The Heart of Christmas

by Kathryn Shay

  “I want this to be exclusive between us, Stacey. For as long as it’s working for us both.”

  “I want that, too.”

  “Good, because I’m too tired to convince you with another bout.”

  Now she did tease. “For an old man, you did good.”

  He arched a sexy blond brow and peered down at her. “Just good?”

  She laughed. “Stupendous. And it was…fun.”

  “It was. You brought that out of me. I’d forgotten I could be so lighthearted.” She didn’t speak. “You expected Heathcliff? I bet he made love morbidly.”

  Stacey loved that he was a reader. She always found men who read sexy. “He probably did. No, after what you told me, I thought you might be sad through this.”

  “Sweetheart, it’s hard for anybody to be sad around you. This was bound to be…uplifting. And by the way, I’m glad I was the first for you this time around.”

  “There you go again, making me feel like Mother Teresa.”

  “Actually, you were a tiger. That surprised me, too.”

  She grinned. “Can you stay?” she asked. “Or are you on shift?”

  Rolling his eyes, he confessed, “I, um, took the liberty of asking for a furlough day.”

  She edged up on her elbow. “Pretty sure of yourself, buster.”

  “Nope. For once in my life, I had hope. You gave that to me. Thank you, love.”

  This time she didn’t tease. She accepted the wonderful words and kept them close to her heart.

  AS HE HEADED to the airport to pick up Taylor, Nick was smiling. He’d been smiling for almost two weeks, and it was no secret why. He’d had to endure his group’s teasing, too…

  “Hey, Cap, I saw you at The Lakeside Restaurant, with that beautiful redhead. The one from the bookstore. The one you’re planning the Christmas shindig with. You two been partying together?”

  He’d looked Ames in the face and said, “You could call it that.”

  Never before had he divulged anything about his personal life to the guys, who shared private concerns all the time like they were one big family. Nick had always seen himself as the dad who should keep his stuff to himself.

  Then there had been Kelly…

  “You told her?” She threw her arms around Nick and hugged him so tight, he hadn’t realized his guilt, his inability to shed it, had weighed so heavily on her.

  Finally, there was Stacey herself. True to her word, she didn’t insist on analyzing what he’d done. She didn’t try to make it better. Instead, she treated their relationship as normal. Buying lacy underwear for him. Wearing some sexy perfume that drove up his blood pressure. She cooked him meals she gladly left untouched once or twice to go to bed with him. She’d given herself fully and unequivocally to him. These days, the only times he was moody was when they talked about the Christmas party. He still hated the holiday despite the gift he’d been given.

  When he reached JFK, he pulled into the cell-phone parking lot provided for drivers who’d come to pick up passengers. He’d wait here for Taylor and keep himself entertained by texting Stacey. Drawing out his phone, he saw there was already a message from her. A newsy, girlfriend type note. Hope you didn’t hit too much traffic. I hate driving into the city.

  I’m here, he responded. I entertained myself with thoughts of us in bed on the drive.

  She must have been near the phone because she shot right back, Ohhhh, what was I wearing? Did you like it? Did you take it off me?

  Jesus, who knew she’d be so uninhibited in bed? Not that he was having trouble keeping up with her. It was as if she’d shared her youthful vigor with him.

  Another text came in. I’m here, Daddy. Just got my luggage. Am outside in section six.

  Gotta go, babe, he typed to Stacey. Taylor’s here. Can’t wait for her to meet you.

  When Nick caught sight of his daughter, she looked as though she’d walked off the pages of a fashion magazine. Wearing a suede skirt and jacket, dark brown, leather boots, and a jaunty dark brown hat, she scanned the cars ahead of him. Hell, he thought anxiously. I forgot how sophisticated she is. I hope she doesn’t make Stacey feel…inadequate.

  Then the line thinned, and amidst the horns honking and people shouting, he pulled up to her. When he got out of the car, all his concerns disappeared. Despite her sophistication, he remembered when she was a little girl and he used to take her to the station house and let her sit in the truck. “Hey, honey.” He enveloped her in a huge hug and didn’t let go. “I missed you.” This connection with his daughter was another pleasure in life he’d forgone.

