Or because I thanked him? Or maybe it’s just cuz I wanted to sit with him. I have no clue. All I know is that, living or dead, animal or man, he seems like the loneliest soul I’ve ever come across. And I’ll be damned if that continues.

  Not on this stubborn gal’s shift anyway.

  He doesn’t acknowledge my thanks, but that’s okay. I think it’s going to take itty bitty baby steps to befriend this guy. Like mouse-sized. Good thing my feet are so small.

  I pop a few fries in my mouth and then scrape the chile off my burger. Toru watches me so I grin at him.

  “Gonna have to level up to ‘inferno’,” I laugh. “Right now, I think I’m at about ‘black pepper’. Might take a bit.”

  His wide lips twitch again, but then he looks back down to his food and continues eating.

  He’s working on what looks like a giant piece of carrot cake — my personal favorite dessert, next to chocolate cream pie. Despite the wide, dog-like mouth, he chews with his mouth
closed, which I am seriously grateful for, cuz gross. Nothing worse than listening to someone chew and seeing food spew from their mouth.

  I watch him and wait until he swallows to ask a question. I’m gonna force this guy to talk to me, even if it takes all night.

  “What did you have for dinner?” I ask sweetly as I put my hamburger back together after getting all the green bits scraped off. I take a cautious bite; it’s still got some heat, but at least my tongue doesn’t feel like it’s being burnt off by a blowtorch.

  Toru looks up at me, startled yet again. I guess he figured I was just gonna do all the talking and not engage him. Nice try buddy. I do like to entertain, but I also like having a back-and-forth exchange. I am a world-class conversationalist, thankyouverymuch.

  My friends call me Showy Chloe.

  Toru looks back down at his cake and cuts off another bite. I realize that his hand is so freaking huge that I can’t even see the fork he’s holding. I watch in fascination as the corded muscles along his forearm flex with his movements.

  Sexy, muscular arms are my kryptonite.

  “Food,” he answers as he puts the bite in his mouth without looking at me.

  His voice is so deep, it reverberates in my ears and makes shivers run up and down my arms. It’s also raspy, like he hasn’t used it in a while.

  I want to roll my eyes at his one-word answer. Not another one, I think. But then I realize that I’m going to give Toru a whole lot of leeway, cuz of the lack of friends thing he’s got going on and all.

  I mean, I am assuming a lot, but I don’t think I’m wrong. This guy needs some tender loving care.

  “Sounds yummy,” I drawl and then I reach over and give him a playful whack on the arm I was just drooling over. Toru jumps back at the contact. I know damned well it wasn’t cuz I hurt the guy. He probably hasn’t been touched in a long time. Or maybe no one has ever hit him. Honestly, I’m kinda shocked I did. The guy is monstrously large, and monstrously scary-looking. Probably not my smartest move.