Shadow Seed 1: The Misbegotten

by Richard M. Heredia

  “A-and what did you say, Mona?” My voice was mouse-sized, still quavering, as though I was stuck in a snowstorm freezing off my ass.

  Ramona seemed to wait, as if she wasn’t sure she wanted to tell me or not. Then she began to speak before she looked like she was ready to make a decision. “We laid down a ground rule…,” she perched herself higher on her elbows as I got down on mine. We were basically level with one another. This allowed her to speak in a lower tone. “We both agreed that until we really know what all of this-,” she gestured with her hand, moving it in a circular fashion, indicating the three of us, “-is about, we can only engage in the “act” when the three of us are together. No pairing off into two’s, which includes a pairing of Katie and me as well. This way no one gets jealous or feels left out. So, if we want to do something, then we have to ask it of all three of us, so it’s fair.”

  “Wow, the three of us, really, I thought you girls weren’t sure about girl on girl and all?” I had still sounded like a dweeb. It was happening so fast and it involved one of the most serious parts of our trilateral relationship.

  “We don’t have to go down on each other just because we’re naked and with you. Right, Katie?” asked my girlfriend of my cousin, who had been utterly still up to this point her eyes riveted on me.

  She shook slightly, breaking her train of thought. “Right…,” she said quietly, then chanced a glance at Ramona. “But, for tonight, Ramona has agreed, since I haven’t been with you before and she has, many times as she put it, that she will only watch. We have agreed tonight I can have you all to myself, since it will also be our ‘special’ first time.”

  The rest had been a blur of planning and scheming, with Ramona trying to figure out how she was going to sneak out of her mother’s apartment and steal back to my place. Both of them tried to figure out a good time, a late hour, but not too late. They’d gone on and on. I had just listened and piped in now and again. My mind kept drifting on its own, wondering what it would be like finally to see Katie without any clothes. What would she look like? What would she feel like? I kept seeing her soft, pale skin contrasting with the darker skin on the back of my hand. I could see the difference between them as ran my palms over her body, felt her perky breasts, massaged her round ass cheeks. What would she feel like on the inside? What would she smell like? What would she taste like? What positions would she want? Was she good at giving head? Did she swallow or would she prefer I came inside her. Would she tell me she loved me when she came…? I can tell you, there were a thousand, thousand more questions and wonderings of that nature, more and more, coming to mind with each passing moment. Every time, I glanced her way, Katie would catch me in the act, but I wouldn’t look away. We would stare into each other for a second or two. I could see there were just as many questions behind her orbs as there was mine. Her mind was racing too. Her glances were quick and furtive. Her tongue kept gliding over her thin, pink lips. I watched every time, asking myself over and over. What would it be like to make love to her, after so long?

  Finally Katie spoke. “I’m sure, Effy. I have wanted you that way for more than three years now, ever since I lost my virginity and realized I had wanted it to be you instead of my boyfriend at the time. I wanted you. I was so disappointed in myself, in so many ways, I think I just stopped caring.” Her eyes were far away. “What kind of freak wants her first cousin to deflower her, right? I just couldn’t come to terms with it back then, but… well, you never left my mind or my heart. Every time I tried to push you away with another boy or distract myself with some of the drugs my parents were bringing home, you came back.

  “And,” she went on, ”last summer when I finally got to see your “stuff”, I was like in a trance. I wanted it so bad – in my mind, in my heart and in my pussy. I wanted it to rub away all the bad things I had done from the inside out. I wanted your kiss to overlay everything I had done with my mouth, your hands to make my body clean and pure once again. I knew then, it was supposed to be you. I knew it and still I fought.

  “Then things got so bad at home. My mom and dad were fucking everyone else’s mom and dad in the entire god damned city. Caroline was acting like a bitch to everyone. Junior began to think he was better than everyone else. I just had it. Marissa was lost to me. All she ever did was ignore us – all of us. She was always into her own damned thing. Little James was always locked in his room, playing video games as he called it. But that was crap! What sort of video games involve women moaning like their getting fucked hard. Video games my ass, my little brother - at thirteen - was already addicted to porn. He was jerking off like six or seven times a day. I had to get of there, Estefan. I had to come here and be with you, forever, if it were possible.”

