101 Nights of Great Sex

by Corn, Laura

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  NO. 75 LIGHTS OUT

  INGREDIENTS

  2 blindfolds

  tray of goodies

  Q: WHY DO SO MANY LONG-TERM COUPLES HAVE LESS AND LESS SEX?

  A: BECAUSE SEX IS TOO EASY.

  There’s more to it than that, of course. But when two lovers finally get to share the same bed every night, sex is less of a logistical challenge. They risk losing one of the critical components of my famous Erotic Equation:

  Anticipation + Obstacles = Great Sex

  And using the mathematical Property Of Addition, we see that Average Sex can be turned into Great Sex simply by... adding obstacles!

  This week’s obstacle is a pair of blindfolds. Put one blindfold in a place where she can’t miss it—the steering wheel of her car or on top of her keyboard. Tape a note to it: Bring this to the bedroom Friday at 9. Do it early in the week, to give her some time to let that sense of anticipation multiply.

  Right before your date, you need to prepare the bedroom. Straighten up. Make sure the floor is clear and everything is exactly where it should be. Bring in a tray table of bite-size snacks and put it in a place where you can easily reach it from the bed.

  When the time comes, meet her at the bedroom door with your own blindfold in hand. Ask her to help tie it around your head. Then blindfold her, too. And then... turn out the lights.

  Now you are both completely in the dark. Carefully, very carefully, lead her to the bed. Sit down. Feel your way to her face and kiss her. Tell her you have a treat for her, and all she has to do is open her mouth and trust you. Carefully, very carefully, reach over to the tray table you set up earlier, pick up a morsel, and slide it past her lips. Yum! Can she tell you what it is? Pop a different treat into her mouth. What’s that one? Put one in your own mouth and transfer it to hers with a kiss. Eat, and kiss, and eat again.

  Things start to get trickier now. You’ve got to undress her by touch. It’s not as easy as you think! Unsnap, unzip. Lift and tug. But all those obstacles make the end result that much more rewarding.

  Move your kisses to unexplored territory. Nuzzle and lick and find your way around without using your eyes. Feel your way to her breasts. Guide her hands to your penis. Navigate her body by taste and smell. Rediscover the beauty of her hips and her belly. Focus on the scent and the deliciously tangy taste of her sex. Oh, and that sound, that glorious pornographic slurp as she takes you deep into her mouth; is there anything as arousing as that? Her hair tickles your thighs with every bob of her head. Tonight, your fantasies fly blind.

  You’ve made love in the dark before, but doing it in utter blackness is different. It’s funnier, for one thing. It’s hotter. And everything about it—including you—is a little bit harder.

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  NO. 76 MORNING MUFFIN

  INGREDIENTS

  1 table tray

  2 cloth napkins

  1 apron

  1 vibrator

  1 weekend morning

  breakfast (include something chocolate or sweet)

  FREE BONUS! e-tease her at 101nights.com/MorningMuffin

  HEAD’S UP!

  The Morning Muffin “vibrator” can also be used for Position of Submission and Light Me Up, Baby.

  FOR A WOMAN, there’s a world of difference between good sex and awesome, tell your girlfriends, look-back-on-it-with-a-smile sex. And the difference is something that is easy, rewarding and completely in your control. It is this:

  A little extra effort.

  That’s it! You don’t have to do it all the time. You don’t have to spend a bundle. You simply have to show her, from time to time, that you think she is worth some extra effort. Take it from your old pal Corn, who knows a thing or two about what makes couples happy. You will save yourself a world of aggravation over the years if you just, occasionally, on days that are not Mother’s Day or her birthday, prepare Breakfast In Bed. And also show your bare ass while you do it.

  This weekend you’re going to put just a little more effort into your extra effort. Start by giving away part of your surprise. Tell your sweetie that she can stay in bed on Sunday morning, because you are going to make breakfast and take care of everything. Kids, animals; she won’t have to worry about a thing. The morning of, make good on your promise. You don’t have to make a feast. (Or a mess!) But remember, with women, presentation counts for a lot. So when you step into the bedroom, this is what she will see:

  You carrying a tray with coffee, juice, maybe some fruit and toaster waffles. Whatever. Utensils are next to the plate, wrapped in big cloth napkins, just like at a nice restaurant. You are wearing an apron. And once you bring the tray to her, it will become clear that under your apron you are wearing... no pants.

