Ms. Match Meets a Millionaire

by Pamela DuMond

  Luisa shook her head. “You wear this stuff all night, and poof, like magic, you wake up with no eye circles. Why do you want to walk around with eye circles? You’re so young—only in your thirties, right?”

  “I’m twenty-five.”

  “Then there’s no time like the present for the Eye Hydrator. You have sunglasses?”

  “Of course.”

  “Perfect,” she leaned in and dabbed the green goo around my eyes. “I left my card in your bag. Call me next week and I’ll set up your monthly renewal plan.”

  *

  I stepped into the empty elevator on the twelfth floor wearing the bright orange beanie that my mom made me buy a few years ago when a jogger was shot during deer hunting season, and my sunglasses that I always kept stashed in my duffel. The hat covered my damp hair so I wouldn’t catch a cold and the sunglasses allowed me to continue wearing the eye mask without looking like a weirdo in public.

  I pulled out my phone to check emails when the elevator stopped on the eleventh floor, and twenty people dressed in cocktail attire crowded inside. A holiday party must have been winding down because the women’s dresses were heavy on the red and green.

  The crush of party-goers crammed me against the wall. I stared at my feet, pretended to be wearing ear buds, and hummed “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” to sell my performance. The elevator descended but there was one small problem.

  I’d broken into a sweat of tsunami-like proportions, my forehead, neck, and cleavage beading with moisture. My parka was meant to withstand minus forty wind chill, not a claustrophobic elevator packed with a gaggle of perfumed, liquored up, people. I unzipped my jacket a few inches, and accidentally smacked the woman standing against me. She was wearing a sparkly purple suit and a reindeer antler headband. “Sorry!”

  “Right.” She sniffed contemptuously, her antlers jiggling. “Too much holiday drinking.”

  The car stopped again on the tenth floor and five more people squeezed on.

  My core temperature was well on its way to 103 and my eyes itched as the hydrating eye mask melted and dripped into them. I snuck my index finger up under my sunglasses to wipe away the goo.

  The elevator stopped on the eighth floor and more people piled in and I started hyperventilating.

  “Are you all right?” a man next to me asked.

  “Never been better.” I gasped in short little breaths. “Thank you.”

  “You do know you have green stuff sliding down your face?”

  “Of course, I know that. Too much holiday accessorizing.”

  “Hello,” a familiar male voice said. “Is that you, Harper?”

  My head swiveled faster than Linda Blair’s in The Exorcist. Oh crap!

  Hot Waiter stood at the front of the elevator, just two tight people away from me. He was dressed in a sweat-stained, short-sleeved, fitted T-shirt, scruff dusting his face like he hadn’t shaved in a day. Unlike me, he’d obviously hit the gym. He looked positively delectable.

  I, on the other hand, did not. But there was nowhere to run. My orange beanie dashed all my hopes of blending in with the cocktail crowd, so I Hail Mary’d. I stared at my galoshes, pretended that I didn’t heard anything but the dulcet tones of Christmas carols in my non-existent ear buds, and sang, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” under my breath.

  “I know it’s you Harper. I’d recognize those pouty lips anywhere.”

  Drat!

  “Oh hey, Scott. I was caught up in the holiday cheer and didn’t see you.” Sweat ran in rivulets down my cleavage and my face flushed cherry tomato. Why in hell had I zipped up my down coat when it was a balmy ninety degrees inside this elevator? “How are you doing?”

  “I’m great. Work’s been busy. You?”

  “Super. Lots of parties this time of year.”

  “Yes, there are. You have green slime oozing down your cheek.”

  I stuck my chin out defiantly. “It’s not slime. It’s… frosting. I frosted cookies tonight. I was invited to a… holiday cookie frosting party.”

  “That’s sugar on your face?”

  “Yes, it is,” I said, meeting his stare from behind the safety of my sunglasses. “You know the old saying…”

  He lifted his brows suggestively. “Sugar happens?”

  “Yes. That’s right. It does.”

  He stared at me, a curious look in his eyes. “Oh, look. The frosting’s dripping down your other cheek too.”

  “Yes,” I said. “Thank you for clearing that up.”

  He waggled his eyebrows. “I could help you with that, Cupcake.”