  I raised my eyebrows at that.

  She understood the cast of my visage and did not skip a beat. “Oh yeah, Eff, I’m not going back. I’m gonna make a deal with my aunt. I will promise her, I will stay out of trouble, get good grades. If she can convince my mom to enroll me in your school, I will stay here. I will vow, the moment I screw up she can send my back to Oklahoma City next day air, if she chooses to do so. I’m gonna do it, Estefan, for my own sanity and wellbeing. I gonna stay here and be your girl-in-secret, and Ramona’s twin. We will never be apart.” She stopped and placed her hand on mine, which I was using for support while I sat on her bed. “Don’t get melodramatic, but I’m gonna spill my guts, ok?” She asked.

  I nodded with a lame, half-smile on my face.

  “If I could, Eff, I would marry you.”

  My eyes bulged. I my throat constricted, stealing my ability to talk.

  She went on. “But it’s illegal, so I will tell you this… tonight with my heart and soul, and with my body I will pledge myself to you to be true to my word and try everything in my power to make it, so I will never leave your side.” She fingered bedspread for a few seconds, then peered at me through her fallen hair. “Does it sound like I am ready for this?”

  I knew she saw what the gravity of her words had done to me. I was reduced to a pitiful husk before her. I hadn’t believed, even in my wildest dreams, she would be thinking that far ahead. I had no idea she would be willing to change her entire life, even her way of living it, for me. But then again, what seventeen year old boy thinks of such things? Only females think that far ahead at that age. We guys are too busy trying to get something warm and wiggly in our beds. Pah, think ahead, my ass!

  From another perspective though, I hadn’t known that things at my aunt’s house had deteriorated to such a degree. I was unaware Katie had been pushed against a wall so ferociously. If she hadn’t squirmed out of the way, she might’ve been crushed inside. I hadn’t known how close she had come to losing herself. The enormity of the choices she had been forced to make were astounding. I was awed by the clarity and maturity of her decisions, even though, some of them, one the outside, might’ve looked very bad. Yet, they weren’t, once one delved below the surface and saw the icky muck her parents had dumped on her. She was so much more of a woman than I was a man. Did she really want to marry me?

  “You’re probably more ready than I am, ‘cuz, to tell you the truth,” I replied with a wry smile.

  She made the bed shake with bubbling merriment, while she traced one of my knuckles with her finger…

  { ¹Heavy Metal: a genre of rock music developed in the late 1960s and early 1970s; with roots in blues rock and psychedelic rock, the bands creating heavy metal developed a thick, massive sound, characterized by highly amplified distortion, extended guitar solos, emphatic beats, and overall loudness. }

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~♦~~~~~~~~~~~~

  ~ Chapter 20 ~

  (Summer – 2018)

  Rollercoaster

  It was a quarter passed ten when the movie finished. Johan and Flavia said their good nights and left. Not without Flavia giving me another of her level stares as she walked through the doorway, closing it behind her. She knows something is up, I thought to myself for the second time that night. A
nd, if she doesn’t know, she suspects there is something happening between Katie and me. Flavia was smart and knew about people. It was one of her strong suits.

  I walked over to the multimedia center, switched the output to my MP3 player, found my slow jam playlist, set it to “Random All” and let the music play. I adjusted the volume lower since all of my younger siblings were either getting ready for bed or were already asleep. I smiled at Katie who hadn’t left the bed and was messing around with her cell phone. Oddly, there were footsteps on the stairs outside the door, followed by a quiet knocking. This never happened, especially this late.

  “Come in,” I said at once, which brought up Katie’s head.

  The door opened and my mother poked her head into the large room. “I was just coming up for the both of us to say good night. I’m going to bed, but your dad is still up watching the tube (an expression from before my youth, since there were already no CRT monitors anywhere in the modern world by then). If you hear any bumps in the night, it’s most likely him looking for another beer or stumbling to bed. Ok?”

  “Ok, ma, good night,” I said with a nod.