  HAH! Yes, your bare butt is hanging out. Because there’s nothing like a good belly laugh to start the morning, and I suspect your sweetie will shake the walls with her laughter. Her next surprise comes when she unrolls the napkins. One napkin contains a fork and a knife. The other contains, holy cow, is that a... a vibrator? Why yes, it is. Fully charged, of course. For dessert.

  Kiss her, and feed her, and model your bare-ass apron for her. And now, for the rest of your sunrise surprises. Do all of the following slowly, and multiple times: Put a slice of fruit on her bellybutton and nibble it up. Take a mouthful of ice water or OJ and run your chilled tongue over her nipples. Sip some hot coffee to make your mouth exceptionally warm and wet, and then climb between her parted legs and go down on her. Oh-hh-hh wow. That is an incredible feeling. That hot-mouth trick is called “The Velvet Tongue,” and it is, in my own personal opinion, the greatest sex move ever invented. Your mileage may vary. But I’ll bet your sweetie melts when you bring the heat. Good Morning, Muffin!

  It’s been one hell of a memorable morning for her. Sleeping late. Breakfast in bed. A little sugar buzz, a little coffee buzz. And now the ultimate buzz—the vibe, sitting on your serving tray. Use it to alternate with your tongue. Thirty seconds of licking, thirty seconds of buzzing, repeat and repeat. And repeat. Turn up the heat. Kick it up a notch. Show her that you are the Bobby Flay of the bedroom. You are Wolfgang Puck—with a capital F.

  Actually, judging by that tent pole propping up your apron, I’d have to say you are really the new Iron Chef.

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  NO. 77 COP A FEEL

  INGREDIENTS

  1 cop outfit (available at www.3wishes.com) You can also make one from scratch with a black suit, white button down, black glasses and a small badge), including handcuffs

  1 “search warrant”

  SPECIAL NOTE

  If you haven’t had a chance to see the movie Magic Mike, check out the cop scene on YouTube! Btw: If you don’t have the cojones to do this one now, save it for Halloween!

  AHH, THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MEN IN uniform that turns women’s heads. Out of all the men in uniform, cops are the ones that have the biggest effect. Maybe it’s the fact that they’re sexy, dark and they wield big power—and big nightsticks. Plus, that whole upholding the law thing makes them seem so very corruptible! And it doesn’t hurt that there’s always a cop character in those male stripper revues—not to mention those incredible hotties in Magic Mike! When Channing Tatum knocked on that door dressed as a cop, I knew women across the country were indulging in fantasies right there in their local movie theater.

  Give her the chance to live out her man-in-uniform fantasy with this delectable encounter. You’re going to turn yourself into a cop and give her a ticket... to her own pleasure. And yours too.

  Start the evening by telling her that you need to run a quick errand. Now you’re going to change into your sexy cop outfit—you can do this either in your car, garage, or you can drive somewhere if you need to. Tuck your search warrant into your pocket and
put on your glasses, even if it’s dark. Not being able to see your eyes will heighten her sensation that you really are a cop, and add to that powerful, in-control mix that she loves.

  Stand tall, put on your “I’m in charge” face and tap on the door. The ticket here is to pay attention to her face when she opens the door—she might be shocked at the uniform at first, but it will only take a few seconds for her mind to move on to other, sexier things. Like, “Is that a nightstick in his pocket, or is he happy to see me?” and “Man, I love a great butt in uniform.”

  Before she has time to think, keep the tension high by handing her a “search warrant” and telling her that you’re here to arrest her. What for? Maybe you need to fine her for being too fine. Or, maybe she’s just been a bad, bad girl. Either way, handcuff her and tell her, “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to come with me.”

  Taking her head, gently push her into the backseat of your car and slide in after her. Put a hand on her knee and say, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to strip search you before I take you in.”

