Sorceress Super Hero

by Darius Brasher

  Daniel flung the Cloak of Wisdom at me. “Put the Cloak on. It can help us.”

  “That seems like more of a Hail Mary pass than a brilliant idea,” I said, but hastened to put the cloak on anyway. My fingers fumbled with the eagle clasp.

  Finally, I got the cloak on. I fastened the clasp around my neck. The fabric was heavy on my shoulders. It felt like I wore a Halloween costume. I was Wonder If I Am About To Die Woman.

  I waited expectantly for several seconds that felt like hours. Nothing happened. Other than feeling like I was getting hot flashes because of all my running and the fact I had a heavy piece of fabric draped over me, I did not feel any different. If the cloak was making my magic powers level up like a character in a video game, I couldn’t tell.

  “Am I supposed to say ‘Shazam’ or something?” I demanded of Daniel.

  “How the hell am I supposed to know? You’re the sorceress. It’s why I hired you. Make it work.” Daniel turned away from me and faced the door. The sound of the approaching statues was noticeably louder. His jaw clenched, and his grip tightened on his staff. “And do it fast. I may be able to secure the door for a while with the Ark, but I can’t do it forever. Those things can absorb magic.”

  No pressure. I’ve always sucked at tests, especially ones with a literal deadline.

  I took a deep breath and let it out, trying to force my panicking brain to slow down and reason us out of this situation.

  The Cloak of Wisdom was a magical Relic. Magic usually required a spell to activate it. So, maybe I needed a spell to use the cloak. But what was that spell?

  Okay, a spell was triggered using the Word, the Will, and the Wave. That was Magic 101, the first thing every Gifted learned when she trained in the use of her inherent magical capacity. What could the Word, the Will, and the Wave be in this case?

  I remembered what was on the plaque next to the case I had smashed. Daniel said the former owner of the cloak had mandated what appeared there. There was an image of two hands intertwined in the shape of a bird. Maybe that was the Wave. And the plaque had said Kato believed the cloak became a part of his body, and then it imparted to him occult knowledge. Maybe that was the Will part; I had to will the cloak to become a part of my body.

  If I was right, that only left the Word. What could the Word be? The only thing that immediately sprang to mind was abracadabra. I suspected that wasn’t it. The Word did not have to be a single word. It could be a phrase, or a sentence. Heck, with really complicated spells, ones that were beyond my capacity, the Word could be pages and pages of text. It was why most Master Magicians kept spellbooks, so they wouldn’t mess up complex spells.

  The sound of the approaching statues got even louder. My mind frantically groped for the Word that might activate the cloak.

  It came up empty, at least as far as the Word was concerned. Instead I got a mental image of the statues squeezing the life out of me.

  Wait a minute! The statues! Obviously, they were magically programmed to be guardians of the clock. Kato had mandated they be on display wherever the cloak was. And they all had the same Hebrew word on their foreheads: Emet. Truth.

  What was the word for truth in Latin? Crap! I couldn’t remember. I cursed myself for not hitting the books after Dad’s death. If only that Roman centurion who had stabbed Daniel was handy.

  Wait. Daniel had said he knew all human languages. “Quick, what’s the word for ‘truth’ in Latin?”

  “Veritas,” Daniel supplied immediately, still staring at the door. A rainbow shimmered over its contours, just like the shimmering wood in Daniel’s hand. I assumed he was trying to fortify the door to make it harder for the statues to get in.

  I remembered now. Veritas. Yes!

  Feeling a bit like a clown at a children’s party, I put my hands together in the bird shape I had seen on the plaque. “Veritas,” I said, willing the cloak on my shoulders to become a part of me and impart the magical wisdom it possessed.

  The eagle clasp got warm, enough so that I felt it through my shirt. The cape’s fabric around my neck shifted like something alive, moving so that it touched my bare skin.

  Once it did, I felt a strange sensation, like my mind was being sped up. Everything I had seen and done whizzed by in my head, almost like my life was flashing before my eyes the way people said it did as you were dying.

  I gasped when the strange sensation stopped as abruptly as it had begun. Moving on its own, the cloak enfolded my body. It tightened around me like a boa constrictor.