  “That’s awfully nice of you, but you’re over there and, well, I’m here.” I desperately fanned my cleavage and smacked the purple-coated woman again. She pitched a daggered look in my direction. “I’m sorry!”

  “Hey buddy,” Hot Waiter said to the guy next to him. “Christmas spirit. Can I trade places with you?”

  “Sure man.”

  The elevator stopped on the sixth floor, a few people exited and they negotiated around each other.

  “I’m getting closer, Harper,” Hot Waiter said.

  “Yes, I can see that.”

  “But not close enough.” He turned his attention and killer smile on the middle-aged woman in the purple silk suit and the reindeer antlers. “Hello, lovely. I want antlers just like that. Where’d you buy them?”

  She stared up at him. Her mouth formed a little O and she fluttered her eyelashes. “Vendor cart on State Street. I’ll take you there. I’ll buy you a pair. In fact, I’ll buy you two.”

  “The Christmas spirit brings out your generous side.” Hot Waiter lowered his voice conspiratorially. “But in the meantime, my celebrity friend hiding behind the sunglasses is having a meltdown. Might I switch places with you?”

  “Of course.”

  He squeezed around her. He was so close now, I could smell the salt on his skin from his workout mixed with a faint scent of cedar soap. Yum.

  Reindeer Antlers Lady grabbed his forearm with her Christmas tree decal-ed manicured nails. “She’s a celebrity?”

  “No,” I said, the goo oozing further down my neck. “I’m not a celebrity.”

  “It’s hard to tell with the sunglasses and green frosting,” he said, “but stare at her hard enough and you’ll see it.”

  “I am definitely not a celebrity. Not famous for anything.”

  “She’s modest,” Hot Waiter said.

  I could practically see the wheels turning in Reindeer Antler’s head, calculating whom I might resemble sans camouflage and orange beanie.

  He touched her arm with one hand and squeezed mine with his other. “Concentrate on the set of her jaw. Pay attention to her very full lips and the way her nostrils flare in and out when she’s irritated.”

  She squinted. Her face was so close to mine I could smell the spiked eggnog on her breath. “Oh my God—she’s that Sports Illustrated model Kate what’s-her-name! You’re right. I can’t un-see it.”

  Hot Waiter squeezed her arm, slipped past her, and stood next to me. “Happy holidays. Funny running into you again,” he whispered in my ear. He swiped the concoction off my cheek with two fingers and tasted it. “This isn’t frosting. This is medicinal. Do I smell margaritas on your breath? Harper, have you over-indulged in Christmas cookies, cocktails, and some weird edible weed concoction?”

  “No!”

  Splat.

  Goo fell onto his T-shirt.

  “Kind-of,” I said.

  Splat.

  Goo dripped onto his pants.

  “Crap,” I said, my gaze dropping lower. I wrung my hands. “Aw, Scott. I’m sorry.”

  “The name’s not Scott. Don’t be sorry. As far as I’m concerned, running into you was just an early Christmas present.”

  The elevator door opened onto the lobby and we stepped out. “Yes, well, lovely seeing you again. Must run.”

  “All that talk about cookies made me hungry, Cupcake.” He grazed a finger across my arm. �
��Why don’t you and I grab something sweet before you leave?”

  Chapter 5

  Ethan

  *

  Between the hours of midnight and 5 a.m., the Rosseaux kitchen was manned by a skeleton crew of two servers and one chef. The morning shift showed up 4:30 a.m. to handle the onslaught of room service. But a little after midnight on a Friday night the place was practically a ghost town.

  I’d fallen into the habit of stopping by after a late workout and making a sandwich. Chef Mikey James didn’t care. We’d shoot the breeze for a half hour until he got an emergency call about someone needing a Reuben on rye, a rare steak with a baked potato, or two scoops of ice cream. So, when I dragged Harper after midnight, he just eyed me.

  “I got this.” I grabbed a few soft dish cloths from a bin, pulled a chair up next to an industrial sink, and instructed Harper to sit down. Did I mention she argued with me about everything?

  “Thanks for the offer on the sweets, but I should probably go home,” she said after exiting the elevator.

  “Great idea,” I said, claiming her hand and tugging her with me in the opposite direction of the exit. “After I clean up the goo.”