  Start taking off her clothes with a sense of authority. Do a thorough search of her body. When you uncover a sexy body part, shake your head and say something like, “Well, what do we have here? My, my, my... I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in at least three states.”

  By the time she’s undressed, she’ll be just as ready for a quickie as you are. Don’t take off your uniform—just slide down your pants and promise to show her your weapon.

  She’s going to think that getting fined has never felt so fine...

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  NO. 78 CREAMSICLE

  INGREDIENTS

  Ice cream bars or other frozen treats on a stick

  a small plate

  a big attitude

  Ice cream maker Häagen-Dazs has long emphasized the sensual delights of its products by creating ads that show lovers licking ice cream from their partners’ bodies. Tonight, you’re going to utilize the sexual power of ice cream... and, trust me, this is one time she won’t care about the calories!

  Tonight’s encounter is all about order and control. As much as women want to share responsibilities, there’s a little part of us that really likes it when you take charge. When your passion and confidence combines—boom! We forget we ever wanted equality in the first place.

  Plant the seed of tonight’s seduction. Tell her you’ve got a surprise and you want her to play along. When she agrees, look her confidently in the eye and say, I’ll be taking care of dessert tonight. Let her think you’re being a typical, predictable guy planning to let her have you for dessert. She’ll think she’s got you all figured out.

  Call or email her later with this command: Dessert will be served in the bedroom tonight at 8:30 PM sharp. You should be standing in the middle of the floor, naked under your robe, with your eyes closed. Don’t be late. Be direct, confident. She’ll be completely turned on by the thought of waiting for you.

  Pick up a box of ice cream bars. Dove Bars are perfect: Yummy chocolate (the closest thing to sex for many of us), smooth vanilla ice cream, and an easy-to-grip stick. You’ll appreciate the grip later; trust me. Stash them in the freezer.

  At dinner, look at her pointedly, keeping your cool. The anticipation is killing her. Go about your evening as usual, but catch her eye occasionally and wink. She likes that you have a secret.

  When dessert nears, walk behind her and whisper, Don’t forget, dessert reservations at 8:30! Once she’s gone, lay napkins and your ice cream bars on a plate or tray. Stand tall, shoulders back. You are cool and your lady is waiting.

  Walk confidently into the room, telling her to keep her eyes closed. Ask if she’s ready for dessert. Stay in character! She might giggle or ask what you’re doing. She’s naked underneath her robe, blinded, and nervous about what might happen. Good! She’s nervous with anticipation, and that’s exactly what you want.

  With her eyes still closed, unwrap the bar. Make a lot of noise with the wrapper. Stand very close so she can feel your heat. Trace the skin of her neck, shoulders, and nipples through the fabric of her robe with your fingers. Untie the front; let it drop to the floor. Shivers...

  Watch her face. Listen to her breathing. Move the bar close to her body. Trace the same path, but this time drag the tip of the treat along her skin. Be prepared for her to gasp, jump, and squirm while you take your time.

  Use your voice to send shivers down her spine: Your skin is so soft... your nipples get so hard when I touch them... you look so sexy with your eyes closed... Wield the stick like a paintbrush. Write your name across her body. The bar is melting now, leaving sweet drips. Slowly, erase each drop with your tongue.

  By now she knows what you’re holding, and you’re both excited. It’s time to make good on your promise of dessert. Stand in front of her, touch the treat’s tip to her lips, and pull back. Tease her with it. Show me your tongue... let her have a lick. Keep the treat in front of her mouth, just out of reach. Watch as she searches, allowing her a lick. Pull it away and take a few bites. So good. I bet you’d like a bite, wouldn’t you?

  Walk around her as if you’re contemplating what you’ll do. Stop directly in front of her. Open your eyes. Give her the last bite, kiss the taste from her lips and say, Take off my clothes. You’ve been direct, confident and commanding. You’ve made her feel excited, vulnerable, and sexy. Enjoy the view as she undresses you.

  It’s sex on a stick time.