  Finally! A girl! said a male voice. I did not hear the voice with my ears. I heard it inside my skull. The cloak got even tighter around my breasts and buttocks. And what a girl! Yowzah!

  CHAPTER 15

  Startled and confused, it took me a moment to react. I had been sexually harassed before, but never by an inanimate object.

  “Stop that,” I said aloud, spreading my arms with effort to move the cloak away from my body. The cloak struggled against me. It was like wrestling an octopus.

  Aw, come on baby, the voice in my head said. The voice was young, like that of a teenager. Don’t be like that. Me love you long time.

  “I said stop it!” I exclaimed sharply. I was arguing with a piece of laundry. Just when I thought my life could not get any crazier, it had. “I’m in trouble and need help.”

  I need help too, the cloak said. A tendril of fabric caressed my butt. Help you’re just the type to provide. I like my girls on the healthy side. More cushion for the pushin’, if you know what I mean.

  Dry cleaning had just implied I was fat. Now I’d heard everything. I felt insulted, and I felt even sillier for feeling insulted. I gathered the groping folds of fabric into a bundle, and held the squirming mass away from my body, with the warm clasp still around my neck. “Stop trying to touch me, you creep. This is serious. Creatures are trying to kill us.”

  The vibrations from the stomping statues were so loud now, I felt them in my teeth. Loud pounding on the door started.

  I’m a creep, am I? The voice in my head was indignant. How rude. I’d hoped we’d be friends, but we won’t be if you’re gonna call me names. Way to win friends and influence people. If someone’s trying to kill you, I wish them Godspeed. You’re on your own.

  Daniel, still holding the shimmering Ark fragment, peered over his shoulder at me. He looked concerned about the statues pounding on the door, but not at all puzzled about why I had suddenly started talking to myself. I realized he knew I was talking to the Cloak of Wisdom. The rascal had known this would happen when I activated the cloak. If I could travel back in time, I would go ahead and slap him upside the head the way I had daydreamed of.

  Who’s the third wheel? I assumed the cloak meant Daniel. Apparently, it could see. Your boyfriend?

  “He’s definitely not my boyfriend. He’s the reason we’re in this mess. But he’s not important right now. Animated statues that are super strong and immune to magic are trying to kill us. You’re the Cloak of Wisdom, so drop some wisdom on me. How do we escape?”

  The cloak sniffed contemptuously. What about “you’re on your own” did you not understand? I’m a spirit bound to a magic cloak. Conventional means can’t destroy me. So, whatever’s after you is not my problem. Not my circus, and not my monkeys. Be a doll and try not to bleed on me too much when you die. Blood is a beast to get out.

  There was so much pounding on the door now, the sound was like jackhammers. Sweat poured off Daniel’s brow as he concentrated on keeping the door shut with the Ark fragment.

  “You’ve got to help us,” I insisted. “We’re going to get slaughtered.”

  My advice? Stick your head between your legs and kick your ass goodbye. Next time, dig your well before you’re thirsty by being nice to the person who can help you instead of insulting him. Not that there’ll be a next time if what you say is true. The pounding had spread from just the door to the walls surrounding the door. Cracks began to appear on the walls. With Daniel visibly straining, the rainb
ow colors shimmering on the door spread to encompass the walls. Out of curiosity, what’s trying to get in here? Whatever it is, it sure has a hard-on for you.

  “Like I said, they’re statues that have become animated. Tall, big, blocky, and made of red clay.”

  Wait a minute. These statues don’t by any chance have a Hebrew word carved into their foreheads, do they?

  “They do.”

  Glowing red eyes? The voice sounded worried now.

  “Yeah. You know what they are?”

  The cloak cursed. Golems, the voice said bitterly. I told Ichiro they were too single-minded and stupid to serve as protectors. But noooooo, Captain Know-It-All goes right ahead and uses them as guard dogs anyway. A Japanese sorcerer fooling around with Jewish animated beings was bound to end in disaster. A clear case of cultural appropriation. For the first time, the cloak sounded panicked. Take me off right now!

  “Why?”