  “It’s organic and miracle inducing eye gel. But I’m not taking off my glasses. I look ridiculous. You’ll have to wipe around them.”

  “There are rules about sliming a virtual stranger, and I’m here to enforce them.” I ran the cloth under cold water. “Lose the glasses. Now.”

  “Bossypants,” she said, taking off her eyewear. “What’s your real name? Scott Skater has a ring to it but somehow doesn’t suit you.”

  “Hot Waiter does?”

  Chef Mikey rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’ll give you two some privacy.” He strolled out of the room.

  “Name’s Ethan,” I said. Looking at Harper, I realized her eyes were red and tearing. The green concoction might have been organic and “miracle inducing” as she’d been told, but she was allergic to something in its blend. “I’m taking you to Urgent Care.”

  “No.” She pushed me away, grabbed her sunglasses, and stood up. “If it’s bent, not broken, I don’t see a doctor. I figure it out myself.”

  I placed a hand on her shoulder. “Then sit. I’m getting the stuff that doesn’t taste like sugar off your face. Close your eyes.”

  She squeezed them shut. I pressed the damp washcloth against her face and wiped away remnants of all things green and hurtful. “Better.”

  “That’s another thing,” she said. “Why are you calling me Cupcake?”

  And there she went with the determined chin again. Looking all fired up even though she wore slime, smelled like cucumbers and melon, and her hair was mashed down from that stupid orange hat that made her look adorable. “I nicknamed you Cupcake the second I saw you at the Biltenhouse wedding.”

  Her eyes were closed but her lips squirmed as if words of protest were beating the crap out of each other up for the chance to pop out first. It made me want to lean in, place a hand behind her head, pull her to me, and kiss that pretty mouth.

  “We met when I ran into you,” she said. “And my dress wasn’t particularly frothy. I did not look like a cupcake.”

  “I noticed you before I ran into you. I was at the bar picking up a bottle of pricy scotch when I first spotted you.”

  “I don’t understand,” she said, furrowing her brows.

  “You were leaning against the wall, your eyes as big as saucers. Like you couldn’t believe what you were seeing. You looked sweet. Tasty. Like a cupcake.”

  “Oh,” she said. “You’re good with words. Are you a writer? An actor?”

  I paused. “I’ve been acting for a while now. But unfortunately, still not technically an actor.”

  “That’s okay.” She opened her eyes. “Everyone has their journey. Everyone finds their way.”

  “Do they Harper? What’s yours?”

  “I’m still working on that.” She glanced down.

  I couldn’t help it. I leaned in and grazed my fingers across her cheek, I tugged off her hat and tossed it on the counter. She inhaled sharply.

  “What are—”

  “Can I touch your hair?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  I ran my fingers through her hair. Moist. Warm. Silky.

  Her breath quickened and she shifted in her seat. I slid one hand down her neck: skin soft, pulsing, alive. Something quickened in me, the hairs on my neck stood up. The blood pumped in my chest so loudly I could practically hear it.

  When her stomach growled loudly, startling us both, her eyes grew huge. “Sorry! I didn’t eat tonight.”

  “Aha. Good to know. Between that and the slime I thought the Alien was going to burst out of you.”

  She giggled nervously.

  I tucked a lock of errant hair behind her ear, ruffled her hair like she was a kid sister, and regrettably pulled away. It would have been a crime to do to a sister the things I wanted to do to Harper.

  “I sound like a ravenous truck-driver who’s been on the road for too long,” she said.

  “As long as you’re not as hairy as one.”

  She laughed.

  “You know, I make a mean omelet.”

  “Would you make one for me?” she asked.

  “Talk me into it.”

  *

  “Who taught you how to cook?” she asked, dishing a fork full of eggs and grilled vegetables sprinkled with melted goat cheese into that pretty mouth of hers.

  I tried not to stare. “My dad.”

  “When you were a teenager? A life-skills kind of thing?”

  I shook my head. “I was nine. Dad was standing next to the stove in our Aerostream RV in some campground in yet another flat Midwestern state. I smelled onions frying in the pan. “When are we going to eat, Dad?” I asked. He said, ‘As soon as you cook for us.’”

  Harper raised her eyebrows, her fork pausing mid-air. “Did you?”