  She hung on, and he wondered if Lucinda was still as stingy with her affection. When she drew back, she grinned, again like his little girl. “I missed you, too, Dad.”

  He helped her into the passenger seat and stowed her bags. On the drive to Hidden Cove, he asked her how she was, what was school like, how was her mom. But when he said, “So, are there any boys in the picture?” she shook her head.

  “That’s it! Who are you and what have you done with my father?”

  He glanced over. “Well, let me tell you about that.” She knew nothing about his past and never would, but he could give her the lowdown on Stacey.

  He wanted to.

  THANKSGIVING DAY DAWNED bright and beautiful in Hidden Cove. The air was crisp but not cold, and the sun came out, blessing everything. Stacey had asked to meet Nick and his daughter at Kelly’s house because she needed to visit with Jess’s family in the morning. They’d been distressed when she’d told them she wasn’t spending this holiday with them.

  They lived on the lake and when she reached their home, she peeked through the houses at the crystalline beauty of the water, remembering how Jess had loved this spot. For a moment, she thought of him and knew what he’d say to her at this time in her life. Go for it, girl. Five years is long enough to mourn. Too long.

  Exiting the car, she walked up the path and before she could even knock, Jessica pulled open the door. Jess’s twelve-year-old niece, named after him. “Hey, baby.”

  “Stacey, we’ve been waiting for you!” After a huge hug, she stayed close. “Dad’s mad at you. He isn’t happy. You really got a boyfriend? It’s okay if you do. I think you should.”

  She drew Jessica to her side and walked into the house with her. Immediately, the scent of the cooking turkey brought back memories of all the years she’d spent holidays here. She allowed herself a touch of sadness at the loss.

  Caleb, Jess’s youngest brother, approached her immediately and also hugged her. “Stacey, you look…great. Different.” He perused the angora, green sweater she wore with tailored pants. She hoped her outfit was dressy enough for Nick’s.

  “I don’t think I’m any different.” Which was a bold-faced lie. She felt completely renewed, energetic and invigorated from spending the early hours of the morning in bed with Nick. She glanced over Caleb’s shoulder. “Hi, everybody.”

  His brothers and sisters came to hug her. All but Joe. He stayed by the window, sipping beer, glowering at her.

  Jess’s mother and father greeted her warmly, told her everything was fine, to stay away from that one, but she didn’t. She walked to his side of the room. “Happy Thanksgiving, Joe.”

  “Won’t be without you,” Joey said.

  “I’m here now.”

  “But you’re having the meal at your boyfriend’s.”

  Instead of getting angry, she leaned over, took the beer out of Joey’s hand, set it on the table and hugged him. He resisted, but she held on. Then he clung to her. “Jess would want me to be happy, Joe.”

  “I know.” She could feel him shaking. “But it feels like we’re losing you, too.”

  “You’re not. I promise you’ll still be a big part of my life.”

  Joey pulled back. His eyes were awash with tears. “What will the guy think?”

  “He lost his family except for a sister at a young age. He’ll love knowing you.”

  “It’s that serious?”
>
  “It is for me.”

  Two hours later, feeling like a wilted flower, she rang another doorbell to a much less fancy house on the other side of Hidden Cove. She heard some shouts, a deep, stern voice, then Nick opened the door. As soon as he saw her, he stepped outside and closed it behind him. “What’s wrong?”

  She drew in a deep breath and let it out. “I went to the Sterlings.”

  “I know.” His expression was questioning, then he took her by the shoulders. “Oh, man, what was I thinking? This is the first holiday you’re not eating with them. Were they upset? Are you?”

  “His brother Joe’s having a hard time with it.”

  Nick pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry if you’re hurting. We could go for a drive before you meet the family.” This time, she was thankful he didn’t try to make everything all right. Sometimes, situations were just sad.

  “No,” she said, burying her head in his chest, inhaling his spicy scent. “I want to meet Kelly and Taylor, the rest of them. It was time for all this.”