  Because when the golems rip you apart, they’ll do the same to me. Now he was talking so fast, his words tumbled over each other. Like I said, they’re stupid. If I’m linked with you, they’ll perceive me as the enemy also even though I’m the one they’re supposed to protect. And since they can absorb magic, they’re one of the few things that can kill me. Take me off right this instant. Toss me in a corner somewhere, out of harm’s way. There’s no sense in both of us going to that big golem heap in the sky.

  “I won’t take you off until you help me figure a way out of this.”

  The cloak was silent for a moment. Fine. But I’m only telling you this because my own neck is on the line. The cloak sighed in resignation, like a kid whose parents were forcing him to eat his brussels sprouts. You can’t defeat the golems with magic. Retreat is the only option. The magic that animates them will dissipate once I’m sufficiently far from them.

  “We can’t retreat. That door is the only exit. We’re trapped.”

  Whose genius idea was it to seek refuge in a spot with no exits? The cloak’s tone was incredulous. No, don’t tell me. I can already guess. Somebody rude and hippy. Not terribly bright, are you? All body, no brains. No matter. That’s all water under the burning bridge now. Just open a portal and whisk us right out of here.

  I was confused. “Open a what?”

  A portal. A magical doorway from one place to another. Chop, chop, hurry it up. That wall’s cracking like a teenager’s voice. It’s not going to last much longer.

  The cloak was right. The wall and door were as cracked now as a dry riverbed. Daniel was barely holding them together with the Ark fragment.

  “I don’t know how to open a portal,” I said. “That kind of magic is way over my head.”

  Wait, hold up. With all the magical capacity I sense in you, you don’t know how to open a portal? I was opening portals when I was 12-years-old. What are you, stupid?

  “Don’t call me stupid.”

  Stupid is as stupid does.

  “That doesn’t even make any sense.”

  You don’t make any sense.

  I wanted to rip the cloak off and set it on fire. “You know, I’ve had just about enough of you.”

  “Sage!” Daniel yelled. “Focus on getting us out of here. I can’t hold these things off much longer.”

  The third wheel’s right. First we need to get out of here, then we can talk more about how dumb you are. I’ll give you a crash course in portal opening. Hmmm, where to begin? I got a sudden image in my head of a pipe-smoking college professor writing on a chalkboard. To open a portal, you must cast a spell. To cast a spell, you need the Word, the Will, and the Wave.

  “I know about the three Ws,” I snapped. “I’m not an idiot.”

  Could’ve fooled me, the voice muttered. Alright, if you already have a grasp of the fundamentals, we’ll jump ahead. We’ll start with the Word, which is the simplest part of this particular spell. Repeat after me: Nulla tenaci invia est via.

  I repeated it several times, until the cloak was satisfied I had the pronunciation right. It didn’t take long; having homicidal golems literally beating down the door to get to you concentrated the mind. It will never do for you to say the words even slightly wrong, the cloak said. If you’re not precise, you might open a portal to the bottom of the Arctic Ocean. Or worse.

  Okay, now let’s tackle the Will. When you open a portal, it can only be to a place you’ve been to before. You’ll be using magic to open a wormhole from here to that other place. Visualize it like two funnels, rotated so the bottoms of each are facing and connected by a tube. Like this. I got a mental image of what the cloak described. Later—if there was a later—I’d have to ask it how it projected those images into my mind. You’ll be focusing your magical will to push us from this side of the funnel, through the tube, and out of the other side of the funnel. Don’t lose focus on what you’re doing, or else we won’t wind up where you want us to wind up.

  “Got it,” I said.

  I hope so. He did not sound like he was drowning in optimism. Finally, the hardest part of this spell. The Wave. First, take off those idiotic gloves. Are you driving Miss Daisy? You can’t cast a complex spell wearing gloves. You need nimble fingers. Better. Okay, pay close attention. A picture appeared in my mind of two disembodied hands. They moved in a complex pattern, so quickly I couldn’t follow. It was like watching someone speak in sign language at high speed.

  “Wait! You’re going too fast,” I said. The hands stopped and started over from the beginning, more slowly this time. I mimicked the movements, my sweaty hands feeling clumsy performing the unfamiliar motions.