  “Yup. A dozen eggs were sacrificed in the process. A kitchen fire was averted, but forty minutes later I served up burnt onions and scorched omelets. ‘Not bad for a first meal, Ethan, but you can do better,’ he said. ‘If you do one thing well in life, learn how to cook. You’ll make friends, find jobs, maybe even impress a girl someday.’”

  “You’re impressing me right now,” she said. “What did you do to the broccoli in these eggs?”

  “Sautéed it in olive oil before I threw it into the mix.”

  “What were you doing with your dad in an expensive RV? Vacationing?”

  I shook my head. “Escaping.”

  “From…”

  “Responsibilities thrust upon him that he did not want.”

  “But he wanted you,” she said. She stood up, turned the water on in the sink, and washed her plate.

  “He did.”

  “What about your mom?”

  “That was Mom’s ‘lost year.’ They got married young, separated, and she left— needed to find herself. She showed up six months later wanting to get back with Dad, wanting our family whole again. Funny, I think the separation made them stronger. They figured it out. They’ve been together ever since.”

  “Bent, not broken,” she said. “Do they visit you in Chicago? Here at your job?”

  And, bam, it hit me that Harper didn’t know I was Ethan Rosseaux. Not aware of all that came with that name. That my hippie parents had chosen to spend my childhood in a series of plush RVs moving from state to state to maintain their freedom from this dynasty and all it represented. “They do,” I said. “But they don’t stay in town very long. They need to get back on the road. Travel places they feel free.”

  In Harper’s pretty brown eyes I wasn’t heir to the Rosseaux throne, a giant to be seduced, captured, and won. I was still Ethan the Hot Waiter. Working at a hotel. Spilling expensive scotch on her gown. Wiping slime off her face. Cooking for her.

  “They’re modern day gypsies,” she said. “That’s a magical way to grow up. The omelet was wonderful. Thank you.” She finis
hed drying her plate and placed it on the counter.

  “What about you?” I asked. “Tell me all about you. I detect a hint of a Wisconsin accent. Am I right?”

  “Yeah. I’m a Cheesehead.” She glanced up at the clock on the wall. “It’s two a.m. Do you work tomorrow? Or should I say today? I’m taking all your time. I should probably go home.”

  “Don’t,” I said.

  She raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

  “You…” I leaned in closer, our eyes locked, “… haven’t had dessert yet.”

  “What do you have in mind?” She bit her lower lip.

  It would be so easy to scoop her up and place her on the counter. I’d lean in, place a hand behind her head, and pull her to me…

  The phone on the kitchen wall rang. Chef Mikey walked around the corner and picked up. “Rosseaux Room Service. Yes. Yes.” He keyed the order into an iPad. “Reading that back to you. A bottle of Perrier Jouet Champagne, two servings of pumpkin pie with fresh whipped cream on the side, and Christmas sugar cookies. Suite 820. Room Service will be up in fifteen minutes. Thank you.”

  “Who needs Champagne and sweets this late at night,” I asked. “Besides me?”

  “Well, Hot Waiter, you’ll find out when you drop off their order.”

  “But I’m not…” I looked at Harper. “My shift doesn’t start… my uniform is at home.”

  “Dry cleaning delivered fresh ones. Be a pal and help me out, eh? Gary called in sick with the flu.”

  “Chef Mikey your timing is crappy,” I said.

  “You’re the best employee ever, Ethan.” He bit back a smile.

  *

  “It’s okay,” Harper said, curbside outside the Rosseaux lobby. She ducked her head and got into the back of the cab. “I get it. Duty calls. We’ll do dessert another time.”

  “I had big plans, Cupcake.”

  “We have to put in our time and work as hard as we can. Thanks for saving me from the dangerous eye mask.”

  “You’re welcome.” I shut her door, and handed a hundred dollar bill to the driver. “Make sure she gets home safe.”

  “Will do.”

  Harper rolled down the window. “Best. Omelet. Ever.”

  I watched the cab pull away feeling like I’d forgotten something… “Wait!” I raced after the car. “I don’t have your digits. Don’t know your last name!” But the driver had turned the corner on this chilly pre-Christmas night, and once again, I was sugared out of luck.