  “Good night, son. Good night Katie… I hope your first full day here was a good one. We will talk tomorrow, ok, honey?” My mother’s smile was soft and comforting.

  “Ok, Auntie,” sparkled Katie, nodding four or five times, “It was a good day, very relaxing and quiet – no yelling…” She seemed to catch herself, because her eyes shot wide, then, “Good night!” She recovered by standing there, waving somewhat lamely.

  My mother’s smile broadened, but her eyes betrayed sorrow. She knew some of what Katie and her siblings were going through at the hands of her sister and her wanna-be actor, husband. She backed out of the doorway, so Katie couldn’t see her as she mouthed to me, “take care of her!” Her face melted into frown wrought of concern and worry.

  I inclined my head, but said nothing, feeling a stab of guilt at the nasty, carnal thoughts I’d been having all night and day about Katie. My mother was counting on me to keep her safe and sound, and here I was chomping at the bit to get into her tiny, lace panties. I’m gonna burn for this!

  My mother closed the door and was gone.

  I went to my dresser and pulled out something to sleep in, though I doubted there would be much sleeping tonight, if everything went as planned. I’m not quite sure what I wore exactly, although I remember it was another warm night, only a few degrees cooler than the night before. I am guestimating I grabbed shorts and a t-shirt. Hey, it’s been a few centuries, give me a freakin’ break, alright?

  I walked around the eight-foot section of wall that stuck out into the Loft to accommodate the bathroom. I saw that Katie was back on her cell, talking. I waved to get her attention. She stopped her conversation, tilting her chin at me.

  “I gonna shower and change, ok? You know pass the time and make sure I am clean for…” I shrugged, covering my embarrassment with a snicker.

  She became instantly illuminant and gave me the thumbs up sign, before she went back to whoever she had on the phone.

  I came out fifteen minutes later to find her off the phone, reading a magazine on her bed with her nightclothes piled up next to her, her sexy feet dangling. She saw me and immediately got up, tucking her garments under her arm. “One of these days, we won’t be taking turns, we’ll be showering together. What do you think of that?” she asked as she brushed passed me a wicked grin etched on her face. She blew me a kiss before she disappeared behind the bathroom door.

  If I had been feeling any tinge of guilt before, it vanished in that instant. Katie was just too damned titillating. She was like chocolate or a cold beer or a warm cup of coffee. She was one of those things, in the right place at the right time, entirely irresistible. She as my ambrosia and I was going to devour her tonight!

  *****

  It was nearly eleven thirty when my phone chirped and, from the sound, I knew it was a text from Ramona. I flipped over on my bed and snatched the phone form the nightstand. Katie, who was lying next to me, continued to watch the TV. We had turned it on in anticipation of watching some late night comedy. I read the message, I felt my heart sink.

  “Change of plans, call me ASAP!”

  I quickly voice-dialed her phone number, saying her name, and waited anxiously for her to pick up. I didn’t have to wait long. On the second ring, she answered, speaking in low tones. “Eff?”

  I replied in the affirmative.

  “I’m not sure I can make it down there tonight. Lucy, my friend who was going to give me a ride, had an emergency in her family and has to be elsewhere. She was my only hope, the only person my mom would let me spend the night with.” She breathed exasperated. “I told you, remember, the moment she found out Selena was fucking her boyfriend, she was going to get all suspicious about you and me.” Selena was her older, eighteen year old sister. “She been trying to act all concerned like she cares. You know that bitch only cares about getting some from her man and her fucking welfare check, because of me. Who the fuck is she trying to fool?”

  “Shit, Ramona, you don’t have any other way?” I asked trying to keep my voice level.

  “Unless, I sneak out and walk…?” she offered, but I was having none of it. She lived nearly a mile and a quarter from my house - to walk in this part of Los Angeles, this late as night was asking for it. Even I myself wouldn’t dare to run that gauntlet. Add the snitches to the mix and I knew I would never see her again.

  “Hell no, Ramona!” I spoke forcefully into the phone. “I’m not going to risk you getting raped or worse just so Katie and I can be together. We can wait, it’s not worth the risk.”