  “Hurry!” Daniel urged. His face was red, and his arm holding the Ark fragment shook. Some of the cracks in the door and wall were now holes. It was obvious that only the Ark’s power held the golems back, but the rainbow colors shimmering on the surface of the wall got visibly dimmer with each blow from the golems.

  Okay, those are all the components of the portal spell, the cloak said once I finally finished mimicking the motions of the hands in my mind. Just put them all together, and we’ll blow this popsicle stand.

  I gathered my will, visualizing what I wanted to happen as the cloak had instructed. I started the motions of the Wave and said, “Nulla tenaci invia es via.”

  Stop! It’s “est,” not “es.” Merlin’s beard! What are you trying to do, blow us to kingdom come? Start over.

  Despite being able to see the golems through all the holes in the wall now, I tried to calm myself. I started again.

  Nope, nope, nope, the cloak said, stopping me in the middle of the Wave. Are you an old crone? Do you have arthritis? Why are your fingers curled like that? Straighten them out. Are you trying to commit seppuku and save the golems the trouble? Begin again. Hurry!

  I started from scratch for the third time. Sweat dripped into my eyes, but I didn’t dare take time to wipe it away. The golems were almost through the wall.

  Daniel cried out and staggered backward. The rainbow sheen on the door and wall disappeared. Two golems burst through the damaged wall like the Kool-Aid Man. Others followed. Plaster and sheetrock went flying. A piece of debris hit my temple. I ignored the starburst of pain that expanded in my head, keeping my focus on trying to open a portal back to my apartment in Columbia Heights.

  Daniel backed hastily away from the approaching golems, to where I stood my ground. “Whatever you’re going to do, do it now,” he yelled.

  I’m only 635 and three-quarters years-old. I’m too young to die! the cloak wailed.

  The golems were almost on top of us. The air crackled with building magical power as I neared the end of the Wave, praying I was doing it right.

  The shambling golems reached for us like Frankenstein monsters run amok. The rumble of their steps made my teeth chatter. Running, or even moving out of the way, was not an option. I was too deep into the process of casting this spell. There was no time to start over. The third time had to be the charm.

  My stomach gurgled as I began the final motion of the Wave. I wond
ered if what I had for dinner last night had been my last meal. I wished I had gone out for chili dogs instead.

  One of the golems reared back, its fists over its head, about to smash us to a pulp, right as I spread my arms wide, completing the Wave, willing a portal to open so we could step through it into my apartment.

  The air crackled like a powerful electric current ran through it. With a ripping sound that was like dozens of thick books being simultaneously torn apart, a swirling blue and black mass that looked like a mini-thunderstorm spread out on the floor under my and Daniel’s feet.

  We fell into it like a trapdoor had swung open under us.

  We tumbled, end over end, falling as a kaleidoscope of endless shades of blue and black danced around us. Nauseous, I wanted to throw up. I fought the impulse. It felt as though if I succumbed, every fiber of my body would fly apart like an exploding grenade. I had never taken psychedelics, but this was what I imagined a bad LSD trip was like.

  In a fraction of a second that felt like minutes, we fell out of the bad acid trip into near darkness. The swirling blue and black mass boiled above us before winking out of existence, revealing the night sky. This was not my apartment. The portal had deposited us into mid-air, like we were passengers on a plane that had abruptly disappeared.

  Spinning wildly, Daniel and I fell like dropped rocks. The Cloak of Wisdom fluttered around me like a broken glider. The air whistled around us. The cloak was screaming. Daniel was screaming. I was screaming. All God’s chillun were screaming.

  I slammed into something hard. My breath whooshed out of me. Daniel followed a split second later. We tumbled down a hard and jagged slope. The world spun around us.

  I snatched a glimpse of emptiness below. I flung an arm out, grabbing with my hand. I caught hold of a hard protuberance right as the rest of me tumbled off the edge of whatever it was we had fallen on.

  My shoulder shrieked with pain as my body jolted to a halt. I dangled off the edge of something. Daniel tumbled past me, clutching the Ark fragment. The tip of the staff smacked my head, making my ears ring.