  He took her by the hand and said meaningfully, “Because it’s time for things, doesn’t make them any easier.” Then he kissed her nose and led her into his sister’s home.

  LATER THANKSGIVING NIGHT, they lay in Stacey’s bed, entangled after a bout of lovemaking so fierce, it took Nick’s breath away. She was sweaty, like him, and sucking in air when she rolled off him.

  “Where did all that come from?” she asked.

  “A meaningful day. Big bridges crossed. I never knew sex could be this intense when you felt so much for the other person.”

  Nick had already told Stacey that his marriage to Lucinda had been doomed from the beginning. They were so different and Lucinda drew farther away from him each year, even after Taylor was born.

  “Kelly’s beautiful, Nick. And seems fairly well-adjusted.”

  He stiffened. He hated when their past was even brought up. “I guess. She got a lot of therapy. And Mark knows—accepts—her. That’s a huge thing.”

  She could have said, So you’re the only one dwelling on this. But she didn’t. And he loved her all the more for it.

  Holy Mother of God, he loved her?

  Stacey was running her fingers through the hair on his chest and chattering on about Taylor and how sophisticated she was, yet it hadn’t threatened her, she felt secure. But he could only think of one thing. He loved this woman.

  Easing up to her arms, she turned her body to his and sprawled over him. “Nick, what’s wrong? Didn’t you have a good time today at your family’s?”

  “I did. It’s not that.” He tucked her hair back behind her ear and watched her.

  “Then why are you so out of it suddenly?”

  “I just realized something.” His tone was grave. What he felt was serious business.

  “What?”

  “That I love you. Stacey, I love you!”

  Her eyes filled with big tears and he thought, She’s not ready for this. Because of Jess. Because of the holiday.

  “Oh, honey, I’m sorry if this is too soon. I know how much—”

  She shut him up by, literally, climbing fully on top of him. “Too soon? No, you idiot, it’s not too soon. I’ve loved you forever and was waiting for you to catch up. Jesus, it took you long enough.”

  “Well,” he said flipping her over onto her back, “what I lack in quickness, I make up in staying power.”

  Her eyes glittered as she lay beneath him. “I’m so glad.”

  DECEMBER TWELFTH CAME all too soon for Nick. Stacey knew he was putting up a front for her and was powerless to make him enjoy the camp Christmas party/fundraiser. Though things were terrific between them, a pall settled on him more and more as the holiday neared. Even the high of making breathless love this morning hadn’t lasted long. She watched him walk toward her—all the cops, firefighters and veterans were dressed in uniform for the party and wore Santa hats.

  In a half hour, the doors would open first for the campers and an hour later for the rest of the community. Stacey was standing at Megan’s Fish Magnet booth with Kelly and her girls. Despite Megan Hale’s objections, she’d been chosen to represent the police department for their hero because she spearheaded the camp. The picture of her—winking, in her street-cop attire—was terrific.

  “Hey, Kelly,” Nick said, kissing his sister when he reached them. He squeezed Stacey’s arm. And smiled at his nieces. “You playing this one?”

  “Nah, it’s too young for us.” Lily rolled her eyes. “We’re helping Mommy.”

  “This is a family affair.” Kelly scanned the area. “And you did a good job recruiting firefighters and staff. They brought their kids, too.”

  “Recruiting? Hell, if I gotta be here, so do they.” He glanced at the row of food booths where hot dogs, hamburgers, hot sausage and french fires were being served. “I’d watch what I ate if I were you. Riley, Lisa Beth and the rest of the guys from House 7 are staffing that one. Who knows what they’ll do, they’re such a rowdy bunch.”

  Stacey smiled. “I stopped over there. Two of your guys, Zeke Cordaro and Bilky are having a contest to see who can eat the most fried dough.” The Malvasos’ mother, Sabina, was making the Italian pastry, and the scent of it filtered through the academy gym.

  “Want to walk around?” Nick asked Stacey.

  “I think we should spend some time at the Batman’s Basketball Throw.” She eyed the booth where its staffers, Mitch and Megan Malvaso, were already having a game.