  That got Katie’s attention and she lowered the volume on the TV. She gave me a questioning look, which I returned with a roll of my eyes. She slumped in frustration.

  “Ok, ok, I won’t walk, but crap! Estefan, I feel bad for you guys, because we made all those rules and now I’m the one fucking shit up,” was her response. She genuinely sounded bummed out.

  “We can wait, don’t worry. We have plenty of time. The summer is coming and there will be a whole bunch of opportunities for the three of us. Don’t sweat it, alright?” I was trying my best to cheer her up, but I knew it wasn’t working. Then, I heard someone talking in the background as Ramona muffled the phone.

  Then, “ – it, mom, since when do you care how late I talk on the phone. It the last day of school tomorrow not the beginning of finals week, so no one is even going. Why don’t you just go watch TV and leave me alone! I heard her mother tell her to get off the phone, angrily this time. Ok, ok, I’m getting off…” Then, to me, “Eff, I gotta go, she’s acting like a bitch. She’s drunk and acting like a drunken bitch. You know how she gets. I will call you when I can - probably first thing tomorrow - ok? Then, we’ll make plans, sound good?”

  “Yeah sure sounds good,” I began, but I wasn’t able to finish my thought. I heard her mother scream at her and suddenly the connection broke. The line went dead.

  “What happened?” wondered Katie with a sad look on her face.

  I shook my head again. “Ramona’s ride cancelled on her, and her mom is acting like an ass, so… she won’t be coming over tonight.”

  “So, that means, you and me…” She stopped when I tilted my head, indicating she was on the right track.

  “Yup, in lieu of our ground rules, we’re gonna have to postpone - ,” I attempted to clarify.

  “Fuck!” Katie shouted through clenched teeth to muffle her frustration. Her hands were clenched at either side of her hips. “I really wanted this to be the night. Damn it!”

  “I know, I did too,” I agreed, flopping down on the bed, grabbing one of my pillows and tucking it under my chin.

  Katie did the same only form the opposite direction, so that our heads were together, side by side, inches apart.

  “This blows.”

  “So now what?” she mused aloud.

  “I don’t know about you, but I could sure use a
few beers. This whole day has been so full of shit, I am mentally exhausted. Maybe I could use more than a few beers, now that I think about it,” I said thoughtfully, then caught Katie’s accusatory glare. “What?” I asked.

  “Beers, Estefan?” Her tone was dry.

  “Well, yeah,” I shrugged, thinking we had earned them after experiencing so many ups and downs in such a short period of time.

  “After you gave me all that shit this morning about being under control. What the fuck, dude, you’re confusing me?” She swung at my head with her fist, though she really had no intention of hitting me. I dodged it easily.

  “My dear that was before we made out on the couch, before we both wanted to jump each other bones, and before my girlfriend decided it was ok. This is despite the truth that we’re cousins and we still want to do each other. This was also before Tirza’s news, before you asked my girlfriend if you could have me tonight, and before said girlfriend agreed that it would be ok, provided she was present. AND, my sweet, this was also before we all made plans, cleaned up, and, a short time ago, found out that those very same plans had fallen through.” I was breathing heavily by the time I was done. “That constitutes a few cold beers for us suffering teens, don’t you think?”

  “Good god, it sounds tiresome just listening to you spell it out like that,” she replied in a huff. “Will your parents know if we took a few?”

  “My dad usually lets me have one now and again, but he has so much stockpiled in his frig in the garage, he’ll never know we took some. Plus, we can replace them in the morning with some of the beer he already has stored next to the frig. You know, the stuff that has yet to be chilled. He’s got so much of it, I doubt he even knows how many cases he’s storing.”

  Katie understood and grinned. “Well, what are you waiting for, go get some!”

  A few minutes later, I was back with eight twelve-ounce cans of Budweiser and a thirty-two ounce Mickey’s Big Mouth¹ (back then we used to call it thirsty-two ouncer, because after one, “I’s still be thirsty for more”). It was more than enough to get a good buzz going, but not too much to make my step-dad suspicious.