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  NO. 79 SUGAR BABY

  INGREDIENTS

  1 bottle of champagne

  2 pints of strawberries

  1 blanket

  pillows

  WHAT DO WOMEN REALLY WANT?

  Men have asked that for ages. It used to be obvious—a little fire, some shelter, and would you be a dear and slay the sabre-tooth tiger stalking the tribe? Thanks so much, honey.

  But ever since settling down and getting civilization and plumbing, men have become mystified by women. I can tell you what women want, though, because I’ve talked to over two thousand. It’s easy... more kissing. In survey after survey, kissing is often considered the biggest turn-on for women! Did you know that when a man kisses a woman, he is actually passing his testosterone onto her? It is this “boost” that puts us in the mood and gets us even more turned on. But alas, women all over the world believe they don’t get enough kissing. With one notable exception:

  France—the Oral Nation.

  The French get all the kissing they want. They take pride in making high art out of anything that uses la bouche, the mouth. Dinners last hours. Talking about dinner lasts hours. And if you ever get a sommelier on a rant about French wine—the sipping, tasting, smelling—you’re not going anywhere. With all that focus on oral pleasure, it’s no surprise that kissing is high on the agenda for the amoureux of La République Française.

  This week, kissing—in all its wonderful forms—is going to be the focus of your seduction.

  Start with Surprise Kisses—delivered out of the blue, randomly, accompanied by a smile and a squeeze. You score lots of points with Surprise Kisses and they require virtually no preparation (other than brushed teeth, plus mints/mouthwash. But you knew that already, didn’t you? Of course you did. I’m just saying).

  Thursday, give her a Necklace Kiss. Start on the neck, just below her ear, and then plant a circle of light pecks down her collarbone and around her neck, finishing up with a nibble on the other ear. Don’t move towards sex, though. Let her enjoy the anticipation of slow foreplay.

  Sometime during the week, go for the We Interrupt This Call Kiss. When she’s on her cell with a friend, grab it away and say, “Could you hold for just a moment?” Plant a big, passionate kiss on your girl, tell the caller, “Thank you!” and hand the phone back. Yes, they will be talking about you for a while. All good.

  Friday, add
an Ice Cream Kiss to the mix. Put a spoonful of ice cream or other frozen treat in your mouth, then surprise her with your frosty lips. After dinner, be sure to give her a Hershey’s Kiss. The actual chocolate candy, I mean. Delicious, and remarkably effective in foreplay.

  Saturday, launch a fusillade of kisses her way. (If given the opportunity, throw in a Bum Bite! Bite her bare ass before she gets dressed. It will leave her thinking about you every time she sits.) Tell her to meet you in the living room at sunset for some more kissing surprises.

  A gorgeous sight awaits her. When she meets you, the setting sun fills the room with a fiery glow; the light sparkles through a bottle of champagne (of course—bien sûr!), and the two flutes next to it. Freshly rinsed strawberries glisten like fat rubies. You’ve tossed a blanket on the floor, and piled pillows against the sofa to make a comfortable backrest. It’s such an easy scene to set, but it’s the very essence of romance, the climactic scene of all the best chick-flicks rolled into one. Tell her to go get comfortable and then join you for some Strawberry Kisses.

  When she’s back, snuggle and make a big presentation of popping the cork. Bubbles dance in the afternoon sunlight as you raise your glass and make a toast to her beauty. Hold a strawberry to her lips; let her take a bite and then... try to steal it back and replace it with a kiss. Sip, nibble, and kiss again. Repeat those three steps until clothes begin to disappear.

  The French were on to something when they created champagne. The fizz makes magic, and the subtle brut dryness is a perfect balance for sweet strawberries (Not to mention the pleasures of champagne oral sex!). The combination inevitably leads to French Kissing. Wet, flirty, deep kisses that let you share the flavor and excitement. But they don’t have to be limited to the mouth. Apply a dab of fruit to her nipple; kiss it. Pour a splash of champagne in her bellybutton, and lap it up. Keep moving in that direction. Soon you’ll be enjoying what the French call Australian Kissing.