  “Probably not now. Those two look like they’re hot and heavy into it.” He slid his arm around her shoulders as they started away. When he held her even casually like this, her heart swelled. “We had a different kind of hot and heavy this morning, didn’t we, love?”

  “Yes, we did.” She touched his face. “Are you all right?” She waved to the prettily decorated gym. “I know this is hard for you.”

  He stared at Ms. Marvel’s Maze on the stage, a real one used to train recruits. Ramirez and his stunning wife, Sophia, would show the teenagers how to use it. “I’m doin’ okay. It’s great seeing everybody helping out.” He smiled. “I like the superheroes, too. You were right about them. They unify everything.”

  “My favorite is Beck’s.” She pointed to the cutout, which showed half of him in firefighter uniform and the other half in army gear.

  “Not Jess’s?”

  Stacey’s gaze went to her husband’s likeness, positioned near the Sterling’s Paintball Station, at the far end. “That’s great, too.”

  “Let’s go visit.” Nick led her over to it. As she stood in front of the cutout and stared up at the only man she’d ever loved previous to Nick, a wave of sadness floated through her, but it was fleeting. She’d chosen a photo of him in his uniform, saluting. Though the Christmas hat diluted the seriousness, he was every inch the firefighter.

  “Make you sad, honey?”

  “Some. But it’s terrific seeing him honored.”

  “Hey, you two want to play? We got time for a quick game before the kids descend.” The invitation came from Zach Malvaso, who was manning the activity with his wife Casey. The two of them looked happy, healthy and out for fun.

  “Maybe later, Zach,” Nick said.

  “Cool pic of Jess, huh, Stacey?”

  “Yes, I love it.”

  Casey smiled. “My favorite is Wonder Woman’s Woodworking.” Which Faith and Rick had volunteered to run. “The lack of stereotyping is great, Stace, giving carpentry to a woman hero.”

  “Hey, I helped with that, too.” Nick’s tone was falsely offended. Stacey was glad he could joke about things.

  As they walked away, a shout came from Spider Woman’s Skee-Ball. Brody and Ryan O’Malley were competing and it looked as if Ryan was winning. “I’m in the mood for some competition,” Nick said, which Stacey thought was encouraging. “Let’s go over there and bump them off.”

  They played like rivals before the place opened up. It was good to see the flush on Nick’s cheeks
.

  Then the kids came in. Stacey watched all those children, ages four through seventeen who’d lost a mom or dad to fire, guns and war. It didn’t seem fair that so many suffered every day from the actions of bad men. Something Nick suffered from, too.

  “So much loss here,” he said.

  “I was just thinking that.”

  Little ones zipped around them, heading toward the kiddie booths. One small girl bumped into Nick and fell back on rear. She was four, maybe. “Sorry, Mr. Firefighter.” Tears clouded her eyes and she stuck her fingers in her mouth.

  As the mother approached them, Nick scooped up the child and she cuddled into him. And as Nick held her to his chest and crooned to her, Stacey was overcome with such love for the man, which then converged with pure rage at how he suffered for his sins, she could barely contain it.

  With the spirit of Christmas surrounding him, she vowed to help him get over what he’d done.

  Christmas Eve

  THE BELLS ON a church in town chimed at the stroke of midnight. Simultaneously, Nick’s doorbell rang. The caller had to be Stacey. She’d promised to give him space on Christmas Eve and granted his wish to be alone. So what if he hated not being with her after all they’d shared these last few months?

  The bell pealed again. He knew, he knew on the other side he’d find her. Oh, hell. He jumped out of bed, where he’d been pretending to try to sleep. Barefoot, wearing only pajama bottoms, he made his way to the foyer and yanked open the door.

  There she was, wearing one of the Santa hats from the party that had brought them together, a short red coat and white velvety pants. Her hair, even longer now, sprawled out everywhere. “I kept my promise,” she said saucily.

  “By the letter of law.”

  “Still, I did.” She held up a bag. “I have something in here I want you to see.” When he started to speak, she put her hand on his mouth. “Hush. I’ll leave afterward, if you want, or if you’re so pissed I don’t want to stay with you, but I’ve got something to show you.”